Here's part one of whatever.  I would appreciate any and all C&C I can
get on this unusual fic, especially help if correcting Japanese.  Yes,
there is some raw Japanese here, but the stuff that isn't explained is
not important to understand.

Fushigi Bokei
A Journey Through Surreality
(Also, a Blatant Self-Insertion No-Duh!)
By Andy Searls

It was late enough into the night that it had become early morning, and
the Mountain Dew had worn off.  Andy was sleeping soundly at his
computer, an unfinished story waiting patiently with a blinking cursor.
His modem screeched as his e-mail program checked for late entries from
the mailing list.  Strangely enough, the last message was not from an
address he was familiar with.  Had he been awake to notice, he would
have puzzled over the alias "Trinity@outside.da.net".  Instead, he
merely mumbled something and stirred from the images the pepperoni pizza
was conjuring in his dream state.

The message display changed.  The window maximized itself, and now
showed only the blinking cursor.  The cursor moved, and the words
appeared behind it, "Yo, homeboy.  Wakey, wakey."  As soon as the cursor
was done, the same words drifted over a pair of $5 speakers.

Andy mumbled again, but slept on.

The cursor appeared to wait patiently for a few seconds.  Then, it wrote
and spoke again.  "Hey, you in the Ghost in the Shell T-shirt!  Wake up,
dude!"

Andy sighed, and slapped the snooze button, only it was the mouse.

The cursor, finished with it's patience, found a suitable sound clip.
The T-Rex roar from Jurassic Park should wake up the dead.
Unfortunately, coming through the cheap speakers, it sounded more like a
hungry cat.

Coincidentally, Andy was used to having cats around.  He knew, even
subconsciously, that a hungry cat was not a good thing to ignore.  He
woke up instantly, as stared at the screen.  His confused look was
quickly replaced with annoyance.  "Aw, man.  I forgot to save again.  I
hate viruses!"

The cursor noticed that it had Andy's attention.  "Reality is not what
you think."

Andy read the message and typed, "Reality is for people who can't handle
science fiction."

The cursor apparently ignored him.  "The bokei is not what you think."

"Bokei, bokei..."  Andy tried to minimize the window so he could get to
the "Start" button.  If he could get his Japanese - English dictionary
program, he might have a chance to figure out what the word meant.

"You can see the bokei, sometimes called the 'Matrix'.  The web page
that describes it is an incantation.  By clicking on this link, the
story will become the truth and begin."

Andy stopped shaking the lint out of his mouse and stared at the screen.
"What kind of crap is this?"

The mouse pointer, in the shape of a green, friendly hand with a single
finger extended, pointed to the underlined text.  Andy noticed which
finger was extended, shrugged, and clicked the button.

"Now, hold on to your tukus, because Tokyo is going bye-bye!"

The room dissolved into a video-green light.  The light was blinding.
Andy shielded his eyes as he floated.  His senses were overwhelmed for a
moment.  Then, as suddenly as the light had come, it disappeared.

Andy pulled his hands from his face to find himself in an open desert.
For a computer programmer who's only tan came from the overhead
fluorescents, the concept of such a barren place was, um, strange.  Andy
looked around, noticing a single, dead tree, several rocks, but no
keyboard.  "Um, where's the 'Back' key?  Where's the 'Undo' button?!
Where's ANY key!?!"

"You don't have to yell."

Andy spun around to see a thin, dark figure.  The glare of the sun
prevented him from seeing any detail.  "Uh, sorry.  Do you know what
just happened?"

The figure waved it's arms.  "Welcome to the real world, away from the
illusion."

Andy frowned and looked again at the sprawling desert.  "Um, somehow, I
imagined more."

"Like what?"

"Like huge, towering columns of people plugged into this totally awesome
computer system that feeds a virtual reality directly into their brains
so it can suck electrical power and heat from them."

The figure was silent for several seconds.  "A what?"

"A huge, tow-"

"I heard what you said."

"Oh, sorry."  The two stood for a few uncomfortable moments.  Andy
squirmed under the apparent scrutiny.  "So, what the heck is going on
here?"

The figure stepped closer.  Andy could see that the person was a woman.
A shapely woman in dark, tight-fitting clothing.  Andy stared.  The
woman ignored his obvious gaping.  "You have been selected."

"Oh, I get it.  I may have already won 12 million dollars, right?"
After several seconds of uncomfortable silence, Andy squirmed again.
"Um, sorry."

The woman sighed and continued.  "I am Trinity.  I sent you the message
that allowed us to bring you here."

"The 'Real World' (tm).  Yeah, I got that much.  Can I ask you a
question?"

"Yes, you may."

"Why me and what am I supposed to do now?"

"That's two questions."

"Well, could you answer them anyway?"

"The answers you seek," Trinity said as she pointed in an arbitrary
direction, "are in the city."

"Okaaaay."  Andy peered off to the horizon, not noticing anything
distinctive about it.  "What city?  Is there a bus or something, or do I
have to hitch it there?"

Trinity turned her back.  "Your path is your own to find."

"What?"  Andy watched as Trinity walked away.  "At least you could a'
given me a cell phone!"  Andy stared as the image of the woman shimmered
and disappeared.  "Well, that's just peachy."  He looked around,
including the direction he had been directed to take.  "No phone, no
lights, no motor-car, not a single luxury."  He slapped himself to get
rid of the jingle.  "Well, lessee.  Travelling in the desert should be
done at night, so I should camp out until it cools off...."

He looked around.  A twig on the dead tree succumbed to gravity.  He
wiped his brow, realizing that he was already sweating.  "Yeah, I'll
just get up in that air conditioned trailer over there and wait out the
heat...."  He turned around, disappointed that his vision of relief from
the elements hadn't magically appeared.  "Eh, never know 'till you try."
He shrugged, and began to walk.

After trudging on for a frighteningly long time with no sign of
civilization, Andy found a road.  Not a normal, paved, painted,
multi-lane road.  A dirt road.  Really, a pair of ruts that had been
used quite often.  At least it was another sign that he was not the only
person on the planet, and it was something for him to follow.  It also
gave him assurance that he wasn't walking in circles.  Unless the ruts
went around in... No, he didn't want to think about that.

It was early afternoon when the city came into view.  Except, it wasn't
what Andy was hoping for.  It looked like a huge renaissance fair, only
the buildings had pointy tops.  Hmm, no sky scrapers, but densely
packed, um, huts.  How quaint.

The city, ah, town people all wore strange clothes as well.  If Andy
didn't know better, he'd say he was in some oriental city out in B.F.E.
Actually, he didn't know better, and B.F.E. certainly fit the
description of this place.  He approached one of the townspeople, and
man who was jogging out of the city.  "Excuse me, but I'm kinda lost.
Could you tell me-"

"Yamero!  Sousotu!"

Okay, maybe B.F.Japan.  "Huh?"  Andy watched as the man hurried off.
"Well, sous'tu to you too, bub!  Whatever he said."  As he walked
further into the city, he overheard the people talking to each other.
It sounded like Japanese.  "At least I know a sprinkling of Japanese
from my varied anime watchings.  I might be able to get some basic stuff
through to someone who doesn't seem to be completely busy."  He turned
the corner and noticed a man leaning casually in the doorway.  Andy
walked up and said in his best Japanese. "Sumimasen, watashi wa um, lost
desu."

The man smiled warmly, showing a large number of misshapen and missing
teeth.  Andy cringed.  The man bowed and motioned to invite Andy inside.
"Daijyobu, gaijin-san.  Ore wa  gaijin wo mirimasu."

"Um, yeah, gaijin."  Andy didn't know what the verb mirimasu meant, and
the placating daijyobu didn't make him feel any easier.  Maybe it was
the condescending tone, maybe it was the predatory smile, maybe it was
the shadowy interior of the room with the sounds of drunken fighting,
but Andy didn't feel comfortable following the man.  "You know what,
I'll just look for the AAA myself, thanks."  He turned around and walked
back to the nicer looking street.  He found a nice-looking woman who was
carrying a load of rice on her back.  "Sumimasen."

She stopped and smiled at him pleasantly.  "Dou shitan desuka?"

Andy made a gesture, a fist with a thumb against his ear and his little
finger pointing to his mouth.  "Telephone wa?"

The woman looked confused.  "Nani?"

"You know, telephono?  NTT?  Moshi moshi?"

The woman made a disgusted face.  "Mushi? Gerogero!"  The woman hurried
off.

Andy watched the woman run away.  "What?  Whaaat?!"  He kicked at a
curb, or actually just the far side of the rut.  "Mother pus-bucket!
How am I supposed to find out where I am if I can't understand anyone?"

"Daijyobu, gaijin-san."

Andy turned around.  The man from the doorway was standing behind him.
He showed another overly-friendly smile.  Andy waved him off.  "Yamero.
Sous'tu."

"Naruhoto.  Gaijin-san wa sousotu desu ne?"

"Um, yeah.  Sousotu desu."  Andy guessed that the hurried man said he
was busy.  He hoped that's what sousotu meant.

"Dewa, kotonisuruto, ore wa yakunitatimasu."

Andy frowned.  "Yakuna-what?"

The man's smile never wavered.  He put his hand on Andy's shoulder and
pointed back to the room he came from.  "Ikoo."

Andy pulled away casually.  "Iie.  I don't wanna go there."

The man's smile disappeared.  "Kure...."

Andy shook his head.  "Iie.  I don't want to come with you."

The man smiled yet again.  He looked behind Andy, who turned around to
see three other men.

Andy put his hands up.  "Now, look, guys.  I don't know what you want
with me, but I really wanna figure out where I am and how I can get
back.  Understand?  Wakarimasu?"

The four men chuckled.  "Hai, wakarimasu, gaijin-kun."

Andy bent his knees a little bit.  "I should warn you guys I took some
martial arts classes in junior high school, and that was only..."  He
counted on his fingers.  "Fifteen years ago."

The men merely chuckled and began to circle around Andy.  Andy tried his
best not to look nervous.  He wasn't doing a very good job.  The four
men dropped into ready stances.

"Yamero!"

The four men turned to face the new voice.  "Nani?"

Andy turned as well.  "Huh?"

Standing in the rut-way was Trinity.  "Hottoke."

The men looked at Trinity for a moment.  They turned and walked back
into the building, muttering to themselves.  "Feh."  "Kuso."  "Chie."

Andy walked up to Trinity.  "Thanks."

Trinity shook her head.  "Don't thank me yet.  Men like that are
startled easily, but they'll be back, and in larger numbers.  We should
get going."

Andy followed Trinity down the street, uh... ruts, and into an alley.
She led him into a back door and up a ladder.  Andy could hear the sound
of a large crowd come from the front of the building.  "What's going
on?"

Trinity continued to climb the ladder.  "Procession.  We'll have to go
over."

Andy stopped short.  "Over?"

Trinity reached the top and held out her hand.  "Trust me."

Andy was sure they had climbed at least two stories.  Of the views he
had seen of the city, he was sure he hadn't seen a bridge.  Something
like that would have stuck out.  He would have remembered it.  Trinity
smiled reassuringly.  Andy shrugged.  "I guess we'll cross that bridge
when we get there."

Sure enough, there was a balcony and a bridge leading to a similar
balcony on the other side.  A number of people were looking over the
railing on one side, apparently watching this procession thing.  The
other side was clear for people to cross.

Trinity looked back down the ladder while Andy started across the
bridge.  As they crossed, one of the people at the rail turned and
casually said, "Migi ni arukimasu."

"What did he say?" Andy asked over his shoulder.

"He said," Trinity started.

A few boards broke, and Andy fell through.

"Walk on the right side," Trinity finished, looking down the new hole.
"Baka!"

Andy could see by the way the ground was rushing up to him that he was
no longer on the bridge.  If he was lucky, he might land on that
tent-thing that was being carried in the middle of the street.  It
looked like the softest landing around.

The tent thing was not a soft landing.

Trinity watched as the guards converged on the palanquin.  "Kuso!"

Andy was too busy trying to remember how to breathe to notice the person
watching him inside the palanquin.  Andy got to his hands and knees and
concentrated on remaining conscious.  The person watched his struggle.
"Daijyobu ka?"

"Hai," Andy croaked.  "Watashi wa, um, okay...."  His voice trailed off
as he looked at the only other passenger in the palanquin.  "Hmm, nice
dress, long hair, makeup, but the chest looks flat, the shoulders are
wide, and that chin is too big.  You look like a girl, but I'll bet
you're a guy.  In fact, you're the closest thing to a fellow Californian
I've seen all day!"

The man continued to stare at him.  "Chinki kotoba wo desu."

Andy sighed.  "I don't suppose you understand a word I say.  Watashi wo
wakarimasu ka?"

"Watashi wa wakarimasen."

"Maybe if Trinity catches up with me, then.  Watashi wa Andei desu."

"Hajimemashite, Andei-san.  Watashi wa Morphotori desu."

"You're Morphotori," Andy thought aloud.  "...donut-shape?"  Andy
listened to the increasing commotion just outside.  He moved away from
Morphotori.  "I suppose if I move away and hold my hands up in a
non-threatening manner that I might not be immediately killed for
appearing to attack you.  Watashi wa um, harm-masen."

Morphotori stared quizzically at Andy.  He waved off the guards that
opened the curtain.  "Andei-san wa kurimasu ne?"

Andy relaxed once the guards decided he cold live for the moment.  He
turned back to Morphotori.  "I guess I don't have much choice but to go
with you, if that's what you mean."  He pointed back towards the bridge.
"There's another person who should come with me... um, onnanohito wa
kurimasu."

Morphotori called out to his men.  "Yamero!  Andei no onnonohito wo
turekome!"  The procession stopped.  Andy waited to see if he was
understood.  Hopefully, Trinity was trying to catch up with him, and the
guards could figure the rest out.  Meanwhile, Morphotori seemed quite
interested in everything Andy did.  Andy sat under the uncomfortable
scrutiny, hoping that Trinity would be there soon to help as an
interpreter.

Sure enough, Trinity climbed up inside.  A few grunts were heard from
the palanquin bearers.  She and Morphotori immediately started a
conversation, most of which was way too fast and complicated for Andy to
understand.  Finally, Trinity turned to Andy.  "We're in luck.  He's
also been looking for a foreigner like you.  Strange clothes, strange
language.  It's all in the prophecy."

Andy frowned.  "Prophecy?  What prophecy?  And if my language is
strange, why can you speak it?  You don't even have an accent.  Did you
study English in America or something?"

Trinity nodded.  "Or something.  I think we should wait for Taiitsukun
before I explain too much."

The palanquin began moving once again.  Andy jerked a thumb in the
direction they were headed.  "So, we're going to see this Taiits'kun,
then?"

Trinity conferred with Morphotori before answering.  "We can go there
tomorrow.  Tonight, we are to be guests for dinner."

Andy gave Trinity a weary look.  "You mean guests AT dinner."

"Yeah.  That's what I meant."

^_^		^_^		^_^

Dinner was a major, formal event.  Andy was washed, dressed, and made up
as a proper Chinese man, much to his discomfort.  He was seated at one
end of the gigantic table, as the guest of honor.  Trinity sat beside
him on one side.  Morphotori sat at the opposite end.  The remaining
seats were taken up with counselors, visiting diplomats, and a cat named
"Tamaneko".  After a small serving ceremony, everyone (except Tamaneko)
picked up their cups and looked at Andy.

Andy blinked and leaned towards Trinity.  "What's going on?"

"As the guest of honor, you are given the favor of the first toast."

"Ah."  Andy stood up, cup in hand.  "Well, no matter what I say, none of
you can understand me anyway, so I might as well use the French that I
learned in high school."  He held the cup out.  The others held their
cups expectantly.  Trinity swayed her cup and brought it to her mouth to
drink.  Andy smiled, and said, "A votre sante!"

Trinity spit out her wine, showering the counselor on the opposite side
of the table.  Andy looked around at the shocked expressions.  Trinity
recovered enough to speak.  "What the hell did you try to say?!"

He leaned over to Trinity.  "Um, that was French for 'To your health'.
Why, what did it sound like?"

Trinity shook her head.  "I'm not going to repeat that here.  Try
something more tasteful."

Andy nodded and turned back to the rest of the table.  "Gomen na sai.
Kanpai!"

"Kanpai!" Everyone cheered, relieved that the embarrassing moment was
over.  Everyone except Tamaneko, who was already working on his fish.
He looked up and purred to Morphotori, who nervously reached out and
petted him.  Tonight was going to be a long night.  Maybe turning in
early would be a wise choice.

After some of the dinner, Andy walked the length of the table an began
scratching behind Tamaneko's ears.  "Ah, Morphotori-sama."

Morphotori smiled.  "Hai, Andei no Miko.  Andei no Miko wa
ogoriamasune?"

Andy smiled back.  "Whatever.  What is the, um, nani wa, um prophecy
desu.  Oh bloody hell."  He craned his neck to see the far end of the
table.  "Trinity?"  Not hearing a response, Andy walked back down the
length of the table.  "Trinity?"

Trinity looked up.  "Yes?"

"Could you translate for me?  I'd like to ask donut- I mean Morphotori
some questions."

Trinity nodded and followed, but when they reached the other end of the
table, Morphotori was not there.  Trinity talked to the closest diplomat
before explaining.  "He's retired for the day.  I think you should wait
until we see Taiitsukun.  She can answer your questions."

"Bloody lot of help y'all are," Andy muttered.

Tamaneko "nyao"-ed and rubbed his forehead on Andy's hand.

Andy looked down at the cat.  "I know, I stopped petting you.  Sorry."

"Nyao."

^_^		^_^		^_^

The next morning, Trinity walked into the bedroom where Andy slept.  She
stood beside the bed, watching him.  "You know, if we're going to see
Taiitsukun, we should leave before noon."

Andy mumbled and rolled over.

Trinity reached out and pushed his shoulder.  "Hey, wakey, wakey."

"Mmphrgl," Andy said.

Trinity sighed.  "You didn't have a drop of wine last night, so I know
you don't have a hang over."

"M nah uh manin persa," Andy mumbled.

"I see."  Trinity walked out of the bedroom.  She returned a few moments
later with a bucket of cold water from the nearby pond.

Andy heard the clank of the bucket and the sloshing sound of water.  He
rolled over and sat up.  "Don't you dare."

Trinity held the bucket ready.  "We need to get ready for our journey."

"Journey?  How long does it take to drive there?"

"Drive?"

"Yeah, drive.  Or are we gonna fly there?  Train?"

Trinity stared at Andy, shaking her head in disbelief.  "I don't know
what you're talking about.  We're going on horseback."

Andy sighed.  "Ah.  How... um... quaint."

Trinity raised the bucket threateningly.  "Are you getting up or not?"

Andy rolled out of bed.  "I'm up!  I'm up!"

Trinity waited by the door while Andy changed in one of the adjoining
rooms.  He came out, fidgeting over his robe.  "I don't know how you
guys stay comfortable in these things."

Trinity held the bucket out.  "Well, I might as well take this out with
us if you're not going to use it."

The door flew open, knocking the bucket out of Trinity's hand.
Morphotori stood in the doorway.  "Ikimasu kudasai!"

Trinity turned to Andy.  "You ready?"

Andy pulled the bucket off his head.  "Not yet, I gotta change out of
these wet clothes."

Morphotori frowned.  "Nani?"

Andy smiled sarcastically.  "Just some slapstick humor, thank you very
little."

^_^		^_^		^_^

The ride out of Konen country was uneventful.  Everyone was dressed in
middle class clothing, which Andy found even more uncomfortable than the
robes he tried on earlier that morning.  Trinity insisted that sticking
out would be a bad idea.

After the first few hours of riding, Andy was complaining about saddle
sores.

Trinity looked over her shoulder.  "How do you get anywhere in your land
if you're not used to riding horses?"

Andy stared back.  "You're kidding, right?  Haven't you guys ever seen a
car before?"

Trinity shook her head.

Andy sighed.  "I must REALLY be out in BFE.  I mean BFJ."

As they cleared the gates to one of the border cities, they spied a
rider coming towards them in a big hurry.  He slowed as he neared the
three.  Morphotori raised a hand in greeting.  He and the rider spoke,
but Andy couldn't understand any of it.  He leaned over to Trinity.
"What's up?"

"His name is Switchiri.  He is on his way to the palace."

Andy looked at Switchiri as the conversation continued.  Another
androgynous person.  He almost felt at home again.  Almost.  His hair
was a very light blond, almost white, and he seemed to have a silly grin
pasted to his face, even when his voice sounded fearful.

Trinity sighed.  "He says he just came from Taiitsukun."

Andy frowned.  "Why does that sound like bad news?"

"Because he is escaping from her bad mood."

"Why is she in a..." Andy's voice trailed off as he noticed Trinity's
expression.  "Okay, I'll wait until we get there."

Trinity nodded at Morphotori and Switchiri.  The two men began riding
away.  "She's in a really bad mood.  They're headed back to the palace."

"You're coming with me, aren't you?"

Trinity looked down at the ground.  "Well, I really should get back
and... um... wash my hair."

Andy grabbed the reins from Trinity's hands.  "Uh, NOT!  You're the one
who brought me into this mess, and you're the only one who can
understand me.  I think that you should stay with me.  You never leave
your wingman."

"What is a wingman?"

"Ah, nevermind."

Trinity looked at Andy quizzically for a moment before sighing.  "I
guess we should get this over with."

^_^		^_^		^_^

They had ridden out of the valley and over the foothills.  When they
reached a mountain trail, Trinity stopped.

"Wassup?" Andy asked.

Trinity pointed ahead.  "It's just strange.  I can see Taiitsukun's
castle from here."

Andy looked at the structure in the distance and raised his eyebrows.
"And this is strange because...?"

Trinity shrugged.  "I had just heard that only after someone has been
tested to be true of heart can they see the home of Taiitsukun."

Andy nodded.  "Ok.  We can see the place, so we must have already passed
whatever it was, right?"

Trinity nodded absently.  "I guess so."

They rode up to the castle and left the horses tied up in the outer
courtyard.  A little girl ran, or rather floated through the inner gate.
"Irrashimasu!  Watashi wa Nyan Nyan desu.  Kurimasu kudasai."

Trinity turned to Andy.  "That's Nyan Nyan.  She's welcoming us and asks
us to follow her."

Andy nodded.  "'K."

They followed Nyan Nyan inside and down the main hallway.  They turned
and walked into a large library.  Andy whistled as he saw the vast
numbers of books stacked from floor to ceiling.

Trinity nodded.  "This is better than any library in Konen."

"Konan?"  Andy asked.

Nyan Nyan giggled and said something.

Trinity pointed.  "The land we came from is called 'Konen'.  She says
that Konan is over there."

Andy looked in the direction Trinity pointed.  A very large, muscular
man was sorting through books at a proportionately large desk.  A sign
on the desk had writing in several languages.  The English text on the
sign said, "Turn in overdue books here."

Andy nodded.  "I see, Konan is the librarian."

They continued through the library.  As they left the library, they were
greeted by another small girl who looked remarkably like Nyan Nyan.
Andy turned to their guide.  "Twins?"

Nyan Nyan giggled again.  Both the girls spoke, and Trinity translated.
"They are both Nyan Nyan.  She is 'the one that is many.'"

Andy grimaced.  "'The one that is many'?  She's the friggin
chibi/kawai-Borg!"

Trinity pointed to Nyan Nyan and Nyan Nyan.  "I think I understand.
She's an assistant to Taiitsukun.  She fixes things."

"Great," Andy said.  "Think she could fix me back to Calif-" Andy
stopped when he noticed Trinity's expression.  "Alright!  I'll just go
and see Taiitsukun for the answers!  Sheesh."

The voice of an ancient woman drifted through the room.  "Are you two
going to tour my castle or are you going to come see me anytime soon?
Nevermind, I'll take care of it."

Andy stepped closer to Trinity.  "I don't like the sound of that."

The library sitting room that they were in dissolved and was replaced
with a large throne room.  At least Andy guessed that it was a throne
room from the polished floor, marble columns, huge tapestries, and,
well, a throne at one end.  On the throne sat an incredibly aged woman.
Either the ages had not been too kind to her, or she was in a bad mood.
Andy figured both.

The woman stared down at the two visitors.  "I am Taiitsukun.  I do not
expect that you have gathered the seishi already, Andy."

Andy frowned.  "I might be able to answer that if you tell me what
seishi are."

Taiitsukun frowned.  "You don't know what the seishi are?"  She leaned
forward in her seat.  "Have you even identified Taniko?"

"Who?"

Taiitsukun sighed.  "Come on!  She was a gimme!  How are you supposed to
get anything done if you can't get your seishi together?"

Andy put his hands on his hips.  "Well, it would help if someone would
tell me what the heck I'm supposed to be doing in the first place!  Just
because I'm your 'Golden Boy' (TM) doesn't mean I automatically know
what I gotta do!"

"Has any of this been explained to you?"

Andy shrugged.  "I tried to ask Morphotori last night, but I don't
understand what he says.  Trinity will translate some stuff for me, but
she refuses to answer questions."

"Translate?"  Taiitsukun waved her hand.  A slate and chalk appeared in
mid air in front of Andy.  "Write down the word for 'cat'."

Andy stared at Taiitsukun for a second.  "What?"

"Write down your word for 'cat' in your native tongue."

Andy shrugged, wrote C-A-T on the slate, and showed it to Taiitsukun.

She stared at the slate for a moment.  "You are using an alphabet, and
you only used three letters.  You must be using English."

"No-duh!"

Taiitsukun looked around the room.  "Switchiri?"  She quickly gave up
and shrugged.  "Anyway, the problem is obvious.  The magic of
translation is set for Japanese."

"So everyone's been speaking Japanese because of some 'magic' thing that
translates whatever people say into Japanese?"

"Yes."

"So what is it translating from?"

"Chinese, of course."

"Of course.  So, that would mean that I'm in China, right?"

"Yes."

"Gotcha."  Andy frowned.  "I think."

Taiitsukun sighed.  "The Mikos before you all came from the Japan of
another world."  She shook her head.  "They were idiots, all of them.
They fought amongst themselves, they couldn't keep their seishi
together, they were always getting distracted by food or some romantic
fling."

"Boneheads,"  Andy suggested.

Taiitsukun nodded.  "That is why I no longer bother with the tests of
character and virtue.  I've lowered my standards.  I created the Matrix
to try to foster a world that could develop more competent Mikos."

"And I came from this Matrix thing to become a Miko for you?"

 "You are the medium that will call Suzaku, the god of the south."

"So, what are these seishi for, then?"

 "They are the seven delegates.  They are representatives of the
constellations.  They are your source of power, your protectors as a
Miko."  Taiitsukun looked at Andy.  "I mean Mahoutukai."

Andy thought for a second.  "Ok, so there's 28 seishi, seven for each of
the four quadrant gods, and I'm supposed to call the southern dude,
right?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"The four gods of sky and earth are called when there is a danger to the
land."

"So, what's the danger this time?"

"The danger will become apparent as you become more able to call
Suzaku."

"Erm, so what am I supposed to do, besides get these seishi together?"

"Act without thinking."

Andy sighed.  "No wait just a friggin minute.  If you set up the world
where I came from, then you know that I'm a computer programmer and you
know what that means.  You know that I'm a nerd and I ALWAYS think.  I
mean, who do you think I am, Han Solo?  If you can't be more specific
about what this danger is or what I need to do to get ready, then I
can't do squat.  I mean, if you want my help, the least you could do is
tell me what you know instead of this cryptic crap."

Taiitsukun smiled.  "I think you will do just fine."

Andy put a hand to his face.  "Ok, I'll bite.  Why?"

"Because you march to the beat of a different drummer.  You don't follow
people blindly, like some sheep."

"No-ba-a-a-a!"

Taiitsukun closed her eyes.  "I will tell you what I know.  The four
lands as we know them are no longer.  They have been united by Qin
Shihuang, who has declared himself emperor of all of China.  Weights and
measures, language, local governments, all have been standardized.  He
has also started construction on a wall that protects China from the
Mongols."

Andy shrugged.  "So, he's done some good stuff for China it sounds
like."

Taiitsukun nodded.  "He has, but he is also burning old law books and
Confucian texts.  His power is maintained by might.  The construction of
the wall is also taking many lives.  He is a cruel tyrant who is more of
a danger to China than the Mongols he is building a great wall against."

Andy frowned.  "Waitaminute.  Did you say he began construction on the
Great Wall that borders China and Mongolia?"

"Yes."

"Um, just what year is this?"

"It is 2463, by the Chinese calendar."

"What about the American standard, um Gregorian?"

"It is about 211 BC."

Andy sank to his knees.  "Um, and when can I get back to my time and
place?"

"When the danger is no longer."

"You mean, when this emperor dude is no longer."

Taiitsukun shook her head.  "You cannot just remove him from power.  If
you do, the four lands will collapse back in a bloody civil war, and all
that he has done to improve China will be lsot."

"So, what you want are the good stuff, the Great Wall and all, without
the tyranny and bloodshed?"

"Yes."

"And I'm supposed to call this god and ask him how to fix this up?"

"Suzaku will not decide how to deal with this.  He will merely grant you
wishes.  It's up to you to figure out what will be the best for all of
China."

Andy sighed.  "Don't ask for much, do you?"


-Andy Searls
http://www.jps.net/searlsa

I'm not completely insane,
    some parts are missing.