Hello! Jelynne here! This is a couple of firsts for me. This is my first
ever post to the FFML. And this is also my first attempt at keeping the jokes
running for longer than a few pages. C&C would be very much appreciated.
WARNING: nasty language and occasional adult situations. You have been
officially warned. As well, I'm having gleeful fun bashing
anyone and everyone. (insert standard SM disclaimer here)
*Why Do I Bother? - Part One - Why Children Shouldn't Have Time Keys...*
Preserving the future is a bitch. No matter what you say, no
matter what you do, something will go wrong with the whole shebang.
Being a guardian of time is about keeping the damage down to the absolute
minimum.
Sometimes this can be very hard.
In fact, sometimes it can seem downright impossible.
Setsuna was having one of those days.
***
"Okay, let's try this again, shall we? What happened?" Setsuna
tried to keep her voice sweet, but it didn't seem to be calming to the
child in front of her.
The little girl tugged uncomfortably on one of her pigtails,
stalling for time. But Setsuna had all the time in the world, and
infinite patience. At least Chibi-usa *hoped* her patience was infinite.
"Well?" as always, the tone made Chibi-usa squirm.
"Um... well... it went like this..." the princess from the future
started. "Usagi was telling me about the Silver Millennium, y'see, and
it sounded so interesting..."
"So you decided to take a little time trip, hmm?" Setsuna
started reaching for her time staff, then remembered she wasn't
transformed.
"I... I wanted to see grandma, and... and my mommy when she was a
*real* princess." Chibi-usa still didn't totally approve of the idea that
Usagi was the same person as her mother. Setsuna had tried to explain
that people change, but Chibi-usa was having none of it.
"And you just happened to take this little trip while I was
distracted."
The child couldn't think of a response. Briefly, she wondered
what Setsuna had been distracted with, and why the woman looked so mussed.
"The one time they all actually go to a meeting, and this
happens," Setsuna muttered under her breath. "So what did you do?" she
asked the child.
"I used my key to take me to the Silver Millennium. But it took
all the others along too."
"Yes, then what?"
"Well, somebody started yelling, I think it was Haruka, and Usagi
shook me and told me to take us back home *right now*, so I used the key,
and came back, but none of them came with me, not even Usagi, and she
really had a death grip on me..." Chibi-usa trailed off from lack of
air.
"So you just abandoned them in the past." The temperature in
the room dropped several degrees.
"Um... yes?" the girl tried.
"And now I have to go back and get them before they destroy the
time line."
"I think so... My key isn't working anymore..."
"That is because I turned it off. And you will stay *right here*
until I get back. Do you hear me?"
"I..." at a cold look from the woman, the child trailed off.
"Yes, Setsuna."
"And I'm not turning your key back on for a very long time."
"Yes, Setsuna." Chibi-usa looked up hopefully. "Can I have my
Luna Ball back yet?"
"No." <After what you did to poor Rei-san with that thing, I'm
surprised you're still alive.>
"Oh."
Setsuna left, trailing a frigid aura. <Of all the possible
children those two could have had, why'd it have to be her?> "What did I
do to deserve this?" she asked nobody in particular.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It wasn't as if the girl couldn't have turned out different.
Setsuna had tried to warn them when they decided to let those four goons,
the Asteroid senshi, look after the kid. She had tactfully suggested
that perhaps some saner individuals could have been found. But Serenity
had insisted. She'd said that the responsibility would be good for the
four.
Good for them maybe, but look at the result. The girl was an
utter brat. Not only that, but they'd had her dying her hair and wearing
colored contacts by age three, for goodness' sake. What was wrong with
blondish-brown hair and blue eyes, anyway? And look at the junk they'd
programmed into that ball. Ye Gods, an Atomic Slingshot, of all things.
And a sleeping serum! Not to mention that dart gun. What had they been
thinking?
Sometimes Setsuna wondered if Serenity shouldn't have kept up
that healing energy for just a bit longer, in their case. Or maybe just
skipped it entirely, and gone straight to the moondusting. Or maybe
gotten herself sterilized just before marriage, and adopted instead.
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Sailor Pluto stood in front of the Time Gate, looking at Sailor
Pluto. Neither woman moved for a long time.
Finally one of them (for the sake of clarity, we'll say it's
oh... the one on the right) asked, "So which one are you?"
The other one (on the left, silly) considered this for a moment.
"I'm not sure... lemme check." She glanced at her hand where the words
�You're from her past, dummy!' were written in bright green ink. "Oh,
okay. I'm from your past."
"So why'd you come here?" Pluto on the right asked.
Pluto on the left glanced at her other hand. "Oh no! It's
smudged!"
"I'd love to help you, but I don't remember this yet." Right
side Pluto shrugged.
"Um... hold on, I'll have it in a minute." Left side Pluto
wracked her brains. "Wait a minute, I remember! It's a mission of
utmost importance, upon which the fate of the universe utimately rests."
"Oh. The hologram of Serenity's batteries are running low again,
huh?"
"Yeah. And she only runs on those twentieth century things."
Pluto on the right nodded sagely. "Well, good luck on your
mission, then."
"Right."
***
Just then, another Sailor Pluto stumbled through the gate. She
was very disheveled, and carefully clutched a steaming mug close to her
chest. She hiccuped.
"Oh, for goodness' sake," Pluto on the right rolled her eyes.
"Every time you show up, I keep telling you; the fortieth century! Not
the twentieth, the first, or even the ninetieth, the Fortieth! And what
is *that*?" she pointed at the mug.
"Shtop'd back at tha party for some cappasake," this new Pluto
was obviously drunk. "S' nobody makes it like Rei." She took a hefty
swallow, and hiccuped again.
Pluto on the left nudged Pluto on the right. "What's she looking
for?" she hissed.
"Well, she *was* celebrating Serenity's accession. Then, when that
party wound down, she decided to go to Neo-Serenity's accession. Now
she's looking for Chibi-usa's funeral. It's supposed to be a party to
end all parties." Right side Pluto shrugged. "All said and done, she's
been on a *really* long bender." She licked her lips, "I'm looking
forward to it."
"Yeah, it sounds like she's having fun." Pluto on the left
paused for a long moment. "Who's Chibi-usa?"
"Believe me, you'll regret finding out."
"That bad, huh?" Right side Pluto nodded, and left side Pluto
(confused yet?) sighed. "Well, I better go take care of my mission."
Left side Pluto waved vaguely.
"Have a ball!" as left side Pluto vanished, right side Pluto
turned back to drunk Pluto. "Remember, *fortieth* century. Now get
going."
Drunk Pluto nodded with careful concentration and then
frowning, stepped back through the gate.
<Why do I always seem like such an idiot to myself?> The
remaining Pluto wondered. Then she shrugged again, and pulled out a pen.
Very carefully she printed �You're from her future, stupid!' on one hand
and �Get the senshi back, already!' on the other.
Then she gingerly gripped her staff, and stepped into the Time
Whirl.
***
The Whirl of Time was awesome. Looking at it, you could be
mesmerized for centuries by the swirl of eras and seconds. Traveling in
it was rather like mixing a few too many mind-altering drugs, and then
pumping them directly into the brain.
"Ooh, psychedelic." Sailor Pluto murmured softly, her head
swirling. "Look at all the pretty colors."
She passed another Sailor Pluto, this one oddly shadowed. She
was making faces, and yelling what were most likely uncomplimentary
comments in a voice that was definitely not Pluto's own.
"DiC-head," Pluto muttered, then shook her fist at the splinter
reality. "Bastards! Look what you did to me!"
The DiC Pluto yelled something back, but though her mouth formed
a very dirty word in Japanese, it came out as "Negatrash!"
Pluto wept quietly for a couple of centuries. Then she snapped
out of it as a group of screaming girls flew rapidly past her.
"One.. Two.. Three.. Four.. Five. Oh, it's just the inners
visiting the remains of the Moon kingdom." Pluto waved gaily at the
oblivious girls. "Have fun dying!" she chirped happily.
Finally, she arrived at the right era. Carefully gathering
whatever was left of her dignity, she stepped through the Time Gate.
Then she giggled insanely, and ruined the entire effect. There was
absolutely nobody around, not even herself. Sailor Pluto felt very
relieved as she checked her hand.
"Okay, let's get those girls back to the future!" In her head,
the sound of breaking copyright grew momentarily louder, but she shrugged
it off.
In teleporting to the Moon, Pluto managed to shake off most of
the effects of going through the Time Whirl. <At least going back I can
use the royal passage.> she mused.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finding the senshi was easy. Sailor Pluto just followed the
sound of yelling. When she arrived, she was a little surprised to find
that it was Makoto yelling at Minako. It was also a surprise to find
that they'd all transformed. Usagi had even transformed into Princess
Serenity. She was placidly watching the fight, while Sailors Uranus and
Mars exchanged bets on the winner.
They did seem to be remarkably calm. Pluto was gratified that
their training was finally taking effect. Although she did think that
arguing over who went out with whose boyfriend was in bad taste, given
the circumstances.
"Okay girls, time to go," she announced. "Come on."
"Sailor Pluto? What are you doing here?" the Princess frowned
quizzically. "Is there some emergency?"
"Only if you don't hurry up." Pluto waved a hand. "You've had
enough sightseeing time, now we have to go. Hurry up! Mercury put down
that book. Gather around everyone."
Jupiter shrugged and pulled the book out of Mercury's hands,
hauling the girl to her feet by grabbing her upper arm.
"Wait! What's going on?" Uranus demanded.
"We're leaving, that's what." Pluto teleported them to the Time
Gate.
"But..." Mercury protested weakly, sagging in Jupiter's grip.
"But nothing. Get a move on! Everybody, through the Gate. You
first, Princess."
The other senshi trooped obediently through the Gate, and Pluto
followed. She found the trip back much easier than the trip there had
been. Since the royal passage was buffered against the main part of the
Whirl of Time, it didn't have the same effect on the psyche.
Since she wasn't as disoriented as the last trip, Pluto only
paused a moment before transporting the group back to Earth. <If this
ever happens again, I'm going straight to Earth.> she decided.
Authorial Babble: Yes, there really is more to this story, I promise! I
wrote this story just to fill time while I had major
writer's block on a different story. Anything written
in the (round brackets) is just my authorial nonsense.
Comments and/or critisism are very welcome. Stay tuned
for Part Two!
Jelynne
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