I'm sorry...I've had the urge to do this for the longest time...

Reviewing this fiction we have:
Katherine Madigan: Icehearted corporate higher-up
CRaSh: Bad luck boomer. Nigh oblivious.
[The omnipotent author, Nathan Baxter. AKA God.]
Nene Romanova: The innocent Knight Saber

********

  "Whee! This is so much fun!"

  The writer was using PICO...on his Win95 machine. Not logged on
at his
UNIX account. (Thanks to Thomas Kinnen for pointing out PC-PINE
and
PC-PICO.)

Nene: Picopico!
<others groan>

  "I mean, this is just so cool!"

  The writer really needs a life. Oh well, at least he's getting
part 4
going, yes?

[YEAH! YEAH! YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!!]
<sweatdrops all around>

************************************************

  Far, far above, doom approached, and it was the 14th Angel.

CRaSh: <ReBoot computer voice> WARNING: Incoming Angel. WARNING:
Incoming Angel

  It was big. It was menacing. It was powerful. It was the Angel
of
Might, Zeruel. It was....

  "Why are you watching TV on the monitors? You know the
commander's
going to kill you if he catches you."

  "Hey, gimme a break. You know how much I love watching these
parades.
Floats, bands, those big balloons...."

Madigan: What kind of IDIOT hires people like THIS?!?!

[Gendo Ikari. Who else has the authority?]

Madigan: <glares>

  It was supposed to be watched for by the many eyes turned
heavenward
around the world, as per NERV's budget. Take, for instance, one
observation station somewhere in North America....

  "I don't care. I'm not having my butt tanned because you get
bored on
the job." *click*

  "Hey!" *click*

  "Read a book or something!" *click*

  "Who the frag reads anything anymore?" *click*

  "I do!" *click*

  "What, those damn porno books?" *click*

  "Wha--I--that's not pornography, that's...'erotic literature'!"
*click*

[<giggles>]

CRaSh: <confused look>

Madigan: <raised eyebrow>

Nene: <terminal blush>

  "Right, porn." *click*

  *click* *click* *click* *clickclickclickclickclickclick* "OW!
Leggo my
arm! Argh!"

CRaSh: <grins in that way that should look sunny and comforting,
like Kasumi, but instead makes you think that he's wondering what
your entrails would look like splattered all over the walls,
henceforth to be referred to as a psycho grin>

  "Heh! Right! Now, I'm gonna watch this parade, right?
And...what is
_that_ thing?"

  "...looks like the most hideous balloon ever buil...made...sewn
together. What's with that little face? And the arms...they look

[I believe that made is the correct term, sir.]

like
folded up toilet paper."

Nene: <gets odd look, and leaves>

  "..." *click* And the monitor switched off. "Never mind."

  The thing is, the 14th Angel also did, indeed, look like a
really
bizarre parade balloon. The timing could not have been worse.

CRaSh: No kidding.

  "Now, would you let go of my arm?"

  "Right, right, sorry."

  "Ow. Damn, you bastard, that hurt."

CRaSh: <psycho grin>

  "...say, you got any...can I maybe borrow one of your porno
novels?"

  "I said, it's erotic literature, not porn!"

  "Whatever."

Madigan: <stifles a smile>

  It definitely could not have been worse.

[No kiddin'?]

***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 4:
The Good, the Bad, and the Really Ugly Angel
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***

[ouch.]

Madigan: <looks ill>

CRaSh: What?

  Asuka was home.

  "Hey, look at what my aunt sent me!"

  Joining her were the usual suspects.

  "It's not another brick masquerading as cake, is it?"

[<giggles> And a running joke returns.]

  There was a *whap* as Asuka gently shut Kensuke up. "No, this
is from
my aunt in Germany. Marzipan!"

[Wazzat?]

Madigan: You don't know?

  "Hey, they look like little fruits! Neat!" Hikari scooted
closer to
look at Asuka's giftbox. "They're candy?"

Madigan: What she said.

  "Yeah. Have one." Asuka plucked a banana-shaped piece out of
the box
and tossed it to her friend. She looked up, then took out a few
more and
handed them around.

  Touji peered at his piece of candy--it was in the shape of an
apple--
with a suspicious air, and was elbowed in the gut.

<Nene comes back>

  Hikari turned back to her friend, examining her piece of
marzipan, and
said, "They're so well made. It's almost a crime to eat it." She
then
promptly popped it into her mouth. "Hmm...it's pretty good!"

Nene: What are they eating?

  "Ah, there's plenty here, don't worry about it. Here, Misato,
have one
too."

Madigan: Marzipan.
 

  "Thanks." She caught the expertly aimed sweet as she walked in
from
the kitchen.

CRaSh: The kid's got talent.

Mackie: <leers> You ain't kiddin!

  Shinji, after sniffing at his mini-orange a bit, shrugged, and
ate his
share. "Yeah. Pretty good." He swallowed.

[<referring to Mackie> Well how'd he get in here?]

Madigan <horrified expression> What IS it?

  "What is it made of?" asked Rei.

  "It's almond paste, processed and stuff. Great for molding, so
that's
why...Shinji? You okay?"

Nene: <to Madigan> It's Mackie. Ignore him, he's mostly harmless.

  "Almond paste?" asked Misato. She glanced over at her ward, who
had
frozen up at the word "almond".

  Asuka nodded, slowly. "Yeah...why?"

  "Shinji has this allergic reaction to almonds," said Kensuke,
cheerfully. "It happened once, 'bout a month before you got here.
Say,
can I have another one?"

  "Allergy?"

[Uh oh.]

  Misato nodded. "In about an hour, he's going to throw up
everything
he's eaten in the past day or so."

  Shinji started turning green.

Nene: Ewww.

  "Well, when I say 'in about an hour', I mean, he _starts_ in
about an
hour, you see. The whole thing takes him up to another hour and a
half
to finish, if he's eaten a lot. And you saw how he stuffed
himself last
night."

  Shinji turned purplish.

Madigan: <pulls out JUMBO SIZE bag of popcorn, with everything, and
starts munching>

  "After he's done with that, then, for at least the next twelve
hours,
he gets these dry heaves of which the likes have never been seen.
Outside of his case, that is."

Mackie: <turns green>

  The colors in Shinji's face compromised on a pasty, grayish
tone, and
he slumped down in his seat. Rei was over to his side in an
instant.

  "And that was from one almond that he accidentally picked out
of a can
of what was supposed to be only cashews. Now, when you say almond
paste,
do you mean it's kind of concentrated?"

  Asuka nodded. "I think it would be."

[Oh. Sh*t.]

  "Oh, damn. I'm calling Commander Ikari."

Madigan: <around a mouthful of popcorn> Thish ish the man who
<swallows> hired those techs?

CRaSh: Yep.

  Asuka considered this for a long while, blinking. She finally
managed,
lamely, "Oh. Sorry about that, Shinji. I didn't know."

  With every ounce of misery that could possibly be stuffed into
his
voice, Shinji answered, "You will, now."

CRaSh: <psycho grin>

------------------------------------------------

  Gendou's glasses slid down his nose. He pushed them back up.

CRaSh: <pushes up his Genom Standard Issue Boomer Sunglasses>

  His cellular phone rang. As he reached to pick it up, his
glasses slid
down again.

Madigan: <munchmunch>

  "Ikari here." He shoved his glasses up. "Almonds? Again?" He
sighed.  
"This will be inconvenient."

  His glasses drooped.

Nene: Again, and again, and again...

Mackie: Is that how you like it?

  "Very well. Keep me informed of his condition. And--I do not
mean for
you to call me every time he vomits. Right? Good." He hung up.

Nene: Crash, would you please...?

CRaSh: Gladly <hurtmangledamage>

  Fuyutsuki coughed. "That allergy again?"

Mackie: <whimper>

  "Yes. What's worse, it seems like he ate more than last time. A
piece
of marzipan."

  "Marzipan?"

  "Yes, it's this really delicious almond paste. They make it in
Europe.
Around Germany, Switzerland, that area. Love it myself, and Yui

Madigan: <to me> There, you see?

did
too," said Gendou, rather happily. Fuyutsuki blinked. "But, as it
would
happen, this son of mine has the misfortune of having an allergy
to
almonds." He nudged his glasses up, but they simply followed his
fingers
back down. "Damn."

  Fuyutsuki shook himself off. "You seem to be doing that a lot
more
than usual, sir. The glasses thing."

[He is, at that.]

  "Well, if you must know," said Gendou, removing his specs and
tapping
on the frame, "the last time Rei and I, ah, argued, I landed on
my face.
This hinge here is all bent."

CRaSh: <psycho grin>

  The Subcommander barely suppresed a snort.

Madigan: <doesn't suppress a snort>

  "Anyway, you see how it is. Plus, when I'm looking down, it can
fall
right off my face. I have to hold them up whenever I read."

  "Ah."

  "And I get downright nervous whenever I'm standing at a
urinal."

  "...right, sir." I really didn't need to know that.

Mackie: Neither did we.

------------------------------------------------

  Misato was presently putting down some plastic sheeting on the
bathroom floor around the toilet.

Nene: Twister?

[Yes, he wrote Twisted Path.]

Nene: Huh?

Meanwhile, Touji had gone home
to
fetch a pair of his rollerblading kneepads for Shinji's use,
accompanied
by Hikari.

Madigan: <to Nene> have you been paying attention at ALL?

Nene: Ummmm... Nope!
 

  Shinji was being cuddled up to by Rei on the couch, who was
stroking
his hair and murmuring to him reassuringly. It must be noted,
however,
that she seemed poised to jump away in a moment, and was keeping
her
boyfriend facing the hallway to the loo.

CRaSh: 'to the loo.'?

[I don't know, either.]

  Asuka looked on in bemusement. "Why didn't you try to throw it
up
earlier, anyway? Maybe if you got it out of you quickly
enough...."

Madigan: <munchmunch>

  "Wouldn't work," mumbled Shinji. "I think I absorb whatever it
is
straight through my stomach walls. By the time you were saying
that the
stuff was made out of almonds, my mouth and throat were already
itching."

[<cringes in sympathy>]

  "Oh. Well, I'm really sorry. Really."

  "Urk," replied Shinji. His eyes bulged.

  "The bathroom's over there, Shinji-kun." Rei popped her head up
from
behind the couch. She walked over to his side, a slight distance
away.  
"Need some help?"

Mackie: <Shinji voice> Yeah, come a little closer...

[SMITE!]

Mackie: <Krispy Fried Chicken>

  Shinji merely fell to the ground and scrabbled his way towards
the
bathroom, followed closely (though maybe not too closely) by Rei.

CRaSh: Smart girl.

  "Ack! Shinji, let me out of the bathroom fi--oh, my slippers!"

  "At least you did have the foresight to put down the plastic
sheets,
Katsuragi-san. Shinji-kun, try not to miss the bowl this
time...."

  The music of a discontented stomach filled the air.

Madigan: <munchmunch>

  Asuka grimaced. "Oh, yuk." She tried to shut out the sounds
from the
bathroom. Seeking a distraction, she looked around. "Hey,
Kensuke.
You're still here?"

Nene: <to Mackie> That's what I'm wondering.

Mackie: <grandly> I await only you, my lady. Now, let us proceed to
our bedchambers...

Nene: OOOHHH!!! CRASH!!

CRaSh: <foldspindlemutilate>

Mackie: <groan>

  Kensuke gave a slight start. "Oh! Yeah. I am. Here. Er." He
scratched
his head nervously. "Er. I, uh, found these. On the way here." He
pulled
some daisies out of his backpack and held them out. "For you.
Um."

Madigan: <around popcorn> Rei's influence?

[Probably.]

  Asuka blinked. This was not natural, not at all. "Ah. Thanks."
She
took the slightly wilted flowers, and looked back at him. Their
eyes
met....

  "Are you okay, Kensuke? You look a little sick."

CRaSH: Probably at the thought of almonds.

  "I'm fine! I am! Really. Er."

  Asuka smiled, a worried smile.

  Down the hall, Rei frowned, and sighed slightly.

[Better luck next time.]

  The front door opened. "Hey, guys, I found my kneepads." Touji
stopped, listening. "Sorry, I seem to be a little late."

[No sh*t?]

------------------------------------------------

  Some time later....

  Rei walked back to her apartment, accompanied by Touji and
Hikari.

  "Hey, Rei, are you feeling okay?"

Mackie: <Rei voice> Just a little 'not so fresh' feeling

Madigan+Nene: <turn their respective hair colors>

<tortures to horrible to describe>

  "Oh, I'm fine, I am. Just a little worried about Shinji...."
She
walked on in silence for a few moments. "He'll be fine, though.
He's
gone through this already, and I know he's strong, healthy guy."

Madigan: <munchmunch>

  Rei missed the coughing fit that suddenly attacked Touji, as
well as
the whap upside the head that he received from his girlfriend.
"But I'm
also worried about Kensuke and Asuka. I don't think it's
working."

[<giggles>]

Mackie: <profoundly unconsious>

  Touji stopped coughing and looked up. "You don't? He brought
her some
flowers and all today, right? And I saw her smiling."

  Hikari shook her head. "Wrong kind of smile. I think she was a
little...um, put off by it. I know Asuka, and she really wasn't
comfortable, there."

  "Huh." Touji sighed, and groaned. "Kensuke must be screwing the
whole
thing up, then. He's never really been one to charm to girls.
Heh, not
like me."

Mackie: Or me!

  *thwap*

Girls: <thwap>

  "Maybe. I guess I'll have to, um, check in on him, then." Rei
ignored
the little squabble that had erupted behind her, and turned a
corner to
go off toward her apartment complex. "I hope it works.... Well,
I'll see
you later, then."

[<ignores the little squabble going on next to him, and swipes some
of Madigan's popcorn>]

------------------------------------------------

  "Is it over?" asked Asuka. She was answered first by a toilet
flush.
"Gah, who could believe he had that much in him?"

  A woozy Shinji staggered out of the bathroom, and tried to look
at
Asuka in the eye, as much as a guy whose head and neck were
imitating a
freshly sprung Jack-in-the-box could do so. "I...think so. Uh.
Hngk."

[You got the right one baby! Uh-Huh!]

  Asuka felt herself starting to get a bit ill herself from the
bobbing
and weaving, so she blinked and looked away. "Are you sure? And
what
about the, um...."

CRaSh: 'The, um...' what?

  "Don't worry about it, Asuka," grumbled Misato as she emerged
from the
bathroom behind Shinji. She was looking a bit tired, and slightly
pale.
"He feels a few kilos lighter now. That should be all. As for the
dry
heaves...that's _his_ problem now."

Nene: That's mean!

Madigan: That's life.

  "Gfhln." Shinji slumped against the wall. His body was still
making
odd noises, from around the middle regions.

  Asuka still felt a little guilty about this all, and she asked,
"Well,
um, do you need any help? Some water? No, not even water, I
guess. Can
you get back to your room all right?" She looked down the
hall...about
two meters to Shinji's room.

CRaSh: Easy enough. Just fall forward, get back up, then repeat the
cycle as neccessary.

  "Ngh. No thanks." Despite his obvious discomfort, Shinji
managed to
stand up straight, and with a determined (if swirly-eyed) glare,
he
marched to his room, turned to enter, and then fell down through
the
open doorway.

[Heh. Nene, in case you're wondering, swirly eyes in an anime
charachter mean that something really wonky is going on inside
their head.]

Nene: Oh.

  "Oh, boy."

  "Haaaarglk!"

Madigan: <munchmunch>

------------------------------------------------

  The Subcommander entered the men's room. He happened upon
Gendou, who
was vigorously scrubbing his eyeglasses in the sink while letting
out a
muttered string of curses. There were some wet patches on the
floor.

[HahahahahahhaahahaHAH!]

  Fuyutsuki looked at Gendou, who had stopped and now squinted
back.

  "Not a word, Fuyutsuki. Not a word."

Madigan+CRaSh: <smirk>

------------------------------------------------

  "All present and accounted for, Chair. Except for Lazy, but she
never 
comes anyway."

Nene: Oh, how CUTE! A room full of Reis!

  One may wonder why an imaginary council within the mind of one
person
would need to call roll during one of its not-really-existent
meetings, 
which happened every un-evening.

  "Thank you, Bailiff," said Original, addressing Professional,
who had
been assigned that position for the time being. She laid down her
gavel
and arranged the notes on her unreal desk.

Mackie: <ogles Professional's plug suit>

Madigan: <mutters> When'd he wake up?

  Then again, one may first wonder why such a dream-council would
exist
anyway. However, Ayanami Rei is certainly a special sort of
person, and
allowances should be made. Not to mention, the thought of a
roomful of
Ayanamis make the fanboys drool.

Mackie: <drools>

  Original surveyed the council room, noting the changes that had
taken
place since the first meeting. For one thing, almost everyAyanami
was
starting to dress differently. She herself and Book (and a few
others)

Mackie: <checks each and every Rei>

still kept the school dress, and Professional was still in the
plug
suit, but Kickboxer now donned a gi, Irate had a t-shirt
sprinkled with
expletives, Lazy was constantly wearing pajamas (when she could
be
found), Affectionate put on things which would concentrate the
attention
of the fanboys quite well, provided they remained conscious....

Mackie: <stops checking generally and stares at Affectionate, with
nosebleed>

  And that was just the Councillors. The chambers had been
redecorated,
mostly by Affectionate. You couldn't look anywhere without
setting your
eye on a poster of Shinji. Fortunately, Common Sense managed to
persuade
Affectionate to use some good taste in the effort. Otherwise,
Nervous
would have fainted upon entering. Or maybe spontaneously
combusted.

Nene: <blushes>

  "Very good. The Council is called to order.... First on the
agenda is
our attempt to set up Aida Kensuke and Souryuu Asuka Langley.
Memos from
Book on the events at Souryuu's coming-home party have already
been
circulated, so we will not go over them here."

Madigan: <munchmunch>

  She paused a moment. "Ah, I do trust that everyone read the
memo?"
Original's gaze swept over the room, noting with something akin
to
satisfaction that only a few tried to avoid it. Book did
likewise, then
nodded and smiled slightly. "All right. Hacker, please give your
report
of this evening's communications with Aida."

Nene: YEAH!! GO HACKERS!!!!

  An Ayanami in torn jeans *ahem* and a loose flannel shirt with
wildly
colored hair (as opposed to the normal, unremarkable ice-blue)

[What color is it? Brown? Black? Blonde?]

walked up
to the front of the room. Well, not really walked, so much as
slouched
in an ambulatory manner. She paused to toss an empty bag of
potato chips
in a trash can before making it to the podium.

Nene: <eyebrow twitch> WHAT!! SHE'LL GIVE HACKERS A BAD NAME!!!!

Madigan: Too late.

  "Well, yeah.... So I got through to him again, y'know, talked
to him.
Asked him why it wasn't working. He said it's not his fault, he's
trying
his best, all that. Told him that he's got to do better, he says
it's
our fault that the plans suck, yadda yadda--"

  "Could you please be a little more specific, Hacker?"

  "Yeah, I guess."

Madigan: <munchmunch>

  They waited.

  "_Would_ you please be a little more specific, Hacker?"

[Snnk. Snrk. Snik. <pause> BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!]

CRaSh: What?

  "All right. He said he was following the plans just like we
said, so
it wasn't his fault that things weren't working. Answered that
he's
acting all nervous when they talk, which is why it isn't working,
so it
_is_ his fault. He started to argue back, I think, but that was
when I
noticed that he was tracing the connection."

Madigan: Ooh. My kinda mind.

Nene: So does that mean you like him, Kat?

Madigan: That geek? No way.

  Nervous blinked, and jumped up. "Did, did he find us? Or come
close?"

Mackie: <pays close attention to the results of Nervous's sudden
movement.>

  "...the Chair recognizes Nervous." She never does remember to
wait to
be called on.

Madigan: Very bad form.

  Hacker looked back at Nervous with a slight smirk. "No. I'm too
good
for him. But I did kill the connection right away, just to be
safe.
Y'know."

[Probably should be 'safe, y'know?']

  "Anything else to report?"

  "Hmm...nah. That's it."

  Hacker stepped down and slouched her way back to her seat.
Original
stood again, after reading a few more lines on her agenda notes.
"Now,
for the next order of business...a motion by Nervous on a
wardrobe
change." There was murmuring in the seats--wardrobe change? From
Nervous? Sure, she had been trying to loosen up lately.... "In
her own
words, 'Um, kinda, well, I guess, maybe we can wear our socks a
little
lower down...maybe a centimeter or two? Yeah.'"

  Everbody except for Nervous, Book, and Original sighed.

<including the reveiwers>

Nene: Well that's typical.

Madigan: Should probably be a paragraph break here.

[Maybe.]

Affectionate
stood up.

  "The Chair recognizes Affectionate."

  "I would like to propose an addendum to this...."

  "...go ahead."

  "I move that we add the measure that we wear nothing else for
Shinji-kun."

Mackie: Can I watch?

  "NO!!"

All others: NO!!

------------------------------------------------

  [What on Earth is that?] asked Melchior.

  [Well,] said Balthasar, slowly, [Caspar has been watching that
odd
American parade wossname that's being televised. Perhaps this is
one of
the rejects?]

Madigan: Wossname?

[Yes, it's a metasynaptic variable.]

Nene: Huh?

  [Do you suppose they decided to cut it loose because it looks
so bad?]

  [Sounds about right.]

  [How'd it get all the way over here, though?]

  [Bad luck? I'm getting a headache looking at it.]

  [We don't have heads that can ache, Balthasar.]

  [Oh...parse me, you little binary operator!]

CRaSh: <smirks> Oh you naughty boy, you.

------------------------------------------------

Madigan: <munchmunch>

***
To be continued....
***

  First of all, I'd like to dedicate this part to one "T. Ito",
who sent
the following message:

************************************************
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 1998 19:58:57 -0300
From: T.ITO <t.ito@domain deleted>
To: alhuang@hcs.harvard.edu
Subject: The Fanfics

All your fanfics suck!!!!!!!!

Madigan: Thoughtful fellow, isn't he?

[Some people, they just will not do, y'know?]

************************************************

  This was my first random flame. Whee! I asked this fellow why
he felt
this way, but I never did get a reply....

[Such minds wouldn't bother.]

********

[Hmm. Well, that was fun, don't you think?]

Nene: Definitely.

Madigan: Well executed, certainly.

CRaSh: Mostly incomprehensible, but amusing.

Mackie: That's just you. My gripe is that we didn't see very much
of Rei.

Nene: What are you talking about? She was in more than half the
scenes...

[I don't think that was what he was talking about, love.]

Nene: What? Oh. HEY! <chases Mackie out of the room>

Madigan: <munchmunch>

********

Thanks for putting up with me,
and be well.
Nathan Baxter




===
* "There is nothing so dangerous as a good man who believes 
* he is doing the right thing." --Source unknown(to me, at  
*                                               least)
# "For the crime of injuring me, a god, I demand in 
# atonement death" --Largo, Bubblgum Crisis Six: Red Eyes
& "No boom TODAY. Boom TOMMORROW. There's ALWAYS a boom 
& tommorrow." --Commander Susan Ivonava
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