[Petes]: C'mon Erika, we gotta MST it sooner or later...
[Erika]: *sigh* Okay, press play then...

*the film begins*

Great Cthulhu, soruce of cosmic evil, is sitting upon his throne 
of pain in sunken R'lyeh and plotting to take over the universe.

[Petes]: *Ten* Say all of that without taking a breath and I'll make you
president! ^_^

Cthulhu:  Hmm... I need a cunning plan

[Erika]: *Baldric* I have a cunning plan m'lord.
[Petes]: *Cthulhu* Wonderful! With that out of the way, I can chance my name
to something more pronoucable, like Richard!

Cthulhu snaps his mighty finger!

[Petes]: And then cracks his mighty knuckles, his mighty toes, and heads off
to take a mighty wizz.

Cthulhu:  I know!  I will ressurect a mighty warrior and use nhim
as my servant to take over the universe!

[Petes]: Brilliant! There's not enough guys trying to take over this
shithole of a planet!
[Erika]: At least not enough ones with hard to pronouce names...

Cthulhu is happy.

[Erika]: Good for him! ^_^
[Petes]: *Tom Green* Haaaaaa.... Haaaaaa.... HAPPYYYYYYYYY!!! ^ ^!!!

He's going to take over the universe, and 
crush humanity beneath his mighty eldritch heel.

[Petes]: Wel it's good to have goals! ^_^

He laughs 
evilly.  Suddenly, two Deep One srvants rush in.

Deep One One:

[Erika]: *bad Aussie voice* 'Ello Deep One Two!
[Petes]: *bad Aussie voice* 'Ello Deep One One!

Master Cthuhlu!  We have found a suitable 
candidate!

[Petes]: *Deep One* A Mr Dole, he will crush them all! Bwahahahaha!!!

Deep One Two:  He is inddeed a mighty warrior!

[Erika]: *Lum* Pop quiz! How many "mighty"s can you find in this fic? The
first correct answer wins... Nothing!

Cthulhu:  That was quick!

[Petes]: Instant dead mighty warrior, ready after 3 mins of microwaving!

OPENING (The 'Dance of the Hours' from Ponchielli's opera 'La 
Gioconda'.)

[Petes]: Uhh...
[Erika]: Ahh...
[Petes]: Change the station.
[Erika]: *fiddles with the radio knobs and changes it to U2's Sweetest Thing*
[Petes]: "The blue eyd boy and the brown eyed girl. Oh oh oh! The sweetest
thing!" ^_^

    RANMA 1/2 2096

You might be wondering why Alan 'Waters Under Earth' Harnu, David 
'DnR' Tai, Mike 'Ill-Met by Starlight' Loader and Chris 'Ranma 2096' 
Willmore are writing a sequel to a story by Petes-kun.

[Petes]: Actually, I'm more of wondering why the fat man down the isle is
dressed up like Godzilla in a tutu...
[Erika]: Only thing I'm wondering about Willmore is why he has a blatant
obsession for lesbians and bi-sexuals...
[Petes]: Guess he really likes Ellen! ^_^

Well, it's 
because we suck.

[Petes]: They do?
[Erika]: Last I checked... Nope.

We've looked at the FFML responses and seen the 
error of our ways.

[Petes]: "We'll never worship Satan while eating Snickers bars and playing
Xenogears again!"

Our stories go uncommented on, while Pete and 
his colleagues rack up the C&C.

[Petes]: I'd like to point out that thus far, the only two fics that got
positive C&C was 'Stupid Hentai Daemon Boy, and NGE: Decisive Revelations...
While AWA, and RPML-2025 got quite a bit of flames... Anything else I've
posted has been completely ignored...

The time has come for us to learn 

>from our betters, and so we proudly present a tribute to our 

masters.

[Petes]: Yanni and John Tesh?

Here is 'A Warrior Arises, Part 2: A Cthulhu Arises - The 
purple-helmeted Revenant of Love!'

[Petes]: *Han Solo* I have a bad feeling about this...
[Erika]: We can ward them off with these! *picks up some crosses*
[Petes]: *holds it up* Back! Back I say!

You might be wondering why we list David 'DnR' Tai in the authors in the
paragraph above when he didn't write a word of this story.

[Petes]: Nope! Until now I never heard of him, or DnR.

It's because
he was too awed to follow in the footsteps of Petes-kun.

[Petes]: Don't walk in my footsteps! Just follow me on my road to glory,
paved with thy skulls! ^_^
[Erika]: You do realize that they were insulting you, eh?
[Petes]: No they wer-- Hey!

It's because he
couldn't bring himself to try to better himself.  It's because we don't
know how to use the backspace key.

[Petes]: *scientist* Ees veeeery simple! You just press it like so! *presses it*

***

Skeride is lying asleep in her bed., wearing only a skmipy
negligee.

[Petes]: No wonder she's so pale! Girl could catch a nasty cold!

Skeride:  Oooh... ratiko-san... lower...

[Erika]: *Skeride* Lower... Lower... Perfect! Thanks Ratiko-san, the picture
looks perfect there!

Skeride's hand vbegins to creep down beneath the covers.

Skeride:  mmmy... yes, Ratiko...

[Erika]: *Skeride* Why yes, I'd love to have a snowcone!

Suddenly, an apparation of graat Cthulhu appears in Skeride's
bedroom.

[Petes]: A couple of priests and some windex can get rid of that...
[Erika]: And if you can't get that, club soda, it gets anything out! ^_^

Cthuhlu:  wake up, Skeride!

[Petes]: Cause it's time to die!
[Erika]: Well that ref' was original... @_@

Skeride:  {looking up}  Ahh!

Cthuhlu:  I have an offer for you!  Ressurect the mighty warrior
Maverick using your mystic powers, and Ratiko will be yours!

[Petes]: Better still! Just dye Mav's hair black and pretent REALLY hard
that he's Japanese, you won't know the difference! ^_^

Skeride:  Wow!  Promise?

Cthulhu:  Yes!  I swear on this Bible!

[Erika]: *Marge* That's not a bible, it's a carpet sample book.

    Skeride thought for a few seconds. On the one hand, Great Cthulhu
was an icky source of pain, evil, insanity, death, carnage, flat tax,
cosmetic salespeople, head cheese, and funky bathroom odor.

[Petes]: Sounds like my English teacher! ^_^

On the other
hand, he was promising her Ratiko, and the Bible gripped in one
gelatinous psuedopod looked pretty darn holy.

[Erika]: He got it at HolyShack.
[Petes]: If he fills up his purchase card he gets a free pack of kosher
batteries. ^_^

    Besides, maybe she could get some from Maverick.

[Petes]: Boo-yeah!

    "Okie-doke," she said.

***

    Three hours later, Skeride was busily unearth the dead Mav.

[Erika]: *singing* I've been digging up some Maverick, all the live long day...

    "Ick," she said, tossing out a tibia. "He's gone bad."

[Petes]: That's what you get when you don't change the baking soda in his
coffin.

    Still, rotting corpses had never stopped Skeride before, and they
wouldn't know.

[Petes]: Nutkin is a necrophile? o_O
[Erika]: Doesn't surprise me... -_-

Whipping out her

[Petes]: Gah!
[Erica]: O_O

Steamomatic Delux sewing machine,

[Petes&Erika]: Whew!

she
quickly set to work restoring the noble if slightly moldy warrior to his
top form.

[Petes]: Then she'd work at the middle and bottom form.

    The results were somewhat mixed.

[Petes]: I like my results shaken, and not stirred. ^_^

Her torso was upside down,

[Erika]: "Her"? Her who?
[Petes]: The words of the day is "typo" and "mocking".

and
Mav's head was now attacked to his posterior whilst his legs fit handily
on the stumps of his shoulders. And a colony of mice was living in his
gastroinstestinal tract.

[Petes]: Yeah, that'll do it to ya'...
[Erika]: Do what?
[Petes]: You know.
[Erika]: No, I don't.
[Petes]: *looks away*
[Erika]: -_- Baka.

But no matter. His heroic stature was
undiminished, and those parts of it that sagged somewhat soon straightened
themselves up.

Suddenly a pack of wild dogs attacked them.

[Petes]: Bestill my dogs of war! Or sumthin'... :p

Skeride: Maverick watchout!

Maverick: Shit! I'm already dead and now these dogs!

[Petes]: Yep, life certainly sucks when yer a spoof character...

So he shouts 'SUper
U'sa Lice Fat!' and this big yellow slimy beam shoots out of his hands and
hits the dogs.

[Erika]: That's nice. *turns to Petes* Is it over yet? -_-

They yelp.

[Petes]: They bark, they howl, they skip, they jump, they sign a major
motion picture contract...

The leader says 'Curse you Maverick! You can't
get aay with is!' but they say it in dog language so he can't understand.

Skeride: Wow, Mav, you're tough.

[Petes]: *Mav'* That's 'cause I drink expired milk, really toughens you up.

Mav: Yeah, well, a friend of mine killed a god, and I have to compete with
that.  Let's go.

[Erika]: Who killed a god?
[Petes]: The lone gunman on the fluffy cloud.

Skeride: Where?

Mav: To your house.  I need clothes.

[Erika]: Good, you need clothes, we need to have this fic end really
quickly, lets cut a deal, alright?

Skeride blushed cause she only noticed now all his clothes had rotted.

Skeride: Oh yeah.  Oh! Oh!

Mav: What is it

Skeride: Great Cthulhu told me to give this to you!

[Erika]: *Skeride* Here, a breakfast pastery of the gods called a "poptart".

The dogs meanwhile were eating up the thick yellow slime but they didn't
know it'd blow them up which was a good think, 'cause it hurt.

[Petes]: That was...
[Erika]: ...Pointless.

Skeride pulled a big purple helmet out of her bodysuit and gave it to
Maverick.

Maverick: What is it?

[Petes]: Congrats! You just won a Darth Vader helmet replica variant!

Skeride: The Purple Helmet.

Maverick: The Purple Helmet? Wow! Ithought it was lost!

[Erika]: *Skeride* Well I had it underneath a lot of stuff in my closet...

Skeride: Great Cthulhu knows all.

Maverick: So what are we going to do tonight?

[Erika]: *Skeride* Dawson's Creek is on at 9.
[Petes]: *Mav'* I'm SO there!

Skeride: Take over the world.

maverick:  Cool.  Wanna fuck first?

Skeride:  Okay.

[Petes]: Suddenly they've been sent back to the summer of free love...

Maverick and skeride ran off and got a hotel room.  On the way,
Maverick used his powers to rearrange himeself so his head wasn't
on his assany more.

In the hotel room, Mav tried on the Purple Helmet.

[Petes]: *Mav'* Waaaaah! I can't fit a size 6 anymore! I'm fat!

Maverick:  I can feel my mind... erk.... touching my brain... must...
resist...  ahhh...

Skeride:  Oh no!  MAAAAAAAAAAVERICK!  

[Erika]: RAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!
[Petes]: WIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA!

Suddenly, an apparation of great Cthulhu apepars!

Cthulhu:  wahahahaha!  Now your are mine by the power of the Purple
Helmet of Throbbing Pssion!

[Petes]: And if you knew what that was, it'd mean sumthin'.

Skeride:  Where's Ratiko?

[Petes]: *Cthu-- Ah who cares! ^_-* He was here a moment ago. He said he had
to go to the ba-- Aw poopy!

Cthuhlu:  Hahaha!  Foolish mrotal!  CTHULHU-UBER CRUSHER BEAM!

Great Cthuhlu firs a giant beam of blue energy from his forehead 
at Skeride.

Skeride:  Ahh!  You lied to me, Great Cthuhlu! Andb you swore on
the Bible!

[Erika]: Didn't she study late 20th century American history? A bible means
nothing to evil gods and Presidents.
[Petes]: Hmm... Bill Clinton... Cth-whatever... THEY'RE THE SAME GUY!
[Erika]: And you made that connection, how?
[Petes]: Mostly from Catsup packets...

Maverik blocks the bam with his chest.  It bounces off and hits
Cthulhu in the head.

Cthuhlu:  Arrgghhh!  You will obey me!

Maverick:  Ahh... no... must not... commit... evil...

[Petes]: *Mav'* Must... get down... to... funkytown!

Cthulhu:  hahaha!  You will fight my battles for me!

[Erika]: So basically he wants him to push guys over so he can kick them
while they're down...
[Petes]: Stupid pansy creature! Khorne could wup his silly named arse! ^_^

Skeride:  You lied on the Bible!  You're going to hell!

[Petes&Erika]: *claps*
[Petes]: Yeah, that'll scare him... @_@

Ctuhlu:  Maverick, your first task is to shut her up!

Maverick resists for a moent, thn goes limp.

[Petes]: *snickers* ^_H
[Erika]: *tries to hold back a giggle* <One of my OOC moments I guess...> ^_^

With a mighty blow
of his fist, he knocks Skeride out.

[Petes]: Da' winnah, and still champeen, Mav-rick!

Maverick:  ahh!  What have I done?  SENIIIIIIII!

And then the Bible bounced down and opened and it turned out it was
really the Necronomicon in a fake cover with some really interesting
pictures of naked owmen and goats.

[Petes]: Hey! That's my book! That dick stole my book!
[Erika]: Your book is the Codexius Daemonicous Dominous, the Necronomican is
Ash's book.
[Petes]: Ash Catchem was in Evil dead?
[Erika]: Would've been more interesting if he was...

Maverick: Wow. Goats look cute.  Oh no! It has to be the helmet!
STEEEEEEEEEEEELLA!  I mean, SKERIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Cthulhu: Don't shout like that!  You have to be evil!

[Erika]: *Manservant Hecubus* I live to serve you master. Aaaaaaand Satan!
[Petes]: EVIL! ^_^

Maverick: Okay.  How can I be evil not-so-great one?

Cthulhu: Hey!

Maverick: You can take my body but you never have Maverick's soul!

[Erika]: *Shampoo* You can take Shampoo's body, but you no can take
Shampoo's sou- Erm, heart.
[Petes]: <Yep, we're running low on jokes...>

Cthulhu: Yes I do.  (Chtulu reaches into Mav and pulls out his soul,
then whistles.)  Yog-Sogoth! Snack time!

This big ugly thing with tentacles reaches out of a pentagon and chomps
on the soul.  Chomp. Chomp.

'No!' says the wild dog leader in dog language as he rushes into the 
hotel.  'That soul is MINE!'

[Petes]: Well you'll just have to cut it in half and be fair.

Mav: Super Tourniquette Slap Horse!  And this big neighing nurse sits
on the dog and squahes him flat. Yog Sogoth eats the dog's soul and barfs,
because it's nasty.  

[Petes]: This just keeps getting more and more odd...
[Erika]: *nod nod nod*

Maverick: Oh wait! I know how I can be evil!

He forces one of the dogs on the unconscious Skeride.

[Petes]: First girl on girl action, and now Willmore's new obsession is
beastality?! o_O (Kidding! ^_^ -Peter)

Dog: Yip! Yip!

Mav: Hurray!

[Petes]: Huzzah!

Dog:  Arf!  Arf!

Skeride:  Oooh... mmm... Ratiko-chan...

The dog jumps off and bites Mav on the ass.

[Petes]: *Mav'* Well you can just bite mah big bla-- Oh wait, you just did that.

"FUCKING SHIT!" says Mav, slicing the dog in half.  "GODDAMN
HELL!"

[Erika]: Sounds like Peter whenever something gets on his nerves...
[Petes]: Yip yep!
(I'm gonna kill those two fer that... -Peter)