Victim number..... umm....10..11..12... 14 !
Anyway, sorry about the delay of C&Cing but I had to scrounge through the family
archives for some of my old Ultraman tapes and some pulp novels. That sounds
easy enough, but considering that in my family, the archives are synonymous to
a garbage dump of antiques...well, let's just say I almost got decapitated by a
World War II Japanese Army katana and found some very interesting things by Marquis
de Sade. I just had to kick back and relax, anyway, back to C&Cing.
I've decided to end this chapter short. Don't
worry. I'll make it up in the next chapter.
Thanks to Keener for a few suggestions.
Suggestions and C&C humbly begged for.
[Elsa Bibat]
Well, he begged for it...
SeventhOne
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Nanashimanga presents
A Completely Ignored fanfic
Sailormoon [Impact]
Chapter One:
" . . . please . . . help me."
[Elsa Bibat]
"....I....am.....talking.....like....Will.......Shatner...."
<WHAP>
ITAI !
by SeventhOne
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
[Elsa Bibat]
Anyway, I'll just snip the story out. <snip>
This story is plotted out. I don't know if I can
continue it, though. Maybe on my free time.
Any C&C or offers to pick it up would be
appreciated.
[Elsa Bibat]
The concept is interesting. Delivery is the problem. This work suffes from the
same problem as your other work "Ryuro Monogatori". It is way too fast, descriptions
are sparse and the lack of exposition and the lack of information given to the reader
makes the reader puzzled. You could probably write five chapters from this one
if you just slow down a bit and give a little more detail and explanation. Trust me.
The reader needs more information than you're giving them. Also, try to stop giving
setting information through those short blurbs. Use prose to show the reader where
it is, never just tell them where.