Subject: [FFML][Spamfic][SM][Lime] April Fool
From: Adrian Tymes
Date: 4/2/1999, 12:41 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

[insert standard disclaimers]

******

I can't believe I'm going through with this.

I mean, *me*, Ami Mizuno, pulling an April Fool's joke.  That in itself
just feels...wrong.  But, especially considering who I'm doing it to,
and what-

"Hello, Ami.  Won't you come in?"

Still, I can understand why Rei, Minako, and Makoto asked me to do this.
Of the four of us, I have the greatest...empathy, I think it is, with
Michiru.  If any of the others were to try this, especially Makoto, both
of them would be suspicious when the target was Michiru instead of
Haruka.  But it is Haruka who will be more sensitive to this...now, why
was that a good thing, again?  Minako said something when I asked, but
in hindsight, "Gotta strike while the iron's pumped" does not sound like
much of an answer.

"If you're looking for Haruka, she's out of town until tomorrow
morning."

Now or never.  "Actually, that's why I came here now.  I want you."

"Oh?  Let me guess, you want someplace to study while your friends play
April Fools' pranks on each other?"

"No, you don't understand."  How did that pose go again?  "I.  Want.
You."

That expression can only mean I got the message across.  "I thought you
already had a boyMMMPH!"

Ok, Ami, remember your acting lessons.  Don't make a move that does not
speak of total, unvarnished desire.  Gods, I feel dirty just kissing
her.

"AMI!"

"Please, Michiru.  Just one night.  I...I can't explain, but I want to
lose my virginity to you."

"Ami..."

"Please?  If you're worried about Haruka, I promise I'll never tell her
about this if you don't want me to."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yes.  I want you with all my heart."

"Ok.  Just so long as we're done before Haruka returns."

Forgive me, Michiru, but that's the point of this.

******

"MI-MICHIRU!!!"

The deed is done.  Too late to turn back now.

"Haruka?  HARUKA!  It's not what you think!"

How long was I suppose to hold this?  Five seconds?  A minute?

"I thought I was the only one for you..."

Fun.  Minako said this would be FUN.  Watching these two, I don't know
what I am feeling, but I know it is definitely not fun.

"She just..."

Of course, it does not help that I'm deliberately posed as seductively
as possible on top of Michiru, and that I suggested we both sleep above
the blankets.  I said I wanted to share our body heat, but the real
reason was to leave nothing to Haruka's imagination.

"Michiru, why didn't you TELL me?"

"Haruka!  WAIT, HARUKA, DON'T LEAVE ME!  Damn!"  No, no, I am *NOT*
going to look at her right now.  I know exactly what her expression must
be, thank you very much.  "Ami, I am going to tend to Haruka...to *MY*
soul mate...and then we are going to have a chat."

Nope, sorry, I'm going to be long gone by the time you find her.  No way
am I going to take the blame for something the others pushed me in to.
In any case, time to start getting dressed...

"HARUKA!  Oh, my God..."

...and in a hurry, by the sound of it.  Maybe it's just survival
instincts, but something tells me I'd better be out of here by the time
Michiru gets back.

"Ami, come here."

Out the window, duck behind some hedges, hear Michiru stomp back to the
bedroom...maybe I'd better peek into the living room; that's where
Michiru's voice was coimng from...

Uh-oh.

I...think Michiru needs some time alone now.

"AMI, WHEREVER YOU ARE, COME BACK HERE!!!"

Definitely needs some time alone.

******

Now for the debriefing at Rei's.

Ick.  I can't believe I just thought that: de-brief-ing.  It's not like
I seduced Mamoru, and none of the rest of us wear briefs.  Not that I'd
know, of course but...

Stop babbling, Ami.  You're here for one thing.  They wanted me to tell
them how it went, and I'll tell them, alright.

"Come in, come in, Mershurr...Mersh...*hic* Ami."

"You're drunk, Makoto."

"I know.  Isn't it funny?  Mina shought we could get YOU drunk, shho
you'd spill your guts about lasht night.  But then, she insisted on a
drinking contest while we were waiting, and *hic* well, she shpilled her
guts first.  Got most of 'em in the toilet, too."

"Mina."

"Ami?"  At least Rei isn't drunk.  "You sound upset.  Did everything go
ok?"

"Yeah."  But Mina is.  "Was Michiru too much fer ya t' handle by
yourself?  You could've just called us-"

*POW*

"Ok, ok, you don't have to be so jealous-"

*WHAM*

"Ow!  That hurts, Ami."

"Mina, because of you, I lied.  I cheated.  I stole a heart.  And now I
have killed."

"Huh?  You were only supposed to boink her."

"Haruka committed suicide when she saw us together."

At least they aren't so far gone that that fails to penetrate.

"She did?  Oh, well.  More Michiru for us...er, you."

Correction.  Minako was *always* that far gone.

"Minako, I don't think..."

"THAT'S RIGHT, REI!  NONE OF YOU THOUGHT!  NONE OF US THOUGHT!  THIS WAS
THE SINGLE CRUELEST ABUSE OF TRUST I HAVE EVER HEARD OF, AND IT IS TO MY
DISGRACE THAT I TOOK PART IN IT!"

"Geez, Ami, calm down."

"Calm down?  CALM DOWN?!?  Makoto, thanks DIRECTLY to my actions, a dear
friend is now DEAD, and you want me to just CALM DOWN?"

"*hic*  Well, gee, Ami, I never knew you cared about them..."

*WHAM*  *POW*  *WHACK*  "SHUT UP, MINAKO!  JUST SHUT UP!"

"Hey, lay off her!  Beating her up won't solve anything."

"Won't it?"  Ok, I'm facing Makoto down, spoiling for a fight.  What's
wrong with this picture?

"Back off, Ami."

Makoto is an expert fighter, with years of practice and probably a black
belt in martial arts I haven't even heard of, but she's drunk.  Even
Artemis and Luna are better at hand-to-hand - or, in their case,
hand-to-paw - combat than I am, but I'm sober.  I have Makoto down in
under five seconds.

"Ami, this isn't helping.  We've got to figure out what to DO."

"DO?  Rei, right now, Michiru is either grieving over her soul mate's
dead body, or out looking for me with a chain saw.  I say we drag
Minako to her, explain just *whose* bad idea this was, and let Minako
join Haruka by Michiru's hands."

"I know who can help, Ami.  But she'll need our help.  And you've got
to calm down in order to be able to help her."

"Who are you..."  Oh.

Sometimes, I seriously have to wonder if this sort of thing hasn't
permanently warped me.  I mean, for *most* people, death is death, and
there's nothing you can do but grieve, then get on with your life.  Not
so for us.  Death is temporary, always has been, and probably always
will be, so long as *she* survives.  Even *she* dies from time to time,
but she always comes back somehow.

Of course, Rei has her number on speed dial.  And she would try it,
first, rather than our communicators since there's a chance she'll be
home.  Of course.  "Hello, Usagi?"

******

I can never tell just what goes on inside Usagi's brain.  But then, now
is probably not the time to figure that out.  I've spent the past hour
bawling into Rei's shoulder, while Makoto got Minako patched up and then
started glaring at me.  I suppose I earned it.  Usagi, meanwhile, made
an emergency run to Michiru's & Haruka's to restore Haruka to life, then
came immediately here without stopping for an explanation.  Maybe she
thinks there was some kind of accident?

"Hey, guys, I've got this great idea for an April Fool's joke.  One of
you pretends to get the hots for Mamoru, sleeps with him, then I catch
him and pretend to get all pissed off.  Serve him back for all the times
he's made me think he dumped me."

Why else would she even *dream* of that, to say nothing of mentioning it
to us?

"What?"  At least she can read our collected expressions.

"Usagi, let me tell you why April Fool's jokes are a *bad* idea..."

******

[Dark tag deliberately left off.  April Fool's jokes can't be bad, and
can't ever be abusive to the one they're pulled on, right?]

[insert sarcastic response]