Ranma 1/2 
The Private Bets: Arc 1-The Bard�s Stone
(LIME WARNING! )

(Author�s Note: I say this in advance....I�m sorry, I�m really really sorry about this idea.  I read Lemonade, Lemonade Punch, Lemonade Sherbert,  Life and Times, Mirrors Multiplied, *Oneshot�s* Just Won�t Die series, then I found Metroanime�s Bet archive........and the rest was history. Anyway.....Flames and nukes can be sent to youramoron@getalife.edu. Praise, constructive comments and MSTs can be sent to rowan-phoenix@usa.net.

Now to cover myself....disclaimer and warnings. *Takes a Deep Breath*
I would list the respective series and creators but it would take up too much space so I�m giving the very condensed version. Takahashi-sama owns Ranma and Urusai Yatsura,
AIC & Pioneer have Tenchi and company, Sailor Moon and all of the others are properties of their respective creators. This story is only for amusement, no profit was
made. Gregg Sharp is the creator of *the Bet* and Toltiir. Kudos to him.
*HACK...*WHEEZE*...*COUGH*......whew.
After much consideration I decided to keep the more juicy bits as seperate sidestories to
this Bet, thereby allowing me to sum it up much easier then having to go from lemon
scene to lemon scene to lemon scene. However there is a lime warning! I�m playing
around with a very delicate subject here so if you ain�t mature enough.....scram.
This story is the original copyrighted property of the author, please don�t steal it and if
you�re going to MST it at least have the courtesy to ask first. I�m not unreasonable.

Akane Fans- Prepare to be offended.
Ryoga Fans- I can practically guarantee you WILL be offended.
To the Fans of Mousse- After reading this you�ll probably wonder �WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH HIM?!!!� All I can say in my defense is I do like Mousse too, and that he should get Shampoo.......but not this time.
Kasumi & Shampoo & Ukyo Fans- Rejoice.
Nabiki Fans- Put away the tape recorders.....I�m not worth the effort of Blackmailing.
Kuno Fans- You are going to hate me....
Ranma fans- After you read this you will be of two minds, either you will want to lynch
me or you�ll proclaim me a genius.......or both.)

Ranma: This is set before the events in vol. 38 and a few months after Ranma was reunited with his mother. Heavily influenced by the Anime, i.e. Akane is evil incarnate and Nodoka is the nice one from the OAV. Knights of the True Fiancee will be challenged by the Ranger of the Crossover Fiancees.

Tenchi: After OAV 13.5 & the Mihoshi Special, Kiyone and Nagi are both in this Universe. Remember that this is a Universe where disbelief has been suspended.

Sailor Moon: Undetermined point after Sailor Moon S,  Senshi are 17 years old and Hotaru has grown back up to Sailor Saturn. Usagi & Darien are in the USA. No Chibi-Usa around.

OMG- Using the manga(duh!) which means Mara and a cute mature(sorta) Skuld.

Several ideas and creations of other authors used will be acknowledged individually at the end of this stone.

-This is the revised version of the first part of this Bet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Title: The Stork�s Worst Nightmare
A Private Bet Timeline 
By Shade

Part 1: Macho Macho Man
-A place best left Unnamed

�Let me get this straight, every Bet made here will
continue to run no matter who wins because
 we don�t have enough power to revert them back
 to their original position after we toss our pebbles
 in the time-lines?� 

�You got it.�

�That�s got to be the most ridiculous thing I�ve ever
 heard! The other Bet�s entries all dissolved after
 that Bet was over!� 

�That�s because they used phase realities to make
 their Bets in, we don�t have access to enough
 energy to even get one entry in that. This pool
 allows us to influence events by affecting the
 Nexus nodes in these parallel realities, but while
 it�s easy enough to add the energy needed for a
 entry the amount of power necessary to revert
 things back to normal is obscene.� 

�What kind of an idiot came up with that idea
 anyway?!�

(Shade sneezes)

�Well? Are you going to throw or not Bard?�

�Give me a second Shadow, I�m waiting for
 just the right moment.....there!�

*Skip**Skip*

<The pebble abruptly makes a 90 degree
 turn before plunging into the surface of the
 pool>

*SPLASH*

~~^~~^~~*~
-Nerima, the Present(Relatively speaking)

It just was not Ranma Saotome�s, 
 heir to the Anything Goes School of
Martial Arts and person voted most 
likely by his class to be either married, 
dead or both by the time he graduated 
from high school, day.

It had started off with a bucket of cold
water in bed from Nabiki this morning.
She had been taking more perverted 
pictures for the pervert Kuno. Then 
while in the bath his kawaiikune fiancee 
Akane walked in on him without even checking
 first....again. After a uppercut to the chin 
he found out firsthand that the contracters
 had installed some decommissioned battleship 
armor in the roof this time when they had repaired 
it in an attempt to keep the property damage to a
 minimum. It had worked...sort of.

While he didn�t go crashing through the roof
 into the stratosphere, he did wind up busting 
halfway through before getting stuck in the thick
metal plating. Things went downhill from there.
Breakfast had turned out to be everyone except
for him having Kasumi�s cooking while he was left
with....something that was given the laughable name
of french toast. The glowing purple pudding hardly
looked even remotely organic. Despite his best
efforts to acquire some real food he was thwarted
by his baka oyaji and the self-righteous Soun. Those
two damn hypocrites greedily guzzled Kasumi�s 
delicious morning fare while preaching to him about
his duties as Akane�s fiancee to enjoy her efforts.
The pair of them wouldn�t even touch the
stuff, but of course he had to eat it. To add insult
to injury Akane hadn�t even tried to taste her own
cooking and had the nerve to castigate him for not 
eating it while even she was enjoying breakfast with
the others! Of all the people at the table only two
faces looked at him with sympathy in their eyes....

(The previous night)

Nodoka was worried about her son. Ranma�s 
constant fighting with his fiancee didn�t bode well
for his married life, not that there would be a 
wedding anytime soon at this rate! She had held
such high hopes for awhile after being reunited with
her son that he would settle down and give her the
grandchildren she deeply longed for. As the weeks
had gone on Nodoka had observed the incredible
state of chaos that seemed to constantly surround
Ranma and despaired. At this rate the boy wouldn�t 
never even kiss Akane, let alone present her with 
grandchildren! It seemed that she would have to
do something about this,  she didn�t want to 
impose her will upon her son so soon after being 
reunited with him but desperate times called for 
desperate measures.

She waited in Dojo, soon her patience 
was rewarded by the appearence of her
 boy (who sometimes turned into a girl). 

�Ranma dear.�

�Yes Mom?� He still wasn�t used to this,
having his mother back. Sometimes he was 
frightened that he would wake up one day 
and it would all be nothing more then a sweet
dream. Ranma had never had anything truly
good last long, it always seemed that when he
found a small piece of happiness inevitably it
would be lost or ruined in the hectic chaos 
that was his life. 

�You have been fighting with Akane again.�

 It was a statement, not a question.

�Uh...how�d you know?� Maybe this was 
some kind of special technique she could teach him!

�You have a textbook smashed into your forehead.
It has her name on it.�

�Oh.� Then again, maybe not.

�Now Ranma, I know that you two care for each other...� 

His reflexive response interrupted her. 

�That kawaiikun...� Ranma�s unfinished insult died
away as Nodoka employed the *look*. It was the
one used by all mothers whenever their children start
to say or do something unwise where they could see it.
This worked remarkably well on foolish husbands too.

�This constant fighting is intolerable, unworthy 
of a true man amoung men.� She hated herself for
having to use this tactic, already she could see the pain 
in her son�s eyes. Pain caused by her harsh words. Her
resolve started to crumble, she didn�t want to lose him
again. Only her desire for Ranma�s future happiness 
and the vision of cuddling her future grandchildren 
kept her from abandoning her plan entirely.

�Mom, I...�  Damn his father for that cursed promise!

�Promise me, Swear on your honor
that you will not insult or fight with
Akane for at least one day.� 

�.........�

�Please.....� Were those tears forming in her eyes?
 �Oh my son, I�m so sorry for asking you to do this....�

The glistening in Nodoka�s eyes struck Ranma
like one of Akane�s souffles except this hurt more,
a lot more (which considering the damage Akane�s
souffles can do is rather amazing in and of itself).

�All right, I swear on my honor that I won�t fight with 
or insult Akane.� Unable to control the volatile 
emotions burning in his heart any longer Ranma
fled the dojo, leaping over the stone wall 
surrounding the Tendo home and disappearing
among the roofs of the neighborhood. 

�Ranma, forgive me.� A single tear
fell silently to the dojo floor, but he
was already gone. Nodoka stood there and
looked at where her son had gone. She 
stayed in that position for a long time.

Unshed tears burned his azure orbs. Those eyes
that had stolen the heart of more then one maiden
were now filled with an agony of loneliness and 
dimming hope.

�Everyone is so willing to defend Akane, but 
there�s no one to ever understand me. Even
my mom takes her side. I know I provoke
her sometimes but it�s not always my fault!
Why can�t anyone ever listen to me?�

Angerily Ranma wiped away the moisture that
threatened to escape.

�Mother....�

�I wish....I wish that for once there
was someone for me.�

One should always be careful about wishes,
after all you never know who might be listening.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~
-You�re not in Kansas anymore Toto!

*Sniff**Sob*�That�s...that�s so.....SAD!!!!
 WAAAAA!!!!!!!�

�Good grief, someone make her stop that!�

�I told you not to invite the incarnation of Lurid Romance Novels.�
~~~~~~~~~

(Returning to the present)

He�d tried, so help him he really had tried. 

�a..Akane....no ...thank..you....I�m....not
hungry really...� He�d stumbled out a polite
refusal, trying desperately not to offend her.
He�d have had a better chance trying to
armwrestle Godzilla.

�RANMA NO BAKA!!! HOW DARE
YOU INSULT MY COOKING LIKE THAT!!!�
Akane�s mind was very similar in design to a boulder
rolling down an eternal hill, once set in its course it
was virtually impossible to stop or change and
heaven help anyone that got in its way. For instance
right now it had observed that: a) Ranma wasn�t 
eating her cooking. b) Ranma�s mouth was open
and words were coming out, she didn�t bother to
even listen as she already knew he was insulting her
again, he was ALWAYS insulting her! Which led to
conclusion d) Ranma was obviously going to eat 
and flirt with his other fiancees, they would all laugh
at her, mock her......RAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

She grabbed the nearest available blunt object in
hand and slammed it down on Ranma�s head, 
barely noticing that it she�d used the dining table 
or that everyone else�s breakfast was still on it. 

A cold �Humph! I�m going on ahead.� was all 
Akane bothered to say as she grabbed her
schoolbag and left the room.

�WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!�

Genma and Soun immediately broke out the waterworks
at the waste of breakfast. Nabiki briefly smiled at the
morning�s amusement and left as well. 
It was left to Kasumi to help Ranma.

�Ranma? You�ll be late for school if you don�t hurry.�

�..g..give me a sec..Kasumi-chan.�

 Ranma�s voice was unnaturally weak, 
being conked on the noggin after having 
12 inches of high-grade steel smashed against
one�s forehead tended to have that effect on people.
His verbal blunder could be blamed on the fact that
he was having trouble keeping his eyes focused on
just one Kasumi, why her twin sister had decided 
to visit now of all times confused him to no end. 

�Oh my!� Kasumi gasped out as Ranma 
unintentionally glomped onto her in an attempt
 to stay vertical.

-Somewhere far north of Alaska

�Where on Earth am I now!?�

�Akane.....I treasure you as a
goddess....but Akari....she�s the
only one who accepts me as I am.
Arrgghhh!! I can�t bear to hurt either
one of them! RANMA THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT!!!�

The penguins just stared at him.

-Elsewhere

�At last Shampoo, you will be mine!!! Now where are my glasses?�


-Another Elsewhere(That has nothing to do with a certain series done by another author)

�OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!
Ranma-sama, soon we will realize our passion for each other!�

~~~~~~~~
-Someplace where the normal rules were tossed out the window

�What the heck are you trying to do?� 

�Well I�m trying to get Ranma to act like a real man.
He�s got women all around him and he doesn�t do
a damn thing about it! So let�s see what happens 
when I remove that Akane bimbo from the equation.�

�So you caused Keima to ask Ryoga for directions
and Pantyhose Taro goes to Phoenix Mountain and
mixes it up with Saffron, thereby preventing the 
climactic bonding experience in China between 
Ranma and Akane. So now she�s still as violent as ever
and Ryoga has pulled a Kuno with Akari and Akane,
while Mousse is messing around with ancient Amazon
aphrodisiacs and Kodachi experiments with her newest concoction.�

�Basically that�s it.�

�.....has anyone ever told you that you�re completely insane?�

�Not recently, why?�

�............�

~~~~~~~~

Kasumi knew she shouldn�t be enjoying this, 
after all Ranma was so innocent that he would 
never dream that she...

She blushed as her thoughts started wandering.....
�After all she was a healthy young woman, and being
 held close by a very attractive healthy young man.....�

She wondered where that thought had come from. 
~~~~~~

�Gee I wonder....�

�What are you looking at me for? I didn�t do that!�

~~~~~


-Same time, Different place

The moment Tenchi Masaki woke up this morning 
he knew it was going to be one of those days.
Ryoko wasn�t hovering over him in his bed. Right 
now he wished that she were. In fact Tenchi wished that
he was still in his bed. 

A quick glance downward confirmed his worst fears,
he was nude. Worse, he was in Washu�s lab and nude.
And worst of all was the fact that he was strapped down
in *THE CHAIR* in Washu�s lab and naked as a jaybird.
It wasn�t really a chair, Washu-chan had explained that
it was actually a non-lethal, semi-passive, multi-appendaged,
variable scanning, hyper-dimensional restraining analyzer
that the redheaded genius scientist used to keep Tenchi from
escaping while she tried to figure out the secret of the Light
Hawk Wings. But Tenchi had fallen asleep halfway through her
lecture so he simply called it the chair and left it at that.

It wasn�t that he really minded most of the examinations,
they were mostly harmless...with one exception.
All of Washu�s tests kept going back to that �sample� she 
wanted to extract from him. Tenchi still got the willies 
whenever he remembered that first time she had tried to
use her  �magic fingers�. 

Washu hadn�t succeeded yet, but she still kept trying anyway.
 
�And from the looks of things.......� Tenchi thought as he
 swallowed nervously.

*Ping-Pong* 

The lights in the lab suddenly focused on a figure standing
on an small stage in the middle of the lab that he hadn�t
noticed there before.

�I�m doomed...� Tenchi groaned.

�I�m ready!� It was the kawaii voice of doom.

�How did I wind up in here?� Tenchi asked, praying feverently 
that this was just a bad dream. 

�Yeah, that�s it! This is just Ayeka�s and Ryoko�s
dessert from last night! I�m not really
in Washu�s lab and I�m not really naked!! 
Wake up Tenchi, C�mon Wake up!!!�

�My dimensional portal worked perfectly! An invention only I,
the great Washu could create!� 

Tenchi sweatdropped.

�Um...Little Washu? What are you doing?� He was grasping at
straws, hoping against hope that she wasn�t after the....

�I�m going to finally collect that sample from you!�

�Doh!� So much for hope.

�I really don�t think that it�s necessary! After all you
are the number one genius scientist in the universe!�
It was time for plan B, butter Little Washu�s ego up enough to
convince her that she didn�t need the sample and then escape.

�Yes I am, and yes it is! I�ve run test after test on you
and haven�t found anything that deviates from the standard human,
the only thing I haven�t checked is that final sample. So by the
process of elimination the secret must be in there!" 

Well plan B was a bust.

"Now be a good little guinea pig and let the Angel of
 Mercy shake the dew off your lily!!!�

On to the last resort...plan C. Scream for help.

�NO!!!!..........*muffled*" 

The Chair had slapped a gag on Tenchi�s mouth.

'Now what do I do?!'

�Hello! What have we here.....�

�HELP!!! MIHOSHI, SASAMI, ANYBODY!!!!�

�What�s this? Little Tenchi-ken doesn�t want to come
out and play? Well I�ll soon fix that!�

�NONONONONONONONO!!!!!� Blind panic sounded
 good right about now. 

�That�s odd, there�s no response here.....�

*muffled screaming*

�What�s that? It�s because I look like a little girl 
that you�re bothered? That�s easily solved!�

�AAAHHH!!!� Tenchi didn�t know 
what was worse. The fact that Washu-chan had
 assumed her true mature form, or the fact that
 the little traitor was becoming a big traitor.

�Hello!�

�Damn it body!! Don�t succumb!!!�

�Oh MY!!! Miss Washu are you playing doctor again?�

�I�m SAVED!!!�

�WHA?!! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE MIHOSHI???!!!!�

�Um...I walked in through the door?�

�But what about the alarms? The laser defense grid? 
The unbreakable computer security lock?
My pit trap baited with your favorite snacks??? 
IT�S NOT POSSIBLE!!!�

�Oh.�

�Don�t touch anything!!! �

�Oops.�

�AAAAAAAAAGGHHHH!!! I TOLD YOU 
NOT TO TOUCH THAT!!!�

�I�m free!� Tenchi wasted no time hightailing it
out of the rapidly degrading disaster area that
 had been Washu�s lab.

So relieved to escape the mad scientist�s clutches 
was he that Tenchi forgot about his clothes or 
rather his lack of said garments

�Tenchi! Let�s make love darling!�

*Glomp*

�Aaaaggh!�

Ryoko soon rectified that.

~~~~~~~~~
-Not the Twilight Zone

�Now that�s just plain cruel, throwing him 
to Washu then letting Ryoko get him in her clutches.�

�No, see Ayeka�s going to rescue him...�

<A few moments pass>

�Whoops.�

�Now who�s going to rescue him from Ayeka?�

�I never knew that the human body was such a 
good conducter of electricity.�

�Ever seen Ataru during his usual day?�

�Quiet! Things are starting to come together.....�
~~~~~~~~~~

<To be continued in part 2>

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