John Biles & Rod M. Present
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Elseworlds

You know, you might want to start labeling this thing as what it is: a fusion.
Sure, one doesn't HAVE to be familiar with the other universe you've (quite
well, actually) managed to squish in with Evangelion to enjoy this, but let's
face it: anybody who doesn't know it's in the Cthulhu Mythos by now hasn't
been paying attention.

Gendo sat at his desk, carefully examining a map of
the Pacific Basin on the monitor of his MAGI terminal.  The
map showed few physical features except land and water,
although it did have a weather overlay, and several cities
were marked.  A dozen locations in the northern Pacific were
circled despite the fact that none of the locations had a
single inch of land as far as could be seen at this scale.

You know, just for fun, here might be a cool place to mention the map
coordinates 
S. Latitude 47 degrees 9', W. Longitude 126 degrees 43'. Unless you're chosing
to edit out the journal of Gustaf Johansen from this world, in which case
they'd still have no idea.

Asuka's eyes widened.  "Wait.  She's _that_ Misato?
Captain Misato Katsugari?"

A grammatical note: you've consistently mispelled Katsuragi as Katsugari
throughout this entire chapter. I don't think there's one correct one
anywhere.

Apparently, that scene with the slurred, drunken Makoto is hanging with you
for awhile. ^_^

All three boys froze in place, nearly turning as
pale as the girl who spoke the words.  As if the voice
wasn't chilly enough, the stare she was giving them was
absolutely Arctic.  Had they looked up, they would have seen
a passing fly suddenly explode into black dust in mid-air.

AT Fields: The Ultimate Bugzapper.

For once, Shinji had exactly what he wanted.  He was
alone with no one to bother him or make demands, no one to
add to the pile of pain he had accumulated over the years.
No one to force him to do anything.

And to think, some people wonder why his version of heaven after Third Impact
turned out to be a dead, lifeless husk of a world.......

Many people like ice cream.  Many people like lots of
ice cream.  Nobody likes having it pumped into their mouth
twenty four hours a day until they get so sick they want to
die.

It's my firm belief that if and when Ben & Jerry make it to Hell, THIS is what
awaits them. 

While Shinji had never been a chess buff, he did enjoy the game.  So he
was now on a three game losing streak as they started game
four.

What IS it with Pen-Pen and board games? First the scrabble scene in NXE, and
now this....

Maya frowned.  Before her was a 3D image of Rei's
body, cycling through images of her nervous, circulatory,
and respiratory systems, as well as close-up representations
of the sections of her brain.

Isn't this the sort of thing that should be highly classified? After all, Maya
isn't really cleared to know that much about Rei, and with this kind of highly
detailed medical information, all KINDS of conclusions can be drawn. While her
otherworldy heritage probably isn't immediatly obvious (although there should
be SOMEthing indicating it) the signs of cloning are fairly obvious if you
look at the right things, and given Rei's abnormal personality and the
obviously quite large cocktail of medications she has to take (at least in
mainstream NGE) on a regular basis, one wonders why Gendo would allow even
cursory medical access to someone with as good a chance of figuring stuff out
as Maya.

"That may not be wise," Fuyutsuki said.  "The
Revelations of Hali, the fifth volume of the Seven Cryptical
Books of Hsan, and the Eltdown Shards all contain versions
of the Great Prophecy which assert that his survival is
crucial to the Great Return.  In fact, all but the Eltdown
Shards go so far as to say that if he is destroyed, the
ancient masters of the Earth may never return.  Now, many of
the other sources of the Prophecy, such as the Revelations
of Glaaki or the R'lyeh text make no reference to such a
requirement, but..."

You know..... maybe it's just me, but it seems to me as if you're going a
little overboard with the 'obscure Mythos prophecies' refs here. After all,
this IS Evangelion, and Gendo and Kouzou are supposed to make cryptic, evasive
little remarks that leave us with more questions than answers. Here, it just
feels a little too direct, like you're just giving their secrets away rather
than making us work really hard to figure them out. I'd recommend just one or
two references to the prophetic stuff, and couched in vaguer terms. You know,
the mention of Abdul Alhazred, maybe one or two of the mystic books, that kind
of thing.

Hmmm..... the books... you know, it just occured to me how cool it would be
for Asuka to get a glance at a copy of von Juntz' "Unaussprechlichen Kulten,"
or Prinn's "De Vermis Mysteriis." Now THAT would be funky.

When the sirens began wailing, Asuka didn't panic.
She didn't look around in terror, fearing for her life.

She grinned like the devil.

"SHOWTIME!"

Insert Danny Elfman's Beetlejuice theme HERE.

She focused her concentration on her surroundings, and slowly began
synchronizing with her Eva.

"Erst Erfuellung, Anfang der Bewegung, Anfang des
Nervenanschlusses, Also loese sie es von links kleidung,
Synchro start!"

 
<shudder> I really wish you hadn't lifted her dialogue directly. It reminds me
of the subbed version, and Asuka's horrible not-even-CLOSE-to-German accent.

"You are to capture the target, designated
'Amaliel,' and bring it back to NERV headquarters."

Fun fact: For those of you interested, Amaliel is the patron angel of
Weakness.

"Aah, nothing like a swim after battle," she sighed.
The three boys stared at her in awe.  She wasn't what they
were expecting, though definitely far more attractive.
After shaking her arms dry and wringing her hair, she
realized they were still looking at her.  "Oh.  Forgot to
introduce myself.  Asuka Soryuu Langley, Eva pilot for
NERV.  Nice to meet you!"

I'm almost positive that Langley is her MIDDLE name, and Souryu is her family
name, mainly because of the fact that her mother (Souryu Kyoko Zeppelin)
doesn't have Langley anywhere in HER name. Granted, Souryu Langley sounds a
lot better than Langley Souryu to the english ear, which is probably why it's
used in so many fics, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about this.

"Shinji?" asked Asuka.  "Shinji Ikari?"

"Um, yeah, that's me," said Shinji.  "Third Child,
whatever that means.  Piloting Eva-01."

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.  "Not
quite what I expected, but that's okay.  I wasn't what you
guys expected either, huh?"

A cold breeze seemed to ripple through the four,
even though no wind had actually blown.  Kensuke and Touji
shuddered.  Asuka furrowed her brow.  Shinji turned around
and saw Rei.

"Oh, Asuka," said Shinji.  "This is Rei Ayanami,
First Child."

Asuka waved.  "Hey, nice to meet you."

 
Alright..... I hate to accuse people of this, because it's largely a matter of
interpretation/opinion, but this time I figure, what the heck, I got nothing
to lose. So:

Asuka is acting out of character. What's up with THAT?

Okay, sure, there are lots of elements of canon Asuka left. She has that whole
rebelliousness thing going for her, the extreme Kaji fixation, and the massive
ego. However, she's acting WAY different from how she used to otherwise. She
doesn't have that nasty edge to her, she didn't immediatly begin gloating
over/belittling people after her victory, she was actually looking FORWARD to
meeting her fellow pilots, and she gave a rather friendly and cordial greeting
to Rei. 

She's, well..... nice. And almost normal. And for Asuka, that's pretty far out
of charcter, especially during her introduction and the subsequent episodes.

I reiterate: what is UP with that? 

Kensuke nodded, still videotaping.

Suddenly, his camera died.

That has GOT to mean something. Kensuke treats his electronic equipment better
than he treats himself; it wouldn't just die on him. One wonders just what the
extent of Rei's 'attributes' are....

"The stars were right.  Perhaps it could be some
side effect of the Three Children assembling themselves.
Although I would think the Fourth would be needed as well
for such a thing."

Hey whoah, question: I know a lot is being changed from original Eva, but is
the whole "all of Shinji's classmates are potenial Eva pilots" thing still
true? Because if it is, then Kouzou wouldn't really be surprised, what with
Touji and Kensuke's presence.

"Perhaps it's identification as a power of the
first rank was a mistake by some ancient scribe, but you
should remember the battle would have been QUITE different
if it had been a matter of conventional technology versus
our fallen friend."

THAT is a distinct matter of opinion.

The Mythos varies wildly on the amount of power wielded by the GOO, and by the
amount of power needed to defeat them. Sometimes, they come off as these
hugely powerful nigh-omnipotent things that seem as though they could eat a
nuke (or an N2) for breakfast and go away hungry; this seems to be what COAEG
is going for. However, it must be pointed out that in several stories, mainly
early ones, it doesn't take much to beat them: one of Yog-Sothoth's offspring
is defeated by little more than a special chemical compound and a ritual
preformed by three amateurs, and Cthulhu, the big guy himself, is injured
merely by being rammed by a 1920's tramp steamer.   

"I'm not interested in irony.  I am interested in
achieving the plan we have been working towards for years
now.  And what possible need could the Great Old Ones have
for this pitiful creature, anyway?"  He looked down at the
mangled bits of flesh.  "I need to relax.  I will be in
sector 13. Make sure I am not disturbed."

Only one in ten million people have the so-called 'evil' gene. Adolf Hitler
had it. Walt Disney had it. Bill Gates has it. And, Ikari Gendo has it. ^_^
 
Seriously though, it's a pretty good story, and it's shortcomings are largely
matters of opinion. Plus, at part 4, you've already gotten farther along than
most people do with their Eva fics, so.....

Anyway, I'm loking forward to more. Assuming that you'll be doing the full
angel count of 17, and we're only up to 2, this story has a LONG way to go
yet.

-Mercutio
"A plague 'a both your houses!"