Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the entire
fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.

Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad guys.


     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
     A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor

     Episode 2: "Stallions and Shawdows and Hawks, Oh My!"



[Setting: FALCORP: The same office from episode one.
	The woman from episode one is sitting at the desk, reading through a
stack of papers. There is a CD player nearby and from it issues the strains
of Yanni: Live at the Acropolis.
	The door to the office bursts open and the Italian Stallion strides
through with a scantily clad woman in tow. He approaches the desk and flops
down in a nearby chair. The woman starts massaging his shoulders.]

Stallion: So, Steph, what did you want to see me about?

Ms. Hawks(not looking up): Tell your harlot that she's gotta go.

[Stallion looks up, starts to drool, and abrubtly wrenches his gaze five
inches higher.]

Stallion: Sorry, Ginger, but you have to leave now.

Woman(whiny): Aw, do I have to?

Stallion(shrugs): The boss says you've gotta go.

[The woman pouts.]

Stallion: Yeah, I'm sorry, too. I know how hard it is for you to stay away
from my perfect body.

[There is a sharp snap. Stallion glances over and sees that the CD Player
has begun to emit smoke. Ms. Hawks is staring very hard at the papers in
front of her. She's developed a facial twitch directly over her left eye.]
	The scantily clad woman shrugs and leaves. The Stallion watches her go.
When the door closes, he stretches and props his feet up on the desk.

Stallion: Such beauty... She almost rivals me for perfection. (shrugs and
smiles lewdly) Oh well. Say, Steph, how 'bout you and me have a little fun?
You know, I scratch your back and you strip naked and give me a backrub?
(winks)

Ms. Hawks(recovering, flat): Get your boots off my desk.

Stallion: Aw, come on, Stephanie. Lighten up a little.

[Ms. Hawks (a.k.a. Stephanie) starts to rummage through the papers on her
desk, setting some to one side and placing others in various folders. She
doesn't say anything, but her eyes flare red before returning to normal.
The Italian Stallion's boots bursts into flames. He yelps and leaps to his
feet, quickly stamping his boots to put out the fire. He glares at her.]

Stallion(angry): Why'd you do that?

Woman's Voice: Because you didn't take your feet off her desk, moron.

[The Italian Stallion rolls his eyes and glares at a shadowy figure to his
left.]

Stallion: Don't you ever sleep?

[The figure shrugs (well, as much as a shadowy figure can be seen
shrugging) and leans against a wall, blending in with the shadows around
her in the process.]

Stallion(muttered): Man, that's one creepy chick...

Stephanie(cool): What happened yesterday, Stallion?

Stallion(suddenly nervous): Yesterday? Um... Well...

[Stephanie looks him in the eye. The Stallion stammers nervously for
several seconds. There is the distinct sound of the shadowy figure
snickering. The Stallion glares in her direction.]

Stallion(to shadowy figure): You must be awfully ugly if you have to keep
hiding in those shadows.

[The laughing is choked off by several sputtered swears. The Stallion grins
smugly and turns back to Stephanie just as the CD player hits him in the
head. He draws his sword, remembers that Stephanie is watching him, and
wisely decides to let the issue drop.]

Stallion: There was a slight problem with the operation.

Stephanie(sarcastic): I'll say. (cool) I send you to go 'recruit' new
workers and the next thing I know, I hear on the news that a bunch of girls
destroyed my monster. Would like to explain this?

Stallion: Okay, I know it sounds bad, but that's not exactly how it
happened. You see, these girls have super powers. That monster you gave me
was clearly outmatched. I actually had to *do* something to save my life.

Stephanie: How come you didn't help it?

Stallion(smiles sexily): I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Stephanie(blinks): Don't you think you're taking the role of the
egotistical male just a *bit* to far?

Stallion(shrugs): Hey, I can't help it if women just naturally flock to my
body. (thought) Although I certainly can't blame them. After all, I AM a
stud. Heh heh heh.

Stephanie(winces and massages her temples with her hands, muttered): There
are times when I really hate being a psychic. This is one of them. (aloud)
I don't care about your body, Stallion. I need the population enslaved.

Stallion(sighs): Even though such menial tasks are beneath me, I'll do it.
Just give me another monster and I promise I'll have this city hanging on
your every word by tonight.

[Stephanie withdraws a briefcase from underneath the desk. She opens it and
starts putting the folders into it.]

Stephanie(while packing): You better keep that promise because I don't have
the time to bother with you. (looks up) I've got a meeting with Bill Gates
to see how the invasion of America is going, so I'll be leaving Lupis in
charge--

Stallion(incredulous): Lupis!? That incompentent fool? I'd do a better job
of running FALCORP than he would.

Stephanie: That's true, and I would pick you. That is, if it wasn't for the
fact that you'd turn the entire place into a House of Pleasure.

Stallion: And what's wrong with a House of Pleasure?

[Stephanie sighes wearily. She shuts the briefcase and stands.]

Stephanie: Just go, Stallion. Tell Dr. Drexyl to give you a better monster.

[The Stallion opens his mouth to talk but thinks better of it when her eyes
start to glow again. Sulking and muttering insults, he exits the room.]

Stephanie(to shadowy figure): As for you, I need you to go to the North
Pole and find something for me.

Figure: What is it?

Stephanie: You'll know it when you see it.

Figure(sarcstic): That's very cryptic and all, but can you be more
specific?

Stephanie: Trust me you'll know. (starts to leave, stops, and says very
sarcastically) After all, how many men trapped in crystal cases can there
possibly be?

Figure(puzzled): What are going to do with a man encased in crystal?

Stephanie(smiling wickedly): I'm going to do the last thing ANYBODY would
expect me to do.

Figure(now totally confused): And what would that be?

Stephanie(cryptically): Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and
they continue to live.

[Stephanie leaves.]

Figure: What the heck was that supposed to mean?

[Setting: A hosipital room.
	Usagi is sitting in her hospital bed, virtually inhaling the extremly
LARGE pile of hospital food in front of her. The rest of the Senshi are
ranged around the bed, faces hovering somewhere between fascination,
amazement, and disgust.]

Makoto: Sugoi...

Minako: Look at her go!

Ami: It's physcially impossible for anyone to eat that fast and breathe at
the same time.

[Ami pulls out her computer and starts to type. It starts beeping rapidly.]

Ami(suprised): Kami-sama, she's eating at a speed greater than 300 kph!

Rei: Geez, Usagi, I knew you were a pig, but this is ridiculus!

[Usagi pauses just long enough to stick her tounge out at Rei. Everyone
looks away, completly grossed out.]

Minako(looking slightly green): A word of advice Usagi-chan: Never stick
your tounge out with food in your mouth.

Usagi(mouth full of food): Oh, thowwy. I'll twy noth tho.

Makoto(looking even greener than Minako): Don't talk, either.

Rei(sarcastic): At least now we know she's okay.

[A window is open and from it we can hear people screaming. The Senshi
(sans Usagi) crowd around it to see what is going on in the street below.]

Makoto: What the hell is that?

[A monster with three cat heads, the neck of a giraffe, the body of a cow,
the legs of a chicken, the tail of a horse, and the arms of an ape is busy
spitting webbing all over the people on the street. Near it is the Italian
Stallion, busy admiring himself in a mirror.]
    [The Senshi pull away and share a LOOK. They look at Usagi (who is
still busy shoving food down her throat).]

Rei(sighs): I guess she won't be coming with us. AGAIN.

Minako: Looks like we'll have to deal with this monster all by ourselves.

Makoto: Yeah, but it would be a real shame if something should happen to
us.

[Usagi hesitates, then shrugs and keeps eating.]

Usagi(mouth full): Ganbatte, minna!

Rei(angry): Why you ungrateful little brat! I'm gonna kill you!

[Rei leaps for the bed--
     --and crashes into the floor when Minako tackles her.]

Minako: You can't kill her! She's our leader!

Rei(shouting): Wanna bet?

[Rei tries to get up, but Minako puts in her a headlock. They start to
struggle.]

Minako(to Ami and Makoto): Um, guys? A little help here?

Ami(to Makoto): Do we really have to?

Makoto(to Ami): Don't worry, I'll handle this. Jupiter Star Power, MAKE
UP!!

[Sailor Jupiter seperates Minako and Rei. She throws Rei over her shoulder
into a fireman's carry.]

Jupiter: One down...

[Jupiter grabs Usagi, hoists her out the bed, and throws her out the
window.]
    There is complete and total silence.]

Ami(shocked): Oh my God! Jupiter killed Usagi-chan!

Rei(to Jupiter): You bastard!

Jupiter(nonchalant): I didn't kill Usagi-chan.

Minako(frantic): But you threw her out the window!

Jupiter(shrugs): And? Go and watch her. She'll bounce.

[Cut to outside the hospital. Usagi is still falling. She hits the
pavement, bounces a couple of times, and comes to a stop. She looks around,
completly amazed.]

Usagi: Hey! I bounced!

[Cut back to hospital room. Ami and Minako are staring at Jupiter in wide
eyed amazement.]

Jupiter(smug): I told you so. (heroic) Now, let's get that monster!

[With a mad laugh, she leaps out the window with a furious Rei in tow. The
remaining two Senshi look at each other.]

Minako(faintly): Did I just see what I thought I just saw?

Ami: It depends on what you thought you saw, but since you don't think, I
don't think that what you thought you saw was what you really saw. What you
actually saw remains to be seen.

Minako: Huh?

Ami: Precisly.

[Ami transforms and leaps out the window, leaving one very confused Minako
alone in the hospital room.]

Minako: Huh?

[Setting: The street below the hospial window.
	The monster is still causing massive carnage. The Italian Stallion is
still admiring himself in a conviently placed full-length mirror.]

Stallion: I'm looking pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.

[He tilts the mirror to get a different angle. Suddenly, his reflection is
joined by four others. He whirls around in surprise.]

Stallion(surprised, angry): How dare you sneak up on me like that? I nearly
developed a grey hair!

[The four Senshi facefault.]

Mars: Uh...yeah. At any rate--

Moon: How dare you attack these helpless citizens! Nobody likes being
attacked because hospital food sucks and they never serve you enough. And
that's another thing: you took me away from my food! I need my food! It
provides me with the energy to kick nasty bad guys' butts, like yours!

Mars(impatient): Are you through, yet?

Moon: Just about. **ahem** In the name of the moon, I will punish you!

[She goes through the standard gesturing routine.]

Moon: Okay, Mars, I'm through now.

Mars: It's about time. (pokes Jupiter and Mercury) Hey, guys, wake up.
She's done.

[Jupiter yawns expansivly and stretches. Mercury looks around drowsily.]

Jupiter: Kami-sama, I'd thought she'd never get it over with.

Mercury: Agreed. These speeches of hers are getting a bit long.

Moon(angry): Did you just insult my speeches?

Mercury(nervous): Uh, no.

Moon(happy): Okay. Just checking.

[Mercury facefaults.]

Stallion: Yeah, well, whatever. Get them!

[The monster leaps at the quartet. Sailor Moon shrieks and dives behind the
Italian Stallion. The other three scatter and fire their respective
attacks. They hardly dent it.]

Mercury(shouting): Do you want to know what just occured to me?

Mars(ducking a sudden strand of webbing): Sure. What?

Mercury: Where is Sailor Venus?

[Cut to the hospital room. Minako is sitting on the bed with a notebook and
a pen. She is writing furiously.]

Minako(muttered): Okay, let me get this straight. I didn't see what I
thought I saw, but I don't know what I actually saw because that remains to
be seen. But if that's the case, what did I think I see that I really
didn't see? Does this mean that what I thought I saw isn't really what I
saw at all, but what I will see in some future time when what I thought I
saw will show itself for everyone to see?

[She stares at the crudely drawn picture of an elephant foaming at the
mouth. She crumples it up and tosses it over her shoulder.]

Minako(cheery): Oh well. I'm sure that what I saw will show itself soon, so
I should stop worrying about seeing foaming elephants and get on with my
life, ne?

[Transforms and leaps out the window.
	Five minutes later...
The door to the room bursts open and Luna, Chibi-Usa, and Artemis skid into
the room.]

Luna: Minna! There's a youma... (looks around)

Chibi-Usa: I think we missed them.

Artemis(dry): I hadn't noticed.

[Cut to street where the battle is still raging on. The Senshi are in bad
shape. Mercury and Mars are out cold, and the monster is busy spinning webs
around Jupiter. Oddly enough, the Italian Stallion and Sailor Moon seem to
be having an interesting discussion.]

Moon(displaying her hair): And I brush it every night before I go to bed
with one hundred even strokes.

Stallion: You know, I heard that you could cause your hair to fall out if
you do that.

Moon: I don't know if that's true or not, but this is a fanfic, so we can
pretty much do whatever we want and get away with it.

Stallion: Really?

Moon: Sure! Why, if I felt like it, I could break up with my Mamo-chan and
go out with you. But I would never do that.

Stallion: Oh? Why not?

Moon: Well, for one thing, Mamo-chan is ten times cuter than you are.

Stallion(shouting): HE IS NOT!!! NO ONE IS CUTER THAN I AM!!!

Moon(nonplussed): I'm sorry, Stallion-san. But it's the truth.

[Meanwhile, Venus has joined the battle. She's freed Sailor Jupiter, and
the two of them are kicking the monster's butt. Mars wakes up, looks around
angrily, and joins in the fray.]

Stallion: Impossible. I am studliness incarnate. Nothing is more manly and
prettier than me. (smiles evilly) And to prove it, I will kill this
Mamo-chan!

Moon: I'm afraid you can't do that.

[Mercury has also regained concousness. With her help, the Senshi manage to
defeat the monster.]

Stallion: And why is that? Who's gonna stop me?

[He looks around and realizes that his monster is nothing more than a pile
a dust just waiting for a broom. He swallows.]

Stallion: Oh crap.

[A rose flys through the air, whizzing straight past his face. The stem
imbeds itself in the mirror, cracking it. The Italian Stallion clutches his
face and screams in agony.]

Stallion: My face! My beautiful, valueble, priceless face!

[He turns and sees Tuxedo Kamen standing next to Sailor Moon, another rose
held in his hand. The Stallion's eyes glow with hatred.]

Stallion: I will not let you get away this, Cape Boy! I will track you down
and destroy you! (shouts) BLACK STALLION CHARGE!!!

[His horse appears and, once again, bowls over the Senshi. With one hand
still pressed to his face, he mounts and gallops off. Both horse and rider
swiftly vanish.]

[Setting: A rooftop overlooking the street.
	The Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen are watching the scene below as police help
the more injured people inside the hospital.]

Moon(to Tuxedo Kamen): Thanks for saving... Hey, wait a minute, you didn't
save us. Why did you help out, Tuxedo Kamen-sama?

Tuxedo Kamen(shrugs): I just felt like it. Besides, it's not fair that my
Usako show up without me. I can't let you have all the glory, now can I?

[The love birds get completly lost in each others eyes. Mars starts making
gagging noises.]

Jupiter(smug, to Mars): You're just jealous that Yuuichiro won't look at
you like that.

[Jupiter laughs and takes off running. Mars flushes, then gives chase,
occasionaly shooting fireballs at the taller Senshi, which Jupiter dodges
with ease. They vanish into the distance.]

[Mercury and Venus look at one another and sigh.]

Venus: Well this episode went fairly well, didn't it?

Mercury: I don't think it was very logical.

Venus(claps Mercury on the back): Of course it wasn't logical! You know
what they say: 'If the world was a logical place, than men would ride
horses side-saddle!'

Mercury: Where do you get this stuff? No. Never mind. I don't want to know.

[In the distance, a building bursts into flames and we hear Mars' furious
screams.
	Fade out.]

     
          ******THE END (for now!)******

Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at sailorfalcon@excite.com

     This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.

--------------------------------
Kristin Renee Taylor - Bad Gal Extrodinare
B'ENT - Home of SLIDERS: THE REJECTED EPISODES
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Stargate/2347/index.html

"Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet
engines."




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