Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, and all its characters and related situations, aren't mine.  I'm just borrowing them, and I promise to put them back when I'm finished.

                         *****

                      Such A Name
                 a Ranma 1/2 shortfic
               starring Pantyhose Tarou

                         *****

Pantyhose Tarou was gloriously happy.  Only a few hours
before, he'd been travelling alone on a dusty road,
searching as usual for the one person who could change 
his embarrassing name.  And then, he'd met... her.  

They'd both been travelling in the same direction, and 
so they had struck up a conversation as they walked. 
Before long he'd become entranced.  Her soft, musical 
voice, her gentle kindness and cheerful optimism, her 
dark, merry eyes... She was everything he wanted in a 
woman.  As the minutes passed, he could feel himself 
falling more and more in love with her.

But he hadn't yet told her his name: Pantyhose. The 
source of his shame, and the cause of all his troubles. 
So many lovely women had seemed to be infatuated with 
him, only to laugh uproariously and brush him off, the 
moment they learned what he was called.

As he walked and chatted with this beautiful maiden, he 
secretly dreaded the moment of truth.  Until now, she 
hadn't once mentioned anything about names, and he'd 
been glad not to have to lose her so soon.  But as time 
passed, it felt as though there were a wall, an 
impenetrable barrier of deception forming between them. 
He wasn't lying to her -- he felt as though he'd never 
willingly lie to her -- but he was withholding 
information he knew she'd eventually want to know.

It made him sick, thinking of her inevitable reaction 
to the truth.  No matter how much she seemed to enjoy 
his company now, once she found out his name this 
wonderful girl would laugh cruelly and continue on her 
way, chuckling to herself about that pathetic fool with 
the ridiculous name...

Pantyhose couldn't stand it.  He'd barely known this 
girl for half a day, and already she meant a lot to 
him.  If he had to endure her mockery, a part of him 
would die.  In order to prevent this, he made a 
difficult decision.  She must never know his name.

Steeling himself, Pantyhose turned to the young lady 
contentedly walking by his side.  "I... I must leave 
now," he said, trying to sound as though he wasn't on 
the verge of tears.

The girl frowned charmingly, a tiny grimace of 
displeasure.  "Then I'll see you again tomorrow?" she 
asked hopefully.

Pantyhose took a deep breath and said, "No." At least, 
he tried to; but when he opened his mouth, no sound 
came out.  Again, he breathed deeply, in a desperate 
effort to calm himself.  "No," he finally managed to 
say.  Even to his own ears, his voice sounded weak.  
"No, I can't. I can't come back." 

"What?" gasped the girl, in shock.

"I won't be coming back here," said Pantyhose, somehow 
finding a core of resolve within himself.  "I can't 
ever see you again." He turned as if to leave.  Perhaps 
the beautiful young woman would try to persuade him to 
stay.  Perhaps, as a final request, she'd ask him his 
name -- and he'd have to be silent.  She must never 
know the depth of his shame.  He must always be a man 
of mystery to her, nameless, never to be seen again.  
It was breaking his heart to hurt her like this, but it 
was the only way.

"No!" she cried, grabbing Pantyhose by the shirt.  
"Why? Why must you go?"

He didn't answer.  He couldn't; his voice had failed 
him yet again.  It took all his newfound resolve to 
keep himself from turning back to her, and promising 
he'd never leave... 

A muffled sob almost shattered Pantyhose's willpower.  
"I knew it couldn't last," moaned the young lady.  "I 
should have known.  I can never be truly happy... I can 
never find a man who'll truly love me..."

Pantyhose tried to harden his heart.  He knew there was 
no way for the two of them to have any kind of 
relationship.  If she knew the truth, she'd thank him 
for doing this.  But it was hard, so hard, to keep 
himself from turning back and wiping away the tears he 
knew were spilling down her cheeks.

"I am cursed to live alone and unhappy all my days," 
sobbed the beautiful girl, her trembling fingers 
finally letting go of Pantyhose's shirt.  "For who... 
who could love a maiden with such a ridiculous name as 
Wild Bull?"

Words could not describe the shock that Pantyhose Tarou 
felt.

                        *****

After a short yet passionate courtship, Pantyhose and 
Wild Bull married, and have lived in delirious 
happiness ever since.   

They even have seven wonderful children, who are a 
source of constant pride and joy for their parents.  

Their children's names, you ask? 

Bra, Eggplant, Bob's-your-uncle, Noosphere, Mack-truck, 
Spinach, and Cuisinart!


------------------------END----------------------------


I would actually be surprised if this story hasn't been done before, in one form or another.  So why did I write it, then?  Er... ah... pass ^_^;;  

Apologies if I've stepped on anyone's literary toes... though I've never, in all my months of searching the Web for Ranma fics, seen anything like this, anywhere...


Megan Jones                   bwerith@mac-addict.com
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Museum/4728/index.html
"People are so desensitized to violence nowadays."
"I know what you mean!  It hardly ever bothers me
when I kill people anymore."



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