To: "Dot Warner" <dot_warner17@my-dejanews.com>
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1999 06:19:12 -0000
From: "Derick Browne" <meachy@my-dejanews.com>
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Subject: Re: [FFML][Spamfic]No Need for a Child's Body! Sasami's Bold Decision (Part Two)
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On Mon, 25 Jan 1999 18:25:03 Dot Warner wrote:
Previously...
Sasami gave herself an adult body a la Washuu and ran off with Tenchi, taking Ryo-Ou-ki with her as well. Now there's nobody left to cook for the remaining guests of the Masaki household, and they are mad.
At first sight, I thought this was another Sasami+Tenchi lemon. Usually I'd be erasing this as fast as one of those putried Ranma+Akane fics. But I thought I'd give it a try. I could use some funny spam.
Onto the rest of the story...
Let's rock...
(elsewhere)
>
"Mmm..."
"Mmm..."
"Miya!"
"Oh, sorry, Ryo-Ou-Ki. Of course we'll share!"
Tenchi reached down into the bucket in his lap and held out a handful
of popcorn to the cabbit, who ate happily.
(back at the Masaki household)
You could use an astrick line break to help indicate change in story positions.
"So you can find them?" Yousho asked worriedly.
"Of course!" Washuu answered with confidence. "After all, I'm--"
"--The Universe's Greatest Genius, yadda yadda ya," Ryouko finished
impatiently. "Do you have to say that in _every_ fanfic?"
Washuu shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry, it's in my contract."
Heh, funny so far. That would be perfect if they actually used it in one of the episodes.
A loud crash sounded in the distance.
"What was that?" Mihoshi asked with alarm.
"The Fourth Wall breaking," Kiyone answered flatly.
(elsewhere, again)
"Uh, Sasami..."
Sasami beamed at Tenchi. "Yes, Tenchi?"
Tenchi blushed. "What's that you have in your hand?"
"Oh, this?" Sasami held it up. "The Authoress does write lemon
scenes, so I brought an orange instead."
"Oh."
I guess this would rectify my Sasami lemon worries. Nice touch...
(Washuu's lab)
"I think I've found them," Washuu announced proudly.
"How are we going to get there?" Mihoshi wanted to know.
"That's right, both Ryo-Ou-ki and Tsunami are gone!" Ryouko
remembered.
Washuu tapped her chin. "Well, I do have a Flying Dutchman
somewhere, but it's old and a bit unstable."
"Or you could always just take the van," Nobiyuki suggested.
(elsewhere, a third time)
Tenchi was naked.
And so was Sasami.
Okay, my fear has returned. No matter how you put it. At least you didn't say Ryo-Ohki was naked too.
Sasami spoke first. "Do you think the laundromat's done washing our
clothes yet?"
Oh...
Tenchi shook his head. "I don't think so." He sighed. "I knew we
should have packed more..."
---
Not bad... You might want to cut down on the; he said, she said at the end of the quotes. On my spamfic rating scale you score a 3.5 out of 5. No offense, but it could have used one of two more jokes. Or one running gag would have pushed you completely over
--Bane of the FFML since 1998. ^_^
--Coming soon to your local inbox: Dragon Ball stories
with -gasp- plot! ^_^
Do your worst.... I mean do your best at making DBZ look worse.
Oh yeah, here's a thought for a few jokes for a spamfic. Think outakes....
Something like; one of Washu's puppets forgetting their lines or Ryo-Ohki peeing on top of Sasami's head.
Goodluck
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