Disclaimer: The MSTed story isn't mine
and I don't want it. What belongs to me
is what I have and what's not is someone
else's. I despise this type of Lemon,
and thus will mock, ridicule, and
belittle anyone that writes them. 
-Shade

<Previously: Shadow, the Guardian, and
the Bard were trapped in the MSTing room
as part of Rowan�s revenge for being left
to the tender mercies of Nurse Washu.
They have just been informed that they
will be forced to MST a lemon, a BAD lemon.>

<Guardian & Shadow>: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Bard: Hacha! All right, finally something juicy!

<Rowan from the control room>: Don�t get your hopes
up hentai. This lemon�s so bad that not even you
could find anything remotely exciting about it.

<Trio>: Agh! Here it comes!!!! 

Tenchi Muyo!

Guardian: Why do I feel a grim foreboding about this fic?

Shadow: Probably because the author isn�t even putting
        their name on this.

Bard: Think Positive!  Think Mihoshi & Kiyone!

H Adventures Series

Shadow: Not good....there�s an entire series of
        this loose. <Shudders>

Send all feedback to warpzone32@hotmail.com.

Guardian: Oh you are definitely warped all right!

Shadow: Were you zoned out when you wrote this?

WARNING! 

Bard: Beware of attack pikachu! *BAP*

Guardian: I said NO POKEMON!!!

This is a lemon fanfiction (as if the first
four in the series didn't clue you in on that), 

Shadow: Dear Gods.....they�re already loose!

and, well, it has Sasami in it.

<The reviewers� hair *Twing* out> 

Bard: <Turns to stone>
Shadow: You are NOT going there!!!
       <Looks royally pissed off>

Guardian: What the?!.......  <In Shock>

In fact, it STARS Sasami,

Shadow: [softly] You are soooo dead.

Bard: <Stone shatters>

<Guardian starts turning green>

and in the end she does end up sleeping with someone.

<Shadow starts to develop the beginnings of a cold
 blue battleaura>

<The other two nervously start to edge away from him>

^_^  Original, huh?  

<All>: NO!!!

Bard: Try stomachturning instead!

Guardian: ...don�t...remind me....

<Shadow�s grip on his chair�s arm starts to
crush the metal frame> 

Hope you like it. 

<All>: WE DON�T!!!

This lemon is deticated 

Bard: th..th....That...spelling....it can�t be!!!

Guardian: It�s come back from the abyss of twisted
          lemons to torment the Earth once more!!!

Shadow: It�s the one who�s name is representative
        of all that is evil!!!!

to Happosai, and to everyone else who cringes
at the thought of Sasami-based lemons. 

<All>: Neither he nor we appreciate this!

I encourage people who hate Sasami fanfics to
read this one all the way through.

Bard: We encourage people who hate pedophile
      authors to run this one all the way through.

<Others>: Hear hear!!

Oh yeah, one other thing. 

<All>: This is more then enough!

People keep telling me that I

Bard: am a disgusting wacko that needs serious
      psychological help?

Guardian: Should be tarred and feathered then
          burned at the stake with hot iron nails       
          shoved through your hands for writing this?

Shadow: That�s pretty dark for you......I like it!

shouldn't spell the princess's name "Aieka." 

<All>: That�s because it�s spelled AYEKA!!!

Well, I don't care! 

Shadow: (Fates) We know.

Guardian: (Fates) We know everything.

Excuse me if I'm not as smart as Washuu. 

<The reviewers burst out into hysterical laughter>

Bard: Judging from what we�ve seen so far you�re
      lower on the IQ scale then Tatewaki Kuno!

Shadow; That�s right! Kuno has an IQ of 1, this
        author has no discernible IQ whatsoever!

Ryohko wouldn't care how to spell Aieka's  name,
and neither do I. This is my Tenshi fanfic, and 
I can spell the names however I want to.

Guardian: Oh man it IS the reviled one!!!

No need to start a Sunami of hate mail over it. 

<All>: Don�t tempt us!!

Now, on with the Sasammi story!

<All>: [Scream] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

*=I made this food up.

<Guardian sees this and quickly goes to the
 portapotty and starts upchucking>

EPISODE 5:

Bard: The MSTer�s Strike back!

Shadow: If only we could.

<The Guardian returns to his seat, looking
 slightly pale and unsteady>

NO NEED FOR PEDOPHILES!

<All>: DAMN RIGHT WE DON�T NEED THEM!!!

Sasami twisted and squirmed in her sleep,
caught in the grip of a very potent dream.

Shadow: (Vader) I have you now!

Bard: (Sasami) Let go of me! Help! Dream molester!

Guardian: If I had the strength I�d hit you for that.

Repeatedly, her mouth opened and closed, mouthing a
single name.

<All>: (Sasami) Must kill Author....

Finally, her voice passed her lips, giving sound to the
name that filled her thoughts.

"Tenchi..."

Bard: Erk...I don�t feel so good.....

The sound of her own voice awoke Sasami.
She opened her eyes and realized that it had
only been a dream. 

Shadow: The end.

Guardian: Feeling desperate?

Bard: If only this lemon was a dream.

Sasami blinked in surprise. 

Bard: (Sasami) How�d I end up in this crappy lemon?

The sheets were twisted around her arms and legs
in some places.  She was flushed and sweaty.  Sasami
realized that she felt slightly tingly in a way that
she couldn't quite describe.

Shadow; And if the author knows what�s good for them
        they won�t describe it!

Sasami tried to remember what the dream was about, but couldn't.

Guardian: This wouldn�t have happened to us if you
          two hadn�t thrown Rowan to the wolves.

Shadow: Look who�s talking!

"It must have been annother nightmare," she mused.
She was glad she couldn't remember this one. 

Bard: Now if only we could that.

Sasami rolled over on the sleeping mat,
and got up to start the day.

Guardian: (Sasami) Now where did I put those 
                   keys for the solar ignition?

Sasami's eyes widened.  The crotch of her
pajamas was completely soaked through!

<All>: Ullllllech...blergh......

<The Bard rushes to the portapotty and loses his lunch>

=^w^=

Shadow: (Dilbert Comic) Must...control...fist..of...death...

After taking a bath, Sasami dumped her bedsheets into the washing
machine, along with Aieka's, just in case anyone should walk by and
wonder what she was up to.

<All>: <wince in dismay>

 Sasami still wondered about the sticky warm slime
she had found herself soaked with that morning.

Guardian: (Ghostbuster) I�ve been slimed!

Bard: It�s the Blob!

She had only had very small wet spots on her panties
before, but they had been appearing more frequently
over the past few days.  Most often, they happened
whenever she thought about boys, especially Tenchi.

Shadow: Tsunami yes. SASAMI ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!

 Sasami had sometimes seen the same thing on
Aieka's underwear when she washed it,
and she remembered embaressing her big sister 
one day when she asked if it meant she was
thinking about Tenchi, too.

Bard: [weakly] I think the whips and candle wax
               would be dead giveaways.

 Aieka told her to stop asking about such things, 

Shadow: We ask that the author stop writing
        about such things.

and she she hadn't mentioned it again.  There
were quite a few other things she had never 
asked her sister about because of her reaction that day.

Bard: Like how to escape from this story.

Sasami felt a slight tingle. 

<All>: We�re feeling a slight nausea.

It felt like the wetness was starting to creep out of her again.

Shadow: (Sasami) Get back in there!

<The Guardian & the Bard both race to the potty and
 do the technicolor shout>

Bard: [Weakly] That was really low...

Sasami made sure nobody was looking, then
lifted the hem of her skirt.  A tiny drop was 
already starting to appear.  Sasami blushed.  

Bard; And bled to death, sparing her and us from the lemon scene.

Guardian: Now who�s being dark?

This could be a real problem if it started happening all the time.

Guardian: And the runner up for the understatement
          of the year goes to....

Did it mean she was growing up? 

<All>: Nope.

Becoming more like her big sister?

<All>: WE SURE HOPE NOT!!!

Did Aieka go through the day slowly moistening,

>from the time she got up? 

Bard: (Chef) Be sure to baste the chicken evenly.

Was that why she had seen absorbant pads 
advertised for women on Earth television?
Was this normal? 

<All>: Absolutely NOT!

If it was, she didn't see how anybody
ever got anything done, it was so distracting.
Maybe that was why her sister was so cranky all the time...

Sasami shook her head.  She had so many questions,

Shadow: (Sasami) Where's my lawyer? 

she wished her sister had been more willing to talk
about it and not so embaressed.  But it would have 
to wait until later.  It was time to fix breakfast.

*>>>

Guardian: This fic is so bad that even the stars
          are running away.

"That was so good, Sasami!"  Mihoshi giggled.

Bard: Obviously not talking about this story.

Sasami brightened.

<The reviewers put on sunglasses>

"Did you really think so?"

Shadow: Did the author actually think?

<All>: Somehow we highly doubt it.

"I agree with Mihoshi," Kiyone said,

Guardian: (Kiyone) We should escape from this
          lemon while we still can.

ruffling the younger princess's hair.  
"I think this was probably the best I've had in my life."

"Well, thank you."  Sasami smiled.  She was 
glad everybody had liked her breakfast; she
had found it difficult to concentrate while preparing
breakfast, and was worried that she might have made a mistake.

"It was absoloutely delicious, Sasami," Aikea said.

"Are there any more red sweet bean paste 
cake buns* left?" Ryoko asked.

"Miyaaa," Ryo-ohki chimed in.

Aieka helped clear the table as Tenchi and the 
others left to start the day.

"Guess I'll go take a bath," Ryoko said, glancing
pointedly at Aieka

Bard: (Ayeka) Quit pointing that at me Ryoko!

Aieka was really annyoed when her heart seemed 
to skip.

Bard: (Heart) lalalalala....

"Just a sceond... i think i'll join you Mis... erm...

<All three look ill>

miss Ryoko."

<All> We miss her already.

Sasami smiled as she did the dishes, thinking about
Tenchi.  She hummed the Sailor Q theme to herself 

Shadow: Egads..that guy from Star Trek gets around.

as she washed those little triangular dish
thingies that I don't know what they're called. 

Guardian: Don't feel bad, we have the same trouble with you.

Suddenly she felt a brush against her inner calve
and almost jumped.

Bard: (Sasami) Little Washu stop using me as a canvas!
       <Cringes for the expected statue on the head>

"Miyaaa!!"

<The Bard looks up and sighs in relief when the
 hurting doesn't commence>

"AH!! Ryo-ohki!  You startled me!" Sasami game

<All>: Let's play the Pretty Sammy game!

the cabbit a cookie and a pat on the head.  "What is it?"

"Miyaa...miyaaa."  The cabbit morphed into a little girl.
 "Miyaa!!"

Bard: Maybe I relaxed too soon....*gulp*

"Oh... Ryo-ohki... do you want to help?  Is that it...?"
Sasami handed Ryo-ohki a towel, and watched in wonder
as the cabbit-turned-girl helped her dry the dishes.

"That's terrific," Sasami cried, "I always knew you could
do stuff like this, Ryo-ohki!  The others just don't see 
it 'cuz they think of you as a pet..." Sasami guessed 
Ryoko probably knew how smart her ship was...
She wondered if Tenchi knew that Ryo-ohki could do things more
complicated than carrying bushels of carrots for him?

Guardian: I do not like where this is going.

"Tenchi..."  Sasami sighed as she thought about Tenchi.
 An image popped into her mind of one time when she had
seen Tenchi shirtless.  Sasami blushed and tried to banish 
the image, but she just couldn't stop thinking about it, and
how cute he looked, and a feeling much more alien
to her that she couldn't even begin to understand...

<All>: Argh! It�s a Chestbuster!

Sasami gasped as she felt something cold against her thigh.

<Shadow is very quiet all of a sudden>

She looked down and realized that there was a damp spot 
soaked all the way through her skirt, that it had cooled in the
air and was now cold and wet when it touched her skin.

Bard: The cold sweat of fear.

"EEEP!!"  Sasami dropped her rag and ran from the kitchen,
covering the wet spot ashamedly with both hands.
 "I'll be right back!" she called to the cabbit.

Guardian: Take your time!

"Miyaa...?"  Ryo-ohki carefully set down the dish she 

had been drying, turned into cabbit-form, and bounded

down the hall after her favorite person.  She was
worried about Sasami.

<All>: So are we!

[o==]{

Bard: Hey look! It�s an off switch!

<Shadow and the Guardian>: Flip it!

Bard:<trying> Damn....it�s broken.

Sasami tried to relax as she gathered up her bath
things in a small wooden pail.  Ryo-ohki had phased
through the door just as she tied the sash on her 
clean skirt.  She had quickly finished the dishes, then
excused herself for annother bath.  She wanted to wash
this sticky stuff away and never feel it again.  

Shadow: We sympathize, we don�t ever want to see this fic again.

It was uncomfortable and, well...embaressing.

Bard: Not to mention horrifying for us.

Sasami groaned as she thought about how she wasn't
supposed to think about tenchi, and then of course
that called up an image of his smiling face.

<All>: Resist...please...resist!

 Sasami sighed.  she realized with a start that she
had been sitting on the floor with her bath things
for many minutes, and that her panties were once
again drenched.

<Unable to control it again the Bard becomes violently ill in his seat>

Shadow:<Turns toward the Bard> You�re cleaning that up afterwards.

Sasami smiled.  The strange sensation sure felt good. 
If only it didn't make such a mess, Sasami wouldn't 
have minded it in the least.  For just a moment she felt
a little bit ashamed at enjoying something that she
should have been disgusted at... then that's when it hit her. 

Guardian: Sasami died. The end.

Shadow: Hey! I�m the only dark one here!

It was something that felt good but also kinda
guilty...  It must have something to do with sex!

Guardian: I sure as hell hope not!!!

She had heard of sex, of course.  But she didn't know
or understand anything about it.  What little she had
been privy to had come largely from Earth TV, before 
Washuu had adjusted the set to pick up galactic
standard programming.

Bard: So the normal programming for intergalactic
      television is alien porn?

Shadow: Explains a lot doesn�t it.

(Well, why did YOU think they were watching a
soap opera about two giant penguis!?)  

<All>: Because they were bored!

But Aieka had refused to answer any of her questions
on the subject. Then one day, Aieka had confronted 
sasami, and asked her if she was really growing up 
this fast, and if she truly needed answerers to these
questions.  Aieka had told her, almost tearfully, 
that the only one who could properly explain these
things would be her mother.  Sasami had realized what
that would mean.  The vacation on Earth would have to end,
Sasami and Aieka would return to Jurai, and Aieka would
never see Tenchi again.  Sasami didn't want that, for she
could also see that her sister was in love with Tenchi.

Guardian: Welcome to Feminine Dirty Tactics 101.

So she curbed her tongue and said no, she was just
curious, and after that day she didn't try to solve
the mysteries for herself.  She resolved to avoid Earth TV
shows where she knew she could see sex.

Shadow: In Japan?! What universe is this???

 She had been very young then and it didn't
really intrest her at all, except out of curiosity.
Now Sasami wondered if she could remember what it
had looked like.  She had hardly gotten a glimpse
before Tenchi had come in, yelling something
at his fatherabout watching these things when she
was around.  

Shadow: Even Nobuyuki isn�t that much of a hentai!

It had looked like... two naked people... hugging?
Sasami wondered what it would feel like to hug
Tenchi like that...

<All>: NOOOO!!!!!!!

Sasami gasped as a shiver ran through her.  She had to
stop daydreaming and go take her bath!!

(:.)XXXXX{{

Bard: Welcome to the Brooklin Bridge.

Sasami wished she could think of any boy other than
Tenchi, but he was really the only boy she had ever 
known well enough to admire...
certianly the nicest boy she had ever known.
 She wanted Aieka to be happy with him, but 
sometimes... she wondered what it would have been
like in her perfect world, if things had been allowed
to continue just a little while longer...

<All>: Make it stop!!!

Sasami silently slid open the door to the bath.

"Mmmmm... mmph.. Ryoko..."

"Oh, Aieka!"

Guardian: Oh Gods...

Sasami silently slid closed the door to the bath.

THAT is what it would have been like, she thought!
Except that theyprobably would have been clothed... 
Sasami opened the door and took annother peek.  Her 
eyes widened as the two of them kissed and touched
each other...  why was Ryoko wearing a black mask?

<All three reviewers facefault after seeing that>

Sasami got ahold of herself as she realized her
sister might catch her looking.  Aieka's eyes were
closed, and Ryoko's back was turned, but for
how long?  She didn't want Aieka to catch her watching
her have sex, it might mean that she would have to go
back to Jurai.  And that was even before the turmoil
of her emotions entered into it...

Sasami closed the door again and sat back on her 
knees.  She could feel it, the warm, sticky, 
strange-smelling fluid trickling down her leg. 

Bard: She isn�t old enough for that!!!

Shadow: Welcome to Lemon Logic for Dummies.

Desperately, she ran into her room and wiped
away what she could with kleenex. She had to 
get out of here so she could relax. 

<All>: We need to get out of here before we go insane!!!

Thinking about Tenchi was no longer a problem, she had to
forget about what she had just seen in the bathroom!

=~,~=

Shadow: Pull the plug on this already!

Sasami walked the endless halls of Washuu's lab, an
affectionate cabbit perched atop her head.

<All>: Bleeeeccck......

"At least now I know why Aeika and Ryoko fight all the
time," she thought to herself. "I wonder if they're 
really in love, or just going out..."  Sailor Moon, 
Ranma 1/2, and Those Obnoxious Aliens had accustomed
her young innocent mind to the idea of diffrent kinds of
romances... she had just never thought it through before
that Zoicite and Maramou were also probabaly having sex.  

Guardian: Don�t try to blame someone else for this!

She felt that she had betrayed Aieka even by
realizing this.  But... she couldn't keep her
ignorance forever... right?  It was normal to go
through these things as you got older... so she
had to learn about it sooner or later... right?

<All>: WRONG!!!

Sasami sighed sadly and stared into a tank of what
looked to be glowing green jellyfish with dull red
cores.  Maybe if she didn't go back to
Jurai, she wouldn't ever understand sex.

"You know," Washuu said, "They could drain the energy
out of your body in a matter of seconds!"

Sasami smiled a little bit, and turned to find Washuu
behind her, half a head shorter.  "That's what you said 
about the Paramites," she said.

"Heh heh heh..." Washuu floated up on a pillow and
looked sasami in the eye.  "No no, the Paramites drain
your bodily fluids...  these little fellas are much
more elegent in their attack..." Washuu's voice went to
an evil melodramatic rasp, which only made Sasami giggle.
 "They stalk their prey silently by drifting on air 
currents... then they latch onto your head... and drain
the energy slowly from you at the molecular level!  
They can suck the power right out of life forms, machinery..."
Washuu's voice went to a whisper... "even forcefields!"

Bard: Does that mean they could kill this fic?

Guardian: One can always hope...

Sasami's eyes went wide with alarm!  The only thing that
kept her from taking Washuu's lab pets seriously was the
fact that there were forcefields seperating them from herself!

"Heh heh heh... however, in their natural larve state they
are extremely physically weak!  Even a pane of glass will 
stop them!"

Sasami sighed in relief, then began to laugh...  "That was 

mean of you, Washuu!" Sasami's warm giggle betrayed her
words.  "But it did help me to forget about my problem...
thanks."

"Any time."  Washuu petted Ryo-ohki on the head.  "So,
is this problem anything the Greatest Genius in the 
Universe can help you with...?"

<All>: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Sasami smiled nervously and turned away...  she blushed
slightly.  "Um... actually, Washuu... it's kind of
something that I don't think you could help me with... 
you see... it's about... um..."  Sasami leaned
over close to Washuu.  "...sex," she whispered.

Washuu smiled, and chuckled sadly to herself.  When would
these petty mortals learn that there was no knowlage 
that was beyond her grasp?

Bard: If she grasps what I think she�s gonna grasp I�m gonna start screaming

}0{<

Guardian: It�s official, this fic has just laid an egg.

~~To be continued in Part 2~~

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