Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twelve - The Madness
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: A beach, supposedly in North Queensland (cue banjos) but this
has not been confirmed by our operatives. Ami and Makoto are up to
their necks in sand, slowly cooking in the bright sunlight. There
is the sound of heavy machinery in the background.
Makoto: You didn't take your medication before we left, did you?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: No, I didn't.
Makoto: Thought so.
Ami: You didn't have to go and tell everyone that I've been
prescribed a form of psychiatric medication.
Makoto: I didn't.
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: You didn't have to make me mention the fact that I've
been prescribed a form of psychiatric medication in
front of everyone.
Makoto looks from side to side.
Makoto: In front of whom? Hmmm?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: In front of the people in my head.
Makoto: Oh.... Very funny. Ha ha. It is to laugh.
Ami: I'm not joking. They're trying to get out. Oh Kami-
sama.... I can feel them pounding on the inside of my
skull.
Makoto: Come on.... This isn't funny.
Ami: My head is going to explode....
Makoto: Stop it.... You're scaring me.
Ami clenches her teeth and makes a strange groaning noise as her
face goes beetroot-red. Makoto goes bug-eyed and ducks back into
the sand. There is a squidgy, exploding sound....
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi wanders the dark and dingy halls with the
kind of aimless expression and gait that one should expect of the
recently dead, arrow still fitfully planted through her head.. She
bumps into a young, dark-haired woman, dressed in a budo training
costume, with a sword stuck through her heart and a cross scar on
her left cheek.
Kaoru: Oi! Watch it.
Usagi: .....
Kaoru: Hey.... Haven't I seen you before, somewhere?
Usagi: .....
Kaoru: You're that lead character chick from that Sailor thingy
show.... What are you doing down here? You're not
supposed to be dead.
Usagi: .....
Kaoru: Don't say much, do you.
Usagi: I'm sorry. I've got something in my mind at the moment.
You aren't supposed to be dead, either.
Kaoru: Great. Now you tell me.
Kaoru disappears in a flash of recent plot development, leaving
Usagi alone once more. Usagi curses and fingers the arrow tenderly.
Usagi: Whoever sent this wanted to get straight to the point.
Ouchie....
Back at the beach in Queensland, there is a large, bloody mess
covering the sand dune. Makoto pops her head from out of the top,
peering around tentatively.
Makoto: Ami...?
She raises her head further out of the dune, and spies the bloody
stump of a neck where Ami's head used to be.
Makoto: AMI!!!!
Ami: Yes?
Makoto turns and peers up at the figure who stands above her.
Makoto: A.... Ami?
Ami: You were expecting someone else?
Makoto: But.... But... but....
Ami: Oh, don't worry about the mess.... I always keep a
spare body, just in case I have an unexpected death
scene. Happens all the time. It's in our contract, you
know....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: People... just don't go around, swapping bodies at will,
you know?
Ami: Ha! That's what you plebs think. I, if you have
forgotten, happen to be the resident genius of this
series. I can do what I like.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Would you mind helping me out of this sand dune?
Ami: I'd be delighted.
Ami grips Makoto around the head and yanks her from the snad dune,
falling backwards as she does so. The pair tumble down the side of
the dune, creating a minor sandslide as they do so. They hit the
bottom with a solid thud.
Ami: .....
Makoto: That could have been done with a little more decorum.
Ami: .....
Makoto: Some holiday this turned out to be.
Ami: You're the one who followed me.
Makoto: I could still be waiting, back in the warm, safe
confines of a brick wall in the middle of Tokyo.... But
no....
Ami: Are you blaming this all on me?
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: The thought has crossed my mind, yes.
Ami: That'd be right. Everyone blames everything on me.
Makoto: That's because you're short, and have blue hair.
Ami: I do NOT have blue hair. Look!
Ami pulls grips her blue locks, and pulls away a wig, revealing
bright fluorescent pink hair. Makoto puts up her hands in horror.
Makoto: ARRGGHHH! Put it back.... Put it back.... You're
killing me....
Ami replaces the blue wig and sits up, crossing her arms.
Ami: It's because of hair-prejudiced people like you that I
have to wear the blue wig. Everyone thinks that pink
hair is a sign of stupidity in anime genetics....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: But it is.
Ami: That's beside the point. I can hardly act the
intellectual with pink hair, now can I?
Makoto: Yeah, I suppose so.
Utena: What was that I heard youse bitches talking about us
chicks wiv pink hair, eh?
Ami and Makoto turn to spot Tenjou Utena, dressed in a swimsuit and
holding a large mallet, standing behind them. She is bouncing the
mallet on her shoulder.
Insert sounds of physical violence and cries of distress here.
Meanwhile, back in Hades, Usagi is face to face with a wall....
Usagi: So, what do you think? Should I dump this joint and
return to the world of the living?
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Maybe I should purchase a nice little package of land
in the outskirts of Tokyo.... Marry an ordinary
salaryman, raise a couple of bureaucrats....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Nah, that's silly, don't you think?
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Could never afford to raise bureaucrats.... Be like
trying run a Rolls on a Goggomobile budget....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Of course, I could always join another show.... Yeah,
die my hair black, age thirteen years and drink a lot.
What do you think?
Wall: .....
Usagi: Are you sure? I'd have thought I'd make a great
Misato. After all, we share the same seiyuu....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: There is no need to be rude!
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Yes, well.... I suppose having one's show cancelled
on you does tend to leave you a little bitter and
twisted.... Nobody got to see me in full flight as
Serenity.... Pisses me off righteously....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: It's not the money, you know.... I've never really
been interested in the money.... I just did the job
for the love of it.... I mean, I know there were a
lot of repeated scenes, and the odd monster of the
week.... Well, maybe a LOT of monsters of the week.
But it was, like, really fun, you know?
Wall: .....
Usagi: Really cathartic, too, using those attacks and
things.... Great for getting the shit out of the
system.
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: And there were the little lurks and perks.... You
know, like the bishounen of your choice for the
evening.... You won't believe who I had in my
time....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: They're right, you know. Talking to walls is a
sign of madness....
Wall: Especially if they answer back. ^_^
Usagi: .....
END OF PART 12
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Are Ami and Makoto being beaten up by
Utena? Is Usagi really in Hades with an arrow through her head? Or
is it just a figment of their imagination? For no answers to these
questions, stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of the
interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in "Waiting for Minako". Under
the guise of "The Complete Cooking Guide to Anime Characters".
Mmmm.... Ranma and Batter Pudding.... Doesn't that just make your
mouth water? ^_^
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Thirteen - The Unlucky
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: A beach, supposedly in North Queensland (cue banjos) but this
has not been confirmed by our operatives. Ami and Makoto are lying
on the beach, battered and bruised after a beating by an angry
Tenjou Utena, annoyed at their apparent prejudice against pink-
haired bimbos.... I mean people.... Ahem....
It is now night, and they are staring up at the stars.
Makoto: I think I'm missing a couple of teeth.
Ami: .....
Makoto: I can still taste the blood in my mouth.
Ami: .....
Makoto: Are you conscious, yet?
Ami: .....
Makoto: Didn't think so. You know, I'm beginning to wonder,
why were we waiting for Minako, back in Tokyo?
Ami: .....
Makoto: It seems like so long ago, now.... Standing by that
wall, in the park.... What were we waiting for?
Precious minutes of our finite lives, wasting away like
that....
Ami: .....
Makoto: I guess it is our destiny to suffer like this....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Of course, we aren't supposed to die, or anything. Not
only are our characters supposed to have eternal lives,
we are the products of the minds of others.... As long
as something of our performances exists, we shall never
die.
Ami: .....
Makoto: Of course, you know, this means we've never lived,
either. A fictional character has no real life of their
own, other than that that exists in the minds of real
people....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Everything we've suffered, recently, is merely the
product of a sick-minded individual, sitting in front of
a computer, somewhere in the world.... And more than
that.... We've all died, so many times, in so many
different ways, in the minds of people all over the
planet.... It makes me wonder, sometimes, just what
constitutes life....
Ami: .....
Makoto: I mean, everyone knows who I am.... I'm Kino Makoto,
also known as Lita to some.... I'm the tall
Sailorsenshi in the green and pink costume that runs
about, shouting lines pertaining to Jupiter. I'm a
great cook and housekeeper, and regard Usagi as a little
sister, protecting her because of some perceived sense
of strength on my part.... I beat up petty thugs in the
street, making it safe for ordinary people.... My sense
of independence.... perhaps engendered by the passing
of my parents....
Ami: .....
Makoto: But I am nothing more than a character in the minds of
others. I never had any parents. To argue otherwise is
futile. And is my role, as Sailorjupiter, nothing more
than an extension of the thuggish behaviour I used to
be party to before I met Usagi?
Ami: .....
Makoto: I don't know why I'm saying all this. All I'm doing is
talking to the stars.... Billions of them, in the night
sky.... A sky that exists only in the minds of those
who read this.... How truly unlucky can someone get, to
be nothing more than the figment of the imagination....
Ami: .....
Makoto: It suggests that there really is no reason for people to
concern themselves over what happens to me.... I don't
really exist.... They can beat me and rape me and kill
me as many times as they like. I'll just keep coming
back, in stranger and stranger adventures, all within
the mind, for one must get stranger to extract something
new from a character that has been written out too many
times to contemplate....
Ami: .....
Makoto: You know, any moment now, we could both die.... Die,
because the person writing for us wants us to.... I
mean, all my sentiments, everything I've just felt,
weren't really my sentiments or feelings at all. I'm
like a puppet, being controlled from on high by someone
who, perhaps, doesn't really care about me at all....
Or do they? If they do, they're certainly hiding it
well. We could both die, at any given moment, and then
be resurrected to face more trials and torments. That
is our sad, unlucky destiny.
Ami: .....
Makoto: I mean, Usagi is in Hades at the moment. She ended up
with an arrow through her head.... I mean, what kind of
death is that to give someone? nobody wants to die that
way.... It's so.... so STUPID. It makes me so angry to
think that someone can just go ahead and do whatever
they like to someone I care about....
Ami: .....
Makoto: But my feelings are not real. I don't really care about
Usagi. That is just what I've been made to do by the
person who created me.... I'm not real. I'm not real.
Ami: Mako.... Mako-chaaaan....
Makoto: Ami?
Makoto turns to Ami, but the girl is still unconscious.
Ami: Mako-chan, wake up.... Mako-chaaaaan.
Makoto: Ami? What is.... What is going....
The world begins to swim in front of Makoto's eyes, then she sits up
straight in surprise, Ami kneeling next to her, both looking the
worse for wear.
Makoto: What.... What the hell was....
Ami: Thank goodness, you're finally awake.
Makoto: What happened?
Ami: That bitch, Tenjou Utena, beat us up, then said
something about us never being worthy for the bride of
the rose, or something like that.... Dunno what she was
talking about.
Makoto: Ouchie.... I think I'm missing some teeth.
Ami: That's nothing. My arm is broken. It hurts to move it.
Makoto: I can taste the blood.... It's horrible.... I hate
that taste.
Ami: My right arm, it is. It has gone all dark and swollen.
She whapped me one something brutal, there.... It hurts
so much.
Makoto: I tasted blood, so long ago.... First time I ever got
in a fight.... This guy thumped me across the jaw. I
decided I never wanted to taste it, again.
Ami: Ano.... Mako-chan.... My arm?
Makoto: Your arm?
Ami: Yes.... My arm.
Makoto: What about your arm?
Ami: I think it's broken.
Makoto: Nothing that a few nails and some superglue can't fix.
Ami: Ano.... this IS an arm we're talking about, here....
Makoto: Yes, and a fine specimen of one I may add, too....
Ami: Mako-chan.... My arm is BROKEN.... This is a medical
condition, not something that can be fixed by a home
handyman.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Have you ever tried?
Ami: It's not a matter of trying, fer Chrissakes.... It's a
matter of basic common sense. If I don't see a doctor
quickly, I could be in real trouble.
Makoto looks around at the darkened beach.
Makoto: You're in real trouble. Just thought you'd like to know
that.
Ami socks Makoto one across the chops.
Makoto: Owwowwwowwwwie.
Ami: There goes another couple of teeth....
Meanwhile, in Hades....
Usagi: You know, this is the first time I've ever had a
conversation with a wall.
Wall: Well, you know what they say.... "Walls have ears".
We've just never had mouths to match, that's all....
Usagi: Ah, I see....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Did I ever tell you about the time I had a conversation
with a field of flowers?
END OF PART 13
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Have Ami and Makoto really been beaten up
by Utena? Is Usagi really in Hades with an arrow through her head?
Or is it just a figment of their imagination? For no answers to
these questions, stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of the
interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in "Waiting for Minako". For
the never to be repeated price of $1,000,000.... With a rip like
that, you know why it'll never be repeated. ^_^
Version 1.0 - I can hear the mountains calling... Awoooooo Awoooooo
Otherwise known as Thursday 22nd October 1998.... Well, it could be
worse.... It could be Tuesday.... Then you'd be two days behind
yourself. Awoooooga Awoooooga.... Ooops.... There goes the Brain
Melting Alarm.... Must stop before I gosdflaagfaergkegr.ekaf.vqerg2
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Fourteen - The Conversation
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: Hades, somewhere in a dark and dingy cavern. Usagi, who has
died after receiving an arrow through her head, is talking to a
friendly wall, with arrow still planted firmly through cranium.
Usagi: Did I ever tell you about the time I had a conversation
with a field of flowers?
Wall: No, you just started talking to me, remember?
Usagi: Oh yes, how forgetful of me.... I'm not normally that
forgetful.
Wall: Must be the arrow through your head. Is that how you
died?
Usagi touches the sharp end of the arrow and winces.
Usagi: 'Fraid so.... I'm too scared to take it out.... Dunno
what would happen.
Wall: It's worth a try. It might improve your memory.
Usagi: Nah. Only one thing can improve my memory.
Usagi's eyes get all shimmery as little love hearts start dancing
around her. (probably a hangover from the hash cookies in Barking
Snout Nine).
Usagi: My Mamo-chan.... He is my light.... My energy.... My
love....
Wall: Need I remind you that you're dead and he isn't?
Usagi: Yes, well, that's a bit of a bummer, I agree.
Wall: Better pull the arrow out, then. I doubt he'll want to
continue a relationship with you with that thing still
in there.
Usagi: How will we continue a relationship with my being dead?
Wall: Dunno.... Stranger things have happened. Shades walk
all over the Earth, didn't you know?
Usagi: Nah. Never seen one. By the way, is my old mother down
here?
Wall: Hmm?
Usagi: You know.... Looks like me, excluding the fact that,
having been present when the Silver Millennium went
kablooey, she's likely to look like pate'.
Wall: Oh, you mean Queen Serenity.... Yeah, she's down here,
somewhere. Pulled herself together and runs a Nook
Parlour with Black Lady and Mistress Nine....
Usagi: What?
Wall: Yeah.... She keeps whipping people, demanding they call
her THE QUEEN....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: No wonder the Silver Millennium went kablooey....
Wall: Don't be disheartened.... There is still a position
open....
Usagi: Are you suggesting I spend the rest of eternity working
in an underworld whorehouse with my MOTHER?
Wall: Well, it will be a long, boring wait, otherwise.
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: I wonder if the guys down here like chicks with arrows
through their head....
Wall: Could start a craze.
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Don't think so.
Wall: Neither do I.
Usagi: Argh! What am I going to do?
Wall: Well, I'm not going anywhere. You could stay and talk
to me.
Usagi: What? Spend the rest of eternity talking to a wall?
Wall: Yeah.... You won't believe the interesting people who
walk by. Hey, look! There's Elvis! YO! ELVIS!
Elvis: Owzit goin', dere, Mister Wall.
Wall: Stop by some time.
Elvis: Okay.... Sankya very much.... Uhuhuh....
Usagi watches the rotund, sequin encrusted corpse walking past with
boggled eyes as it swings its hips and starts to sing "All Shook
Up".
Wall: Ah yes.... He's a real card. Been fun ever since he
turned up here....
Usagi: That's Elvis.
Wall: Yeah, no shit.
Usagi: What is he doing down here? He was supposed to be
kidnapped by aliens....
Wall: Actually, he was attacked by Iron Mouse for his star
seed.... It was shaped like a hamburger, you know?
Usagi: Hot damn!
Wall: Yeah, but she got hungry and ate it before she gave it
to Galaxia.... Tablelamp Head wasn't happy about it...
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Whatever happened to those losers, anyway?
Somewhere, four young women, in various states of dress,
all vaguely resembling the human forms of a mouse, a fish, a crow and
a cat, ride in a cart being dragged by a horse through the wild
plains of the middle of nowhere.
TN: Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into.
LC: Oh shutup, at least you weren't sucked into a black hole.
TN: Hmph!
AS: Now now now, there's no point fighting over this. Its a
bit late to do anything about it.
TN: So says the dumb cow with a name like "Aluminium Siren".
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
AS: Yeah? Well at least people can work it out for
themselves. How about "Tin Nyanko", eh eh eh? Nobody
who has anything less than the most basic smattering of
Japanese in their repertoire will be able to clue that
one out. *snicker* Nyanko the Wanko!
TN: Hmph! You're just mad cos I got Galaxia to snuff ya.
AS: Indeed. The concept of "I just killed you, but let's be
friends anyway" doesn't appeal to me.
TN: Let's be friends! Let's be friends! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AS: Crowww.... She's picking on me....
LC: Yeah you dumb bitch. You leave Siren alone.
TN: Hmmmmm.... Do I detect a little closeness between the
pair of you, eeehhhhh?
LC: B..b..bb...BAKA! What makes you think that?
IM: Don't mind me. I'm just sulking.
TN: Shutup, you!
IM: Sorry.
AS: Jeez, we'll never end up in any SM sequel movies now.
LC: What makes you say that? Isn't the series finished now?
AS: What? Bandai? Ever finish a series they can make money
from?
LC: Indeed.
TN: Hmmm.
IM: Should have finished Gundam after episode 1 of Gundam V.
AS: They DID finish Gundam after episode 1 of Gundam V. Well
and truly finished it.
IM: Some might say they finished SM after episode 1 of the
original series.
TN: Nah, that was after Chibiusa appeared.
AS: If they DID finish the series at a logical point, we'd
have never appeared.
LC: Nah. We'd have just ended up in a future volume of
Sailor V.
IM: Yeah, but some BASTARDS out there won't accept us as
being senshi!
AS: Yeah! The bloody SCUM! WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE! WE'LL 'AVE
YOU!
LC: Who are you talkin' to?
AS: Dunno. Sorry.... Don't mind me.
TN: Jeez, I hope they never dub Sailorstars.
IM: Why?
TN: I can see myself with an even wankier voice than the one
I had in Japanese....
AS: Thats what you get when you give an anime the DIC.
LC: Oooooh, Daariiiieeeen.
AS: Oooooh, Sereeeeeena.
TN: Will you two stop that. *barf*
IM: Yeah, thats Haruka and Michiru's job.
AS: But we're dead, so it doesn't matter anyway.
IM: Speak for yourself.
LC: Watch it, or you'll get a fist up the conk.
IM: Sorry.
LC: So you should be, shorty
IM: Who are you calling short?
LC: You.
IM: Oh... Well, that's alright, then....
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH, SAFFIRU, DISGUISED AS A DOOR, HAD
HIS KNOB SHOT OFF.
LC: Where did that come from?
TN: Buggered if I know.
AS: Kinky....
END OF PART 14
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Where are Ami and Makoto? Is Usagi really
dead, and does this mean another round of "Usagi is Dead"? Where
are the Sailor Anima-Mates, and are they a figment of their
imaginations? For no answers to these questions, stay tuned for the
next exciting chapter of the interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in
"Waiting for Minako". The fanfic that brings new meaning to the
phrase.... "WHAT the FUCK!?!?!?!" In that order, even. ^_^
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Fifteen - The Direction
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: A beach in Northern Queensland at night. The vague outlines
of Ami and Makoto, dressed in skimpy swimsuits, wander the beach
aimlessly. In the distance can be heard the sound of gunshots,
banjos and hillbillies. Every time they hear a gunshot, both girls
jump and stare into the dunes, then shake their heads and continue.
Ami: My arm still hurts....
Makoto: It'll hurt even more if you don't shutup.
Ami: Do you hear those guns?
Makoto: We can't be anywhere but Queensland.
Ami: It's scary....
Makoto: They don't like strangers up here.
Ami: What makes you think that?
Makoto: Dumping a sand dune on us is a pretty good sign.
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: But it was damn fine sand.
Makoto: Yeah, it was, at that.
Ami: Otherwise we wouldn't have been able to crawl out of it
so easily.
Makoto: You're right, there.
Ami: Of course I'm right. I'm the resident smartass here.
Makoto: Don't get cocky.
There is another gunshot, and they both jump a couple of feet.
Ami: What do you think they're doing?
Makoto: Probably running through a couple of Japanese tourists.
Ami: What makes you think that?
Makoto: They have a history of doing that up here.
Ami: They have a history of doing that to ONE up here.
Makoto: One in, all in. That's what I say. Besides.... The
only reason they act so friendly is to suck you in....
"Come into my parlour...."
Ami: You're getting paranoid in your old age.
There is another gunshot.
Makoto: You mean that's a figment of my paranoia?
Ami: Could be.
Makoto: It's an awfully functional paranoia, if you ask me.
Ami: I didn't ask you.
Makoto: No, I thought I'd ask you for you.
Ami: I didn't want you to ask me for me.
Makoto: But you looked like you wanted me to ask you for you.
Ami: I deny that I looked like I wanted you to ask me for me.
Makoto: Are you sure you didn't want me to ask you for you?
Ami: Yes, I am damn sure I didn't want you to ask me for me.
Makoto: Are you sure you're sure?
Ami: I'm pretty damn sure I'm sure.
Makoto: But are you sure you're sure you're sure?
Ami: I'm more sure than you're sure.
Makoto: But how sure are you that I'm sure?
Ami: As sure as you're possibly not sure.
Makoto: Ah, but there is a possibility that I am sure, isn't
there?
Ami: As sure as I think you're sure, I think the possibility
is not as sure as you like to think it is.
Makoto: But can you be sure?
Ami: I'm more sure than you on that account.
Makoto: Well, I'm sure that I am lost.
Ami: I'm not so sure that you're as lost as you seem.
Makoto: You can't be sure that I'm not as sure as you think I
am.
Ami: But I am a great deal surer than you are.
Makoto: How can you be so sure?
Ami: Because I know you aren't as sure as you think you are.
Of that, you can be assured.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: What are we talking about?
Ami: I'm not sure.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: It's raining jellybeans.
Ami: .....
Makoto: All colours, including the black ones.
Ami: .....
Makoto: Which begs the question.... Considering it is the
middle of the night, and there is no light to be seen,
how can I see them?
Ami: .....
Makoto: What are you doing?
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: You're eating them, aren't you?
Ami: Mmm.... They're good.
Makoto: You've just reminded me....
Ami: Of what? *munch munch*
Makoto: I'm hungry. *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: I like the green ones.
Makoto: I prefer red.
Ami: The green ones are tangy.
Makoto: Red are juicier.
Ami: I like the black ones, sometimes.
Makoto: I don't like aniseed.
Ami: The white ones are.... okay.
Makoto: Vanilla is sweet.
Ami: I can't stand the yellow or purple ones.
Makoto: Pink ones I can do without.
Ami: I bet you've eaten all the green ones.
Makoto: I have not.
Ami: I can't find any green ones.
Makoto: I told you, I only like red.
Ami: I can't find any red ones, either.
Makoto: Yeah, that would be right.
Ami: What?
Makoto: It's SOOOOO typical, that we'd only have the ones we
hate left.... We've probably eaten all the red and
green ones.
Ami: But they're still falling.
Makoto: Then look on the sand.
Ami and Makoto start scrabbling across the sand, picking up handfuls
of jellybeans and shoving them into their mouths.
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: Mmmm.... these are good.
Makoto: We haven't eaten in.... Ohh, how long is it?
Ami: Dunno.... Can't remember.
Makoto: Where are we, anyway?
Ami: Dunno.... Can't remember.
There is a gunshot.
Ami: Ah, now I remember. North Queensland.
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: No fair. You're eating more than me.
Makoto: I'm bigger than you, remember?
Ami: Yeah.... You somehow have to fill up that vacant lot
inside your head.
Makoto: Shutup and keep eating.
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: *munch munch*
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: Ah, I'm full....
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: You still hungry?
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: Come on.... They're nice.... But all that sugar....
It'll make you fat!
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: Unless you like being fat.
Makoto: I found a mother lode of red ones. Excuse me whilst I
mine the crap outta them.
Ami: Oh really! You can be so childish, sometimes.
Makoto: I deny that! I'm childish all the time, so there, nyah
boo!
Ami: Honestly!
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: Ne, Mako-chan?
Makoto: What?
Ami: Where are we going?
Makoto: Don't look at me. I know Queensland like I know the
arse end of Fomalcaut.
Ami: .....
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: Who the hell taught you enough astronomy that you can
name as obscure a star as Fomalcaut?
Makoto: You did.
Ami: Oh yes.... So I did. Anyway. Queensland is really big
and scary. How are we ever going to get out of here?
Makoto: Let me think about that for a bit.
Ami: .....
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: .....
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: .....
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: .....
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: .....
Makoto: *munch munch*
Ami: You just want time to finish your jellybeans, don't you?
Makoto: Damn.... Read me like a book. *munch munch*
END OF PART 15
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Are Ami and
Makoto on a beach in scary north Queensland, eating jellybeans that
have rained from the sky, or is it all a figment of your
imagination? For no answers to these questions, stay tuned for the
next exciting chapter of the interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in
"Waiting for Minako". In strawberry, pineapple, vanilla, musk,
grape, lime and aniseed. Available never from your local candy
store. ^_^
p.s. yes, I did develop a fetish for jellybeans whilst writing this
story.... And yes, red and green ones are my favourites. Mind you,
I quite like those tiny little gourmet ones as well.... But they
just don't match it with the big, fat, traditional ones.... :D~~~~~O
Then, of course, there is the thing I have for Turkish Delight....
But I think I'll save that until after the pizza arrives. ^_^
Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Sixteen - The Unknown
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: Ami and Makoto, in skimpy swimsuits, wandering a beach at
dawn, looking bedraggled and tired.
Makoto: Where are we, again?
Ami: Why do you ask?
Makoto: I've forgotten....
A sheep flies overhead.
Sheep: Baaaaaaaa.
Ami: New Zealand?
There is a gunshot, and the sheep falls to the ground.
Ami: Nope. Still looks like Queensland.
Makoto: Bummer.
Ami: The poor sheep.
Makoto: I was really hoping this wasn't real.
Ami: What kind of person could shoot an innocent sheep?
Makoto: I really want to be back in Tokyo....
Ami: It never hurt anyone.
Makoto: ....Waiting by that wall.
Ami: Even if it was a violent psychomaniac, what the hell
could a sheep do?
Makoto: Waiting for.... I can't remember who we were waiting
for....
Ami: The person who shot that sheep is an animal!
Makoto: Perhaps we weren't really waiting for anyone.... We
were just wasting our time....
Ami: No, that's an insult to animals.
Makoto: Wasting precious seconds of our lives.
Ami: The person who shot that sheep was a monster!
Makoto: Whatever life it is we were living.
Ami: That's an insult, even to monsters.
Makoto: I want to go home.
Ami: Monsters would never shoot sheep.
Makoto: Even though there is nobody waiting for me, there.
Ami: They'd just eat them, whole.
Makoto: Even though I live alone.
Ami: Lets face it, a monster has to live, too.
Makoto: I don't like living alone.
Ami: Funny we haven't bumped into any monsters, lately.
Makoto: But I'd prefer it to this! This is hell.
Ami: No, this is Queensland.
Makoto: Same difference.
Ami: Quite a few people would disagree with you, there.
Makoto: I don't think so, somehow.
Ami: Ah look! The sun's coming up.
Ami points at the horizon, and Makoto turns, just as the sun peeps
its head over the ocean. They watch it for several minutes, but are
interrupted by a hillbilly with a gun.
Hillbilly: Damn sun! Always risin' every day. We don't like
strange suns round 'ere.
The hillbilly aims his gun at the sun and sends off a volley of
shots. Ami and Makoto look daggers at him.
Ami: Mercury Planet Power, Make Up!
Makoto: Jupiter Planet Power, Make Up!
Insert two overlong henshin sequences here. The hillbilly stops and
watches as they change into Sailormercury and Sailorjupiter.
Mercury: For killing innocent sheep....
Jupiter: And for trying to stop the sun rising....
Both: We shall punish you!
The hillbilly starts to laugh out loud as they both pose, then
clutches his chest and falls to the ground, dead. Mercury and
Jupiter glance at each other, momentarily.
Jupiter: ....And theres more where that came from!
Mercury: I think he suffered a severe Myocardial Infarction.
Jupiter: I hope that was as painful as it sounds.
Mercury: Do you get the feeling he didn't take us entirely
seriously?
Jupiter: Yes. Serves him right.
Mercury: Hmm.... Well, now we can use Sailor Teleport to get
us off this beach and back home.
Jupiter: Why didn't we think of that, before?
Mercury: I think it had something to do with us eating too many
jellybeans.
Jupiter: Don't remind me....
Jupiter clutches her stomach as it gurgles. Mercury shakes her
head, sadly.
Mercury: I did tell you not to eat so many.
Jupiter: Uhhh.... If I see another jellybean, I think I'm gonna
throw up....
Mercury: *sigh* I wonder how things are in Tokyo at the moment..
Meanwhile, due to a remarkable coincidence upon the writer's part,
in Tokyo, by the wall, Haruka and Michiru are sleeping soundly.
Haruka's eyes begin to flutter and she smacks her lips. Staring
blearily around at her surroundings, she nudges Michiru in the side.
Haruka: Michiru....
Michiru: ZZZzzzZZzzzZZZzzzzz....
Haruka: Michiru, wake up....
Michiru: ZZZZzzzZZZzzzz... hmm, what *snort* eh eh what's up?
Michiru sits up, looking at Haruka with sleepy eyes.
Haruka: Its morning. Almost.
Michiru: Looks dark to me.
Haruka: Whoops.... Forgot about the time difference between
here and Queensland.
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: There is almost no time difference between here and
Queensland.
Haruka: Shh.... Don't tell everybody that. It spoils the
mood.
Michiru: What mood?
Haruka: They finally get a scene where you and I wake up
together.
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: Baka. Go back to sleep.
Haruka: Yes, mistress.
Michiru: And don't call me mistress.
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: Call me Queen.
Meanwhile, at the Hikawa shrine, Rei is playing with peoples' minds.
Rei: And this is the daddy brain, and this is the mummy
brain, and this is the baby brain, and they all lived in
a big house, together, in the middle of the woods....
Back in Queensland, on the beach.
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: You know something?
Jupiter: What?
Mercury: Maybe we should give up this idea about returning to
Tokyo....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: You might be right, there.... It's not looking a very
exciting prospect.
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: I wonder if there's any work about for tasters in a
jellybean factory....
Meanwhile, in Hades, at the local restaurant, Usagi is sitting,
arrow still stuck in her head, looking very upset at the slightly
foppish, demonic waiter.
Usagi: What do you mean, you only have black jellybeans on the
menu?
Waiter: Well, this is hell....
Usagi: No it's not, it's Hades.
Waiter: Same difference.
Usagi: Well, I want something other than a bowl of black
jellybeans!
Waiter: Well, you can always eat at the golden arches across the
street....
Usagi: .....
Waiter: .....
Usagi: .....
Waiter: .....
Usagi: .....
Waiter: .....
Usagi: .....
Waiter: .....
Usagi: Do they come with soy sauce?
END OF PART 16
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Are Ami and
Makoto on a beach in scary north Queensland? Are Haruka and Michiru
really the source of SOS's unfounded allegations about their
relationship? Does Rei really play with the minds of others? Is
she to blame for Ami and Makoto's predicament? Does Hades really
have the Golden Arches? For no answers to these questions, stay
tuned for the next exciting chapter of the interminable saga of Ami
and Makoto in "McWaiting for McMinako" (tm). ^_^
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au
/</ w \>\ Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of
\/ \/ the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan
\___________/ Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese
/_/ \_\ PU Animation Society