"Nicholas McCarthy" <trikster@hotmail.com> wrote:

more than twice, three times, but you only get it hinted at at the end 
of that story arch. Also the story was dry but it wasn't that bad for a 
shortfic and a first try. You should encorage new authers not depress 
them. The last thing we need is a cliche filled dark fic.... Then again 
^_-

I'd rather not see cliche-filled fics at all. And I DID encourage the
author to keep writing. What I'm *not* gonna do is lie and tell her that
I liked the fic when I didn't. That might be depressing, but it's the
truth.

she show little personality, not no personality, not even Ayanami shows 
no personality.

She didn't show any that I noticed. Maybe you're a better spotter than I
am. Okay, then... from what's written in this story, how would you
describe this character's personality?

it was just a short fic, your judjing it to hard.. If she works on it a 
revised version could be turned into a great fic..

Maybe, but it's not anywhere near there yet. And that's why I'm telling
her what I think is wrong with it. If you have a different opinion,
you're more than welcone to say so.

And Chris Angel and Brett Handy aren't kami. What does that prove
about their fics?

how would you know?? what about Twister and the people at Eyrie??

What about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny?

Any way the fic could use work but it's an okay first try... maybe your 
next should be made as badly as possible for revenge against depressing 
critics ^_^

Didn't you read the first half of my "Unusual Matchups" spamfic last
wednesday? I can't possibly make something any worse than that.


Gary