Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our brand new game show: Name That Error!

A Human Super Saiya-jin

Error #1: A contradiction in terms.

The sun rose slowly over Nerima, and the peaceful chirping of the birds
gently woke Ranma from his blissful sleep. He got up quickly and began his
early morning exercises. doing push-ups, crunches, and executing a few

basic


Error #2: that should be a comma after exercises.

His father, in panda form, was still asleep, curled up in a fetal

position,


Error #3: Given Genma's girth in panda form, and the stubbiness of panda
limbs, there is absolutely no way he could curl up in fetal position. A
large furball is more like it.

calmly sucking on his hairy thumb. 'Stupid old man,' he thought, 'maybe I

Error #4: Pandas do not have opposable thumbs.
Error #5: Even if they did, the digits on a panda's paw are not configured
for hand-to-mouth coordination. He would end up sucking his entire paw.
Even if he did manage to suck only his thumb, he would mostly end up
sucking claw, not hair.

should wake him.' He drew a fist back, ready to bludgeon his own father to
consciousness, but then stopped. "Nah." he said softly. "Let him sleep."

Error #6: A completely unneccessary line of thought.

He got dressed quickly and stepped out of his room, his eyes sighting a

door

across the hall. "A...Akane.."  Ranma gazed longingly at Akane's bedroom
door. Imagining her sleeping peacefully in her cozy bed. Her porcelain

face


Error #7: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"imagining".
Error #8: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with "her
porcelain face".
Error #9: Ranma is OOC. This is not behavior he would typically exhibit.

He stood just outside his room, dressed in his favorite red shirt and

black

pants. He quietly walked towards her room and lifted his hand to knock.

But

stopped short. "What am I doing?!"  He whispered fiercely to himself. Then

Error #10: Capitalization. "He" should not be capitalized in this last
line.

He closed his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears from coming, but a
small tear escaped, flowing slowly down his cheek. 'Baka! *Real* Men don't
cry!' He hung his head low, dropped his hand, turned from the door, and
walked slowly away.

Error #11: COMPLETELY out-of-character paragraph.

As he got farther from Akane's room, he began to speed up and half-ran

down

the steps and bolted for the door leading outside. Not even noticing

Error #12: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with "not
even".

Kasumi's cry of "Oh, my!" When she hit the ground firmly on her butt,

Error #13: Capitalization. "When" should not be capitalized here.

He fell into a standard fighting stance, right leg forward, knees slightly
bent and began to throw punches and kicks at an invisible opponent. Each
movement precise and calculated.  As the speed and grace of the kata
increased, his hands and feet became a blur. A strike became a block, and

a

block became a strike. He moved to a hidden rhythm. A rhythm that he alone

Error #14: Clunky sentence structure. The last two sentences would really
work better as a single sentence.

Ranma finished his last set of techniques and rested his hands to his

sides.

Taking a slow deep breath, he bowed to his invisible opponent ending his

Error #15: need a comma after 'opponent'.

"You're late, Oyagi."  Ranma said without even turning around or giving

any


Error #16: Incorrect Japanese usage. The word you're looking for is
"oyaji".
Error #17: Punctuation. The quotation should be ended with a comma, not a
period.

Genma rolled backwards with the blow and quickly got up into his own
modified karate stance. A frown apparent on his face.  "I guess it's time

Error #18: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with "a
frown".

for your old man to teach you a lesson, boy!" he said.  Before charging

Error #19: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"before charging".

"Breakfast!"  Kasumi's pleasant voice filled the air, signaling the two
combatants to stop.  Ranma landed on a rock by the koi pond.  His

breathing


Error #20: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with "his
breathing".

heavy, as he rubbed the back of his left hand across his forehead.  The

old

man was in fine form today.  Surprising him with some new techniques that

Error #21: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"surprising him".

Genma landed not far away. His gi plastered to his body by sweat. "Ok,

boy,


Error #22: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with "his
gi".
Error #23: Abbreviation in the middle of a quotation. Kindly spell out the
word "okay".

you heard what she said.  Time to wrap this up!"  With determination on

his

face, he launched back into the air.  Daring his son to meet him.

Error #24: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"daring his son".

"Whatever you say, old man!"  Ranma responded.  As he also, soared into

the


Error #25: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with "as
he also".
Error #26: there should not be a comma after 'also'.

air.  Somehow making his words sound like a battle cry.

Error #27: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"somehow making".

They met in the air, trading lightning fast punches and kicks, in a matter

Error #28: do not need a comma after 'kicks'.

of seconds. It always surprised Ranma, on how good his father really was

in


Error #29: The word 'on' does not belong in this sentence.
Error #30: do not need a comma after 'Ranma'.

A soaked panda and red haired girl, walked miserably towards the breakfast

Error #31: do not need a comma after 'girl'.

table.  Ranma-chan plopped down at her regular spot next to Akane, staring
daggers at the giant panda that sat across from her. "That was a lucky

shot,

Oyagi! If I hadn't..."

Error #32: See Error #16.

"Nonsense, boy!"  The panda signed.  Somehow cutting off Ranma's words

with


Error #33: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"somehow cutting".
Error #34: Clunky phrasing. Reread these two sentences carefully for
unneccessary redundancy involving the word 'sign'.

With a grumble of discontent, Ranma began to devour his food at haste.

Error #35: The phrase 'at haste' should be replaced with the word
'hastily'.

Hoping to get most of it down, before his father could get to it.  He

didn't


Error #36: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"hoping to".

A cloud of dust and debree blurred both Saiya-jin's vision. Momentarily

Error #37: Spelling error. 'debree' should be spelled 'debris'.
Error #38: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"momentarily".

stopping the battle.  On the sidelines, Gohan, Piccolo and the rest to the

Z


Error #39: The word 'to' does not belong where it has been placed. It
should be replaced with 'of'.

Vegetta, his massive golden aura surrounding him like wild fire; his

golden


Error #40: Please pick one spelling of a name and stick with it.

hair seeming to dance as pure KI ignited from every pore in his body; and

Error #41: 'ki' does not need to be in capital letters.

wicked green eyes, stood in a ready stance.  Taking in slow even breaths

as

he fought to control the rush of energy and power that all Super

Saiya-jin's


Error #42: Do not need an apostrophe in "Saiya-jins" here.

"Hmmph." Was Vegitta's reply as he smashed his Ki powered fist into

Gokou's


Error #43: 'was' does not need to be capitalized.
Error #44: Again, please pick one spelling of a name and stick to it.
Error #45: 'ki' does not need to be capitalized.

stomach. Causing the Saiya-jin to crash into a nearby mountain side. "Yes,

Error #46: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new sentence with
"causing the".

Extraneous comment: There doesn't really need to be a hyphen in "Saiyajin".
Extraneous comment 2: All in all, this was an incredibly boring first
chapter. You really should try to include something in the first chapter to
catch the reader's interest. Using the same 'morning at the dojo' scene
used in four hundred and ninety-seven thousand other Ranma fics, and
tossing in a random DBZ sparring session at the end of the chapter, isn't
going to cut it.
Extraneous comment 3: Work on learning how to use conjunctions, commas, and
semicolons to eliminate unsightly sentence fragments.

I'm fairly certain I missed a number of punctuation errors, but hopefully
you can catch on to where you made them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nature vacuums a whore.

The Eternal Lost Lurker
Insane evil fanfic writer type nutcase otaku
White Knight of the Knightly Order of Mihoshi Enthusiasts
eternallostlurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/~etlostlurker
ICQ# 22559724