I was going through an old fanfic disk when I saw a few that I didn't
quite remember. I opened them and to my surprise, burst out laughing.
Some of these are TharzZzy-ish.
=====================================================================
As most stories began, it was morning. In one house, a young man
yawned and scratched himself....oh....um.....I don't think we should
watch this part.
Cut to two hours later......um, nope, still not appropriate. Let's try
back later.
Cut to late afternoon.......nope, still going at it. Let's try at
midnight.
Cut to midnight......for heaven's sake, doesn't this guy STOP?!
Cut to five days later.....oh, crap. No wonder it was taking so long,
we were looking at the wrong house. Okay, let's get this right.
Cut to another house, five days ago during the morning. A young man
yawned and rolled over. His waterbed moved with him, water moving
around, gathering speed until it was ready, then it proceeded to throw
him off and onto his desk.
"OOWWWWW!!" he cursed, shaking his head and glaring at his
Waterbed-O-Death.
He just knew that his waterbed was trying to kill him. Yesterday, it
tossed him out through the window. He lived on the second floor of his
house. Finally, he decided that he should get up. Of course, he
grabbed a handy pen and stabbed into his waterbed.
"DIE, YOU EVIL BEAST!" He yelled, stabbing the pen into his waterbed
repeatedly until all the water was now on the floor. Satisfied that his
waterbed could no longer attack him today, he went to his closet and
proceeded to change clothes, despite the fact that all of his clothes
were soaked. As revenge against his waterbed, he tossed his dirty
underwear on it and ran out of the room as the waterbed actually tried
to throw it back at him. The underwear hit the door with a wet "THUD",
leaving a dent in the door. It slid down half-way, then grew legs,
crawled up the door and went into a corner to ambush him later.
He went to his kitchen, avoiding his coffeetable-o-death as it leapt at
him. He grabbed one of it's legs and proceeded to smash it against the
wall. He continued to kitchen. When he opened the refrigerator, he
took note that Mrs. Feldman's cat had devoured his milk carton. He
flexed the cat's throat, pouring some milk into his coffee cup and threw
the cat out the window. It should be noted that he hadn't fully woken
up yet.
Pouring coffee into his coffee cup until it spilled over and scalded
his hand, causing him to scream and throw it at his stove. The
Cup-o-Java shattered into a few million pieces, then reassembled much
like the T-1000. With coffee intact.
He looked at it and decided to throw the cup out after the cat.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!" the cat hissed before chewing another tire off
the '69 porsche in his neighbor's driveway.
With sounds of the Cup-o-Java battling Mrs. Feldman in the background,
he proceeded to open his refridgerator once more. The casserole from
Nowhere which had appeared in his refridgerator overnight lashed out
with a tentacle and swallowed his ketchup bottle. His mustard bottle
tried to run for it, but the casserole's tentacles grabbed it and
swallowed it as well.
He closed his refridgerator, went to his silverware drawer, pulled out
a plasma gun and went back to his refridgerator as his dishwasher opened
up to reveal thousands of victorious pieces of silverware. His plates
and cups were now dead, as was the dishwasher.
Not that he noticed. He was too busy pumping thousands of bolts of
pure plasma into the casserole. Finally, the casserole turned into a
pile of dust was blew away as a tumble weed passed through the kitchen.
His silverware ran off to hunt down a few innocent lycanthropes as he
tossed his empty plasma gun into the garbage can.
"That's it. I'm tired of living in this nexus of evil. I'm going
somewhere else." he said, marching out of his house.
The battle between Mrs. Feldman and the Cup-o-Java resulted into a
half-broken Cup-o-Java and an undead Mrs. Feldman lying on the lawn,
exhuasted.
His life just wasn't interesting enough.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have no idea where the hell this came from. I guess it's just one of
those things that appears on your hardrive spontaneously. I take no
responsibility for whatever happens to you while you read this story.
Good night. I think I've been listening to TharzZzDunN too much.
jakljbgn; Oops, sorry. Fell asleep for a second there.
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiggghttttttta.
Ben McCrillis <aka. A-kun> <aka. Sailor Scottish>
reply at akun15@hotmail.com
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com