contents:
1) The More Things Read "Special Edition"
2) Bonus Stage Production
3) Writer's Notes: at the Halfway Mark
Once upon a time there were these four siblings, who
happened to be martial artists, who also happened to be
movie buffs...
One was a rather skinny fellow, looking a lot like Hikaru
Gosunkugi, the other a short-haired girl with a fair tan, the next a
sloppily dressed lad with long hair and eyeglasses, and
finally, a rather cute 12 year old with a hyperactivity
problem....
ROLL CALL!
Ryo Muhoshin, snide yet debonaire
Ryoko Muhoshin, a teen girl with flare
Megs Muhoshin, a pervert beyond compare
Kyoko Muhoshin, tiny tot without a care
Ryoko: so, what's up tonight? And why's Megs drooling?
Megs: Lara Bartram!
Ryoko: Uh oh.
Megs: She wrote a story! About us!
Ryo: (raising an eyebrow) What?
Ryoko: (blushing slightly) Us?!
Kyoko: Wha's going on?
(moment of silence.)
Ryo: BLINDFOLDS! EARPLUGS!
Ryoko: RIGHT!
Kyoko: HEY! NO! NONONONO!
(sounds of brief struggle)
Kyoko: NO FAIR! NO FAIR!
Megs: Right! ROLL FILM! Get ta show me givin'the lovin
to Sayuri AND Yuka! At the same time! WAHAHAHAA!
On Fri, 17 Oct 1997, Lara Bartram wrote:
"And what do I have here?" Ryoko said quietly, eyeing her
prize. "Exactly who I was looking for."
Ryoko: (eyes bulging) ME?!?!? AAAACK!
Megs: Hey, no fair! I should be the star!
Ryo: (grumbling) Idiots.
Her eyes tracked the lanky young man as he walked dejectedly
down the street. He had his eyes focussed on a picture in his hand
and wasn't really looking where he was going. Ryoko did her best to
follow him nonchalantly. Oh yeah, this was just the opportunity she
was waiting for.
Ryoko: What?!?! What was I waiting for?!? What the hell is
this?!
Megs: Ew, I don't wanna watch HER do thw wild thang.
Ryo: You think I'm happy about this?
Kyoko: CAN'T SEE!
"Excuse me," she said cheerily.
Her target stopped and turned. "Yes?"
"Um, could I talk to you in private? I need you to do a favor
for me."
"Well, I don't think..."
"Please?" Ryoko's eyes got big and puppy-ish.
He struggled, but was unable to fight off her cuteness. "OK,"
he said dejectedly.
Ryo: 'fight off her cuteness'? Oh please...
Ryoko: What's THAT supposed to mean?!
Megs: Means you've got the appeal of a nazi.
Ryo: Those be your words, boy, not mine.
Ryoko: Oh please please please please please don't let her
make me do something embarrasing!
A FEW MINUTES LATER IN UCCHAN'S BATHROOM...
Ryoko: WHAT?!?!
Ryoko ran her fingers through her lover's hair before
clutching it in ecstasy. It was everything she had hoped for, and
more. She was extra pleased to discover the bathroom doors locked so
they had guaranteed privacy for a little bit.
Ryoko: (blushes deep red) EEEEEEK!
Megs: (wincing) Helllllo, didn't wanna see THAT much of
her. S'cuse me while I turn around.
Ryo: (avoiding looking at the screen by reading
newspaper) "Yen takes a fall for the third week
in a row, and..."
Actually, she was more amazed at her catch's stamina. He was
holding up rather well and looked like he could actually last long
enough to bring her to orgasm.
Ryoko: (blushing, somehow, even more deeply) Ohmygod,
ohmygod, ohmygod-
Megs: Will you STOP THAT!
Ryoko: I'M GONNA KILL LARA BARTRAM!!!
Kyoko: CAN'T SEE! CAN'T SEE!
Ryo: (still reading newspaper) "And in other news,
scientists have cloned a panda..."
5 MINUTES LATER...
"OH! Oh..." That was it.
Ryoko: (covering face with hands) I am SO embarrassed!
Megs: Is it over yet?
Kyoko: CAN'T SEE!
Ryo: (still reading newspaper) Weather, page three....
"Ohhh... Ryooooo..."
(Megane turns around and stares at the screen.)
(Ryoko turns pale as ice.)
(One of Ryo's eyes widens as he looks up from the newspaper.)
(There is another Big Momoent of Silence.)
Ryo: ... (scoots away from Ryoko, ever so subtly)
Megs: (stares at Ryo, then at Ryoko, then at Ryo, then at
Ryoko) And you call ME perverted?
Ryoko: It... it.... itititwassupposed to be... um...
RYOUGA! Yeah! "Ryoooooo-GA!" See?
Megs: Sis, that ain't helping.
(Ryo scoots further away from Ryoko.)
Ryoko's lover stopped and looked at her. "Don't you
remember? My name's Hikaru..."
Ryoko: I WOULDN'T TOUCH THAT FREAK WITH A TEN FOOT POLE!
Megs: Well, that sounds like what he had inside you...
(ducks a punch from Ryoko) Whooop! I'm outta here!
(runrunruns away)
Ryo: Right behind you! (Ryo runs....)
"Right... I knew that... That's what I said."
Ryoko: "Ryooooo-GA!" It is supposed to be "Ryooooo-GA!"
AARGH!
Kyoko: WAH! CAN'T SEE!
END
Ryoko: LARA BARTRAM, I'M GONNA KILL YA!!!!
-end-
------------------------
SCENE
A darkened stage, with some microphone
stands visible, and a sole spotlight
shining in the middle.
RYO MUHOSHIN, in his usual dark suit
and tie, enters and stands under the
spotlight. A moment later, MEGANE
MUHOSHIN the rarely seen third sibling
of the Muhoshin family appears, guitar
in hand, and stands before the
microphone behind and to the left of
RYO, and begins strumming the guitar.
RYO
Ladies and gentlemen, I've heard there've been
some complaints about me. That I'm not nice,
I'm too rough, I really should be a more
friendly person in general, that sort of thing.
Heh.
Well, this is a little song about me, about
who I am, about why I do things, and whatever
else I want to say.
Something like that.
(singing)
o/~ I'm just a psychotic guy, with a psychotic mind.
I'm not your average jerk, I'm a unique find.
I like bloodshed, and violence, and books about war.
I like getting in fights, smashing heads in the floor.
o/~ My girl, and her pig, her really big farm,
I won'em over with my unbeatable charm.
o/~ But you know that's just not enough,
To keep a man like me interested!
MEGS
o/~ Oh no! No way! Uh uh!
RYO
o/~ No, I gotta go out and have fun,
At someone else's expense!
BOTH
o/~ Oh yeah! Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!
RYO
o/~ I swindle and rob and cheat all day!
I'm laughing about it 'cause I don't have to pay!
I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's an asshole!
RYO
o/~ I'm an asshole!
I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's a asshole! Such a real fucking asshole!
RYO
o/~ I use public toilets, and I smash all the seats.
I walk around in the summertime sayin' "How about this heat?"
o/~ I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's an asshole!
What an asshole!
RYO
o/~ I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's the world's biggest asshole!
RYO
o/~ I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's an asshole!
RYO
o/~ I'm an asshole!
I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's a asshole! Such a real fucking asshole!
BOTH
o/~ Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song -
Ranting and raving and carrying on.
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.
RYO
. . . . NAHHHHH!
o/~ I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's an asshole!
What an asshole!
RYO
o/~ I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's the world's biggest asshole!
RYO
(spoken)
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go down to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki and shove my
umbrella right up Ryouga's ass! Yeah!
Then I'm gonna eat one of those damned okonomiyakis
and tell that transvestite Ukyou that they SUCK! I'm
gonna throw that okonomiyaki right in her face, then
wipe my mouth with one of Lost Boy's bandannas and
there's not one damned thing anyone can do.
You know why?
Five words. I. Can. Kick. Their. Asses.
That's right, I kick ass. Ryouga, Ukyou, Ranma,
whatever. Ranma didn't win, he got lucky, and
if he takes me on again I'm gonna beat him so hard
his GRANDKIDS are gonna be reeling!
Then you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna g-
MEGS
Hey! Hey! Hey! HEY! You know you really are an asshole?
RYO
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song?
(sung)
o/~ I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's an asshole!
What an asshole!
RYO
o/~ I'm an asshole!
MEGS
o/~ He's the world's biggest asshole!
BOTH
o/~ A, S, S, H, O, L, E!
Everybody! A, S, S, H, O, L, E!
(trail into non-vocal chanting and barking)
RYO
(spoken)
I'm an asshole, and I'm proud of it.
-end-
NOTES: This is, I suppose, a response to some who wanted
Ryo to be a nicer fellow, or at least to get the
punishment he deserves. Y'know what? I didn't
make Ryo to be liked. I didn't make him to become
friends with the Nerima crowd. I made'im to be
_hated_. I made'im to be _bad_. Every Ranma 1/2
bad guy is either bad in a wacky and mischievous
way, or they're just misunderstood. See Prince
Toma, Tarou, Ryuu Kumon, Prince Kirin, Kuno,
Kodachi, the Phoenix Tribe, the Amazons, etc....
Not this fella. He's a jerk, he knows it, and
he enjoys it. I might give'im a soft spot or two
but he's never going to exchange his devil's horns
for angel's wings.
oh, btw, song based on "Asshole" by Dennis Leary.
--------------------
- * -
The Pursuit of Happiness
Writer's Notes
Halfway There
- * -
AT THE MOMENT...
You know, this story is becoming far larger than I ever
planned it to be. Let me give you an idea....
At this moment The Pursuit of Happiness, side stories
included, is about double the size of The More Things
Change.
That's huge.
It's been several years since I began The Pursuit of
Happiness. _Years_.
Don't get me wrong, I still like writing it, it's just that
I always thought I'd be _done_ by now.
But no.
I've two more acts to go through till I finish what I have
to say, and Lord only knows how big those'll be. I just
might set a record in size by the time I'm done.
I'm also pleasantly surprised how loyal the readership has
been. Looking at the 'Best of Ranma Fan Fiction' votes,
act 2 has been a hit every single time.
That's far better than I was hoping for, and it really
made the whole thing worthwhile.
RYOUGA LOST, YOU JERK!!!
No kidding. Now how predictable was that? It's more
realistic, honestly. Ranma's the top fighter, always has
been, always will be. I admit, I did set it up so that
Ryouga had a chance. Mean tease, wasn't it?
Another reason I had Ryouga loose is simply this: it would
be ENTIRELY too 'fan-boy'-esque if he did win. Even with
all the setting up I did, really. I've gotten quite a bit
of mail criticizing it, but really now, everything in canon
backs up the assumption that Ranma wil always manage to win.
That, and Ryouga winning would be too much of a high. Where
would I go from there? It opened too many plot lines, ones
that I didn't plan for and didn't care to explore.
Don't like it? Well, all I can say is that you don't always
get what you want.
IF I COULD DO IT ALL OVER...
Looking back on what I'd originally done, way back in The
More Things Change, I wouldn't have included the Street
Fighter cameos. They were just for fun, really. But the
problem is, well, one thing lead to another and they now
have an impact on the storyline that's far more than I
wanted it to be.
So, from here on out, I'm keeping things in tighter, less
cameos, only going to use'em if they really serve a purpose.
Less references to outside sources too, for the same
reasons. They're a needless distraction.
WHY HAVEN'T THEY ADMITTED HOW THEY FEEL YET?
If they started dating so early after losing any chance of
winning over their former loves (i.e. Ranma/Akane), you
might as well stamp the label 'REBOUND MAN' on Ryouga and
'REBOUND WOMAN' on Ukyou.
Hey, look here, while a lot of relationships in Ranma 1/2
blossomed stupifyingly fast, Ranma's didn't. Thirty-six
volumes and their relationship is STILL stale. You think
I'm gonna have Ukyou and Ryouga declare their 'I love you's
in a heartbeat?
Sorry, not likely. Not 'realistic' either. Takes time to
open your heart again, and I think they need more of it.
SO LOOKING AHEAD...
Act three will deal with, at last, Ukyou's family. What's
known about her family for sure? They're in Kansai, her dad
has a beard, and they cook okonomiyaki. Otherwise, I'm free
to wreck havoc as I please.
Wella, here I go.
Don't look for Ryo Muhoshin to be a major presence or plot
factor in act 3. I feel he's gotten far too much 'screen
time' already, and it's time to return the focus to the
Ryouga/Ukyou relationship.
However, that doesn't mean the 'new' characters are out
entirely. Kyoko will begin taking a larger role. Megane
Muhoshin might finally get a scene. Tanya'll have something
to do as well. And Ryo? Might appear once or twice, but he
won't really be coming back till act 4.
I've always written TPOH with a fear that it'll turn into a
story _too_ focused on the new characters. Nothing personal
meant to people who write stories where someone new comes in
and suddenly becomes a focal point and befriends everyone,
but I don't want that in TPOH. I'm trying to avoid it.
It's just something I don't really care to see happen. They
were created as supporting characters, and that's as far as
I want'em to go.
And in case you're wondering what I have planned for the
finale, the end, act 4...
I don't know if I can successfully do it. The plot outline
right now is a bit tricky. I might _not_ do it.
But I plan to kill everyone.
Yes, this is a comedy.
But don't worry. It'll be a happy ending. No matter what.
Really, I promise.
SO WHEN'S THE NEXT PART GONNA BE READY?
As of this writing, it's November.
Don't expect anything new until.... oh... if you're
lucky, January. If not, February. I've got a lot
of other stories to finish, other obligations to
meet as well. My apologies for the delay, but
as some poet wrote once....
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
but I have promises to keep
Thanks for reading, I hope you'll stick around
for the rest of the ride.
-Rod M.