Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twelve - The Madness
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Scene: A beach, supposedly in North Queensland (cue banjos) but this
has not been confirmed by our operatives. Ami and Makoto are up to
their necks in sand, slowly cooking in the bright sunlight. There
is the sound of heavy machinery in the background.
Makoto: You didn't take your medication before we left, did you?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: No, I didn't.
Makoto: Thought so.
Ami: You didn't have to go and tell everyone that I've been
prescribed a form of psychiatric medication.
Makoto: I didn't.
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: You didn't have to make me mention the fact that I've
been prescribed a form of psychiatric medication in
front of everyone.
Makoto looks from side to side.
Makoto: In front of whom? Hmmm?
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: In front of the people in my head.
Makoto: Oh.... Very funny. Ha ha. It is to laugh.
Ami: I'm not joking. They're trying to get out. Oh Kami-
sama.... I can feel them pounding on the inside of my
skull.
Makoto: Come on.... This isn't funny.
Ami: My head is going to explode....
Makoto: Stop it.... You're scaring me.
Ami clenches her teeth and makes a strange groaning noise as her
face goes beetroot-red. Makoto goes bug-eyed and ducks back into
the sand. There is a squidgy, exploding sound....
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi wanders the dark and dingy halls with the
kind of aimless expression and gait that one should expect of the
recently dead, arrow still fitfully planted through her head.. She
bumps into a young, dark-haired woman, dressed in a budo training
costume, with a sword stuck through her heart and a cross scar on
her left cheek.
Kaoru: Oi! Watch it.
Usagi: .....
Kaoru: Hey.... Haven't I seen you before, somewhere?
Usagi: .....
Kaoru: You're that lead character chick from that Sailor thingy
show.... What are you doing down here? You're not
supposed to be dead.
Usagi: .....
Kaoru: Don't say much, do you.
Usagi: I'm sorry. I've got something in my mind at the moment.
You aren't supposed to be dead, either.
Kaoru: Great. Now you tell me.
Kaoru disappears in a flash of recent plot development, leaving
Usagi alone once more. Usagi curses and fingers the arrow tenderly.
Usagi: Whoever sent this wanted to get straight to the point.
Ouchie....
Back at the beach in Queensland, there is a large, bloody mess
covering the sand dune. Makoto pops her head from out of the top,
peering around tentatively.
Makoto: Ami...?
She raises her head further out of the dune, and spies the bloody
stump of a neck where Ami's head used to be.
Makoto: AMI!!!!
Ami: Yes?
Makoto turns and peers up at the figure who stands above her.
Makoto: A.... Ami?
Ami: You were expecting someone else?
Makoto: But.... But... but....
Ami: Oh, don't worry about the mess.... I always keep a
spare body, just in case I have an unexpected death
scene. Happens all the time. It's in our contract, you
know....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: People... just don't go around, swapping bodies at will,
you know?
Ami: Ha! That's what you plebs think. I, if you have
forgotten, happen to be the resident genius of this
series. I can do what I like.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Would you mind helping me out of this sand dune?
Ami: I'd be delighted.
Ami grips Makoto around the head and yanks her from the snad dune,
falling backwards as she does so. The pair tumble down the side of
the dune, creating a minor sandslide as they do so. They hit the
bottom with a solid thud.
Ami: .....
Makoto: That could have been done with a little more decorum.
Ami: .....
Makoto: Some holiday this turned out to be.
Ami: You're the one who followed me.
Makoto: I could still be waiting, back in the warm, safe
confines of a brick wall in the middle of Tokyo.... But
no....
Ami: Are you blaming this all on me?
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: The thought has crossed my mind, yes.
Ami: That'd be right. Everyone blames everything on me.
Makoto: That's because you're short, and have blue hair.
Ami: I do NOT have blue hair. Look!
Ami pulls grips her blue locks, and pulls away a wig, revealing
bright fluorescent pink hair. Makoto puts up her hands in horror.
Makoto: ARRGGHHH! Put it back.... Put it back.... You're
killing me....
Ami replaces the blue wig and sits up, crossing her arms.
Ami: It's because of hair-prejudiced people like you that I
have to wear the blue wig. Everyone thinks that pink
hair is a sign of stupidity in anime genetics....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: But it is.
Ami: That's beside the point. I can hardly act the
intellectual with pink hair, now can I?
Makoto: Yeah, I suppose so.
Utena: What was that I heard youse bitches talking about us
chicks wiv pink hair, eh?
Ami and Makoto turn to spot Tenjou Utena, dressed in a swimsuit and
holding a large mallet, standing behind them. She is bouncing the
mallet on her shoulder.
Insert sounds of physical violence and cries of distress here.
Meanwhile, back in Hades, Usagi is face to face with a wall....
Usagi: So, what do you think? Should I dump this joint and
return to the world of the living?
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Maybe I should purchase a nice little package of land
in the outskirts of Tokyo.... Marry an ordinary
salaryman, raise a couple of bureaucrats....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Nah, that's silly, don't you think?
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Could never afford to raise bureaucrats.... Be like
trying run a Rolls on a Goggomobile budget....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Of course, I could always join another show.... Yeah,
die my hair black, age thirteen years and drink a lot.
What do you think?
Wall: .....
Usagi: Are you sure? I'd have thought I'd make a great
Misato. After all, we share the same seiyuu....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: There is no need to be rude!
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: Yes, well.... I suppose having one's show cancelled
on you does tend to leave you a little bitter and
twisted.... Nobody got to see me in full flight as
Serenity.... Pisses me off righteously....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: It's not the money, you know.... I've never really
been interested in the money.... I just did the job
for the love of it.... I mean, I know there were a
lot of repeated scenes, and the odd monster of the
week.... Well, maybe a LOT of monsters of the week.
But it was, like, really fun, you know?
Wall: .....
Usagi: Really cathartic, too, using those attacks and
things.... Great for getting the shit out of the
system.
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: And there were the little lurks and perks.... You
know, like the bishounen of your choice for the
evening.... You won't believe who I had in my
time....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: .....
Wall: .....
Usagi: They're right, you know. Talking to walls is a
sign of madness....
Wall: Especially if they answer back. ^_^
Usagi: .....
END OF PART 11
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Will Minako ever arrive? Are Ami and Makoto being beaten up by
Utena? Is Usagi really in Hades with an arrow through her head? Or
is it just a figment of their imagination? For no answers to these
questions, stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of the
interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in "Waiting for Minako". Under
the guise of "The Complete Cooking Guide to Anime Characters".
Mmmm.... Ranma and Batter Pudding.... Doesn't that just make your
mouth water? ^_^
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au
/</ w \>\ Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of
\/ \/ the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan
\___________/ Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese
/_/ \_\ PU Animation Society
Version 1.0 - It was a usual morning in Nerima.... Where did that
come from? Mumble mumble turtle scrubs grumble grumble....
Wednesday, 21st October 1998....