Subject: [FFML] [FF] [SM] Waiting For Minako Part 12
From: Mark Page
Date: 10/21/1998, 12:37 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)

Part Twelve - The Madness

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Scene: A beach, supposedly in North Queensland (cue banjos) but this
has not been confirmed by our operatives.  Ami and Makoto are up to 
their necks in sand, slowly cooking in the bright sunlight.  There 
is the sound of heavy machinery in the background.


Makoto:     You didn't take your medication before we left, did you?

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     .....

Ami:        No, I didn't.

Makoto:     Thought so.

Ami:        You didn't have to go and tell everyone that I've been 
            prescribed a form of psychiatric medication.

Makoto:     I didn't.

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     .....

Ami:        You didn't have to make me mention the fact that I've 
            been prescribed a form of psychiatric medication in 
            front of everyone.


Makoto looks from side to side.


Makoto:     In front of whom?  Hmmm?

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     .....

Ami:        In front of the people in my head.

Makoto:     Oh....  Very funny.  Ha ha.  It is to laugh.

Ami:        I'm not joking.  They're trying to get out.  Oh Kami-
            sama....  I can feel them pounding on the inside of my
            skull.

Makoto:     Come on....  This isn't funny.

Ami:        My head is going to explode....

Makoto:     Stop it....  You're scaring me.


Ami clenches her teeth and makes a strange groaning noise as her 
face goes beetroot-red.  Makoto goes bug-eyed and ducks back into 
the sand.  There is a squidgy, exploding sound....

Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi wanders the dark and dingy halls with the
kind of aimless expression and gait that one should expect of the 
recently dead, arrow still fitfully planted through her head..  She 
bumps into a young, dark-haired woman, dressed in a budo training 
costume, with a sword stuck through her heart and a cross scar on 
her left cheek.


Kaoru:      Oi!  Watch it.

Usagi:      .....

Kaoru:      Hey....  Haven't I seen you before, somewhere?

Usagi:      .....

Kaoru:      You're that lead character chick from that Sailor thingy
            show....  What are you doing down here?  You're not 
            supposed to be dead.

Usagi:      .....

Kaoru:      Don't say much, do you.

Usagi:      I'm sorry.  I've got something in my mind at the moment.
            You aren't supposed to be dead, either.

Kaoru:      Great.  Now you tell me.


Kaoru disappears in a flash of recent plot development, leaving 
Usagi alone once more.  Usagi curses and fingers the arrow tenderly.


Usagi:      Whoever sent this wanted to get straight to the point.  
            Ouchie....


Back at the beach in Queensland, there is a large, bloody mess 
covering the sand dune.  Makoto pops her head from out of the top,
peering around tentatively.


Makoto:     Ami...?


She raises her head further out of the dune, and spies the bloody 
stump of a neck where Ami's head used to be.


Makoto:     AMI!!!!

Ami:        Yes?


Makoto turns and peers up at the figure who stands above her.


Makoto:     A....  Ami?

Ami:        You were expecting someone else?

Makoto:     But....  But... but....

Ami:        Oh, don't worry about the mess....  I always keep a 
            spare body, just in case I have an unexpected death 
            scene.  Happens all the time.  It's in our contract, you
            know....

Makoto:     .....

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     People... just don't go around, swapping bodies at will,
            you know?

Ami:        Ha!  That's what you plebs think.  I, if you have 
            forgotten, happen to be the resident genius of this 
            series.  I can do what I like.

Makoto:     .....

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     Would you mind helping me out of this sand dune?

Ami:        I'd be delighted.


Ami grips Makoto around the head and yanks her from the snad dune, 
falling backwards as she does so.  The pair tumble down the side of
the dune, creating a minor sandslide as they do so.  They hit the 
bottom with a solid thud.


Ami:        .....

Makoto:     That could have been done with a little more decorum.

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     Some holiday this turned out to be.

Ami:        You're the one who followed me.

Makoto:     I could still be waiting, back in the warm, safe 
            confines of a brick wall in the middle of Tokyo....  But
            no....

Ami:        Are you blaming this all on me?

Makoto:     .....

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     The thought has crossed my mind, yes.

Ami:        That'd be right.  Everyone blames everything on me.

Makoto:     That's because you're short, and have blue hair.

Ami:        I do NOT have blue hair.  Look!


Ami pulls grips her blue locks, and pulls away a wig, revealing 
bright fluorescent pink hair.  Makoto puts up her hands in horror.


Makoto:     ARRGGHHH!  Put it back....  Put it back....  You're 
            killing me....


Ami replaces the blue wig and sits up, crossing her arms.


Ami:        It's because of hair-prejudiced people like you that I
            have to wear the blue wig.  Everyone thinks that pink 
            hair is a sign of stupidity in anime genetics....

Makoto:     .....

Ami:        .....

Makoto:     But it is.

Ami:        That's beside the point.  I can hardly act the 
            intellectual with pink hair, now can I?

Makoto:     Yeah, I suppose so.

Utena:      What was that I heard youse bitches talking about us
            chicks wiv pink hair, eh?


Ami and Makoto turn to spot Tenjou Utena, dressed in a swimsuit and
holding a large mallet, standing behind them.  She is bouncing the
mallet on her shoulder.

Insert sounds of physical violence and cries of distress here.

Meanwhile, back in Hades, Usagi is face to face with a wall....


Usagi:      So, what do you think?  Should I dump this joint and 
            return to the world of the living?

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      Maybe I should purchase a nice little package of land
            in the outskirts of Tokyo....  Marry an ordinary
            salaryman, raise a couple of bureaucrats....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      Nah, that's silly, don't you think?

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      Could never afford to raise bureaucrats....  Be like
            trying run a Rolls on a Goggomobile budget....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      Of course, I could always join another show....  Yeah,
            die my hair black, age thirteen years and drink a lot.
            What do you think?

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      Are you sure?  I'd have thought I'd make a great
            Misato.  After all, we share the same seiyuu....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      There is no need to be rude!

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      Yes, well....  I suppose having one's show cancelled
            on you does tend to leave you a little bitter and
            twisted....  Nobody got to see me in full flight as
            Serenity....  Pisses me off righteously....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      It's not the money, you know....  I've never really
            been interested in the money....  I just did the job
            for the love of it....  I mean, I know there were a
            lot of repeated scenes, and the odd monster of the
            week....  Well, maybe a LOT of monsters of the week.
            But it was, like, really fun, you know?

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      Really cathartic, too, using those attacks and 
            things....  Great for getting the shit out of the
            system.

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      And there were the little lurks and perks....  You
            know, like the bishounen of your choice for the
            evening....  You won't believe who I had in my
            time....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      .....

Wall:       .....

Usagi:      They're right, you know.  Talking to walls is a 
            sign of madness....

Wall:       Especially if they answer back.  ^_^

Usagi:      .....


END OF PART 11

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Will Minako ever arrive?  Are Ami and Makoto being beaten up by 
Utena?  Is Usagi really in Hades with an arrow through her head?  Or 
is it just a figment of their imagination?  For no answers to these 
questions, stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of the 
interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in "Waiting for Minako".  Under 
the guise of "The Complete Cooking Guide to Anime Characters". 
Mmmm....  Ranma and Batter Pudding....  Doesn't that just make your 
mouth water?  ^_^
   _________
  /    @    \  		DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
 / / ^   ^ \ \ 		ayanami@merlin.net.au
/</    w    \>\		Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of
\/           \/		the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan
 \___________/		Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese
  /_/     \_\  PU		Animation Society

Version 1.0 - It was a usual morning in Nerima....  Where did that 
come from?  Mumble mumble turtle scrubs grumble grumble....  
Wednesday, 21st October 1998....