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Ranmspotting
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Soun was crying.
"My baby...my daughter...how could you have shamed me like this??"
"There, there, Soun. Let's go get a drink," Genma said, putting his arm
around Soun. "I know a place not too far from here? Do you like leat-"
"Daddy! What happened??," Nabiki called as she rushed in. "I was called
out of class!"
"Oh darling, your sister died!"
"Not Kasumi!"
"No, I'm fine, Nabiki." Kasumi said, exiting the kitchen. For the first
time ever, she wasn't smiling.
"Then who?" Nabiki asked. She bit her lip in thought, then her eyes
widened, "Akane??"
Soun sobbed more violently, "YES! That whore killed herself after
getting pregnant!"
Kasumi's hands clenched, the knuckles white. Her nails dug into her
palms, creating twin trickles of blood. "I have to go and clean
something." She rushed into the kitchen.
"GO AND CLEAN YOUR BOYFRIEND, BITCH!!" Soun screamed, eliciting a loud
sob from the kitchen.
Genma handed him a hip flask. "Here, drink up Soun. I only had half!"
"She didn't even kill herself in the warrior's way!" Soun groaned,
taking a swig from the flask.
"Um...where's Ranma?" Nabiki asked, "She IS his fiancee, after all."
"I don't know..." Genma said. "He found her, poor boy!!"
Kuno raced in, face flushed and eyes red. "I heard the tragic news, oh
IT CANNOT BE!! DARLING AKANE, I WILL AVENGE YOU!!"
"Um...Kuno...she killed herself," Nabiki said, "What're you gonna do,
kill her again for killing herself?"
"NO I SHALL KILL SOMEONE ELSE TO VENT MY ANGER!"
"Yeah, you do that, honey." Nabiki turned to her father, "You said she
was knocked up?"
Soun nodded dumbly.
Nabiki turned to Kuno, ""You didn't do it, did you?? Oh God, please
tell me you didn't do it!" Nabiki pleaded in a disgusted voice,
wrinkling her nose."
"Of course not! I could only dream of-"
"Good," Nabiki said, cutting Kuno off. She turned to her father, eyes
widening, "No, daddy! Please tell me..."
Kuno's face reddened, deeper and deeper scarlet, until, "OH MY LORD!!!"
He stepped forward, swinging his wooden sword, and in a feat of
strength unimagineable, didn't knock Soun's head off of his shoulders.
He did, however, connect with Soun's neck, causing Soun to gasp and
clutch at his neck, straining to breath. Soun fell to his knees, then
pitched forward, as noone moved or said anything, all standing
dumfounded and in shock. As Soun's body convulsed and died, the only
sound was Genma's hip flask falling from his numbed fingers and breaking
as it collided with the floor.
Ryoga came upon a huddled figure in the doorway of an abandoned
building, in Tokyo. She reached out and grabbed his shirttails.
"Hey, Mister, do you have any money?? I'll suck your-"
"Ukyo??" Ryoga asked, astonished.
"Ryoga?? Oh my God!!!" Ukyo cried out, as she pitched sideways and
fainted.
Ranma and Mousse walked into the closest bar they could find. They each
bought a pint of Sapporai and sat down in a booth at the back.
"You see, Ranma, although his earlier movies were stunning examples of
how the Hong Kong Martial Arts film industry had progressed, it wasn't
until Fong Sai-Yuk and The New Legend of Shaolin Temple that he'd
distinguished himself as the greatest martial arts actor of our time. He
certainly outdid anything that Jackie Chan did, excluding perhaps
Drunken Master 2, which was a classic in terms of fighting, as well as
at the box office."
"I agree of course, Mousse, though Last Hero in China was certainly a
better film than New Shaolin Temple, and Fong Sai-Yuk 2 certainly outdid
the first one in all respects."
"Let's not forget the improvement such films as Bodyguard From Beijing
and The Mask had, moving forward with such great storylines!"
"Hey, let's go rent the Shaolin Temple films and get wasted!" Ranma
said eagerly.
Mousse laughed, "when I finish my beer..." He leaned back and chugged
the pint
"You know, Mousse, for a sixteen year old, you've got a hell of a mean
chug!"
"I can't believe what you've been through!!" Ryoga said, in a
semi-state of shock. "And you killed Tsubasa??"
"Yeah...I sorta had to. I almost gave in, knowing that Ranma and
Shampoo are together, but I just couldn't leave myself for...that
creep..."
"Ranma and Shampoo are...oh yeah! Well, Ranma didn't really concern
himself over it at all, what with Akane's suicide and all..."
Ukyo's eyes widened, "Akane's...OHMYGOD!! Poor Akane!! She probably
couldn't bear the thought of Ranma and Shampoo any more than I could!!"
"Yeah," Ryoga said matter of fact, "Especially since she was
pregnant..."
"PREG-THAT BASTARD!!! And all that time, he said that he was goin to
marry ME!! I'll kill him for putting us both in the same position!!!"
"You mean that you're...I mean Ranma...oh God!!"
Ukyo smiled faintly, "Not any more, Ryoga. Tsubasa took care of that
for me." A single tear rolled down her cheek, "Good thing for the child,
though."
Ryoga's eyes welled up as well. He enfolded Ukyo into his arms,
awkwardly rubbing her back as he whispered, "Oh Ukyo, I'm so sorry!!" A
smile breaks out onto his face as he thinks to himself, 'Yes Ranma, it's
over!! My revenge will soon be complete as I ruin this girl for you
forever!!! When I'm finished, not even death itself will save you from
her!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!'
Kuno belched. He leaned back and yawned, his robe half opening, as he
belched again.
"MORE SAKE!!" He yelled out to the waitress, "And hurry, wench!! HAHA!"
He absently scratched at the stubble sprouting on his chin, then ran a
hand through his disheveled hair.
Nabiki wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Kuno, baby, don't you think that
you should go home and get changed?"
"Whatever for??"
"Because you SMELL, honey. While your at it, take a cold shower, shave
and WASH YOU HAIR!! It's so GREASY!!"
"Now that my darling Akane's dead, and my beloved pig-tailed girl has
disappeared, what do I care about my personal appearance!!"
"Well, if you don't close that robe, you're GONNA care about your
personal appearance!"
"Kuno looked down, then quickly retied his sash. "What do you care,
anyway?? After all, I DID kill your-urp-father."
"Of course you did, dear. Very kind, considering I'd been asking you to
for NEARLY A WEEK!"
"Oh yeah. HAHAHA!! I for-hic-got!"
Nabiki reached forward and grabbed Kuno by the hair, pulling his face
right up against hers. Nearly fainting from his breath, she glared into
his eyes and spoke, in a very low tone,"listen to me tatewake kuno if
you know what's good for you. if you don't go home and sober up i'm
going to throw your sorry ass into the river then string you up to dry.
i need your help, goddamn it, and i WILL get it!!"
Kuno frowned, then shook his head, as Nabiki released it. He raised a
finger, belched, then promptly leaned over and threw up onto Nabiki's
shoes.
Nakbiki looked at him, down at her shoes, then up at him again. Then
she threw back her head and laughed. She got up, kicked her shoes off,
and slowly walked out of the bar.
"Women!!" Kuno said. He spat, then belched again. "WHERE"S MY SAKE,
WENCH!!!! where's my sake wench-HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"And STAY OUT!!" The second man yelled out, as the first man pitched
Tofu out onto the street. Tofu raised his fist and unleashed a string of
curses before stumbling along. He stopped at the corner and unzipped his
pants, urinating into the gutter. The figure stepped out from the
shadows of a nearby alley and called out his name. He turned around,
cock in hand, just in time to see a glint of metal as the shot rang out.
He felt a seering pain, then a numbing warmth. He looked down at his
hands and saw blood run out from between his fingers.
"NEVER AGAIN TOFU!!" Kasumi screamed out, spitting at his feet, as he
fell to his knees, "Never again will your...thing...make a fool of me!!"
Kasumi dropped the still smoking pistol into a nearby garbage, then ran
away, leaving Tofu kneeling in a pool of his own blood until an
ambulance came for him a few minutes later.