Recently, Aldrich Bautista, who runs a Tenchi Muyo fanfic archive, asked me
how I felt that my story, "Mother's Day", had taken third prize in a "Best
Tenchi Story of the Summer" poll.  I was stunned, to be quite honest.  The
story isn't finished, for one thing.  For another, I'm so damned *slow* in
writing it.  FIVE MONTHS passed between chapters 4 and 5, and it took me
six weeks to complete the next one.  Yet, I have loyal readers who wait
patiently and keep reading, and for that I am truly thankful.

But about that poll.  Aldrich seemed a little surprised that I wouldn't
keep track of something like that.  The truth is, I avoid polls and awards
contests like the plague.  I also never read a review of my work, if I can
help it.  This isn't to say that I ignore feedback.  On the contrary, I
treasure it highly and respond to every individual who gives it to me.  I'm
greatly interested in interacting with individual readers.  I do not,
however, want to know what the general public thinks of my work.

The reason is simple.  I'm afraid of how I would respond.  If I read a poll
and saw I finished poorly, I might have trouble continuing the story.  I
might drop into an angry, bitter funk and say "Screw it.  No one's reading
it.  Why bother?"  Worse yet, I might read the stories who finished above
me and unconsciously begin emulating them.

But what if I won?  Well, that can be just as bad.  I might start
"imitating myself", trying to continue whatever it was that made me
popular, limiting my growth as a writer.

It's not a mature response, I know, but I can't help it.  I'm very
sensitive to people's opinions of my work.  When an individual gives me
feedback, that's great, because I can respond to that person and we can
have a dialogue.  But if I finish poorly in a poll, what do I do then?  I'm
not getting feedback from the individual voters.  All I know is that, as a
group, they like someone's else work more than they like mine.  There's
nothing I can do, and nothing I should do, so what good does it do me to
know the results?

That's all I have to say.  Just curious if I'm an oddball in feeling like
this, or if others have felt the same way.

------RM