Mindless rant follows the useful stuff. If you're not interested, feel
free to hit delete after the actual review.
Subject: [FFML][Ranma][Fanfic] Whispers of the Wicked Past, chapter 1
Date: Fri, 18 Sep 1998 22:41:45 +0100
Whispers of the Wicked Past
By Kayu-chan
=
End of chapter 1
Easy cut-and-paste C&C for those who don't have time to spare (inspired
by
an author named PHOOsun):
Heh. This got my attention just enough to respond.
3) I like this story. :)
4) I like this story but it needs improvement with regard to X (here,
X=grammar, particularly verb tenses).
5) I love "WotWP", love it lots! ^_^
8) I volunteer to be your pre-reader and don't worry, I'm good at
waiting,
_really_ good.
9) I volunteer to be your pre-reader for grammar and punctuation as I'm
good at that part of C&C.
The offer in both of these is hereby made--My turnaround is usually
under a week, although if everyone I'm already p-r'ing for sends stuff,
or Lord Archive goes on one of his major writing jags, that may need to
be expanded. ~_O Just send stuff with a [Preread] tag where you'd
usually put the [FFML].
10) It would go better in past tense, present tense adds nothing.
See the rant to hear my comments on this.
11) Using present tense is a good idea, it is better than using past
tense.
Ditto.
14) _Anything_ else you can think of. ^_^
OK, how about this: I loved this story because it gave me the same
feeling that I get from a lot of Takahshi's darker stuff (Mermaid's,
Laughing Target, even Fire Tripper)--like I'm trapped in a whirlwind of
fog, and can't quite get the vague forms on the outside in focus.
<Rant Mode>
FFML no baka! (What's the plural of "baka"?)
Sorry about that, but...
I was going to skip this one. Basically, I was facing my usual Monday
evening backlog (I don't get to hit the computer from 5 pm Fri to 4 pm
Mon--I think if I ever unsub permanently, Hotmail will keep sending me
"Your account is over the limit" messages out of habit), and I didn't
really feel up to dealing with another unfamiliar author, who insists on
writing in the present tense, no less.
<Rant Mode2> People, if you must write in the present tense, please,
PLEASE, be careful to stay there. Past tense verbs in present tense
stories are even more jarring than the reverse.
Present tense can work, and I'm a lot more relaxed on this subject than
many of the other authors/reviewers on the list, but quite frankly, the
difference between past and present tense is similar to the one between
walking a wire 5 feet off the ground and walking the same one at 50
feet. Not neccessarily more difficult, but it makes a bigger mess if
you screw up.
</Rant Mode2>
So, anyway, I then noticed that several people who's writing I admire
and who's opinion I trust have left feedback on the story. So I decided
to give Kayu-chan a chance. The results are detailed above.
Then I pop open the other replies. And what do I find? An in-depth
discussion of Japanese feelings about answering machines. ARRRGGHHH!!!
Please, understand. It's not that the info wasn't interesting, or
potentially useful (the little demon that keeps trying to distract me
from "Illuminations" is, even as I type this, trying to put one of those
little ideas in my brain that I at least have to sketch out on paper so
it'll stop keeping me awake at nights--but I digress).
It's just that for such a wonderful effort as this to be greeted by an
outpouring of seasoned lunchmeat is really a shame.
So, here's just a tiny suggestion. When you happen on a thread that is
clearly SPAM, but you absolutely cannot resist the temptation to give
some kind of response to it, please, be kind to the author and throw in
just a smidgeon of actual, honest-to-goodness C&C on the story itself.
Please?
</Rant Mode>
--Freemage
P.S. "Illuminations" 17 will be out as soon as I figure out what to
do now that the #$^&$#* Panda has totally trashed the script....
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com