[insert standard use-of-SMverse disclaimers here]

Since this is a draft, please do not repost it in any form, including
MSTs.  C&C is welcome, though.

******

Dear Diary:

Yesterday, I killed my sister.

I know, Serena's not really my sister.  It sure feels like it, though,
with all the adventures we've had.  And, every day, I remember a bit more
about the Moon Kingdom.  It's not much, just flashes from everyday life,
but it tells me how we used to be.  What we were, all of us, went beyond
friendship.  It will take years to build ourselves back to that level,
especially Serena.

I almost took away her chance in a second.

What's even worse, though, is that everyone's treating it as if I was
possessed just like Amy was, so it shouldn't be my fault, and there's
nothing to worry about anyway since Serena survived.  It is my fault!
Amy's soul was locked out of her body for the past few days.  I'm sure she
could give the full biochemistry of what happened, and argue that she was
just as present and in control as I was, if she wanted to.  She'd be
wrong.  The only thing that happened to me was that I overreacted.  I
sensed evil, and instinctively tried to destroy it.  Only luck, and
Darian, saved her.

That's not the worst of it.  I'm still learning to be Sailor Mars, but I
thought that my connection to the spirits was absolute.  No way could they
lead me astray.  Was it pride, or arrogance, to assume that I had some
kind of moral beacon?  To arbitrarily declare that I knew what was good,
and what was not?  Nobody knows everything.  Now that I know that my
powers can be lead astray, how can I ever trust them again?

It has only been my instinct, attacking evil the moment I sensed it
without pausing to think, that has saved us more than once before.  This
was no different, except for the results.

What can I do?  If I give up trusting my powers, trusting myself, then how
can I be Sailor Mars?  She...and I must think about her as someone other
than myself, now...is a fighter, not a thinker.  Would Sailor Mercury have
made the same mistake, if she were in my position?  I doubt I'll ever know
for sure, because her view of the world...the same genius that lets her
see vast, soulless, scientific truths...keeps her from ever being in my
position.  Maybe Serenity...

I have just realized: the same moral beacon I had, the same one which
guided me through life, the same one which nearly killed Serena, is what
Serenity is supposed to become.  We're supposed to help her turn into a
goddess so she can rule Crystal Tokyo, if not the entire world.  No evil
will be able to harm her or those she defends.  No evil...and nobody.

What happens if...no, when...the beacon is misguided again?  Will any of
us, or all of us, be able to stop her?

Yesterday, I almost killed my sister.  Tomorrow, I may have to for real.

                                                - Raye Hino

******

Dear Diary:

I can not believe I wrote my last entry.  What was I thinking?  Serena was
right when she told me today just to believe in myself.  If I believe
strongly enough, maybe this will never happen again.

Maybe...

I won't worry about the other case.  Serena said she could lead me out of
it if it ever happened, just as she says I've lead her out of it.  She
called me her beacon...if I lose my faith, she will lose her way.

I can't afford to worry about myself with that responsibility.  I will be
strong.  I must believe, to the point where only Serena could lead me
astray.

And she won't.

Two days ago, I killed my sister.  Yesterday, she forgave me.  I don't
know whether I will forgive myself.

                                                - Sailor Mars