TimeRunner <keiichi@i-manila.com.ph> wrote:
"I-- I've always been a MAN! I have *no idea* what it's like
to--"
"AAAARGH! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!" Ukyo instinctively reached
back for her combat spatula, but found only empty air at her back. She
drew several deep breaths to calm herself down.
Don't these two paragraphs go together? I mean, Ukyo says both, right? It's
not story-breaking, it just disrupts the flow of reading for a short while
as I tried to figure out WHY the apparent line from Ukyo was separate from
the tagged one.
It's Gos who says the line about always having been a man. (He's a bit
confused about what it is Ukyo wants to show him.) I'll put in something
to attribute the line so it won't be so confusing.
Yes, it was. You also left out the Soun-Genma angle. I don't know how I'd
keep reading through that one. (Like my nomination for worst opening for a
fanfic - "Oh, Soun, your moustache is tickling me.")
Heh. I thought of doing something like that-- then decided that this way
would be less crass and more of a surprise.
I thought it was great. Strange, but great. I feel sorry for Mousse,
though... but I kind of like the Kuno-Kasumi one. Maybe it's just my bias.
I thought they made a pretty good couple, too. I'm surprised you rarely
if ever see the two paired together in fics.
And the Nabiki-Kodachi was really out of left field. Plausible, but I never
saw it coming.
Cindy Toler beat me to this one; she posted a K/N lemon a week or two
ago.
Thanks very much for your comments!
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics