Quick special thanks to Anthony Woo - one of his critiques from Chapter 1
gets a brief mention.  On with the surrealism...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Sakura stood up. "So, all of these guys are here
because they came through some weird portal
on Mihoshi's ship." 

I nodded affirmative. I would have spoken, but
there was this yellow polka-dot bandana in my
mouth that appeared to be rather effective at
preventing sound from passing effectively.
Said cloth in my mouth was considered
necessary, lest I take after Mihoshi and
scream, drawing attention to the fact that I
was currently tied to the back of a chair with
various projectiles and martial artists
surrounding me with the intent to viciously
harm. 

"Weren't we going to keep this to game
fighters only? These guys are anime! Worse,
the backyard's already got a hole in it - now
the house has to have twenty or so of its own!"

"M mver sid i wooden ooze nnmay..." 

"Someone give him something to write with,
please." 

I wrote, "I never said I wouldn't use anime. In
fact Washu and Mihoshi are anime characters,
though perhaps not here for reasons of
continuity. And, besides, these guys here are
fighting game characters - a Super Famicom
fighting game was based on the Ranmaverse." 

Sakura looked at the pad and read it aloud. "Ok,
then, I guess we can have them along for the
ride. But, weren't we going to have everybody
just exist in the universe? I mean, it's a weak
explanation, but it's consistent, and, besides,
we now have to get everybody back through the
portal somehow!" 

I took the pad, and wrote again. "Washu can get
them back through the portal - don't worry
about that." Washu's pets, who she'd left
inside the house and were standing right
behind me, chimed in gleefully on cue with
their "Washu is the greatest scientist in the
universe" bit. I continued, "As for the portal,
we'll just say that the predominately-fighting
game characters happen to live nearby, and the
predominately-anime characters get warped in
through the portal. We can even explain how
Washu and Mihoshi got here that way - if I
remember the Darkstalkers storyline, Lilith
and Morrigan's house is in two dimensions
simultaneously anyway, so, even if Washu
hadn't left a device for interdimensional
communication (which she probably did), Lilith
would still be able to go talk to Washu by
crossing the dimensional plane herself,
theoretically." 

Sakura sighed, regretting being wrote into
this mess. "Okay, I guess we can let you off
this time. Let him go." Akane, Ukyo, Ryoga, and
Shampoo began untying me and dragging me out
of the various contraptions set up around my
comparitively frail body. Unfortunately,
Mihoshi walked in, and, after hearing I was
truly to blame for the mess instead of her, and
that there was no problem involving getting
food for the party, she bounded up and hugged
Sakura around the neck. This resulted in
Sakura being knocked off balance, which ran
her into Ranma, which caused Ranma to bump
into Ryoga, who knocked Ranma into Akane in a
direction a man shouldn't be facing, which
gave Akane ample reason to bring out the
mallet and attempt to flatten Ranma's head,
which hit a charging Ryoga accusing Ranma of
violating Akane instead of its intended target,
which caused him to stumble into Ukyo, which
knocked off the spatula on her back, which
finally ended the domino effect with a
resounding thunk on my head. I don't know
what happened for the next five minutes after
that, but I think I ought to tell you a little bit
about something that had happened before all
this.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, after most of the gang had left the
spaceship, three others came through the
portal that no one had tried to turn off.
(Mihoshi was too afraid; the others were
already at each others' throats for ending up
there, and were therefore too busy to notice.)
The first one, Nabiki, took one glance and had
dollar signs in her eyes. She grabbed a few
things she thought would sell well (finders,
keepers, and all that), and then left. The other
person, Kasumi, came later and came to the
conclusion that the room she was now in
looked like a wreck. Ignoring the possibility
that it actually was, and the signs hanging
prominently around the room saying "DONT
TOUCH!", she casually cleaned up stuff, dusted,
and dropped the waste into some
weird-looking flip-top garbage cans. She
wondered for a second as to why the garbage
in them seemed to be moving of its own
volition, but guessed that it was just some
new way of trash compaction, in the manner
that a toilet flushes and gets rid of those
types of solid waste, and let it be. She also
tried pushing a couple of buttons in an effort
to turn off the machine that seemed to be
running, but, to no avail. She then tried to
walk out via the portal (something that
everyone else except Nabiki didn't think of
doing, due to either being busy wailing and
worrying or chasing and excessive damage)
and tidy up the rest of the house, not noticing
that the spaceship wasn't her house. Or, for
that matter, not noticing that where she ended
up wasn't her house either. Oh well, she said,
as she tidied up rooms of the castle she was
in one by one. 

While Kasumi was dusting the big white robot
(at least, she thought the thing was a robot),
another member of the castle saw the weird
glowing portal in the room Kasumi had just
cleaned. She looked around, listened, and, still
wondering what it was, stepped through and
found herself in the middle of a
now-immaculate science lab on a wrecked
spaceship. She also saw some weird buttons,
and played around with a few before giving up
on figuring out what they do. She then crept
out of the ship and looked around at the big
hole she was sitting in with no way out of.
Then, worried as to how to get back, she tried
going back through the portal, and returned
quickly before a beam whizzing past fried her
instead of my clone beside her. Then, even
more concerned, she looked back at the
buttons, not remembering how they were
pushed when she got there. She tried some
others, hopped in at different times, hoping to
find the right dimension, but no luck - she was
apparently stuck here. Sighing, she curled up
and went to sleep, cursing her stupid inborn
curiosity factor and leaving the machine on. 

Which means, next chapter, we can bring in
more people if we want, just before the party
starts and Washu has me on her experiment
table for writing half of this stuff into
happening. 

----------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------

Well, I'm gonna get flamed for Nabiki, but I can think of no better nasty
way to get various Washu creations into the Ranmaverse for the purpose of
bad things happening.  Genma, perhaps, but he doesn't outright steal - he
seems to be nice and make himself known, and grab stuff as more of what
would be called an "inside job".  Besides, he'd look at the stuff and
tinker with it in the ship, get hurt, and run away; it takes Nabiki to
figure out what the stuff can do.

C&C,MST, write me, please; it looks weird when I do it to myself, and,
besides that, I can't use the same joke twice.  (Unless it's a running gag
- then it's abusable to death.  ^_^)

Also, a personal request to Christian A. Rogers (I think I got the name
right; if not, then whoever is in charge of this):  I humbly request your
permission to use the Xover Drinking Game in this fanfiction.  The most
likely use is some form of obscure reference, and I'd be ever grateful.

Now, the bit you all may have been waiting for:

---------------------------------------------------------

*Arguably the most insane cartoon in Japanese anime...*

(Pictures of various transformations, fights, and malletings from Ranma
1/2)

*Now fused with arguably the most insane cartoon in American Saturday
morning cartoons.*

Ranma:  Now, little buddy, don't forget to clean up after yourself.

Ryoga:  I know.  Good thing I kept this small tactical nuke for just such
an occasion.

Ranma:  Good idea.  But, aren't you worried about radioactive poisoning
affecting your genetic structure and mutating your body in horrid and
indescribable ways?

Ryoga:  Naw.  Actually, the ability to see your skeleton through your skin
makes it a snap to dress up for Halloween.  And the natural glow attracts
babes.

Ranma:  No harm then.  We'd better hurry - it looks like the fugitives are
waking up.  Hand me the nuke, oh buddy of mine.

Ryoga:  Here you go.  Oh, wait, where'd I put the fuse for the thing?

Ranma:  Don't worry, I'll handle it.  (runs in a circle around bad guys
and bomb) Hiryu Shoten Ha!

Ryoga:  Good idea, but, doesn't that move require a hot battle aura from
the bad guys to work?

Ranma:  Yes, it does.  Which, seeing as all the bad guys were out cold, is
a good indication of why everything's falling back to Earth so quickly.
Good observation, Ryoga.

Ryoga:  Think nothing of it, old pal.  We'd best go, before the bomb lands
and burns our flesh to a tender, flaky, golden black crust.

Ranma:  Agreed - we can pick up whatever's left of the criminals later.

(Ranma and Ryoga enter battered police car, and drive off into a beautiful
sunset in front of a large, mushroom shaped explosion)

*Coming soon:*

RANMA AND RYOGA:  FREELANCE POLICE

A Ranma/Sam and Max Fusion.

Warning, not suitable for sanity.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Nicholas Eckert
vidstudent