Subject: Re: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic] Cat's Prey
From: Mike Loader
Date: 4/28/1998, 3:33 PM
To: Gary Kleppe
CC: ffml@fanfic.com, Cindy Toler <yoiko@earthlink.net>

I'm of truly mixed feelings about this one.

On the positive side: the story's premise and the end effect are a
frightening concept. And the story is, for the most part, well told. Some
scenes, such was Ranma shredding the spatula, could almost be seen.

On the bad side...

Quite frankly, your villain sucks.

He's breaking the rules, here. Supernatural evil in a story works on cause
and effect. Cause: mortals do something. Effect: supernatural forces,
called, respond.

The shadowcat in this story is a sort of deus-ex-machina in opposite. He
just... shows up. No reason why, he just shows up. And he can drive Akane
into nekoken without actual cats. For no apparent reason.

You even keep Perry's emphasis of the separation between the natural and
superatural world ("I'm in the kami plane...")... Yes, he IS in the damn
kami plane, so what in the name of Bob is he doing mucking around on earth
like an omnipotent diety? If he could do all this, why hasn't he done it
before? There should be legions of yowling nekokens all over the world...

Perry's shadowcat has power over Ranma because he has the nekoken. He can
pose a threat to Akane when she's in his reality. Perry sets rules and
limitations for him, and almost motives and a way to draw him into the
story. You just have him show up and go all-powerful.

End rant. :)

Anyhow, except for that, I liked it. ;)

- Mike Loader
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l  "For, look you, there is humour in all things, and the truest
 / () \   l   philosophy is that which teaches us to find it and make the
/      \  l   most of it." - Jack Point, _The Yeomen of the Guard_
--------  l                    mike@thekeep.org
==========+==================================================================