Subject: [FFML] [fanfic] Converging Series Side Story - Job Offer
From: RPM - acct 3/5
Date: 3/22/1998, 8:24 PM
To: fanfic list



This is a side story to Converging Series act 7,
as well as a side story to Erin Mills' 'The
Shadows'

All Converging Series material can be found at:
http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/converging_series

-----------------------------------------------------


                          JOB OFFER
                        by Erin Mills

           The universe, as has often been observed, is a
frigtheningly big place. Not only is it infinite in terms of
space and time, but add the complexities of an infinite
amount of realities being bounded by borders that are easily
breached by those with the knowhow, and it becomes so vast
as to make major cosmologists want to give up and spend the
rest of their lives off in grassy meadows tending sheep. 
           Naturally, anything that is this complex is
bound, over time, to develop some sort of intelligence and
to take an active interest in it's ailments. 
          The universe has been sentient for quite a few
millenia now.  However, it's intelligence is more a sort of
instinct rather than any logical calculative type of
thought. Kind of like an animal. 
     Many animals have portectors in the society of the
human race and the universe is no exception. The "Save the
Universe" Foundation has observed with dismay the alarming
number of people that are finding ways to break through the
universe's carefully crafted barriers with out so much as a
"by-your-leave" and then proceed to cause major screw ups in
the realities they invade. Therefore, They have decided that
what these wayward travellers need to be kept in check is
someone to keep an eye on them and make sure they don't turn
the realities they visit into a hopless mess of causality. A
guide, if you will. 

        This is the story of how one ordinary woman caught
in an extraordinary event became one of these guides... 

         The Nerima district of Tokyo has long been the
migraine headache of the universe. Something about this
collection of streets, shops and homes tends to invite more
mayhem, chaos, and cross-dimensional rifts per square meter
than the now infamous Unseen University of the equally
infamous Discworld off in one of the more neglected
realities. 
        It, therefore, seemed logical that the Guide for
Nerima be one from a Nerima where things had settled down
somewhat... 

        Reiko Tsereba, late of the Tokyo Police, tossed her
shoulder length black hair and sipped her tea while looking
out the window of Ucchan's.  It had been nearly two months
since the death of Ukyou Kuonji and three weeks since Ranma
Saotome's unsuccessful attempt to bring her back from the
dead. During those three weeks, Reiko had not had the best
of luck.
        The police, deciding in the way of all bureaucratic
organizations confronted with something they don't
understand, had buried the incidents surrounding Ukyou's
death and the battles with the malevolent Ki-Spirit that had
robbed her of her life. As a result the grave robbing charge
against Ranma had been dropped and the aiding and abetting
charge Reiko was facing for helping him resulted in a deal; 
The Tokyo PD dropped the charges and Reiko tendered her
resignation. Case closed.
       <I really can't blame them though,> she had thought
at the time. <If one of MY officers came to me with some
wild tale about a soul-sucking Ki-Spirit, I probably
wouldn't believe it either.>
     Reiko sighed and looked at the clock. 11:30. Her
resignation would be final at noon. 
     "Is everything all right, Reiko-san?" Akane asked
coming from the back of the store. Reiko was startled out of
her memories and looked at the younger girl. 
         "Yes, everything's fine, Akane." the disgraced
officer replied. "As fine as it's going to get, anyway." 
        "I'm sorry you lost your job." Akane said. "It's all
our fault." 
       "No, it isn't. It isn't anyone's fault. Just like it
isn't Ukyou's fault for dying when she did." Reiko glanced
at the portrait of Ukyou hanging on the far wall. "It's all
right. I'll still have my memories. And this..." She reached
under her jacket and produced a .45 automatic pistol. She
removed the clip and placed it on the bar. Akane's eyes
widened. 
         "They let you keep that?" 
        "They had no choice." Reiko said. "It's mine. It
belonged to my father when he was on the force. He left it
to me after he died." 
        "He must have been proud of you." Akane said. 
        "He was. But not as proud as he would have been if
I'd been his son, instead of his daughter. He always wanted
a boy. Anyway, I vowed that I'd make him proud of me by
becoming as good an officer as he was. He always thought I'd
make Captain one day. So did I. But now..." 
        "What will you do?" 
        "Probably what every other ex-cop does whose been
forced into an early retirement. I'll become a private
detective, spying on cheating couples who want divorces,
fighting with bill collectors. The pay'll stink, but at
least it's a living." 
         Akane nodded sadly. 

       It should be noted at this point that Reiko Tsereba
had quite a few qualifications that would lead to the most
important lunch date she would ever have. 
       First, she had what few people in her universe did;
knowledge that the universe was indeed a great deal stranger
than people think. As such, she could adapt quickly to
bizzare occurances and people. 
        Second, she had the tenacity to deal with those who
were somewhat rigid in their beliefs. She had done this with
regard to her partner Lt. Keibu Watanabe when Ranma was a
fugitive wanted for grave robbing. 
        Finally, she had the skills honed during her ten
years on the police force that would come in handy if any
unforseen trouble should occur.  She was a natural athlete.
She had some training in several martial arts, and was
unique in being the best female marksman on the force in her
version of Nerima. 
        So, when a large silver car came zooming past the
Ucchan's at fifty miles per hour, with what looked like a
small nuclear bomb attached to the roof, Reiko did what came
naturally... 

        "I'm going after them!" Reiko pronounced. 
       "You can't possibly catch up with them!" Akane
protested. "They'll be miles away." 
       "The streets around here are narrow and curve at
unnatural angles.  They'll have to decrease speed soon.
Besides, my resignation isn't official until noon. I still
have thirty minutes left." Reiko snatched up her gun,
slammed in the clip, and clicked off the safety. "Which way
to the roof?"

       She found the car a few blocks away. She was
beginning to see why Ranma and most of his friends went by
rooftop whenever they travelled around town. There were no
people or buildings to get in the way. 
       She leaped from the roof she was on to the ground,
startling a few people in the process. The car was only a
few hundred meters away.  There was a cab coming down the
street. Reiko dashed in front of it, causing the driver to
slam on the brakes.
       She got in the passenger side of the car and flashed
her badge. 
       "Sgt. Tsereba, Tokyo PD. I'm comandeering this
vehicle. Follow that silver car." 
        The cabbie complied and in moments they had caught
up with the car. It was apparently heading towards downtown
Tokyo. 
       "What the hell are they doing?" Reiko thought. 

    Inside the silver car, the driver of the car turned to
his companion. 
    "What the hell is she doing?" he demanded. His
companion, a young woman looked out the rear view mirror. 
     "I don't know. She just jumped in the cab and followed
us. I think she's a cop." 
     "Perfect." the driver sighed. "Well, we don't have the
time to deal with her. We've got to get this damn reactor
back to the Cafe before they realize that it's missing." 
      "I still can't believe you stole that damn thing. What
were you thinking?" 
     "I wasn't being paid to think! I was being paid to
steal the thing, strap it to the car and tear around the
streets here for an hour then bring it back." 
     "You got PAID?!" 

      "What the-?!" The phrase exploded from the lips of
both Reiko and the cab driver as the woman in the
passenger's seat reached out and began to throttle the
driver. The silver car swerved all over the street, knocking
over garbage cans, toppling a few newspaper kiosks, and
scaring the living bejeezus out of a few pedestrians. 
       "Right." Reiko said. She pulled out her pistol,
double checked the clip, and clicked off the safety. "Get as
close to that car as you can without putting us or anyone
else in danger," she ordered. The cabbie nodded and was
about to put the pedal to the metal, when he saw Reiko pull
her hair back, secure it with a rubber band, and lean
dangerously out the open window of the cab.
        "What the hell are you doing?!" The cabbie asked. 
        "I'm going for the tires." Reiko responded. "Now
shut up and drive." 
        Reiko blinked back the tears caused by the wind
streaming over her face. She leveled the pistol with her
right hand and used her left to steady it. Soon she felt the
trance take over. 
      "The trance" was how Reiko described the feeling that
came over her when she knew a shot was going to hit exactly
where she wanted to. The world seemed to cease existing.
Sounds, smells, everything faded into the background. There
was only her, the gun and the target. 
      She waited until it felt just right...and squeezed. 

      The rear driver side tire exploded. The car began
swerving even more crazily than before. It was obvious that
what little control the driver had over the vehicle was now
long gone. 
      "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Reiko yelled to the pedestrians
on the street. The car did a 180-degree turn, flipping
itself onto the driver's side in the process and proceeded
to slide another 50 meters before coming to rest against a
storefront. In the distance, sirens could be heard. 
     The cab pulled to a stop, and Reiko leaped out of the
car. She flashed her badge to the growing crowd. 
      "Tokyo Police! Stay back!" She walked up to the car
cautiously, her gun at the ready. She called to the
occupants of the car. 
      "This is Sergeant Tsereba of the Tokyo Police
Department! Step out of the car and keep your hands where I
can see them!"
       Nothing happened. Reiko frowned and stepped closer,
ready for an attack. 
      "You have until the count of three, then I'm coming in
after you! One!" 
      Silence. 
     "Two!" 
     There was a sound of movement in the car. Reiko tensed. 
      "Three!" She charged forward, keeping low, then leaped
up to the upturned side of the car and pulled open the
passenger door. She stared for a moment in shock at what she
saw. 
      "What the hell--?" 

    The car exploded in a flash of blue light. The assembled
crowd threw their hands over their eyes in pain. After a
moment the blaze faded, revealing... 

    Nothing. There was no car, no debris, no bodies mangled
beyond all recognition. Only the damage to the street itself
and a pair of skid marks even indicated that a car had ever
been there. 

   In the distance a clock struck noon. 


---

                 End of Act I

---
   
    Reiko tried to see through the haze of her vision.
Trying to make sense of the colors and sounds that were
assaulting her. After a few moments the images formed into a
crystal chandelier hanging from a ceiling. And the sounds
became voices. 

      "...sure she's going to be all right?" 
      "Yes, perfectly. The force shield I installed in the
reactor kept her from being lost in the timestream and
suffering any permanent ill effects." 
      "Surely you must have realized how dangerous that
course of action was, Doctor." 
      "It was the only way he could think of to get her
here. I didn't like it any more than you do." 
       "Excuse me, Doctor, but your table is ready." 
       "Excellent, we can continue this discussion over
lunch, Ambassador. Come along, Jennifer, David. " 
       "Don't you think we oughta stay with her?" 
       "Believe me, David, things are going to be confusing
enough for her as it is, let's not complicate the
situation." 
       "If you say so." 
  
        After the voices had left, Reiko groaned and sat up.
She instantly regretted it. Her head hadn't felt like this
since the morning after her high school graduation when she
found herself buck naked at the top of Tokyo Tower with a
cow and an unconscious Mormon missionary.  Talking her way
out of THAT had been fun. 
        Anyway, she appeared to be in some sort of reception
area of what looked like a posh restaurant. There was a
sofa, a reservation desk and a six armed gorilla in a tuxedo
looking at her with faint disapproval.
       "Excuse me, madam, but do you have a reservation?" 
       The voice sounded familiar. Reiko had heard it before
on some old records her old roomate had brought from
England. What was the guy's name. Cleese?
         "Madam?" 
        Reiko realized that she hadn't answered the ape. She
struggled to her feet. "Just a second..." she said. After
making sure her legs would support her weight, she
straightened her clothes and took the rubber band out of her
hair. 
       "Now, what was that again?" she asked, studiously
ignoring the fact that she was talking to a six armed ape
with a tuxedo and a British accent. 
       "May I have your name, please, madam?" the ape asked,
a bit exasperated. 
       "Reiko Tsereba." 
       The ape gestured her over to the reservation podium
and glanced down the list. 
       "T..T's... TS...TSE.. ah, here we are. Tsereba,
Reiko, lunch date with Mr. Lazlo, West Wing, the Albatross
Room. Does madam require an escort?" 
        "That would be nice, seeing as how I've never been
here before." 
         "Most certainly, madam. Oh, Ed!" 
         A large shaggy pile of purple fur bounded out of
nowhere to the podium.
        "Ed, would you kindly show Ms. Tsereba to her table?
She's having lunch with Mr. Lazlo." 
         "Ed" made no sound but shivered in a bizzare
sequence of shakes. 
          "I know you don't like Mr. Lazlo, Ed, but liking
the customers isn't what you're getting paid for is it? Now,
kindly show Ms. Tsereba to her table...or do I have to get
Mr. Jobe in here?" 
          This was the first time Reiko had ever seen hair
stand on end, without apparently being attatched to
anything. The ape turned to her. 
         "I'm terribly sorry for the delay, madam. May I
check your sidearm?" 
         Reiko reluctantly surrendered her father's gun and
accepted the claim check for it.
        "You may pick it up when you leave. And may I be the
first to welcome you to the Cafe Eternium." 

        Ed led Reiko through several rooms, each one having
a different atmosphere than the others. She was surpised to
see so many identical versions of people she knew. There
were Akanes, Ranmas, Shampoos, Mousses and Ryogas. And if
she looked, she even saw a few Ukyous in the mix. She
resisted the temptation to go over and introduce herself
though. After all, Ukyou would have no idea who she was
anyway. 
 
       If one is wondering why Reiko seems to be so
accepting of the current situation, it is because the
initial shock of going through a time and reality warp to
the Cafe and having a conversation with a large ape and a
pile of fur has now worn off, and she has come to the
conclusion that there is, in fact, a completely logical
reason for all of this... 

     "I'm dead, aren't I?" Reiko asked the gentleman across
the table. Lazlo had turned out to be an albino gaijin in a
white linen suit. He was very eloquent and neat in his
speech. 
      "Dead?" Lazlo repeated. "No, of course not. Whatever
gave you that idea?" 
      "Well, the fact that I'm seeing things here that
couldn't possibly exist for one. As well as multiple copies
of people I know. Now, I'm not much on religion but it seems
like the only place for this kind of thing to happen is in
the afterlife." 
       Lazlo smiled. "Amazing, simply amazing. You manage to
come up with a completely logical answer to such an
illogical place. They were right in deciding on you." 
        A waiter came up and asked for their order. Reiko
ordered the shrimp cocktail while Lazlo had prime rib. 
         "So," Reiko said after the waiter had departed. "If
I'm not dead, where am I?" 
          "It's a little difficult to explain. Have you ever
read much science fiction?" 

     An hour later, Lazlo had explained the basics of
transreality travel over their main courses. Reiko had
listened, asked questions, and, with the aid of testemony
from several other diners, believed every word of it. 

     "Okay then," she said, putting down her fork. "What do
you want with me? I'm pretty sure it wasn't just to give me
a very nice lunch and expand my knowledge of reality." 
      "Quite right," said Lazlo, reaching into an inner
pocket of his jacket.  "My organization wants to give you a
job. A very special job." He tossed a round, brass object on
the table. "We want you to become a Guide." 
        Reiko picked up the piece of brass. It was hinged
like a pocket watch and was engraved with several hexagons
bordering on one another as well as the legend "Reality Is
Not An Absolute." Reiko opened the object. It turned out to
be a compass. It had all sixteen points and a needle, but
the indicators for the directions were missing. 
        "What is this?" Reiko asked. 
        "It's a compass." Lazlo replied. "A Reality Compass.
It's designed to let you track down wayward dimension
hoppers and help them get around to where they need to be.
It doesn't have any directions on it because you aren't
officially a Guide yet. But if you accept, then it will give
two permanent settings, wherever you decide to make your
home and the Cafe Eternium. Other settings will appear when
you need to track down someone." 
          "What do you mean 'wherever I decide to make my
home?'" 
        "I'm afraid, Ms. Tsereba that, as far as your home
dimension is concerned, you're dead. I'm afraid Jennifer and
David weren't as careful as they should have been when I
asked them to bring you here." 
         "Okay, I'm willing to accept that. It was a pretty
big flash of light.  Probably scared the hell out of the
crowd.  But I've still got more questions. For instance, why
me?" 
        "We saw your handling of the Ki-Spirit that had
killed Ukyou Kuonji in your home universe. We also saw how
you were unjustly forced to resign. We consider being a
private investigator to be a waste of your talents when they
could be made useful as a Guide." 
        "Exactly who do you work for, Mr. Lazlo?" 
        "I am a member of an organization called the "Save
the Universe"  Foundation. Similar to the Save the Whales
campaign on Earth. We are looking to protect the universe
from those who would either accidentally or purposefully
attempt to change other realities for their own ends." 
        "Sounds like a very noble goal. How successful are
you?" 
       "There was a slight problem some years ago with a
group of megalomaniacs that attempted to become an immortal
being with godlike powers but we manged to straighten them
out...and then there is that fiasco in Washington, D.C. but
that is being sorted out as we speak. By and large, however,
we tend to keep things relatively stable, so I would suppose
you'd call us a successful enterprise." 
      It was time for the big question. 
      "What would the job entail?" 
      The deal was fairly straightforward. It seemed that
every so often, a group of dimension hoppers managed to make
a total hash out of every reality they visited. Whenever
this occured she was to meet them at the Cafe and proceed to
help them around the realities until everything was put
right again. She would be exactly what the title was. A
Guide. 
       "Well, Ms. Tsereba? What do you say?" 
       Reiko thought for a moment about everything she had
seen and heard. It seemed crazy, but she was convinced that
it was all true. And if Lazlo was to be believed, she had
nothing to go back to anyway. 
      "Sure." she answered. 

                                THE BEGINNING...