jws1@webtv.net (jeff shelton) wrote:

Akane's cooking is so overused.

True.

Nermia General Hospital. Approx. 9:00 pm.

That's Nerima. (I think it was called "Nermia" in a Ranma 1/2 fighting
video game.)

"Akane cooked tonight, like she promised at school, right." Ukyo smirks.

right?"

"I seem to remember lunch today. I seem to remember how since Ranma was 
afraid that Akane would cook he asked both of you to fix him lunch. I 

Some commas here would help the clarity: I seem to remember how, since
Ranma was afraid that Akane would cook, he asked both of you to fix him
lunch.

"Her cooking was supposed to bad! MINE was going to be the best!" Ukyo 
shouts pointing at Shampoo.

shouts, pointing

"Spatula's girl's cooking bad!" Shampoo shouts pointing at Ukyo. 

shouts, pointing

"You niece will be fine, Tendo Soun. She'll have to stay in the hospital 

Your niece

'How am I going to kept Nodoka from finding out! She's going to want to 

to keep Nodoka from finding out?

visit Ranma everyday! Why didn't I grab the phone from Kasumi's hand 

every day

"However, the poisons have caused a very bad reaction with her appendix. 
Ranko will have to have it removed. now. They are going to be beginning 

removed now.

"I found out who poisoned Ranma. Kodachi slipped the poison into Ukyo's 
and Shampoo's lunch this afternoon." Nabiki smiles. "Right Ukyo? Right 

lunches

Shampoo?"

They nod.

It would be funny if they found out that Kodachi really HAD poisioned
the lunches -- after Nabby's already paid, of course.

Ranma purses her lips, grimaces, looks up at her mother in the gallery 
and starts to whisper to Akane. "One of these days, Pops stupid promises 
are going to cause me to commit Seppuku." She stops talking for a 
second. "When that happens I want to make sure I can do it correctly."

Akane stands up straight, looks up at Nodoka, looks at the tank in her 
hand. "You're sure, Ranma? No Anesthesia ?"

Ranma nods her head. "How else will I know I can stand the pain of 
Seppuku?"

Seems to me they both accept this too easily. I can believe their
reactions, but would expect to see more reluctance.

As the operation begins Ranma hand slips out from under the sheet 
covering her. Akane grips it tightly.

Aw, that's nice!


One suggestion I can make is to put a little scene at the beginning
where they're trying to anesthetize Ranma and he says "No!" It would be
a neat hook to get the readers' attention as they read through to the
end where they find out why he doesn't want to be put under.


Overall, a very enjoyable short!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics