Subject: [FFML] [C&C] [Fanfic][El Hazard] Legend of El Hazard: The World of the Ancient Gods (Chapter 1)
From: Matthew Lewis
Date: 3/1/1998, 2:03 PM
To: "Florencio B. de la Merced, Jr." <fmerced@pworld.net.ph>, "Fanfic Mailing List" <ffml@fanfic.com>


Wouldn't be right, just to do hte prologue and then nothing else,
would it? :-)

At 04:20 PM 3/1/98 +0800, Florencio B. de la Merced, Jr. wrote:
Legend of El Hazard
--------------------

by Florencio B. de la Merced, Jr. (fmerced@pworld.net.ph)

A Fanfic inspired by the anime El Hazard
--------------------

Chapter 1

-----

The World of the Ancient Gods

-----

Earth

-----

Shinonome High School

-----

Although it was still the middle of the night, no one in his right mind
would have reason to believe that there were still students inside the
campus.   But Hinosuke Mizuhara was no ordinary man, and mind anyway.  He

"...and mind anyway." is a little confusing. Do you mean to say that he is
not in his right mind, or that he has no ordinary mind?

stepped out of the car that he had parked near the gates of the high school
of his son, his missing son, Makoto.  He inspected the gates, discovering
that they weren't locked up yet.  A woman stepped from the same car, she too
was looking for her son.  "See, Nariko.  The school hasn't been locked up
yet.  There must still be students inside."  Hinosuke gently pushed the
gates open and stepped inside.  Nariko Mizuhara followed as soon as she made
sure the car was locked.

"Where could that boy be?"  Hinosuke had walked around the corridors for
about ten minutes now but still no soul in sight.  He kept thinking that
maybe his wife was right.  If Makoto was here, a room would still be lit
somewhere.  But as dark as the evening sky was, Shinonome High was as dead
silent as the twilight of death.  "Damn it son, I'll never forgive you ..."
A flash of light, Hinosuke swore he saw it coming from the other building.
"Ah, Makoto you little snot!  Still doing your little experiments in here,
eh."  He ran around a corner, fetching his wife who was resting inside a
room full of empty chairs.

-----

El Hazard

-----


Floristica

-----

Everyone was enjoying a relaxed and joyous dinner.  The palace of Floristica
was in a very festive mood.  For once, with the elimination of their
enemies, the Bugroms, everyone felt the need to celebrate the Alliance's,
and Roshtaria's victory.  Rune Venus was happy for a lot of reasons, with
her sister Fatora back, the Bugrom threat non existent anymore, and that
Roshtaria and also the whole of El Hazard was saved from the dangers of the
Eye of God.  It was just ironic that it was the legendary demon goddess
Ifurita, responsible for the annihilation of the ancient civilization of El
Hazard, and that almost destroyed Roshtaria as well, had saved all of them.
But not everyone was celebrating.  Someone was standing all alone out on the
terrace, staring up at the sky and was thinking farther than what his eyes
could take him.

"Hey, what's with the gloomy face?"  Nanami Jinnai, another student of
Shinonome High that unwillingly found her way in the land of El Hazard,
stepped out from the shadows of the doorway.  She held two glasses in her
hand, intent on offering the other drink to Makoto.  It was non-alcoholic,
she assured the sullen and depressed young man she called a friend. A
different kind of friendship.  "It seems you can't stop thinking about her."
Nanami drank the bubbly in one swift motion, apparently her drink  had a
melancholic effect on her.  Makoto tried to hide his despair, even joking
around at how Nanami was turning red all of a sudden for drinking a
non-alcoholic beverage.  If you only knew, Nanami thought.  "You can't fool
me, Mizuhara!"  She stomped off the terrace in a hurry, badly needing
another round, and to get the sight of a disillusioned Makoto from her
sights.

"Nanami.  Wait."  Makoto was alone again.  He didn't understand Nanami's
behavior, nor why he felt guilty just now.  If thinking about how he
couldn't save Ifurita, or knowing that it'll be a thousand, no ten thousand
years before he could see her again, made him feel guilty, then that was
exactly what he had to face.  "I promised." Makoto bowed down and turned
around, the glass was still in his hand, untouched.

-----

Across the Holy River

----

Katsuhiko Jinnai, the infamous class president elect of Shinonome High
School and another recent visitor of El Hazard, looked from atop Groucho's
back.  The little that was left of his, painstakingly built, fortress was a
sorry sight to behold.  The whole tower was gone, and most of the surround
hills were charred with dark soot, evident of the passing of the power of
the Eye of God.  He jumped off his most trusted bugrom servant.  He walked
ahead of the party,  Queen Diva's own bugrom servants, the last of the
Bugroms on El Hazard.  "Makoto!  You will pay for this!  I swear!"  Jinnai
slammed his fist against what he thought was a huge boulder, only that it
disintegrated at impact.  The ashes and dust made everyone uneasy.  The
devastation was too much to take, Queen Diva compared it to the ancient
ruins that she had shown Jinnai a few days ago.  Before she allowed the
unsealing of Ifurita.

"Nothing is left."  Queen Diva felt helpless.  In one swift blow, the
unparalleled advantage that was gained by the advance of the Bugrom forces,
all those victories, all those cities that fell in their hands.  All was
taken away from them by the ultimate weapon, and Rune Venus and her sister
unleashed that power onto them.  It was a punishment, Diva still couldn't
believe it.  Even the prophesized messenger, the one that was to lead them
to victory, failed to make her dream a reality.  "At least we're still here,
Jinnai."  She noticed Jinnai's look, confused and scared at the same time.
"We still have each other, Jinnai."

"Hey, what are you thinking?"  Jinnai clenched his fist.  "It's not yet
over, Diva.  We can still gain the upper hand."  Diva's spirit rose,
interested and aroused at what Jinnai was thinking.  "We'll find another way
to win this war."  Jinnai turned to the last of his troops.  "This battle
maybe over but," he raised his arm, "the war is just beginning.  Makoto!  I
swear, the war is not over!"  That raised everyone's morale, at least a bit.

Margaret, a tall and huge bug asked Jinnai what was he planning.  Jinnai
crossed his arms and turned to the remnants of his palace.  "First, we have
to rebuild this fortress again."  All the bugs remaining looked at each
other.  "So, what are you waiting for?  Get to work!"  Hesitantly they
followed the ravings of the lunatic.


So far, this seems to be an elaboration on some of the ending events of
the last OAV. A deeper look, true, but one nonetheless. This puts it at 
odds with the prologue, in that it would seem to come before the prologue,
time-line wise....

-----

Earth

-----

Ifurita fell down, greatly weakened by the surge of power she had to use
just to fulfill her future, and her past.  She gathered her remaining
strength and found her way out of the chambers that had served her tomb the
past ten thousand years.  The corridor was dark and no one was there to meet
her.  In her mind she kept seeing her new memory, her recent past that was
given to him by the same boy that had released her from her curse.  The
curse of following the holder of the Power Key Staff.  The staff was now
with Makoto, and she truly hoped that he had found a way to tap into the
power that will save her again.

She found herself inside an empty classroom.  She brushed the table top,
reminiscing how she must have been sitting here while Makoto Mizuhara would
be just beside her.  She smiled in her heart, but she also knew the sadness
of her situation.  No matter what she can remember, she was still alone, and
too far from the person that could comfort her.  Makoto promised, that made
her live on, a promise was the only reason for her to live.  Finally she did
have a reason to exist, and it was a reason that she wanted so badly.

"Finally, she had a reason to exist...." instead of "Finally she did have
a...."
It flows better this way, I think. 
(I'm not really looking for grammar or spelling, but sometimes things just
sort
of jump out at me)


Ifurita looked out the window, the sky was full of stars and the moon was
shinning so brightly that night.  She was reminded of El Hazard.  The many
wonders that it held, she thought for a second if this world  that she had
found herself trapped in can even compare.  She easily found the stairs,
though if she had the strength she would have flown down the flights instead
of painstakingly climbing down, taking each step as if it was her last.
"Makoto, please hurry."  She found the doorway leading out of the building.
The open field was what she discovered.  It was empty, as she was lonely in
a world that was foreign to her.  But she knew any world was foreign to her,
until she had met Makoto Mizuhara.

I think ...every world.... would work better than ...any world.... here. 
Increases the sense of Ifurita's isolation, methinks.


She rested on the wire fence, closing her eyes as she desperately tried to
hang on.  Wait for him, she screamed inside.  Makoto promised he'll come for
her, and she believed him.  With her whole heart, and soul, she believed the
young man who gave the exact same emotions and intangible humanity that was
now in her.  "I'll wait for you, this I promise."

-----

Hinosuke scratched his head as he couldn't believe how he could be wrong
about the light that he had seen.  It was here, he swear, in this part of
Shinonome High where he saw a brilliant light that for a second made the
evening as bright as the coming morning.  His wife wasn't convinced, though.
"I swear, Nariko.  I saw it come from here."

"Hinosuke, we should get back.  It's just futile to look here.  Makoto must
be at home right now, worrying where in the world we are."  Nariko grabbed
Hinosuke's arm, dragging him out of the building.

"Nariko, I'm sorry.  Really, I guess you where...Oomph!"  Hinosuke grimaced
as he ran smack into his wife as she suddenly had found the opportunity of
stopping while they were rushing back towards their vehicle.  "Nariko?"  His
wife was pointing at the open field.  Though the fence was noticeable, it
took Hinosuke several seconds before he realize there was the outline of a
person leaning on the fence.  The shadow of the moonlight made the figure
inconceivable in the darkness, but with the wind sweeping her hair it was
not impossible to see her.  It was a woman, Hinosuke reasoned to himself, as
he stepped closer and while he whispered for the lady's attention.  He had
to be discrete since he didn't want to shock the girl.  But it was him that
had the last surprise.

"Ifurita?"  Nariko somehow knew it was her.  The light violet locks of her
hair was being blown by the wind.  She didn't want to believe it though.
"Can't be."  Hinosuke was now fearing for his life.  He too had notice that
the unmoving woman was indeed Ifurita.  The uniform, the wind-up notch at
her back, all of it was uniquely Ifurita. His mind was aching, something
that he had repressed so long ago was suddenly rushing back up for him to
recall.  The legendary demon goddess was here.

"Ifurita?  It can't be you."  Both Mizuhara's stepped back, realizing that
to further go on, or even ask the demon of El Hazard was to bring instant
death to both of them.  They had to regroup, fortunately their instincts led
them back towards their car.  Inside, the couple were shaking, a certain
paleness confirmed their fears.  "Nariko, that can't be...tell me I was
dreaming."  His wife couldn't for she too saw.

"Hinosuke, what does this mean?"  Nariko hugged her husband for dear life.
"How, or Why is she on Earth?"

Hinosuke finally calmed down.  "This only means one thing, Nariko."  The
fear in his eyes reflected on her.  "The Eye of God, the ultimate weapon of
El Hazard had been activated."

"It can't be...but why?"  Nariko cried, she couldn't bear the news.  "Why?
Is she hunting us, Hinosuke?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry."  Both embraced each other, that was all they
could do.

"Oh, my!"  Her scream almost made Hinosuke die of a heart attack.
"Hinosuke, do you think Makoto is in El Hazard?"  For once he couldn't think
of anything else to conclude.  The presence of Ifurita and the
disappearance of his son all added up to one thing.

"He must be.  There's nothing else that would make sense, especially in El
Hazard."

-----

El Hazard

-----

"Hey, Makoto.  Have a toast." Fujisawa sensei only wanted to cheer up his
student, but Makoto still refused to see the bright side of the situation.
Because of them, El Hazard was saved.  And now that the Bugrom's were taken
cared of, they finally can find a way to get back home.  Makoto had other
things in mind though.  He had to solve a riddle first.  Or he'll never see
Ifurita again.

"Makoto, cheer up.  You'll find a way to get Ifurita back."  Afura Mann
patted the young man, offering the new delicacy she had discovered, toasted
bread.  Little did she notice, everyone was looking at the two.

"And why would he want that?"  Shayla strongly questioned her compatriot
priestess.  Not only was it common knowledge of Ifurita's past destructive
nature, but she was recently responsible for a lot of destruction on the
frontier of Roshtaria.  Shayla knew that everyone else in the room would
support her notion that Ifurita was better off in another dimension, away
>from El Hazard.  And most especially away from Makoto, who she too had
possible affections for.

A commotion filled the room, rumors spread like raging fire inside
Floristica.  Everyone turned to Rune Venus, erstwhile princess and monarchy
of Roshtaria, and now of the whole of El Hazard.  Makoto had seen enough.
For him there was no other way.  "Listen, I'm going to get Ifurita back.  No
matter what."  He stormed out of the room, leaving a lot of people in
disgust, in rage, and in general confusion as well.  Londs tried to maintain
order, this wasn't the time to ask for blood again.  All of Makoto's friends
stared at him as he disappeared through the doorway.  But it was only Ura
that had the courage to follow him.

If one wants to get picky (and, since I like to quibble, I suppose I do), one
should not start a sentence with a conjunction. The last sentence should read
more like: Only Ura had the courage to follow him. 
But who am I to say anything about that? I do it all the time too. ^_^


"Please calm down.  Let's not fight over ourselves.  I'm sure the lad is
just tearing up because Ifurita disappeared inside the Eye of God, but I'm
sure he'll get over her."  Londs words did have the necessary effect,

had, instead of "did have" again. Same reasoning as before.

everyone started to return to the party atmosphere.  But when the silence
continued, it was obvious that they know the man from another world truly
meant what he had just said.

"knew" not "know" You change from past to present tense....


Rune Venus spoke.  "Ifurita was indeed responsible for a lot of cruel and
harsh things that had happened in El Hazard's past.  But remember.  If not
for her, we wouldn't be here today celebrating."  An uproar ensued.
"Listen, I've spoken to the young Mizuhara, and we must be grateful for all
that he had done for us.  And he had assured us that Ifurita is no longer
the same demon god that destroyed ancient El Hazard a long time ago."  A
mild protest erupted, but the princess was composed and serious.  "We should
support him right now, that's is how we should show our gratitude.  And
besides," Rune Venus looked out a the terrace where Makoto was again in
seclusion, "the boy is just in love. We should know better."

"In love?"  Nanami muttered to herself.  She looked out towards the terrace,
a tear forming from her eyes.  "He can't be."  All she could do was slump in
her seat, hoping her heart wouldn't break.  But it did, for once she
admitted to herself, she had been the ignorant fool, not Makoto.

-----

"Hey kid, what's up?"  Masamichi joined Makoto out on the terrace, both
didn't look good.  Makoto was depressed, Fujisawa-sensei was just a bit
drunk.  "Hey, cheer-up.  If there is anyone in the whole of El Hazard that
can find Ifurita, that'll be you."  Makoto thanked him, but Makoto needed
more than words to comfort him.  "Anyway, what have you found out about that
picture of your father back there inside the library?"  Masamichi browsed
through the pockets of his jacket, hoping against hope that there was still
a cigarette there.  But he knew better.  "Darn. I really should request Dean

"...a cigarette there, but he knew better." Change the period to a comma,
because
of the word "but" and also becasue that last bit was really a sentence
fragment,
and not really a whole sentence.

Schtalubaugh to make me some cigarettes."

Henh.... An extra-super-powered Fujisawa, going through a nic fit, and
probably
detox too.... Scary thought, isn't it? :)


"Sensei.  I don't believe that the same person in that painting could
be my father."  Makoto drew out a piece of paper from the inside of his
jacket.  "I've gotten some history on that Ancient Sage, you won't believe
what he was responsible for."  Makoto read the short list, "He built a lot
of cities, he created the technology for the floating vehicles that is so
very common on Roshtaria, and some books even say that he was one of those
that created the Eye of God."  Masamichi was listening.  "This guy can't be
my father.  Heck, my father can't even fix our own car, let alone do all of
these.  Even if he's an engineer, he's no sage.  Not this one at least."

"Maybe that's his power?"  Masamichi drank from a liquor bottle he had been
carrying.  "Maybe when he came over here, he got wise all of a sudden."  For
once, Masamichi made sense while he was drunk.

-----

Earth

-----

"Damn it, work you idiot!"  Hinosuke kept turning the key, but the car still
wouldn't start.  "Damn it.  Where is Makoto when you needed him?"  The car's
engine stalled again.

Nice fade! I like the symmetry between what Makoto was saying, and what
happens
to his dad here. :)


"Hinosuke, maybe we shouldn't go?"  Nariko held on to her husband's arm.

Should that really be a question? I think it would sound better more as a 
statement.

"This must be an omen."

"Nariko?  There's a demon god in there, someone powerful enough to blow the
whole of Japan and you don't want to run away?"  He turned the key and
stepped on the gas pedal, and finally the car roared to life.  "At last!"
Hinosuke reached for the full reverse, but his wife stopped him.  "Nariko?"

"Let's not run anymore, Hinosuke."  From then on, it was clear what the two
had to do.  "We must find our son, Makoto must be in terrible danger,
especially if he is in El Hazard."  Hinosuke agreed, finding Makoto took
precedence.  "But I don't know where to start looking, Hinosuke?"

"We have to find Ifurita's chamber.  If she had made one."  Both parents
stepped out of the car, fully intent of going back.  Back to the that
magnificent world of El Hazard.

-----

"Watch your step."  Hinosuke guided his wife down the rubbles that led to
Ifurita's chambers.  It had been a long time since he had seen something
that reminded him of El Hazard.  That wasn't true, though.  He only had to

How about "That wasn't entirely true...." instead (possibly splicing it into
the previous sentence also).  I think it works a bit better, for some
reason I cannot really remember right now.

look at his wife to be reminded of his past adventure in a strange world
away from Earth.  "This has to be it."  The stasis chamber was indeed a
reminder of El Hazard.  The distinct patterns on the floor, the main chamber
that held power of unknown qualities.  Just staring at it made Hinosuke and
Nariko cuddle up in fear.

"I'm scared, Hinosuke."  Nariko can't shake away the vivid memories she has
about El Hazard.  Hinosuke grinned at his scared wife.

"That doesn't sound like the priestess of Mount Mouldoon that I remember."
Nariko pushed Hinosuke back.  "Hey?"

"That was a long time ago.  Don't you insult me now.  I hate it when you
tease me like that."  Nariko stepped forward, reaching over the stasis
chamber in order to examine it.  "Hinosuke, the power in here is still
strong enough."

"I see.  Then all we have to do is step inside."  Hinosuke looked at his
wife.  "Of course, with your help."  Nariko knew exactly what she had to do.
She took off the necklace she had been wearing.  The small stone ornament
that hung in middle glowed.  "I never thought we would ever need that
again."

"It's a good thing that this piece of the Eye of God is still with us."
Nariko clasped the stone in her hands.  "Ready?"

"Wait, what do you mean it's still with us?  You never take that away from
you."  Hinosuke hugged his wife.

"Well, Makoto wanted a gift for a...girl the other day and I suggested that
he gave this."  The light from the glowing ornament was enveloping them.

"What?  And you gave it up just like that?"  The stasis chamber started to
glow, the power that was still left rushed towards the couple.

"Well, he said he didn't need this kind of a gift.  So I got him some
perfume to give to the girl."  A portal opened up, the path to El Hazard had
appeared.

"You mean, Makoto already has a girl?  Why didn't I know of this?"  The two
started floating towards the dark portal that will eventually lead them back
to the world that they had long ran away from.

Henh. Makoto's got several girls, but only one who really matters....
(They're going to be surprised, right?)
	Hmmm. Just thought of something. Since it was Makoto's dad who invented
a lot of the ancient tech on the world, Makoto's power makes even more sense.
Just out of curiousity, is that something you meant to do, or did it just
sort of happen?


"Well, you know your son.  He can't say what he means.  Especially to you."
The two started to be engulfed by the portal.

"Who's this girl anyway?"  Only light came from the portal as it started to
close.  "Do we know her?"

"Nanami, I think that's the girl's name."  The portal's was almost finished,
soon the two would find their way back to El Hazard.

-----

Ifurita felt the surge of power coming from behind her.  She turned around
and looked, in her mind it could already be who she had been waiting for.
But only the receding light greeted her.  She didn't see Makoto however.
"I'll wait.  I promise."

-----

End of Chapter 1

-----

Thanks to all those that made comments and answered my questions with the
prologue.  I hope this is a worthy follow up to that.  By the way, please
C&C.

Also, another question.  What's the little phantom tribe kid's name?

Nahato (I can't remember the spelling of the one Phantom Tribe woman, the
assassin. Something like Kiriya. Ah well, she got wasted anyway).

Another pretty quick going through.... I'm starting to speculate on where
you're going with this, and have an idea or two.... 
(er, that's a roundabout way of saying you've got my interest)
I must have been in a bit of a grammar mood today, I suppose (looking back
at my comments). Feel free to tell me I'm wrong, since I'm definitely not
a real grammarian (you should listen to me speak.... I commit acts of
atrocity on the English language). Ignore any comments made at your leisure.



Special Thanks to

Anand Rao
Matthew Lewis
Christopher "God boy" Angel
Chris Davies
Son Goku
Mark A. Biggar
Henry J. Cobb
Michael Dickenson
Jussi Nikander
Barry Cadwgan

Note that these, well at least most of these guys are different from the
usual crowd I get when I write a Ranma fic.  Also, there is a different
crowd when I write a Tenchi fic, or an Oh My Goddess, and just recently a
Neon Genesis Evangelion fic.  Wonderful, ain't it?  There are really diverse
crowd of people on the FFML.

Well, I for one don't often C&C Ranma fics unless I see a lot of potential in
them (just needs to be fixed up a bit), or the idea so intrigues me I cannot
help but comment. This is not to say that I don't C&C for Ranma, or that I
don't read/enjoy Ranma fics (I do), just that it is less likely....

	El Hazard, well, for one, that's what I usually write. I can speak
knowledgably on the series, without having to worry about stuff like
"I haven't seen that bit yet" or whatever (unless one uses stuff from the next
OAV series... in which case I have to ask you where the hell you got it!).
Also, since I want to promote more El Hazard fics, I am much more likely to 
give C&C for them....
	Well, that's my explanation, and I'm sticking to it! ^_^



Matthew "Maybeso" Lewis
	maybeso@ican.net
___________________________________________________

Stuck at the station, he lost his train of thought.

Those who are kind say he's full of himself,
The unkind just say he's full of it.
___________________________________________________