C&C on Lost and Forgotten parts
--------------------------------

I'm about to make a horrible, horrible admission...
I...kinda like self-insert fics....

There!

I SAID IT AND I AM NOT ASHAMED!!!  

	Though not all.  Particularly those involving people becoming
great gods who walk amoung the weak and pitiful anime.  This wasn't
exactly a self-insert but it was definately in that category.  Below
is a short list of the great and wonderful things worthy of the most
high praise in this fiction I have chosen to critique followed by 
some suggestions.

GREAT AND WONDEROUS THINGS:

-	Jude is not all powerful
		You mentioned this in your intro, but 
	  	I'd just like to reiterate it for the record.  One of 
		my pet peeves is when a character is all powerful.  I 
		think you did a very good job of introducing him as a 
		rather realistic character.
			Not a master martial artist.  
			Not a super-genius. (ie can't out Nabiki Nabiki)
-	Like the Cursing 
		What can I say?  I'm a succer for curses...and it must
		be admitted that Nyannichuan has some of the most 
		intriging possibilities.  
-	Ryoga was in it.
-	Ryoga was in it.	
-	Ryoga was in it.

OTHER THINGS.

-	Ryoga Ranma Friendship???
		I have the same problem myself...how to introduce Ryoga
		and have him actually get along with Ranma without 
		changing either his character, Ranma's character, or the
		basic story.  This was a good effort (better than I've
		been able to do thus far...) but it is still slightly
		out of character for either of them to be reasonable 
		enough admitt thier friendship, or even agree to a 
		temporary truce. (especially Ryoga)  
			Note: If you figure out how to do this perfectly
			      I will bless you and your children to the
			      thousandth generation.
-	Amnesia Explanation.
		At the beggining of chapter 4 you wrote.

Chapter 4- Awakening

       If a person were to examine the inner workings of Jude's slightly damaged
gray matter, they would find that the damage was essentially quite minor.
One tiny connection in the myriad of other connections didn't work right.
Of course, this connection was the one that lead from his conscious mind to
his specific memory and identity.  When his brain tried to access the
familiar route after the accident it came up with an error and reported no
information.  This had the effect of once again rendering Jude incapable of
remembering his past.

		
		This is slightly innacurate, (but who really cares?)
		however it is also slightly hard to follow.  It could possibly
		simply be removed completely and just let it go that Jude just got 
		hit really hard and keeps loosing his memory.  
-	Not enough Ryoga!!!!
		It's a good story but It needs more of the GREAT ONE!!!!
		


Well, hope that helps...not that I'm probably the best one to give advice but as
long as I'm free to do so I think I will continue to fill the FFML with my thoughts


					Cat (Lesser God of Ryoga Fanfics)
					travis.mcintosh@student.oc.edu