I should note that I was VERY much out of it when I wrote this. Ugh.
Never drink more than 20 cans of Surge in five minutes. Even on a bet.
RANMA 1/2
By A-kun the Superfan
With the special A-kun stamp ^_^. With the revelation of a crazy
writer(me), there was one thing I had left to do...make an absolutely
insane story!
Standard disclaimers, so I won't get sued!
So, on with "The American Author Must Be Crazy!"
Enjoy! ^_^
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The American Author Must Be Crazy!
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Chapter 0 - "This is stupid!"
[Scene: We see the galaxies in all their glory. We zoom in on a
particular solar system. It has nine planets and an asteriod belt
between the fourth and fifth planets. We zoom in on the third planet.
After watching the blue and green planet spin for about six seconds, we
see Japan. We zoom in on Japan. The camera moves so that Tokyo is in
the center. We zoom in on it. The camera focuses in on Nerima
District. It stops and starts searching. We see the Kuno compound,
Shiratori Manor, Furinkan High School, when finally it stops on the
Tendo Dojo.]
[Scene: We see Ranma in the back standing between the tree and the pond.
We zoom in until we can only see Ranma, the edge of the tree and the
edge of the pond. We see something on Ranma's shirt collar and he has a
zoned out look, a silly grin on his face, and doesn't seem to be moving.
We zoom in on the something on Ranma's shirt. We noticed it's an ink
stain. But, this isn't about the stain, so we turn and look inside the
house where we see the Tendos and Genma sitting at the table, all having
pretty much the same look on their faces. We are all getting very
discomforted at the smiles and the fact that no one is moving.]
[Scene: We move outside the dojo and look at the door where Kuno,
Kodachi, Ryoga, Shampoo, Ukyo and Mousse are standing with the same
eerie smiles on their faces. Nodoka is standing behind them with the
same smile. We back off and go to Furinkan High School. All the extra
cast members are standing in front of the school with the same smile.
We are beginning to get VERY nervous at this lack of movement, until we
realize that the author has yet to begin the damn story. We turn and
smack him on the side of the head.]
[Action: Finally, everyone is where they should be and doing what they
are supposed to be doing. Akane is malleting Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo
are standing next to Akane yelling for her to stop bashing Ranma, Soun
and Genma are crying, Kuno is proclaiming his love for Akane and the
pigtailed girl, Ryoga is debating whether he should tell Akane how he
feels, Kodachi is cackling madly as she is making some weird plan to get
Ranma, Cologne is cackling madly as she is making some weird plan to get
Ranma, Mousse is hugging Tsubasa's disguise proclaiming his undying love
for Shampoo, Kasumi is smiling, Nabiki is calling the repairmen for the
floor that Ranma's body has ruined, Nodoka is walking down the road
having planned to surprise Genma and Ranma in hopes of finally catching
them, Gosunkugi is buying a scroll, Sasuke is watching his favorite
Comedy Central show: Mystery Science Theater 3000 as it is translated
into Japanese, Ms. Hinako is punishing some students, Principal Kuno is
sharpening his shears, etc.]
[Action: We sigh in relief as all is as it should be.]
[Action: Suddenly, we hear someone cry out. We all know that voice and
that high pitched squeal.]
Azusa: You're SO CUTE!!!
Author: DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTTON, BUBBLE-HEAD!!!
[Action: The author yelled too late. Azusa rips the button from his
computer after pressing down.]
Author:(Screaming) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
[Action: We noticed that the button Azusa pulled from the Author's
computer was the space bar. The Author snatches the button back from
Azusa and after some repairs and editing, the Author replaces the key
and fixes the errors that not having the space bar can cause. The
Author decides that Azusa has gone too far.]
Author: Azusa, that's the nineteenth button you've pulled out in the
past seven stories and I'm afraid I'm going to have to punish all of
you!
Entire Ranma 1/2 cast (Except Azusa because she's whapping the Author
over the head trying to get her Jean-Luc Picard the third back):
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Author (After sending Azusa back to the world): I'm sick of you and
you're stupid actions, suggestions, thoughts and attempts on my life.
I've been WAY too nice. I'M PUTTING A PLOT INTO THIS STORY!!!
Entire Ranma 1/2 cast (including Azusa):
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author: I've taken too much garbage, so it's time to get serious.
Entire Ranma 1/2 cast (Except Azusa): Thanks a lot, Azusa. Now we
actually have to do something.
Azusa (Trying to be cute): Don't look at Azusa!
Ranma: Don't even try to be cute. A-kun was the most laid back of all
the authors in this sector, but you had to ruin all that.
Kasumi: Yeah, I'm tired of you and your cute crap.
[Action: A-chan walks in and waps A-kun over the head for telling what
Kasumi said.]
Author: Owww!
Author's sister: You deserved it.
[Action: A-chan leaves.]
Author: Anyway, you're in for it once I think of something.
Ranma: Can't we be another Roku-bun-No-San side story?
Akane: Or a Rosemount Exchange Student Visiting side story?
Nodoka: Or a Jack of All Trades side story? Then we wouldn't have to do
anything.
Author (in a booming voice): SILENCE! You're getting a plot! And don't
try to diffuse this by offering me another cameo. It won't work this
time. Besides, I think everyone knew it was me as Ben.
Ukyo: Well, I liked the idea.
Author: That's because you were my focus.
Akane: Aw, come on, A-kun. You know that it'll take a while. Why make
up a bunch of stuff that people will think is an actual story, but it
really isn't and call that a story?
Author: What do you think I'm doing right now?
Akane: Point taken.
Author: No, I think a plot is no good for a punishment. I know! I'll
make a bunch of stories and embarrass the hell out of the lot of ya for
no apparent reason!
Ranma: You did that, remember? You said that you were pummeled by all
the Nabiki, Urd, Kasumi, Ukyo, and Nodoka fans.
Author: Then I'll write a dark and depressing story where all of you get
killed!
Ranma: You tried that, you couldn't get past the title before you
decided that it sucked.
Author: That's right. No, but this story will be a success, even if I
have to....(the Author shivers) make it realistic.
Entire cast: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Author (laughing in that special way that only REALLY evil villians
can): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
[Action: The Author begins the stories...]
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Aw, $#!T! I had to end it before I even began the stories! DAMN
BUDGET! Oh well. Next year I'll start it again.
Dated: 2-15-1997
A-kun, signing off!
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