(The familiar whisting music from the tv show 'Sneak Previews' begins to
play. Ranma is seen coming out of the Tendo Dojo and casually walking up
the street. Next, Ryouga crawls out of a tent, stretches, stuffs everything
into his backpack, and begins walking. Ranma is seen buying sukiyaki from a
stand. Ryoga is still walking on the street. Ranma walks in front of a
theater and looks about. Ryoga is looking bewildered as he stands in the
middle of a forest. Ranma looks at his watch and frowns. Ryoga is talking
to an eskimo who points in one direction, and Ryoga begins walking the
opposite way. Ranma shrugs, goes into the theater, runs up the stairs, and
takes his seat in the balcony. Cut to the theater's front again. Ranma
begins eating his sukiyaki. Suddenly the wall caves in and Ryouga emerges,
looking pissed. Ranma begins shouting at Ryoga, who shouts back. They get
into a fight, and the camera pans away to the movie screen, which displays
the words: R&R REVIEWS.)
Ranma: Welcome to R&R Reviews. Thanks for joining us. I'm Ranma Saotome...
Ryouga: And I'm Ryoga Hibiki.
Ranma: (whispering) Pssst. Ryoga!
Ryouga: Eh?
Ranma: Ix-nay the U-ay.
Ryouga: Huh.
Ranma: (Pointing) Ix-nay...the...U-ay!
(Ryouga blinks, then looks down.)
Ryouga: D'oh!
(He reaches down and pulls off the big red 'U' on his chest.)
Ryoga: I forgot all about that. Anyway, today's reviews are Trouble at
Furinkan High, Nabiki's Diary, and Happy Trails. But first, I want to thank
each and every one of you who've seen my latest work, "Reunions".
Ranma: Latest? It wouldn't be you if it wasn't late.
Ryoga: (glaring at Ranma) Thanks for all the email that was sent out. I'm
sure LaShawn is quite pleased with the reaction she's getting. It took a
lot of hard work on both our parts, especially with all I went through, but
it was definately worth it.
Ranma: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway...
Ryoga: (whipping out some index cards) That's why I have compiled a list of
people I especially want to thank for making everything possible for my fame.
Ranma: WHAT?!
Ryoga: First of all, I can't do anything without thanking my Maker,
Takahashi Rumiko--
(A gush of water suddenly smacks into Ryoga. Instant piglet.)
P-chan: Bukiiii??
Ranma: (surreptiously tucking a bucket behind him) Aww gee, would you look
at that? Your notes are all soggy. And I was looking so forward to your
list. Darn.
P-chan: Bweeee! Buki!
Ranma: Well, looks like we're going to have to get to the *real* reason
we're here: the reviews. Let's see, the first one was Trouble at Furinkan
High. I thought it was good. What did you think, Ryoga?
P-chan: Bwee! Bwee! Buki!!!
Ranma: Oh, I forgot. You can't speak when you're a pig. Bummer. So onto the
next fic...
P-chan: BUUUKIIIII!!!!!!
Ranma: I'm sorry, what was that?
P-chan: BWEEEEEEE!!! (He scoots over and chomps on Ranma's leg.)
Ranma: OW! OW! OKAY! OKAY! HERE!
(He slams a hot water kettle on the pig. Instant Ryoga.)
Ryoga: RANMAAAA! DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!
Ranma: Yo, man. You are about to pound me in front of an audience. But
aren't you forgetting something?
Ryoga: (blinks, then looks at himself) GAH! MY CLOTHES! (looks up at the
camera) GAAAH! I'M NAKED ON A PUBLIC MAILING LIST! T-BONE, MOVE THE CAMERA!
MOVE THE CAMERA!
T-Bone: (O.S.) Oh, no. I've been instructed to give the viewers what they
want to see. *I* certainly like what I'm seeing.
(Ryoga dives behind his chair.)
Ranma: Frankly, I don't see why you're getting into a hissy fit now. You
weren't bashful in that 'Reunions' fic.
Ryoga: Shut up and just get on with the review! T-bone, roll the stupid clip!
T-bone: (sighs) And I was hoping for a good butt shot too. Drat.
Kuno climbed out of the mess, obviously irked, but otherwise unharmed.
"What is the meaning of this!? Who dares to interrupt the sacred rite of
the duel?"
Sacred rite? That's a good one, thought Nabiki.
"This, my good fellow," someone replied from inside the mess, "is my
parachute. As for whom you are addressing..."
From out of the tangled forest of yellow parachute fabric and rope
emerged a young man in a white uniform. He pulled out a comb from a pocket
and fixed his slicked-back hair. Replacing the comb, he smiled slightly,
teeth sparkling. Dusting himself off with a flair, he turned to first face
the gathering crowd, then Kuno.
"My name is Shutaro Mendo."
Ranma: This is trouble with a capital 'T', all right. A clash between Mendo
and Kuno is definately something you don't want to mess with.
(The camera moves to Ryoga, just as he's pulling his pants up. Yes, ladies,
we have a gratutious butt shot. He freezes, turns, screams, and leaps
behind the chair. T-bone snickers off-screen.)
Ranma: HEY, I'M TALKING HERE! Anyway, we don't see the true zaniness with
Urusei Yatsura until part two.
"Oh, my husband," Nabiki said, "it is the only meal we could afford, after
we paid off the gardener and the carpenter, and the entire Girl Scout
cookie output of Honshu."
"Well, that simply won't do, woman!" he yelled. "Don't tell me…"
"Yes, it's true. The pig-tailed girl is Ranma."
"No!" he cried, standing up and hitting his head on the ceiling lamp.
"Yes!"
"No!" he cried, missing the lamp this time. He swung his head and hit the
lamp, for good measure.
Ryoga: (making sure he is fully clothed before responding) This is very
much like the Urusei Yatsura episodes. Very, very weird, particularly the
ending of this chapter. It was nice to see Mujaki and his tapir again. Nice
dream sequences, too. I would love to see more of this series.
Ranma: Though I'm not too thrilled being second fiddle. In fact, it's weird
that I'm kind of being pushed to the sidelines. I'm second besides Mendo
and *Kuno*? Don't make me laugh. In fact, this didn't make me laugh. Either
give me a reason why I'm being pushed to the side or make Akane come to her
senses about her feelings for Mendo. *If* there are any feelings.
Ryoga: Well, I liked it. The dream sequence is classic Takahashi.
Ranma: Hmph. I didn't.
Ryoga: Who cares what you think. Anyway, moving on to 'Nabiki's Diary'.
"I'm really sorry Ryoga." Ryoga turned and saw Ranma and Akane standing.
There. Akane said, "We raid Nabiki's diary. She tried to sell Mr.
Saotome to the zoo >so she could buy you a birthday present."
Ryoga: I saw problems with this story. For one thing, the author wrote that
it had a surprise ending. Me and Ukyo getting together? That's the
surprise? That has to be the most overdone endings ever.
Ranma: Even I have to agree. It was a little disjointed.
Ryoga: And let me get this straight. Nabiki killed herself because she felt
bad that she sold your Pop to the zoo so she could get me a birthday
present? She was that desperate for cash? Coming from the Queen of Capital,
this makes no sense, and anyway she would've sold your pop without an ounce
of guilt for the simple fact that he pissed her off.
Ranma: Heck, if I had no morals, I would've sold Pop to the zoo. It's what
he deserved. But you're right. This seems more like thoughts placed down
than an actual story.
Ryoga: Yeah. Anyway, here's the last fic. 'Happy Trails'
The sheriff's boots thumped on the floor as he crossed the saloon to the
old man. A long black pig-tail hung down the back of the sheriff's
overcoat, swinging gently in time with his steps. The young man halted in
front of Happy, who gave an evil grin.
"Well, well. Ranma "The Kid" Saotome! Glad you could make it."
Ryoga: This was definately an intriguing fusion that cries for at least a
few more chapters.
Ranma: A few more chapters? How? I *die* in this!
Ryoga: Aww, you probably deserve it anyway.
Ranma: But that has to be one of the stupidest deaths I've ever had! I
didn't even get a chance to fight! And what the hell is *Happosai* doing
beating me?
Ryoga: He's beaten you before.
Ranma: That's not the point! I demand a rematch! You can't just build up to
something like that only to kill me off just like that! What a stupid ending!
Ryoga: Okay, okay. I admit, the ending was too abrupt. But I like the idea
of the Ranmaverse set in the Old West. Hopefully, we can get to see more.
Ranma: Only if Mike resurrects me. At least give me a fighting chance or
something. Geez.
Ryoga: That's it for R&R Reviews, and once again, thanks to all of you who
responded to Reunions.
Ranma: Yeah. Now that interest has sparked up again, maybe this time we'll
get to see the actual reunion.
LaShawn: (O.S.) YOU MEAN I HAVE TO WRITE THAT PART TOO?!?! AUUUUGGHHHH!!!
Ryoga: AFTER ALL SHE PUT ME THROUGH?!?! DOUBLE AUUUGGHHHH!!!
Ranma: (grumbling) I don't see what the big hoopla. Everyone's out to get
me. Man, I got a bad feeling about this.
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/===\ LaShawn M. Taylor (tbone@ccm.net) MSTie#83924
|^ ^|\ "I am neither this nor that. I'm not here nor there.
\v/\| I am in between something, something and somewhere."
|\ -Keaggy, King, and Denté
\| "Inventions"
My resolution for 1998 is to reopen T-bone's Cafe--someday..and somewhere..
============================================================================