[Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke are watching a computer screen.]
Hiroshi: So what game is this?
Gary: Master of Orion's Magical Civilization Tycoon IV. The object is to
subjugate all of the other techno-wizards while building up your own
cities and taking all of the money.
Daisuke: Don't you have any Leisure Suit Larry?
Gary: Nope, don't have that one, sorry. Hey, watch this, I'm about to
open an interdimensional portal. There's supposed to be a real cool
animation for that.
[The Principal's face comes over the screen.]
Principal: Aloha, keiki!
Gary: Ugh! I want my money back on this game!
Principal: You been pre-empted, haole! It's time for de Shonen Sunday
Theater 3000!
Daisuke: As usual, it's nowhere near Sunday.
Principal: You boys goan' make wid' da clever comments on de fanfic.
Gary: Bring it on....
[Screen dissolves...]
"Bravoexo" <mercedfb@pworld.net.ph> wrote:
Race to the End
Daisuke: The Adolph Hitler story: Racist to the End!
Gary: Couldn't you have picked someone more recent?
Hiroshi: And start a political argument on the list?
Gary: Oh yeah, good idea.
---------
by Bravoexo
A Fanfic inspired by the Anime Ranma 1/2 (Rumiko Takahashi)
Hiroshi: Hey! Rumiko Takahashi did the *manga* Ranma 1/2!
Gary: Whatever.
---------
Ranma limbered up. Extending his limbs and torso at all angles hoping to
relieve his body of any stress.
Daisuke: This sentence no verb.
Stretching was good for him. And for
tonight, a requirement of great importance.
Hiroshi: And this one.
Gary: He ought to combine these with the preceding ones: "Ranma limbered
up, extending his limbs and torso at all angles, hoping to
relieve his body of any stress. Stretching was good for him, and for
tonight, a requirement of great importance."
Daisuke: Now why do you suppose it was so important?
Hiroshi: Is this going to be another "Ranma has sex with Akane" story?
Cool!
Gary: Let's just wait and see, OK?
He jumped and skipped around,
feeling his legs. He knew he was in top form, but something in his mind
wanted more than his hundred percent for his performance tonight. He
Daisuke: Something in his mind wasn't very good at math.
checked the time, ten more minutes, and made some last minute
preparations.
Hiroshi: Like running down to the drugstore?
Gary: *sigh*
"Aren't you going to join us, Ranma?" Kasumi asked while standing in front
of the gates of the Tendo dojo.
Hiroshi: Yeah! It's an orgy!
[Gary whaps Hiroshi]
Everyone else was outside, enjoying the
fireworks, the display of lights and sounds.
"Coming." Ranma walked out the gates with the eldest of the sisters.
"Whoa, looks like this will be a great session." The streets was
literally littered with firecrackers, homemade bombs, some by Happosai
himself, and some made by Mousse, and a lot more fireworks.
"Ready?" Akane was jogging in place, smiling in a festive mood. "I'm not
sure why I'm doing this, though."
Daisuke: Too bad her mother's not around to explain...
Gary: Enough already!
Ranma chuckled. "Of course you do."
Gary: That should be "Of course you are."
Ranma walked up to the starting
block. A chalked line drawn in the middle of the road.
Gary: Another fragment that should get combined.
Hiroshi: You've gotta draw the line somewhere!
Akane waved
goodbye and ran further up the street. Ranma took the middle slot. Ryoga
was on his left, Kuno on his right.
"Why on earth are we doing this?" Ryoga had to ask. Kuno too was
doubting.
"Hey, it wasn't me."
Daisuke: WHAT wasn't him?
Gary: I think he means that it wasn't his idea.
Ranma turned to the sidelines, where the rest of the
spectators were taking their places. Nabiki smiled back, waving and
smirking too. "If you ask me, though. May the best man win." Kuno
Daisuke: If you ask him WHAT?
Gary: Must be an editing mistake.
stomped his bokken on the ground.
Hiroshi: If it ain't bokken...
Gary: ... don't stomp it.
"That may be, Saotome. But I will win this one, for the love of my fair
Akane! You three will be of no meager match in this contest."
"Bah, humbug, Kuno. What ever happened to your pigtailed goddess?"
Ranma,and Ryoga too couldn't help laughing in Kuno's face. Mousse all
ignored them, he stood quietly on his side of the starting line.
Gary: That should read Mousse ignored them all.
"Don't insult me...you...you...transvestite!! I shall free my fair Akane
Tendo from your leeching hands!" Ranma wanted to add something, but the
whistle signaling the start of the contest was blown.
Gary: So Kuno knows in this?
Daisuke: Maybe he just noticed that Ranma dresses in the PTG's clothes?
"!0, 9, 8," Ranma checked the road ahead, all of the flints were lit, "7,
6, 5."
Hiroshi: 32, 158, 96...
Daisuke: He's the Count! AH! AH! AH!
Ryoga sniffed the midnight air. It was filled with the smell of burning
ember, and most of it was dying to explode in their faces. Kuno threw his
bokken away, bracing to get a head start. "4, 3, 2,"
"One!"
The whole street erupted in flames, explosion, and smoke. Ranma, Ryoga,
Kuno and Mousse drove right through the crossfire of baby rockets,
firecrackers, and of course, several hundred Happosai made bombs. The
sound was deafening, and more so within the innards of the inferno of
fire. Screams could be heard, bodies were hurled left and right, slamming
on the pavement and on the wall. Whoever would emerge on the end would
certainly be worthy of the prize.
Gary: What do you suppose the prize is, guys?
Daisuke: A date with Akane?
Hiroshi: Sex with... OW!!
Gary: Then what's Mousse doing there?
Daisuke: Easy. He couldn't see who the prize was and jumped to the wrong
conclusion.
Ryoga grimaced as he was nailed down by a rocket. He slammed his fist
down in frustration, effectively destroying that strip of concrete. He
jumped up from the debris, hoping to get clear of the fiasco, but only to
be bludgeoned by a pair of firebombs from above. He raged as he took some
more hits from several more incendiaries. He cursed, he had never been in
such a situation. But, nothing would stop him, he shouted out. He wanted
the prize.
Kuno was knocked out immediately as he entered the billowing smoke and
raging fire. He struggled to get up, fire crackers exploding all around
him. He took one step, only to be thrown forward from a blast from his
feet. He had lost his feet's worth when two more sphincters pierced
Gary: His feet's worth? What's that?
Hiroshi: About 1000 Yen, according to Nabiki.
Gary: I don't think "sphincter" is the word he wanted here, either.
through his flesh. But, he didn't give up. He was the knight that was
coming to the rescue, although tattered and toss by the fireworks, his
spirit driven him towards the end.
Gary: That should be "tossed", and "driving".
Mousse was blinded by everything.
Daisuke: Not that that was anything new.
The smoke as thick as pea soup was the
least of his worries. He tried to block most of the rockets incoming with
his chains and hidden weapons. But he soon learned that most of his
clothes was burning right underneath him. He tossed himself on the
Gary: were burning, and onto the ground
ground, not in desperation, but because of the huge blast from behind him.
Fearing, he tried to crawl all the way, but with bombs planted on the
ground as well, he soon found himself soaring up in the sky. He landed,
badly shaken, but unperturbed he continued the struggle.
---------
"And whose bright idea was this?!!" Ukyou fanned out the remaining fog
with her huge spatula. She scrambled around the charcoal dark debris of
the street. "Ran-chan! Where the hell are you?!!" She thought she saw a
hand reaching from beneath the ashes. It was Ryoga and she spared no time
scooping him up from the pile of spent fireworks.. "Ryoga? Are you
alright?"
Hiroshi: This smells like another matchmaker fic...
Gary: At least the method is original, even if the result isn't!
Shampoo clumsily dug her way around the street. She didn't have any
experience dredging in ashes, but she desperately went on looking for her
airen. "Ranma? Are you here?" Missed, she thought. She hopped to
another mound, hoping this time it was Ranma underneath. A little of
chains told her otherwise. "Stupid Mousse! Why you need to do this?"
Daisuke: A little WHAT of chains?
Gary: A little glimpse of chain, maybe.
Hiroshi: He could have at least made it Mousse/Ukyo and Shamps/Ryoga.
That would've been different, at least.
Pity made her pick the wounded friend off the rubble.
Akane started kicking her way through the wanton destruction. She even
considered pulling out her mallet since it was quite attracted to her
fiancé. But after a few more minutes of searching, she failed to find
him. "Ranma?! Where are you?"
"Over here?" Akane startlingly turned around. Ranma was raising himself
off the dark and murky street floor. She ran up to him, helping him to
his feet. She hurled his arm on her shoulder. "Did I win?" Akane looked
further down the road, where everyone was picking up a wounded suitor.
"Looks like you made it farther than everyone else." Ranma smiled,
breaking the dark soot on his face with his smile.
Hiroshi: And now... SEX!
----------
"So that's how they all died? From all the injuries?" One nurse asked
the other nurse who was telling the story.
All: They WHAT?!?
"No. Apparently they didn't get immunized for Tetanus." All the nurses
sighed.
All: D'OH!!!!!!!
---------
The End
--------
[The screen clears. Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke stand speechless for a
long time.]
Hiroshi: They all...
Daisuke: ... died...
Hiroshi: ... and from Tetanus, yet! Not even from, say, some social
disease.
Gary: It was a shock ending, guys. You gotta admit, it was an attention
grabber.
Daisuke: Why didn't they get Tetanus shots?! Hospitals *always* give you
Tetanus shots, at least according to Dave Barry.
Gary: C'mon, guys. It's not meant to be taken seriously. Personally I
liked it. Whaddaya think, Sir?
[The Principal comes on screen]
Principal: Be givin' de address!
Gary: Oh yeah. Send comments on this MST to kleppe@execpc.com , or to
the FFML. Send requests for this fic to the author, "Bravoexo"
<mercedfb@pworld.net.ph>, or use the FFML archive number, 50817.
Hiroshi: What about us? Couldn't he have left some of those babes alive
for our sake?
Gary: You mean you didn't notice?
Daisuke: Notice what?
Gary: Who wasn't in the competition?
Hiroshi: That's right! There's still...
H&D: KODACHI-SAMA!!!
Daisuke: Here I come, Kodachi darling!
Hiroshi: Whaddaya mean, you?!?
Daisuke: Okay... I'll race you for it! First one to find Kodachi gets to
ask her out!
Hiroshi: Deal!
[H&D run out of the room. The door closes behind them. There is the
muffled sound of a series of explosions, along with a pair of screams.]
Principal: I wen' forgot to tell you about I minin' dat corridor?
Gary: Yeah! You did!
Principal: Oh well. Until next time....
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics