This fic was riveting and terrifically original.  I'm eager to see it finished
and posted.  Some reactions:

- the Shampoo/Cologne idea is absolutely brilliant and its revelation is
remarkably chilling, one of the most exciting single subplot ideas in all of
Ranma fanfic.  It needs to be checked against the manga.  For example,
Happosai on at least two occasions recalls encounters with the young Cologne
(love pills story and Hiryuu Shoutenha story).  I think that Herb and the
Nikuman men come to Nerima expressly to see Cologne.  There might also be
something in the Pink and Link story that indicates their awareness of her
identity.  Of course, I suppose they could have all been under the same mind
control, but the story should take such complications into account.

- the genius of the Shampoo/Cologne storyline notwithstanding, its
introduction abruptly intrudes on the intriguing and touching reaccomodation
of Ranma and Ukyou.  It was really a disconcerting change, going from a story
built around emotion, loss, regret to a psychological thriller.  At this
point, I'm wondering if even Ukyou is real.

- the revelation that Ukyou (assuming she's real) had spoken to just about
everyone back home except Ranma has unexpected emotional impact for me, the
heartbreak of what could have been.  Ranma is right to be upset with Ukyou and
with his family for their failure to relieve him of the burden of guilt he
carried for so long.  I think he and the story need to dwell more on this
decades-long "crime" against him.

- the brackets used to indicate Ranma's thoughts are distracting.  I don't
think they're necessary, since no one else's unspoken thoughts are part of the
narration.  It might be smoother and more artistic if his thoughts were
incorported right into the straight narrative.  With such a change, only one
set of brackets would be necessary in the extended internal argument at the
end of Part 8.

Taleswapper

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