Trom wrote:

such as you see fit.  I like to Thank Donny for starting this fic series
which inspired me.

You're welcome.  Please excuse my inflated ego for replying to this fic.

backwater planet possess, farms, tourist traps, gambling.  In fact

possesses

        When the planet Lictalon was added to the Jurian Empire, it held

Since it's Jurai, shouldn't it be Jurain.  I may be wrong on this.

Emperor of the Jurian, Lord Tenchi, the First, it would have been

Do you mean Emperor of Jurai?

evacuated and then strip mined for its resources.  After long debate
over a way to prove their worth to the Empire the people of Lictalon

to the Empire <insert comma> the people

on a planet, said planet had with every likely hood be destroyed by the

every likely hood <been> destroyed by

confrontation.  What made Lictalon a prime candidate for such a
tournament for it's gravity wells were irregular.  Causing great

The gravity well sentence is worded poorly.

individuals in the universe competed.  While there were regularly held
yearly, the most spectacular ones were held every decade.

You mean reglarly held yearly tournaments or <they> were regularly

weeks wages just to view this fight.  The people of Lictalon would make

week's wages

said Scalpers were controlled by the government, who in turn handled all

Scalpers should not be captialized.

        "Well? Have you got his scent?" an woman's impatient voice can

<a> woman's impatient

        "Who asked you anyway?" she shot back as the telepathic message
that she received from her spaceship/pet.

Words mixed around.  as she received the telepathic message from

of Jurian come there was an honor, to insult that person could draw the

of Jurai

wrath of the government.  Ryoko was specially well known for her bouts

was especially

        "Well ya, you should be.  Anyway have the Royal booth prepared

ya, you.... you said you the twice, once should be enough.

for me and my friend here."  With this Ryoko pointed at Ryo-Ohki who was

With this <insert comma>

of the royal concubines arrival.   That caused new hysteria around the

concubine's arrival

make it harder to find him."  Now more than other the young leonine,

Do you mean: than any other time

regretted her telling off her superior officer.  That the reason she was
given this assignment because nobody else wanted it.  And as the

Take <That the reason> out of the sentence.  Makes more sense.
Also add a comma afther the And in the next sentance.

        This was Kiyone sat in a lotus meditation position, she wouldn't

Take <This was> out.

down were two bracers adorned her arms.  They were a gift from her

down <where> two bracers

they survived.  Over the centuries they even prospered. So much so that

Over the centuries <insert comma>

the worst that the galaxy had to offer.  Long having been a place a

beeb a place <of> peace

Still there were those that did worse than eat the settlers, they
crushed them, body and soul.  They were soon to join them when Kiyone's

Should that be two sentences?  the settlers.  They crushed them, body

than her father.  It was when he opened his eyes of purest blue did one

than her father did.

growled before. Masaka got to his knees and stared at the man as an

<groveled> before.

loose face before their fellow scum the captains of the remain ships

of the <remaining> ships

they were in.  If not for the lose of face that they would receive if

The <loss> of face

else they would tare them apart.   Energy swords, blasters, disruptors,

Replace tare with tair.  Shouldn't it be disrupters.

        "HiroShoten Ha!" He shot his fist into the air as if he were

Should be Hi<ryu>Shoten Ha.  Ryu stands for dragon.

men exploded.  Next four more fell before Ranma's fists and feet of

Next <insert comma> four

after the energy trail dissipated a large explosion could be seen in the

dissipated <comma> a large explosion

comradship in such tournament that her eye's sparkled when he told them.

comradeship.  You used told twice in this sentence.  Once is enough.

wasn't here when the other's turn were up.  Now that he has returned to

others' turns were up.

        "I said.  That I did a fire reading. OK?"  Rei practically

One sentence.  I said that I did s fire reading.

entrance to the main hall.  There Michiru and Hakura stood.  Having each

There <comma> Michiru

        "Oh? and how come you can't find him with your fire?" Minako

and should be capitalized.  Start of new sentence.

sighed at that.  They all knew Ranma to well for their own good.

knew Ranma <too> well for

was until she burst out laughing. It was to much, Hakura and Michiru

It was <too> much,

quickly exited the audience hall.  Makoto practically knocking the

practically <knocks> the

 Nuku-Nuku scanned the region, though it was faint, there was still

there <were> still

proved it time and time again by destroying boulders many time larger

boulders many <times> larger

from behind me.

Wrong tense.  from behind him.

boulder and turned to look at his friend and rival, Natsiko.

I've been told that Natsiko probably isn't a name.  No such thing as
'tsi'
May have to change it to Natsuko.  Of course, I maybe wrong.

of the earth spirits, he also had the patience and stability of it to.

of it <too>.

And in a compound with at any time there could be twenty to fifty such
martial artists in the compound, you had to be quick to get the best
seats in the dinner hall.  So they had hurry to get to it.

This sentence does not make sense.

down his meal so Natsiko wouldn't steal it.  He looked when she had

He looked <where> she had

looked at her in discuss.  "Don't forget to breath Natsiko."

at her in <disgust>.  The next sentence should be on it's own line.

* * * * *

Well that's all the C&C for now.  I did the last part in a hurry.
I hope that helps you in some way.  Btw, I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!
Sorry, if my bias is speaking out again.