Hi, minna! I got a couple of strories that I wrote while under the
influence of several mind-altering substances (Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
and ginger ale). I hope you get as much out of them as I put into them. :)

---------------
Ranma Gets Laid
(NOT a Lemon!)
---------------

(scene opens on a hen sitting on a nest.)

HEN: *buck*... *buck*... *BU-GAAAHHH!*

** TONG! **

(an egg emerges out a hole in the box holding the hen's nest and rolls down
a chute, making a lot of noise on the way. The egg plops onto a breakfast
plate. Akane steps into the scene, where we see that both the egg and the
breakfast plate are _humongous!_ Akane walks up to the egg and taps on its
shell.)

AKANE: Anyone home?

(The egg jumps and cracks as something within tries to burst out. All at
once, the egg breaks completely open and Ranma leans on the broken edge
with a bit of shell still on his head.)

AKANE: (Takes a taste of the glop) I always knew you were a good egg.

RANMA: That yolk was really rotton...

(*BA-DUM-TSHHH!*)

-----------------
World's Shortest Ranma Lemon!
(I admit, not very lemony, but hey!)
-----------------

Ranma and Akane had sex. The end.

(*BA-DUM-TSHHH!*)

-----------------
Shampoo!
-----------------

(Open to the dojo. Nabiki is sitting at the table, her usual bushy-tailed
morning self (yeah, right!). Akane walks in.)

AKANE: Hey, Nabiki. Do you know where Ranma is?

NABIKI: (mumbles) Shampoo...

AKANE: (face darkens) What about Shampoo.

NABIKI: (still mumbling) Got tired of waiting...

AKANE: (eyes pop open) WHAT!?!?! (sees crimson) I'M GONNA *KILL* THAT PERVERT!!

(At this moment, Ranma walks in carrying a bag.)

RANMA: I'm home.

AKANE: (hefts Mallet O' DOOM!) RANMA NO *BAKA*(tm)!! (puts Ranma through
floorboards)

(Nabiki walks up to Ranma's battered body and removes his hands from the
bag. She opens it and lifts out a bottle of Prell.)

NABIKI: Good. He got the shampoo. Now I can take my morning bath.

(Walks away as Akane facefaults next to Ranma.)

(*BA-DUM-TSHHH!*)

-----------------
World's Stupidest X-over!
-----------------

Kasumi hums to herself cheerfully as she carries a pair of her underthings
to the washing room. Nabiki steps out.

"Hey, Kasumi. I seem to be out of panties. Are those clean?"

"No, this is a dirty pair."

Suddenly, the door is smashed open, and two hot babes in skimpy clothes
come bursting in, weilding various weapons of destruction. "Hi! I'm Kei,"
the redhead said, and hiked her thumb at the one with raven hair, "She's
Yuri... And I've said it before and I'll say it again: WE *HATE* THAT
NICKNAME!!!"

(*BA-DUM-TSHHH!*)

-----------------
The Big Question
-----------------

She stood outside the kitchen, scared to death about asking Kasumi this of
all questions. But she had to know. She peeked into the cooking
compartment, watching Kasumi making dinner look so easy. Unfortunately, she
knew that it was a bit harder than it looked.

/*I _can't_ ask this! It's too embarrassing.*/ She looked left and right.
No sign of him. If HE heard her ask this question, she'd never live it down.

Fretting, she decided to just get it over with. She stepped into the kitchen.

"Kasumi, I have a question..." she asked.

Kasumi turned and saw the serious look on her face. "Yes? What is it?"

Ranma-chan shifted nervously. "Have you ever had days when you felt... not
so fresh?"

(*BA-DUM-TSHHH!*)

-----------------

Now, I didn't promise pullitzer material, did I? ;)



                           ---------------------
##   ## ##   ## #######  ##   ##  AKA Tom Jefferys, Time Lord for Hire
##   ##  #   #   ##   ## ### ###    "Have TARDIS; Will Travel."
## # ##   ###    #####   ## # ##  Wielder of ANVIL and SPAM! Breaking
### ###    #     ##  ##  ##   ##    the Rules of Fanfiction!
##   ##   ###   ###   ## ##   ## of UT      <wyrm@mail.utexas.edu>
Save the Bit Trees -- Conserve SPAM!         When in Rome...BURN IT!!!
                   Darwin was wrong: Man is still an ape!