Subject: Re: [FFML] [FFML][Fanfic][R-1/2] Hard To Say Goodbye
From: KLEPPE@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe)
Date: 11/8/1997, 11:49 AM
To:

On Wed, 5 Nov 1997 10:28:55 -0000, "Miss Harper"
<stroma@globalnet.co.uk> wrote:

Hard To Say Goodbye 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(formerly It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday, I changed the title
'cos it
was too long)

~By K-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com

~I'm taking this from the manga, so no Sasuke in this one.~

YAY!!!!! :-p

~I regard this as an experiment and am not sure how people will react (if
it all) to it.
Let's find out....

   The memories suddenly tumbled down an unexpected waterfall,
intermingling. Sweet, aromatic flowers for Akane -The smell of smoke -The
beautiful pig-tailed girl laughing - His sister screaming - A gallant
fight against Saotome - Watching the paramedics try to resucsitate
resuscitate

     "Look at the time, must be going." Kuno's face stiffened back into
it's icy blankness -- clear yet numb -- and he strode towards the door,
its

     A teardrop glided down his face, the heat of it stung a small
scratch on the side of his face.  The lights were obviously too bright
for his eyes -- and therefore anyone elses. He would talk to the hospital
else's
manager about it tomorrow... for now sleep was all he needed. It had been
a long night and he would need all his strength for tomorrow.
    As he approached the exit to, the early morning quiet of the
Take out 'to'.

     "Is something wrong, Miss Tendo? You seem distant." 
     "Uh.. no Kuno, nothing's wrong,"a suprised Nabiki answered. He
surprised
noticed how someone else was feeling? Him? He must be in shock, or
denial. The poor guy had nowhere to go, his home completely decimated by
the fire and he didn't seem too stable either. 
     "There's no need to feel sorry for me, Nabiki, I'm capable to take
I am capable of taking
care of myself, even after this.. "incident"," Kuno stated with little
even after this... 'incident,'"
emotion until the last word, which seemed to stumble out with a hint of
bitterness.
      A perceptive Kuno... what next? 
     "Akane and the "pigtailed girl" send their condolences." That
Use single marks for quotes within quotes:
"Akane and the 'pigtailed girl' send
should cheer him up, Nabiki thought.
    Kuno meanwhile became enrapt with the two beautous images and their
beauteous
sweet laughter, ready to tell the world of his love for them when... the
high-pitched laughter started to scream... their faces slimmed and their
eyes narrowed... the double image becoming one, becoming one more twisted
becoming once more

     "Hey, Kuno are you OK? Kuno!" Nabiki shouted down his ear,
frustrated at the glazed look in his eyes. It scared her because she was
confused by it. If he was dreaming about his "beloveds" then why did his
Nabby is being a bit thick-headed here.

      "You went into a haze there. I was just trying to wake you up."
Nabiki pondered with the idea of asking him to stay at her house, because
she knew that he had little choice. For such a prestigious estate, the
Kuno family line had always been pretty small. Kuno's father, the
principal, had no siblings and his father neither. Nabiki still had
That sentence doesn't seem to make sense. Maybe it should read:

Kuno's father, the Principal, had had no siblings, and neither had his
mother.

      "At this time? Don't you need some sleep first, it _is_ 4:30 in
the morning. You haven't slept all night, have you? I'm sure dad won't
Dad

      "I can take care of my own affairs without any help and find my
own acommodation. I'm not a helpless weakling!" Kuno replied, though it
accomodation

       The fear hidden deep in her voice, the fear she tried to hide,
snapped the fire out of Kuno's heart with a sharp sting. What was he
thinking? How _could_ he even consider striking out at a defenceless
woman?! That sort of behaviour is unacceptable in anyone bearing the Kuno
name! Unacceptable... His mother would be ashamed... How could he ever
have forgetten her wise words of honour, strength and what it meant to be
forgotten

      As Kuno trudged the snow of the winter night and as the frosty air
of early morning bit at him, he suddenly realised that he had no idea
where to go. "It has been a busy night, of course such a thought would
accidently slip my mind momentarily." He prided himself on his modesty
and on being able to point out his good points too. Not once had he had
to apologise because his behaviour had always been impeccable.
      Now, who would he choose to let them have the honour of his
Take out "them"
company...? He had already turned down the Tendo's because their offer 
Tendos

     "And that fake accent, who are you kidding?!" Being woken up early
in the morning had not made Mrs. Okanoni very friendly. "And as if anyone
would want to be thought of as belonging to those twisted, disreputable,
laughable, only-good-for-their-money Kuno's, well I never!" She got
carried away on a torrent of abuse at, to her, this stranger. "And thoses
clothes, please!! They make you look like a girl, you deviant!" Slowing
down to take a breath as a window upstairs lighted up, Okanoni was about
to turn away when she seemed to remember something. "And another thing...
Good morning!" She slammed the door in his face, compounding his shock at
the spurned invitation.                                                  
                                                Insults danced round his
Formatting error here.

    He shook his head in frustation as he stepped away from the house.
Frustration
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! He kept shaking it till the thoughts faded
away, at least for the moment. "I have such a headache. It must go away
now! Please....!" He almost pleaded outloud but not quite, for it was
out loud
still beneath him. Head bowed down, the last Kuno plundered on, with not
"Plunder" means to steal. Don't think that's what you mean here.
so much force in his step..             
    Kuno thought for a long time about the "event," barely noticing the
loss of his bokken until he was too late to stop the heinous thief.  He
Then again....

     The aggressive wind whip-lashed his face and the snow-bogged
streets slowed him down as he ran bare-footed along the street, sense
finally abandoned. A comparison with Saotome sprung to Kuno's raging mind
and it merely drove him on further. Refusing to admit the punishing
exhaustion which was begging for him to stop by cramping his sides with
fierce pain which sliced through him and weighing down his lungs with
extra-ordinary large gasps of air. But this scum had insulted his family
and therfore had insulted his whole reason for being, to carry on this
therefore
noble line. The truth was no thoughts of "the pigtailed girl" and/or
Akane ever entered his head. 
    Kuno was gaining rapidly on the thief, who was beginning to panic.
Who was this nuthead and why didn't  he just give up? It was just a
stupid piece of wood he was going to use for a fire! It was such a cold
night and he was so cold... he had eaten very little and he just needed
warming up. But his starvation was catching up with him and the theif
thief
couldn't keep going on like this. How was he supposed to get rid of this
guy?
     A cruel idea popped into the thief's head. He didn't want to have
to do this but without warmth, tonight was going to be his last night
alive. That made him very desperate. He suddenly turned shrple to his
"Shrple"?? Don't know what you meant to say here.
right, nearly spinning off his feet, into a side alley where he stopped
and took a few gasps. Just as he expected, the mad guy had followed him
into the dark one-way street.
     Unable to see much but blurry shadows of bins and boxes, Kuno
announced his arrivsl into the alley. "I am Tatewaki " 'wheeze' "Kuno of
arrival
the house of Kuno" 'gasp' "and I demand that you" 'choke' "give me back
my most sacred weapon," he shouted with as much gusto as his pained body
could allow.
     "Not on your life,"replied a shadow emerging out of the shadows and
into the pale moonlight , something shiny in his hand glinted under the
night's light.
Either change 'glinted' to 'glinting' or start a new sentence at
'something'.

      "Aaaah!" Kuno instinctively clutched his bleeding shoulder. The
commoner had suddenly recovered and had leapt up and slashed his
shoulder. This great offence on his character had dealt Kuno a large
reality blow and he didn't like it one bit. He was no weakling, he had
more training and talant than this weasel would know what to do with! He
talent

     "NOO!" Kuno screamed as he slammed his fist into a nearby brick
wall. 'Slam'! Extra hard. He breathed heavily as he realized his
outburst. Holding his bruised hand up to the harsh, śnflattering glare of
unflattering (take off the accent mark)
a streetlight, a sudden wave of shame flashed briefly over him as he
realised he had embarressed the Kuno family name once again. Tears were
embarrassed
threatening to break free from his eyes but he blinked them back
furiously. He had shamed himself enough, crying was an indignity he would
not suffer. It would be the death of his very character. 
     Mother would be very disappointed with him: emotional outbursts,
moodieness, lack of respect from those beneath him and the inability to
moodiness

     Not seeming to care, he fell into a self-absorbed stupor as he
crossed the slippery street.  He never noticed the car screeching round
the corner. The car never noticed the uncharacteristically unnoticed Kuno
It would help to use another word for "unnoticed" to avoid redundancy.
"Inconspicuous" maybe? Not sure.
as it speeded down the lane... 
      'Screeeeech!'
      Only when the long headlights shone over the unaware pedestrian
did the driver take action. Braking hard and fast, her car spun
Skidded, more likely. Why would it spin if she braked rather than
steered?

      "Get out of the way, kid!" the driver desperately shouted out,
knowing well that the boy could not hear her. She cried in frustation as
frustration
the steering wheel locked up on him. In less than a second, her fate
would be decided. A killer or just a careless driver. The impact of that
the driver hadn't fully comprehended. There was no time for that. She
could only pray for a miracle... 
      The car skimmed sadistically in what seemed like slow motion for
both parties. The driver trying to steer away while Kuno wondered whether
driver tried to

     But not quick enough as one of his legs was hit by the side of the
careering car, lashing him off his feet and twisting him round in the air
careening. A careering car would be one with a great future in the job
market. :p
to land hard on his face, where the warm dribble of blood slid from his
nose. 
     Kuno slowly but determininedly picked himself up, his hands
determinedly

       The driver finally managed to stop a hundred yards down after
spinning round and round. The driver, shaking with shock as her mind spun
erratically with what had just happened.
This sentence no verb.

Finally! Boy, did I find that heavy to write! I've worked so hard on it,
almost painstakingly; if it doesn't show, it's a fault on my part. I hope
this length of chapter is better than before and doesn't diminish it's
(hoped for) impact. Is it too subtle? Not subtle enough? Is it
believable? etc..etc...
It seems pretty good to me. I found Tatewaki's characterization pretty
believable.
Any form of C&C taken with gratitude and thanks
('cept for flames : P ) and I hope it made some sense!
I don't know what happened to the Kuno's mother, so I made a history up
for her that would fit in with this fic. And I have no idea how long this
story will go on for, either. As you can see, I know a lot! ^_^
Don't we all! :p
   

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics