(Scene: Scott's living room; it's dark. The hall door opens,
and an arm snakes in to turn on the light. Three figures enter, and it
takes a moment to identify them. Ranma is in female form and dressed as
Hikaru Shidou, Akane is in a Gally/Alita costume, and Scott wears a
Captain Harlock outfit. Sadly, that last costume was not chosen on the
basis of physical resemblance. They're all holding plastic grocery
bags.)
Scott: You know of course that you two could simply have gone
trick-or-treating as yourselves.
Akane: Where's the fun in that?
Ranma-chan: Yeah, we never get to do this at home. So, let's check out
the loot! (Empties his bag on the table, creating a huge pile of candy
and treats.)
Akane: Are you really going to eat all that candy? Even with your
constitution, you're going to get a tummyache.
Ranma-chan: You're just jealous 'cause I got more than you did!
Akane (angrily): I'm not the kind of pervert who puts on a "cute" act to
get frat boys to give her more candy.
Ranma-chan: Like you could do "cute" if your life depended on it!
Scott: Kids! You're doing cliches again!
Akane: Oh, gomen. And how did you do?
Scott (looks in bag): I got a rock.
Ranma-chan: No, really, how much? (Digs through his pile.) Yech,
sugar-free. (tosses one in the wastebasket.)
Scott: I got a rock.
(Akane looks in Scott's bag.)
Akane: You got a rock!
Ranma-chan and Akane: Hahahaahahah!
Scott: Do you guys want me *not* to put out the next chapter of Worse?
Ranma-chan: No, no, we're ready.
Scott: Okay, catch the readers up, while I find my notes.
Ranma-chan: Well, due to a stupid wish, I woke up in a world where I'd
been born female.
Akane: Not that it helped this baka. Now he's engaged to a bunch of
boys.
Ranma-chan: On the good side, I've got a little brother named Hikaru,
who has the Nyanniichuan curse.
Akane: Little brat, you mean.
Ranma-chan: Last time, Hikaru's little secret partially came out at
school, and Mom promised she'd do something about Kunou, who's one of my
*blech* fiances in this world.
Akane: That should catch you up--
Ranma-chan: --so on with the story!
WORSE
by Scott K. Jamison
(Takahashi disclaimer)
Chapter Ten: In Which an Invitation is Issued
Since her father still wasn't quite willing to go all out against
her in training, Ranma asked (more like challenged, really) Hikaru to
spar instead. It felt good to work out the kinks in early morning air.
Once again, Ranma's extra experience was giving her the edge over
her brother. Now that she'd seen his Iron Braid technique in action a
few times, it wasn't a problem at all. Still, Hikaru was a decent
opponent, and she desperately needed to get back in shape.
I can't *believe* I lost to Mousse, she thought. I'm just glad
it didn't happen in the real world.
"Hey, Sis," asked Hikaru as his fist missed her gut by
millimeters, "when you gonna show me that Chestnut thing, huh?"
"When you're ready," replied Ranma as she boxed his ears. To
herself, she added, and definitely not until I get back enough stamina to
do it myself without falling over.
"`Chestnut thing'?" asked Genma from his "I'm not sleeping,
really" pose on the ground.
"Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken. It's a speed technique."
"She used it on Mousse. Almost beat him, too, 'cept she fainted
in the middle."
"I did *not* faint! I just ran out of energy!" Ranma punctuated
her point with a couple of full-speed punches that threw Hikaru halfway
across the vacant lot.
"I have *got* to learn that technique!" the youngest Saotome
enthused as he rolled to his feet.
Genma nodded. "Not bad...for a girl. You'll do better, right,
son? Can't let your sister beat you out."
Ranma fumed a bit inside. She was used to being the one her
father goaded. It might be--what was that big word they'd learned in
Psych class? Oh, yeah--dysfunctional, but she missed that close
relationship with Genma.
Further discussion was cut off by a call to get ready for
breakfast. The siblings were about to fight over who got a bath first,
but Nodoka intervened.
"Ranma, let your brother go first. I need to talk to you."
"Okay, Mom--er, yes, Mother." This speaking respectfully really
grated. She followed into the kitchenette. Come to think of it, they
had a pretty big apartment for Nodoka's apparent salary.
"I think we might be able to help out your brother a bit," Nodoka
began, holding up a thermos, "if we confuse the issue."
"Huh?" Then it dawned on Ranma. "Should I tell him?"
"No, I think it'd work better as a surprise for Hikaru. I don't
know how good an actor he is."
Ranma nodded.
"And I haven't forgotten your problems, dear. I want you to give
this to young Tatewaki today." Nodoka produced a small envelope.
"Is this...?"
"An invitation to lunch with us tomorrow. And would you also ask
Akane to come?"
Ranma stared at the invitation as if it were a coiled snake.
Lunch with Kunou did not strike her as a pleasant notion. But if it
would get her out of the engagement... "Um, sure, Mother. I'll ask."
* * *
Akane was surprised by the invitation to lunch, but agreed to try
and make it.
"Oh, and Ryouga disappeared again. Kasumi sent him out to buy
onions, and, well, you know Ryouga." Akane smiled ruefully.
"Do I ever."
They came to the turnoff for Wushu.
"Akane, can you handle Kunou by yourself today? I gotta take
care of some stuff with Hikaru."
"Sure, Ranma. He just got out of the hospital, how hard could it
be?" They waved as they parted ways.
Hikaru was suspicious. "What do you need to take care of? I can
handle myself, you know."
"You'll see."
As they approached the gates of the junior high, Ranma began
raising her voice.
"I'm so proud of my manly brother! Your martial arts skills sure
have improved!" She smiled as she noticed boys beginning to pay
attention.
"Ranmaa..." growled Hikaru in a low voice. "You're embarrassing
me..."
"But you must be parched after your workout! Let me get you a
drink of refreshing cold water!" She pulled out the thermos.
"Sis, are you nuts? Put that away!"
Ranma twisted open the cap and "accidentally" doused Hikaru with
the very warm water inside. "Oh no! I've gotten you all wet with that
*freezing cold* water! I'm so very sorry!"
"What you talkin' about? That was--ohh..." Hikaru's face lit up
with understanding. "It's alright, Elder Sister Ranma. I'll live.
After all, it was only *cold water*."
There. With any luck they'd convinced the onlookers that cold
water did nothing to Hikaru. The longer they could keep his classmates
confused, the better. The boy (still a boy, much to his delight)
proceeded in to school, and Ranma hurried off to hers.
* * *
Ranma was a bit late, and ended up on hall bucket duty. She
didn't really mind, since it was endurance training, and Sewing wasn't
her favorite class anyway.
Between classes, she learned that today's Kunou/Akane match had
been merely a formality. Ranma was relieved to hear it. Even though she
knew Akane could handle the bokken-wielder, and that it wasn't Ranma's
place to protect her, she still worried.
The morning passed quickly, and Ranma found herself approaching
Kunou at lunch.
"Ah! Fair radiance of noonday, the lovely Ranma Saotome! No
doubt you have come to ease the weariness of my body by delighting my
heart with your tender affections." Same old Kunou, right down to the
hug attempt.
Ranma deftly kept him at arms' length while pulling out the
envelope. "Here. Read."
"I most gratefully accept, my pigtailed goddess!" Kunou ripped
open the letter and read the contents, then scanned it again.
"This can only mean one thing!" Somehow a Japanese flag appeared
behind Kunou as he spoke. "Your mother intends on an omiai!"
Ranma slugged her upperclassman in the jaw. "I. Don't. Think.
So. Baka!" and stalked away.
She found Akane talking to Ukyou on the other side of the
school. "Hi guys. Whatcha talkin' about?"
Akane blushed a little. "Um, you. And Ryouga."
Oh great, thought Ranma.
"I wish *I* had a boy I felt that strongly about," sighed Ukyou.
"No, you don't, Ucchan. Believe me, you don't."
"What do you mean?"
"Let me tell you a story. Once there was this girl--"
"This is about you, isn't it?" interrupted Ukyou.
"No! Anyhow, there was this girl, but when she was little, her
Dad dressed her like a boy."
"Hey, that happened to me!" Ukyou said. "But Dad gave it up
after a couple of years."
"Can I go on? So this girl, she met a boy. And even though they
were both just little kids, she fell in love. And her Dad made a deal
with his Pop that the kids would get married, and offered the boy's Pop a
piece of the family business as a dowry.
"But the little girl didn't realize that the little boy didn't
know she was a girl. He just thought of her as a good buddy, and
nothing else. And his Pop was a stupid, thoughtless man, who took the
dowry when he moved away with the boy, but didn't take the girl."
"What a jerk!" Akane exclaimed.
"Sure was. The girl got teased real bad by the other girls, and
her Dad was ashamed of how he'd been took, so she became a boy legally,
so the person the shame happened to wasn't there anymore. She dressed
and acted like a boy for years, until noone could tell she wasn't. And
she trained really hard at her martial arts so someday she could track
down the boy and punish him for abandoning her." Ranma took a deep
breath.
"Eventually, she was ready, and the girl tracked down the boy.
But when she did, she learned that he hadn't meant to abandon her, he
didn't know about the marriage promise, and he thought she was cute.
And her resolve to punish him vanished, and the love she'd had for him
at six came back.
"Unfortunately, the boy's Pop was really really stupid, and had
engaged him to another girl too. So he couldn't marry either of them
without breaking a promise. And there were other...complications. But
the girl didn't care. She'd loved him first, after all. So she began to
try to get him to marry her."
"It sounds terribly sad and romantic," commented Ukyou.
"Yeah, don't it. But it got worse. The boy, see, only saw the
first girl as a buddy still. He loved the second girl, but there were
problems in their relationship, so neither of them could admit what they
felt." At least, thought Ranma, I *hope* Akane really does love me,
underneath. "But the first girl didn't see under the surface. She only
saw that the boy was nice to her, and not to the second girl. So she
just kept on trying and trying to catch him."
"So how'd it come out?"
"It didn't. As far as I know, she's still trying to get him, and
he's still trying to find a way out without hurting her." True enough,
Ranma thought.
"So, you're saying, if I love blindly, I might end up like that
girl, stuck on a guy I can never have." Ukyou frowned. "But I'm sure
love will work out all right in the end! You just need the right
recipe."
Ranma shuddered, remembering some of his troubles with recipes in
the real world.
"Just make sure you're usin' the right cookbook, Ucchan."
* * *
The afternoon dragged, and Ranma was grateful to get out of
classes, even if she did have to go straight home.
At the apartment, she found a note from her mother detailing
preparations to be made for the guests the next day. Ranma grumbled at
having to do more "women's work", but set to it and was nearly finished
by the time Nodoka came home.
"That's the spirit, dear. You'll make some lucky man a good wife
some day."
Ranma cringed inwardly. She had no intention of being any kind
of wife, thank you very much.
Hikaru came home in high spirits. Apparently the ruse had
worked, and he was able to convince most of the boys that they'd seen an
optical illusion the other day.
Ranma finished her day by putting a final polish on the Amazon
report. It was weird, but finishing it almost gave her as much
satisfaction as learning a new technique. She just hoped her Women's
Studies teacher liked it too.
TO BE CONTINUED
Comments pretty, pretty please!
SKJAM!
(Who was interviewed on TV news last week about Internet addiction!)