I posted this a while back, but now it seems pretty appropriate to post again.

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Before anything, I'd like to make a request that will seem strange.

I don't want C&C for this piece.

I just need you to read and understand. If you do, you can mail me to tell
me so. If you don't, please don't send me mail that says this sucks. I
couldn't bear it.

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The Song


Sitting down at my PC, I attempt to rewrite a fanfic of mine that people
have asked me to rewrite. I open the file and reread, to get reacquainted
with the story.

It's no good. I can't seem to get into the right mood. Everything I've
started to write so far seems hollow.

Nothing irks a writer more than a story with feigned emotion. Nothing makes
me press the delete button on my mail reader more vigorously than a fanfic
that plays like a soap opera, emotions feigned left and right. No story
makes me feel more disgusted than a sob story that the writer obviously
wrote without feeling, a story that did not come from within himself.

Not wanting to fall into the same trap, I attempt to evoke the right mood
for me to write this fic.

I pop in my Metallica CD and play 'Nothing Else Matters'. Strangely, it
doesn't evoke the same feeling it used to. I used to feel all emotional
whenever I played this song, but now it seems empty. The lyrics do nothing
for me. The tune is right, but, at the same time, is all wrong.

I search the radio for sad songs - any sad song - that would help me get in
the mood to write. Nothing. The words of the songs keep getting in the way.

This is no good. I pop in the 'Goddess Family Club' CD that I had borrowed
from a friend of mine. I switch to track 7 and play a song by Yumi Tooma,
Urd's voice actress. I really don't understand the lyrics - which is
probably because I don't speak Japanese. Strangely enough, though, the song
evokes more feeling than all those others could. Perhaps it's because I hear
the voice but not the words?

I get started, but quickly get into a rut. Damn it! What does it take?
Remembering that the words of the other songs get into the way, I pop in the
Lodoss soundtrack CD and play a particularly sad song, the instrumental
version of 'Io Sono Prigoniera', or whatever. Somewhat better.

It doesn't take long before I'm in another rut. I quickly replace it with
the Kimagure Orange Road OAV soundtrack CD and play the piano solo, which
helps for a while.

I decide to reread whatever it is I have written, at the same time replaying
the CD (programming in only the sad songs).

It reeks. It reeks of feigned emotion. I leave my computer in disgust and
decide to take an anime break. I go downstairs and pop in the nearest Ranma
tape I can find, which turns out to be 'Akane and Her Sisters'.

I watch absently, thinking of a way to rewrite the cursed 'fic without
sounding too much like a poseur. The first time I wrote the fic, it was
during a particularly profound bout of melancholy, and I had distilled the
feeling into a fanfic. I was afraid, I now realized, that I would not be
able to recapture whatever emotion it was that drove me to write the
previous one.

Wait. This is my favorite scene. I raise the volume so that I can hear the
piano solo over Michael Donovan's voice-over. Ryouga is pulling the blanket
back over Akane's shoulder.

I find myself being drawn to the scene. Not just the music, not just the
sound of Ryouga's voice, or what he was saying. It was the wholeness of the
scene.

What's that Ryouga is saying? "I'm sorry Akane, but I can't give you what
you need. I try to block it out but, in my heart I think I've secretly begun
to hope you'd lose."

Tears well up in my eyes. "Farewell, Akane. I'm off on a long journey, to
clear my mind. At least, this once, I get to be the hero."

I go back upstairs. I sit down in front of my computer again, and for a long
moment, I stare at the monitor in silence. The music in the background ends,
but I forget to replay it. I don't hear it anymore, anyway.

My heart is singing a song that evokes all the emotion that I need.

I finally begin to type. "Ryouga stared at the unopened envelope in his
hand. Finely written and meticulously detailed calligraphy on the back
ironically told him the whole story in stark clarity..."

TimeRunner, March 1, 1997



=====
TimeRunner
Representative of the Crusaders of Nabiki Tendo at 
the Church of All Worlds

=====

"Put your money where your foot is!"

TimeRunner's Fics can be found at:

TimeRunner Central
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482/index.html