On Tue, 23 Sep 1997, Ranma Al'Thor wrote:

On Wed, 24 Sep 1997, Mark Doherty wrote:

The other problem I saw was that it seemed to get confusing towards the 
end(ch17 on). Very confusing, a bit muddled, it was hard to keep certain 
scenes straight in the mind.

I had a lot of stuff to keep track of.  Specific comments on what was
confusing would help in trying to fix anything...I'm not confused, so I
can't tell what confuses others :)

 
Well I'll hit on this since I had some to think on it a bit...

{Again....Spoiler Space for those that haven't read the story yet....}







{Read all of it yet...:}

What I found a bit confusing was the parts involving Madigan. Just why did
the new Pluto decide that she need to saved. All we found of that was she
was to be sent a head to a future time along with Goto-san. You might want
to go a bit further into that since it does seem to be a rather important
sub plot (I myself found it a bit of leap...I mean why would Pluto want to
save her..No reason was given....)

Also I found it hard to follow what happened to Goto-san and what Pluto
had in store for him. It could of been that I really didn't read the story
close enough, but I found no mention of Goto-san after him meeting Madigan
(I liked the meeting though...:) and I found that a bit confusing too...

Beyond that, only a couple of minor problems with the fic as I see it. I
found the power level a bit to high, perhaps a bit to high for my tastes.
Still I was enjoyable, though if at DBZ levels...:)

As for the theolgy side of the story, while I don't neccesiarily share the
fic's or your views on the subject, I did find those sections well
written. You could of fallen into a big pit there in those sections if
they came off a bit too preachy (I know..Bad word use but I can't think of
another one) and may have turned some people off the fic. Instead you were
able to get your message out in a nice way, and I was able to pick the
message out easily (though as said before I may not agree with it....:)
 
Anyway, that's about as much C&C as I can think off for the entire
fic...Hope this helps...

Ja ne!!

Richard Beaubien
----------------
Matsunaga Mikage "Chemistry Forever!!!"

Fanfic homepage http://www.anime.usacomputers.net/~beaubird