This one's more serious than the EVA C&C's, with less hentai stuff.
Sorry. :-)


In the not-too-distant future
Somewhere out in CT
There was a guy named Sean
Not too different from you and me

He worked as a DJ on the radio
Played from Mozart all the way up to Coolio
But his attitude didn't set well with Rei
So she conked him on the noggin and she stashed him away

(Hey, you can't do this!  I know people!)

I'll send him cheesy fanfics
Most of which are actually fine (la la la)
He'll have to C&C them all
And I'll monitor his mind

Now keep in mind Sean can't control
Where the story begins or ends
But he'll try to keep his sanity 
With the help of his Senshi friend

SENSHI ROLE CALL!!!

HOTARU!!
(Well, more than friends...)

<this is getting old...>
<hey, I *like* theme songs...>

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a post
I should really just relax."

On Crystal Tokyo Fanfic Theater 3000...

(o...2...3...4...5...6...G)

(Sean and Hotaru are relaxing, and talking about Sailor Moon fanfics.)

Hotaru:  So how am I portrayed in them?
Sean:  Most of the time, you aren't, at least in the future ones we've
       been discussing.  The authors who examine Crystal Tokyo closely
       don't have you there.  I've never been able to figure out why.
       Perhaps because they think you're too powerful, or that your old
       body was too sickly, or maybe they just can't get a handle on
       what you'd be like...
Hotaru:  Well, at least I don't have to worry about being poorly written.
Sean:  For the most part...there are a few awkward Saturn fics out there,
       but they're mostly 20th century.

(CT palace.  Rei is sweeping the floors, obviously very annoyed.)

Rei:  Would you two mind?!  I do have a schedule to keep here, you know.

(The hole in the wall.)

Sean:  Rei, um...why are *you* sweeping?

(CT palace.)

Rei:  (grumbling)  I don't want to talk about it.
Voice:  (from offstage) I want to hear more sweeping!
Rei:  Alright!  (back to S&H) Speaking of Sailor Moon fanfics, I've got
      one right here for you.  It's the fourth part of Douglas Helm's 
      latest series, 'Tales of Younger Venus'.

(Hole in the wall.)

Hotaru:  Why can't we ever start with Part 1?
Sean:  I'll fill you in...

(lights flash, buzzers, etc.)

Sean and Hotaru:  WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIGN!!!

(G...6...5...4...3...2...o)

Tales of Younger Venus 
By Douglas Helm and "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl

Sean:  Oops.  Forgot this was co-written.  Apologies to Will.

This fanfic and over 320 other SM fanfics reside in "Tuxedo" Will's SM
Fanfics Archive at http://log.on.ca/users/helm/anime/index.htm

Hotaru:  And a lovely archive it is too.
Sean:  Indeed.  Our meet cute story is there, y'know.
Hotaru:  Sean, we did not meet cute.

Send comments to: Douglas "Candle Light Author" Helm (dhelm@log.on.ca)
or "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl (wwolfshohl@logicon.com)

Sean:  Or, as in this case, both.  And the FFML.

"Iie, Usagi, I have things to do," Rei replied. <Kami-sama, how many
times do I have to explain it to this odango atama?>

Sean:  First of all, can Iie just come in here and make a point?  While
       Iie am generally not bothered by Japanese in fanfics, and Iie do
       like to learn, Iie feel that this word is out of place.  It jars
       in points where 'no' would flow much better.
Hotaru:  Yeah, but the authors use Japanese throughout.
Sean:  But for the most part, it's more common fanfic usage.  Even hai
       is well known.  But I don't know of any other fanfics that use
       iie for no.
Hotaru:  Thank you, Mr. Lawson.
Sean:  Had to be said.

"Usagi! I am not going on a date!" Rei growled out, "If you must really
know, I'm going down to the Izuko Homeless Shelter to give spiritual
guidance."

Hotaru:  Isn't that where she meets Godai?
Sean:  I think that's Dance of Shiva...

"I've been going there for several years now. I'll be perfectly fine,"

Sean and Hotaru:  Foreshadowing:  your key to quality literature.

"Arigato Mommy," Misako replied coming over to Usagi, "Obaa-san, got it
for me." Usagi glanced at her mother who was looking just slightly worn
out, "Mommy, can I go with you shoppin'?" Misako asked.

Hotaru:  Aw, cute kid.
Sean:  Misako is one of the best things about this fic.  She's cute and
       likeable, in the same way that Chibi-Usa wasn't.
Hotaru:  HEY! <WHAM> That's my best friend you're dissing!
Sean:  When you met her, she was a lot better than her introductory
       stories.  Plus you knew the manga Chibi-Usa, who is also more
       likeable than the anime one.

<Why did you have to say that, Obaa-san?> Chibi-Usa was trying to think
up a way to stop Misako from coming but she couldn't think of a way to
tell Usagi without Misako being hurt. After a little more pleading from
Misako and a non-verbal conversation between Ikuko and Usagi, Misako was
finally allowed to go with them, much to Chibi-Usa's dismay.

Hotaru:  You're right, this is a different Chibi-Usa.
Sean:  Doug is one of the best at capturing her.

The evening meal at the Aino residence was rather bleak. 

(a pig flies by.)
Hotaru:  Thing's you'll never hear.
Sean:  No Carlin jokes, this is a family C&C.

Minako shifted uncomfortably in her chair before saying, "I'm fifteen.
You mean you're sixteen?" <Kami-sama! I thought she was fifteen too.  My
own daughter and I'm younger than she is and smaller than her to boot!
Good thing the others don't know about me being younger, I'd be so
embarrassed.>

Sean:  Hee hee.

"Did you trust Sakuya when she first came back to the past?"

Sean:  NOT!
Hotaru:  (glancing through Younger Jupiter) That would be a definite no.
Sean:  (yanking the fic away) Please don't.  I'm hoping to avoid Doug's
       portrayal of Pluto this fic, and I don't want you getting mad...

Minako prided herself on
giving everyone a chance but something about Sakuya had just struck her
the wrong way.

Sean:  A general first impression, from what I understand.
Hotaru:  Sakuya is somewhat abrasive...

"When we were facing Black
Lady... She... Younger Jupiter pushed me out of the way and took Black
Lady's attack full in her chest."

Sean:  I would have thought that the point of trust would have come a 
       little sooner than that.
Hotaru:  You're not Minako.
Sean:  True...

"Nani?" Minako questioned, "That's an odd passage coming from a
teenager; sounds more like a wise person or something."

Kimeko gave Minako a smile, <To bad I can't tell her who actually said
it.> "Just something I learned in school."

Sean:  Heh.  Nice and subtle.
Hotaru:  Recursion has already struck again.

"Of course I'm proud of her, Mako-chan. I KNOW she'll be a great Senshi.
It just annoys me that she's back here training, is all." Sakuya took a
sip of tea and continued, "I can't even properly measure her power." <Or
protect her.>

Hotaru:  Is Crystal Tokyo as nice in Doug's future as it is in mine?
Sean:  Well, it's no utopia, but yeah, pretty nice.
Hotaru:  Then she'd be much better off training in the past, where she
         can actually fight evil?
Sean:  Tell that to Sakuya.

<That's my obaa-san.> "Hai!" Sakuya answered coming partially out of her
foul mood, "Do you know I haven't had a real date in over one hundred
years?" Makoto's mouth swung open, eyes bulging in disbelief.

(so do Sean's.)
Sean:  That certainly explains her bitchy personality...if ever there was
       a woman that needed to get lai--
<WHAM!>
Hotaru:  I thought you said this was a family C&C...

The Amazon Trio was sitting at their favorite bar deciding on who their
next target would be. 

Sean:  By the way, Hotaru, keep in mind that the Amazoness Quarter will
       be a lot more different in this story, if they pop up.  They 
       *aren't* in the future in the anime.
Hotaru:  Hence the younger senshi.
Sean:  Right...

"Youths are too naive to have pure dreams," HawksEye retorted, "She must
have pure dreams... She helps those less fortunate."

Sean:  Here's where that foreshadowing kicks in...

"My dream... my dream is that one day no one will need a place like
this. My dream is that some day those that use this place can find a
stable home that offers them shelter, warmth, and friendship... those
things that we take as common place." Rei didn't answer, she was lost in
thought.

Hotaru:  That was rather nice...
Sean:  Very evocative.

"Nani?" Chibi-Usa growled out. She didn't like the look of that new
stuffed teddy bear that Misako was holding. <Why didn't you get me
something too? I still like toys too you know.>

Sean:  Uh oh...just when we were going along nicely, too.

"About time," Chibi-Usa growled again and started stalking towards the
entrance.

Hotaru: (sighing) Back to reality.
Sean:  I knew this oneesan thing couldn't last.

"Hai," the priest said, "I want to write an article for our weekly
newsletter to my parishioners. I'd like to interview you to find out
about the shelter you run and your dreams for it."

Sean:  Super S rule:  never tell anyone your dreams.

"Mommy," Misako said, "You look very pretty... but better pretty in
other."

"Translation please?" Sailor Moon asked looking at Kimeko.

Hotaru:  I thought it was perfectly clear.
Sean:  So did I...but Usagi isn't used to dealing with children that 
       young.

Sailor Mars observed this Lemure warily, it was a mime after all. It was

Sean and Hotaru:  Bwahahahahaha!
Hotaru:  Great, just great...
Sean:  Beautiful.

With that he left, leaving Mars to deal with the demonic Mime.

Sean:  Like there's any other kind of mime.

Sailor Mars backed up and hoped the others would get here soon.
"BURNING MANDALA!!!" Sailor Mars shouted trying to force the Mime to
retreat to give her some breathing room.

Hotaru:  See if you can get him trapped in that invisible box.
Sean:  Shame Fuu's not here, we could do walking against the wind...

"And IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, WE WILL PUNISH YOU!" Sailor Moon and
Chibi-Moon shouted in unison.

(Sean and Hotaru both make the standard hand gestures.)
Hotaru:  Actually, this looks kinda dorky.
Sean:  You just noticed that now?

"VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!"
"SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!"

Hotaru:  Hasn't she oaked up?
Sean:  Not yet, I guess...

The Lemure crowed silently with glee and did three backflips before
starting his next attack.

Sean: (sighing and rubbing his eyes) Definitely an anime villain.

<I might be little but I'm no joke!> Chibi-Moon thought darkly.>

Hotaru:  Don't think darkly, that's how the whole mess got started!
Sean:  If she doesn't think darkly, the story ends quickly and has no
       tension.
Hotaru:  I don't care!  I want my happy ending!

"Hai!" Sailor Moon agreed. "Guys distract him," Sailor Moon directed.

Sean:  (Barry White voice) But the ladies swoon...
<WHAM!>
Hotaru:  I do think guys is wrong here.

Kneeling and clasping her hands Chibi-Moon prayed to the Pegasus,
"Please Pegasus... protect everyone's dreams!" Getting up she started to
ring the Charion Bell while calling out, "Twinkle yell!"

Sean: (cowering) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hotaru:  It's not *that* bad...
Sean:  I knew C&Cing a Chibi-Usa fic would be a mistake...why didn't I
       listen to Biles...

"Stage out!" was the only words the demonic Mime ever uttered.

Sean:  Stage *out*?
Hotaru:  As in exit, stage left or something?
Sean:  Yes, but that's taken from the standard theatre direction, with
       right for left depending on how the actor is facing.  There is
       no out.  If there were more than one, you could say 'exeunt'.
       But not out.

They watched silently as the battle progressed. "Onee-chan..." Misako
said in a worried tone as Chibi-Moon fell. The concern look disappeared
when Chibi-Moon got back up. Misako clapped happily when the Pegasus
appeared; this was better than anything she had ever seen and her
Onee-chan and her mommy were Sailor Senshi!

Hotaru:  If she turns out to be Sailor Cosmos...
Sean:  Then we'll hunt Doug and Will down, I promise.

"You kawaii! Onee-chan S'nshi!!!" Misako declared and gave Chibi-Moon a

Sean:  Bo, that's Bishoujo Senshi.

There were some muttering from the gathering crowd. An older woman's
voice, although meant not to be heard, commented, "Must have been out of
wedlock... pity, so young." Her companion hushed her.

Sean:  Wow, for once the foot's on the other shoe...
Hotaru:  Huh?
Sean:  This stuff usually happens to Mamoru.

"Yeah the payment went fine but we have a problem... Hai, I'll see you
later tonight." The second car left slowly following the unsuspecting
young girl. <Well, well,> the man thought, <So she's one of those
mythical Sailor Senshi... This will certainly be excellent for me, bad
for her.>

Sean:  And so Ryo Muhoshin finally makes his appearance...
Hotaru:  WHAT?
Sean (pause, rustle of pages) Damn, I'm getting my stories mixed...

Chibi-Usa turned to find Misako holding out a newly acquired teddy bear
towards her. The annoyance of having Misako getting a new toy when she
didn't reared its ugly head again; pushing it and Misako away Chibi-Usa
growled out, "I don't want to see that bear of yours."

Sean:  Oh, geez...
Hotaru:  Seeing Misako hurt causes me physical pain.
Sean:  Me too.

"Onee-chan, not my bear, YOUR bear," Misako tried to explain, "I get it
for your birthday. You eight." <Onee no like?> Usagi had told Misako

Sean:  Oh shiiiiiiiiitt...
Hotaru:  Twist that knife...

Hopping into bed beside Misako, Chibi-Usa asked, "Should we name it,
Imouto?"

Sean and Hotaru:  Alphonse!
Sean:  I think we've read *too* much Shiva lately...

<Chibi-Shingo!> was her mind's last thought before slipping into sleep.

Hotaru:  This whole scene was utterly gorgeous.
Sean:  (sniffling) Indeed.

Chapter 11 - A Large Mistake

Sean:  Or did I speak too soon?

"As Adder said, who and where?" the older man asked.

Sean and Hotaru:  ~The sound of hoofbeats 'cross the glade,
                  Good folk, lock up your sons and daughters...~

"She was up with the birds and is hiding downstairs. It seems she woke
her `Mommy' up." Ikuko grinned, "I hear Usagi growled something and it
sent Misako scurrying away."

Sean:  Bet she'll never do that again.
Hotaru:  Why do I suspect this kid will be scarred for life by the end 
         of this fic?

Chibi-Usa didn't really understand all of what Usagi was saying but her
actions and tones spoke volumes. Chibi-Usa hugged Usagi and snuggled
into her Onee-san for several seconds before saying, "Arigato
Onee-san... Usagi-chan, I wanted to throw a surprise birthday party for
Misako since I missed hers. Could we have one, please?"

Sean and Hotaru:  (openly weeping) Waaaaaaaaaahhh!
Sean:  Again, lovely. *sniff*

"Rotten spore," Shingo mumbled out flushing with embarrassment. <Baka
little kid!>

Hotaru:  What ever happened to him?
Sean:  He was crucified along with Usagi's parents just before the start
       of Crystal Tokyo.
Hotaru:  REALLY?
Sean:  (pause) No, not really.  I've no idea.
<WHAM!>
Sean:  I think I'll go lie doen now... <thump>

"Iie, she should be fine. Just stop by the office and they'll direct you
to the right class. Go on, `Mommy', you shouldn't be late," Ikuko said.

Hotaru:  Isn't Ikuko being a lot more supporting than usual?
Sean:  Usagi's grown more in this alternate universe than she has in the
       real SM one.  Her relationship with Chibi-Usa has certainly helped
       convince her mother of her growing maturity.

<Mom!> "Hai, well let's get going then." Usagi picked up her own bookbag
and headed out the door. Misako released Chibi-Usa's hand and scurried
after her mother. Usagi waited for the two younger girls outside; it
would have been tough trying to go through the door all holding hands.

Sean:  If this were animated, they'd have tried.
Hotaru:  Yep.

Chibi-Usa was very happy to be Misako's sister and
even happier to see the little girl not even scared about going to
school. It was a proud and special experience for her. Usagi looked on
at her two daughters, knowing what it meant to each of them and to her.

Sean:  OK, while we've been extolling the sweet scenes in this fic, I 
       feel a need to add that there's a danger of going too far and 
       becoming syrupy.  We're kind of skirting the edge here, and I'd
       keep an eye out for that sort of thing.
Hotaru:  Sakuya's not as active in this part.
Sean:  Well, that's true.  She does take the sap right out of a person...
<WHAM!>
Sean:  Ow!  That wasn't hentai!
Hotaru:  It sounded like it...

"Please call me Usagi-chan or Onee-san, Miko-chan," Usagi implored. All
she needed after last night was to have some teacher think that she'd
had a kid when she was really young.

Sean:  She must come from West Haven.
Hotaru:  How many people will get that?
Sean:  Ahem...

"You wouldn't be trying to hurt her would you?"

Sean:  And Sakuya comes through again!

Chibi-Usa blinked and then blinked again, standing there was Usagi with
a very grim expression on her face. The bully gulped, decided not to
push his luck and scurried away.

Sean:  WHOA!!!
Hotaru:  Major fakeout there...

Chibi-Usa groggily opened her eyes, "Na-Nani?" she questioned. She was
sitting on a hard wooden chair with her hands tied behind her back.

Sean:  Jump cut...
Hotaru:  It's passage of time, Rick...

<OH NO!!!> Chibi-Usa thought. It certainly explained the throbbing of
her bottom but that was not her main concern. <They know I'm a Senshi!
They saw me somehow and now they've got me!>

Sean:  Yes, but let's not forget the pressing importance of the bottom
       issue...
<WHAM!>

The bulky shadow shook his head, "Hai..." The smirk was obvious, "Adder,
Weasel, kill the little kid."

Sean and Hotaru:  ~Beware the deadly flashing blade,
                  Unless you want to end up shorter...~

Chibi-Usa nodded. She could feel tears starting to run down her face.
Where was Sakuya? Where was her guardian? <Mommy, I'm scared! Where are
you?!> she thought. <I'm sorry, Puu... Onee-san, I should have been more
careful. I wish I knew where they saw me though.>

Sean:  Since it looks like she sits this part out, I'll have a few things 
       to say about Doug's portrayal of 'Puu' after the fic...
Hotaru:  That doesn't bode well...

Hearing her name was like a blow to her body. Suddenly, she heard a
large explosion after someone yelled out, "STARLIGHT SHIMMER!!!"

Sean and Hotaru:  YAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!

"My broach!" Chibi-Usa choked out, "It's gone."

Hotaru:  Plot twist...
Sean:  This rather precludes her being the senshi Sakuya read about in
       the history books...

"Here," Younger Jupiter said.
Chibi-Usa took the broach and transformed into Sailor Chibi-Moon. 

Hotaru:  Oh.
Sean:  This is the problem with C&Cing as you go...

"I had to let them take you, Small Lady... I'm sorry for that but I had
to."

Hotaru:  She sounds like Setsuna!
Sean:  Don't let her hear you say that...

Venus guarding them, "Here go with Younger Venus." She handed her charge

Sean:  Comma there.  "Here, go..."

Younger Jupiter just stared coldly at the man, counting off the seconds
hoping that neither Younger Venus nor Chibi-Moon would reappear to see
the task set before her.

Hotaru:  Younger Jupiter is much more manga-influenced.
Sean:  She is rather...cold, isn't she?

"Luna-P henge!" Chibi-Usa shouted. Luna-P produced an umbrella that
began the process that would "adjust" Ikuko's memories; soon it was
complete.

Sean:  Whoa!  Plot-Contrivance Theater!
Hotaru:  Does it happen that often in the anime?  This seemed really...
         simple.  Why doesn't she do this every time she's punished?

"Did you have a nice time painting after school, Chibi-Usa-chan?" Ikuko
asked, all thoughts of Chibi-Usa not waiting for her after school and
her subsequent searching for Chibi-Usa gone from her mind.

Sean:  "Thank God for that shampoo with the nerve gas in it..."

"Hai Ikuko-mama. I'd like to introduce Aino Kimeko, Minako's cousin,"
Chibi-Usa said, "She came with Misako on the train. She and Misako live
really close to each other."

Sean:  And she's barely been in this part...
Hotaru:  For a series called Tales of Younger Venus, she hasn't had much
         to do.  Jupiter got *much* more screen time in her fic.

Detective Sergeant Tom Wong trotted over to where the officer was
standing. There huddled on the ground was a man of about twenty; he was
sweating profusely and was staring around nervously.

Hotaru:  Hey, it really was Rowan Atkinson!

head, "Never screw with Sailor Senshi, man!" He suddenly became serious,
"Two of them came in here like bats out of hell."

Sean:  Game over, man, game over!!!

Wong sighed, "Great the Captain is just going to love this! Kid
kidnapped by mob but saved by mythical female Senshi wearing very short
miniskirts... not what I would call a great investigation!" Sighing once
more Detective Sergeant Wong walked away shaking his head. Maybe it was
time to think about retirement or a transfer...

Hotaru:  That's it?
Sean:  For this part...

(o...2...3...4...5...6...G)

(Sean and Hotaru are in their chairs.)

Hotaru:  Excellent part.  Please write more.  Now, what about Pluto?
Sean:  The way Pluto has been portrayed in this series so far is very one-
       sided.  Most authors are wary of finding out what Pluto is thinking,
       and that's fine.  However, the only POV we've gotten of Pluto's
       actions is Sakuya's.  It's getting to the point where I have to
       wonder if Doug and Will like Pluto at all...I'd like to see 
       some idea that Pluto's actions *were* necessary.  At least in
       some way.
Hotaru:  OK.  Now, what was the other thing you wanted us to do?
Sean:  Ah, yes, it's time for 'predict the ending', where you and I try to
       second guess the authors.  Now, Misako is a cute, sweet, lovable
       character.  She's cannon fodder, let's face it.  I see them heading
       back to the future at the end, but somehow things are changed again,
       and Misako disappears, having never existed.  Kimeko immediately
       goes insane with grief, and Sakuya, enraged, kills Pluto.  This
       leads Chibi-Usa to kill Sakuya, and then herself.  The rest of the
       timeline, without Pluto to watch it, crumbles.  Crystal Tokyo 
       never existed.
Hotaru: (pause) That's sick.
Sean:  Thank you.
Hotaru:  Well, I was reading through the early parts, and I thought, what
         if Sakuya managed to change history so that whatever Pluto did
         to her mother *didn't happen*?  Sakuya gets back to Crystal 
         Tokyo and finds that she and Pluto are supposed to be good 
         friends.  She then spends the rest of the fic trying to deal
         with her unresolved anger, but finally manages to let go of it,
         becomes a better person, and everyone is happy.
Sean: (pause) *That* is sick.
Hotaru:  I try.
Sean:  And how much of a chance do you think that has to happen?
Hotaru:  As much as you writing Tales of Younger Pluto.
Sean:  (to screen) What do you think, sirs?

(CT Palace.  Rei has finished cleaning and is staring at them 
malevolently.)

Rei:  You didn't mention my touching scene at all.

(Hole in the wall.)

Sean:  I thought you and the mime made a very sweet couple.)

(CT Palace.)

Rei:  THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!

(Offscreeen, we hear that voice.)

Voice:  Oooh, panties.  And with the days of the week on them too.
Rei:  GRANDPAAAAAA!!! (turns) Until next time, Michael J. Fox!

<fwoosh>


This C&C of Episode 4 of Tales of Younger Venus was written by 
Sean Gaffney.  The story itself was written by Douglas Helm and 
"Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl.  Sailor Moon is (C) Naoko Takeuchi,
Bandai, DIC, and lots of others.  Turn off your lights (where
applicable).

--Sean Gaffney
--No. 3...