So You Want To Be a Ranma � Character...
So you want to join the cast of wacky, crazy, zany people that inhabit
that quiet little city of Nerima. It is a career choice that you've
thought upon for years and years, building up from an anime-filled
childhood resulting in the culminating scenario of your breakthrough
into Ranma-dom.
Great. We're all happy for you. You've passed the first test. You've
been able to sit through the boring introduction. Most people do,
however, so you're one among many. So how is it that only a few people
are able to make it into the cast of useless and not-so useless extras
and main characters of Ranma? Well, if you read on, you'll be privy to
the secrets of success of building the right persona and physical
character attributes (being diverse and widespread).
Chapter 1: The Pre-test
So you want to be a Ranma character? Well, if you've seen the anime
series, or read the manga, then you know that no ordinary human being
would fit in. So you think you're special? Let's find out...
Below is a short, simple test that will help you determine just how
well you fit in, and how much trauma you'll have to suffer before
becoming a certifiable Ranma � character.
Ready? Each question is multiple choice type question.
1. Did you pick up the Shampoo reference in the previous phrase?
A. Yes
B. No
2. Do you know who Shampoo is?
A. Of course! What kind of a loser do you think I am?
B. Head and Shoulders, or Pert Plus! What kind of loser do you think
I am?
C. I know her measurements.
3. Which martial arts are you a master of? (check all that apply)
__Aikido
__Boxing
__Daito Ryu-Aiki Jujitsu
__Escrima
__Fukudo
__Gundo
__Iaido
__Jodo
__Judo
__Jujitsu
__Kempo
__Kendo
__Kudos
__Mushudo
__Ninjitsu
__Nintendo
__Segajitsu
__Shotokan Karate
__Sojitsu
__Tae Kwon Do
__Thai Kickboxing
__Voodoo
__Other________________(write in)
4. Were you traumatized as a child?
A. Yes.
B. I don't know, but I do have a pronounced facial tic which I cannot
explain.
C. No.
5. Do you have any obsessive/compulsive behaviors?
A. Yes.
B. No. Not that I am aware of, but this guy I'm stalking has lots!
C. Out! Out vile spot!
D. No. No. No. No. No.
E. What was the question?
6. Are you normal?
A. Normal is such a vague term.
B. What the <expletives> kind of question is that?!
C. Yes. Just like the Cleavers.
D. You bet.
7. How much anime have you seen?
A. Hunh? How do you pronounce that?
B. A fair amount.
C. I'd shrivel up and die without my anime.
D. Isn't that that show with the four amphibians with the Italian
obsession? Or was it that Strong Changing Warrior thing?
8. Do you know who Ranma Saotome is?
A. He's my second cousin.
B. He's the main character of Rumiko Takahashi's "Ranma �."
C. Is this a trick question?
D. No.
9. Do you know about the cursed springs of Jyusenkyo?
A. Been there-Seen 'em-Done that.
B. Aaaaaahhh!!!! I'm a GIRL!!!!
C. My Perrier can be cursed?
D. No.
10. Are you sure you want to be an anime character? The results could
be hazardous to your health...
A. YES!
B. Anime? What's that?
C. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...
* * * * * * * * * * *
Scoring:
1. A: Ai-yah! You pick up Ranma type allusion! 10 points.
B: Don't worry; there are plenty more grammar errors for you to
find. 5 points.
2. A: We're the ones asking the questions here... 0 points.
B: That was "who," not "what" you moron. 0 points.
C: Yeah, and I'll bet she calls you "anata" too... 10 points.
3. For each of the fifteen REAL martial arts you've checked, 1/3 point
(rounding up).
If you checked "other" and filled in Anything Goes Martial Arts, 5
points.
If you checked "other" and filled in anything else, 0 points.
If you checked Voodoo, -5 points.
If you checked any of the rest, -1 point.
(Note: Nintendo and Segajitsu ARE NOT real martial arts no matter
how many fighting games you play. No dice. Forget it, bubba. Put
down the controller.)
4. A: You're brutally honest, and you have something to work from. 10
points.
B: Facial <twitch> tics are <twitch><twitch> neat. 5 points.
C: Oh. Here I thought you were someone special... 0 points.
5. A: And they are...? 5 points.
B: Keep the stealth training up, Grasshopper 10 points.
C: Go get some Dial Antibacterial soap. Five bucks tops... 5
points.
D: You are obsessively negative. 5 points.
E: Listen up next time! 5 points.
6. A: Sure. Yeah. Whatever... 0 points.
B: What kind of <expletive> language is that?! Wash your mouth
out!
In the meantime, pass "Go" and collect 10 points.
C: Yeah, but the Beav could get thrashed by my non-existent
three-year old quadriplegic sister-in-law... Or anyone else for that
matter. -5 points.
D: Now we're getting somewhere! 5 points.
7. A: Get out. Now. 0 points.
B: Good. Experienced, but not drooling. 10 points.
C: I think you need your pills. That or a good twelve-step
program. 5 points.
D: Live in the now, man. 0 points.
8. A: Weren't you an extra once? Yeah, that's right! You were the one
that got the snot beat out of them by Kasumi.... 5 points.
B: Good! 10 points.
C: No. 5 points.
D: He's the main character of Rumiko Takahashi's "Ranma �." 5
points.
9. A: Do the Dew! 10 points.
B: You go GRRRRRL! 5 points.
C: No, but your Evian is. Pour it all over yourself to find
out... 5 points.
D: Well, there's a first for everything. Your anime career choice
proves that. 5 points.
10. A: I wish we were all as wide eyed and bushy tailed as you. 10
points.
B: Stop trying to be funny. -10 points.
C: Fine. Back out at the last minute. Fall in the Spring of
Drowned Chicken? Thought so... 0 points.
Now, add together all your points, then match your results with the
following result table. Good luck!
300 - 201: Oh my! You must be one of the main characters!
200 - 151: Stop lying.
150-101: Really, we mean it. Stop lying.
100 - 91: You are ready for the trials and tribulations known only to
Ranma characters - or masochists. Take your pick.
90 - 81: Excellent score, young grasshopper. To pass to the next level,
you must take this pebble from my hand...
80 - 71: Wow. You are the very definition of "otaku." Just don't
flaunt it, buddy...
70 - 61: Some people are slower at finding their inner Ranma. Persevere
o-foolish one!
60 - 51: I guess you found your inner Ryouga. Now find your way back...
I dare you...
50 - 41: You got lucky, punk.
40 - 31: Quit the hentai crap. You're no Happosai.
30 - 21: Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is not anime.
20 - 11: Anime is pronounced "ah NEE may."
10 - 0: Yes Virginia, there is a Spring of Drowned Village Idiot.
0 - -100: You're one of those people that have to tell themselves to
breathe, right?
So you've finished the test. If you've scored appropriately (i.e. 90
or above), you're living in the proverbial times and are completely
consciences of what you're about to embark upon. If not, don't worry.
We could always use a few extras around.