MST number 1 for NGEjd part 3....
>From Andrew Huang, brought to you by his computer, Oddzilla
Oddzilla says, "Mmmmm...Evanjellydonut...."
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/
Harvard Anime Society, Secretary
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 6 Sep 1997 21:45:47 -0500 (CDT)
From: RPM - acct 3/5 <rpm39788@Bayou.UH.EDU>
To: Andrew Huang <alhuang@CapAccess.org>
Subject: The More Things Read on "Evanjellydonut3"
Andrew, I leave it up to you when to show this to the
ffml...
-rodM
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Once upon a time there were these four siblings, who happened to
be martial artists, who also happened to be movie buffs...
One was a rather skinny fellow, looking a lot like Hikaru Gosunkugi,
the other a short-haired girl with a fair tan, the next a sloppily
dressed lad with long hair and eyeglasses, and finally, a rather
cute 12 year old with a hyperactivity problem....
ROLL CALL!
Ryo Muhoshin, snide yet debonaire
Ryoko Muhoshin, a teen girl with flare
Megs Muhoshin, a pervert beyond compare
Kyoko Muhoshin, tiny tot without a care
Megs: So, what's showing today?
Ryo: You're forgetting something.
Megs: Eh?
Ryo: hold up the advert, child.
Kyoko: WAI!
=========================================
FFML Fun Critiques!: The More Things Read
http://www.tfs.net/~tbutler/FFC/Muho.html
=========================================
Ryo: Very good.
Megs: Ah. Website plugs, I see.
Ryo: Ah, almost forgot. Ryoko, do the honors?
Ryoko: Righto.
===============================================================
-M- Productions: home of The More Things Change and other junk!
http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/fanfic.htm
===============================================================
Megs: (grumbling) Wouldn't be surprised if they pulled out a commercial
for a-
Ryo: Ah, that's my cue.
==========
DRINK COKE
==========
Megs: (glaring at the other three) Sellouts!
Ryoko: Yeah? Who's wallet is still empty, loser!
Megs: *sigh* Okay, whatever. What's showing today?
Ryo: Part three of Andrew Huang's epic comedy, Evanjellydonut.
Megs: Oh. _HIM_.
Ryoko: Shh! Film's starting!
It was time.
Time for some more Evangelion spoofiness.
[All four stare at Andrew]
"Yes, it does exist. Stop looking at me like that."
Megs: I WANT SOME GRATUITY, you teasing bastard!
The writer sat down at his keyboard, and began bumbling^H^H^H^H^
crafting his latest masterpiece.
Megs: Bumbling is right :P
Ryoko: Well I *like* how Andrew's kept it clean.
Megs: Feh.
************************************************
Misato yawned and stretched, giving a grand show to anyone who might be
watching. "8 am. Things have been so slow around here lately. Shin--oh,
that's right." Shinji had left early for school. A meeting, he said. Misato
smiled, thinking who it was exactly he was meeting with. Those two had
certainly advanced their relationship in leaps and bounds. It had been,
what, not even a week? But then, they had so little before, so that would
make sense.... Asuka had also also left early--to keep an eye on things, no
doubt.
"Squawk!"
"Oh, Pen-pen. Looks like Shinji already fed you." The bird nodded. Misato
laughed, remembering a certain dream. "Don't you start philosophizing about
the Angels and talking about design specs for Unit 01." Pen-pen merely
looked at her strangely, then ambled over to his refrigerated compartment,
shutting the door behind him. Misato began preparing for the day.
The sound of typing was barely audible. [Open log_]
[Log opened_] read the computer screen.
[Report of Agent P: The woman knows too much...._]
Megs: AAAAAAAAAGH! HIDE THE BEER!
Ryo: ...
Megs: What, ya never saw the commercials?
***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 3:
Tenshi Muyou--No Need For Angels
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***
Megs: Sound and the *FURRY*? Does that mean he writes beastiality fics?
Ryo: Stop it right there, mister.
If the thirteenth Angel had a mouth, it would be smiling right now.
Ryo: o/" And if God would send his angels... o/"
Megs: o/" We could use'em here right now o/"
Ryoko: ...
Ryo: Not a U2 fan, I suppose. *sigh*
Now was the time. Yes, it would find one of the Evangelion units, bide
its time in the computer system, take over the controls when activated,
and carry out its purpose. Its glorious, grim purpose.
Ryo: It's forgetting the evil laughter bit. If you're an entity
with great powers and a good plan, evil laughter is a must.
Kyoko: but s'got no mouth!
Ryo: Oh.
Megs: Idiot.
Ryo: Shut up.
That is, if only it could just possibly find one of those EVAs. Now that
was posing a bit of a problem.
[Hmm. Now, where am I?]
Ryo: It's... an angel with a Ryoga complex! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
"Say, boss...you didn't, perhaps, do something with my computer again,
did you?"
"No, Sato-kun...not since that last time. I still have the burn scars."
"So why does the screen keep on flashing 'Which way to NREV'?"
"Well, I don't...eh...wait. 'NREV'?"
"NERV, I'm guessing. Maybe it doesn't know how to spell, whatever _it_
is."
[So sue me!]
If the thirteenth Angel had a mouth, it would have stopped smiling just
about now.
------------------------------------------------
"Good morning, Shinji-kun."
"Ah, good morning, Rei-chan."
The two students sat down at empty desks next to each other. It was quite
a sight: Rei _not_ staring out the window, silently, and Shinji _not_ idly
slumped at his desk, listening to Touji and Kensuke yammer about Misato--
instead, they chatted quietly, smiling. A cute couple, they were.
Ryo: Sugary... atmosphere... ack...
Megs: blood... suger... levels... rising... ugh...
Ryo: Diabetes... imminent... aaaaagh...
Ryoko: Jerks! *WHAP*WHAP*
But then, the past few days had been highly odd anyway, even by Tokyo-3
standards. Rei with outward personality, Shinji with backbone....
Megs: Well, that's one of two bones he's acquired recently.
Kyoko: what'cha mean?
Ryo: DON'T, Megs. DO NOT answer that.
Nearby, Asuka stared at the two suspiciously. That, at least, was less
surprising than most everything else. She was finally distracted from them
by Hikari sitting down next to her. "Oh, hi, Hikari-chan."
Megs: Perhaps a little lesbian romance is out of the question?
Ryoko: Dream on, pervert.
"Morning, Asuka-chan." Hikari was pensive. Touji hadn't come to school
since that triple-date, five days ago. She also hadn't been able to reach
him by phone. Apparently, he was at the hospital, with his sister, just
like he was when she had first been injured. And she certainly didn't have
the time to go to the hospital to find him.
"Are you worrying about him again? Oh, don't be...."
"Well, you'd think that he'd call or something, right?"
"Um, hi." It was Touji. Hikari jumped up a little too quickly and fell
over her chair. "Whoa...are you okay?" He extended a hand. Hikari, eyes
shining, took it gratefully. "Heh, sorry I haven't called or anything...."
"It's...it's all right." They stared at each other in silence for a
second or two.
Megs: must... balance... bloodstream... sugar... levels... high...
Ryo: pass... the... salt...
"Ah, I guess I want to talk to you...." Touji smiled weakly. Hikari
nodded, and they walked over to a corner of the room. Asuka sighed. She
turned her attention back to Rei and Shinji. She narrowed her eyes in
displeasure as she noted how much closer together they were, now.
"So, ah, got any plans for today?"
"Baka." Rei bapped Shinji lightly on the forehead. "We've got training
today, remember?"
"Oh. Damn."
Rei laughed softly, and put her hand over his. "Still, that doesn't mean
we can't...talk after we're done."
Megs: Yeaaaaaaah, at'sright. Talking the language of luuuuv.
Ryo: Oh my.
Ryoko: Cut it out, pervo!
Shinji blushed a bit, smiling, then froze. "You know, Rei-chan...is it
normal for humans to swell up and turn bright red?"
"Hm? What do you mean?"
Ryo: Don't you dare.
Megs: Wasn't gonna say a thing, honest!
Shinji pointed nervously. Rei turned around.
"Oh...hello, Asuka...."
Asuka clenched a fist, and barely managed to catch herself, so she simply
turned away. "I can't stand this," she hissed to herself. She found herself
facing a deliriously happy Hikari, and a confused but overall happy Touji.
"Heh, don't mind us, Asuka-chan."
"I really can't stand this," muttered Asuka.
Megs: Life would be so much easier on them if they accepted
free love and had a threesome.
------------------------------------------------
"Mommy, Mommy! My Tamagotchi is broken! Maro-chan's _gone_!!"
"Oh, let me see that, Ju-chan." Hayama Sana took the little electronic
pet from her daughter Junko and looked at it carefully.
Ryo: I _hate_ those things.
Ryoko: Aw, I think they're cute.
Kyoko: Wai! TAMAGOTCHI!
Ryo: *shudder* ugh.
"Well, that's strange."
"Mommy? Can you fix it?"
"Let me see...don't worry, if Mommy or Daddy can't fix it, we'll go get
you a new one. Anata! Could you come here?"
Sana's husband Akito walked in, carrying a NERV (tm) coffee mug. "Hm?"
"Ju-chan's Tamagotchi is acting strange. Take a look." She handed it
over to him.
Ryo: Nothing a hammer won't fix.
Kyoko: Don't be mean! Nyah!
"NERV? Since when did they get involved with making these things? This
merchandising thing of theirs is getting out of hand."
[ARGH! I can't find my way around this place worth a DAMN!]
------------------------------------------------
Aoba quickly put away the mangas he had pilfered from Hyuuga's desk and
tried to appear busy as the Subcommander of the whole operation walked in.
"Uh, Subcommander, there seem to be reports of odd electronic phenomena
around the city this morning. All of them seem to be relating to NERV."
Fuyutsuki blinked, and looked over at Aoba. "What?"
Aoba handed him a NERV (tm) clipboard with several official statements on
it. The Subcommander read them over, puzzled. "This is one of the strangest
things I've ever seen. Any clue as to what it might be?"
"None, sir. So far, it's been relatively harmless, so they've speculated
that it's just a prank. Still, it's a pretty widespread one, if you ask
me. All over the city, so far."
Fuyutsuki nodded. "Well, keep an eye on this thing, just in case." He
looked around the room. "Where is Hyuuga?"
"Um, check report number...seven, there." Aoba pointed at the clipboard.
Fuyutsuki did so. He raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's interesting."
"Yeah. Maia went in to check up on him."
Ryo: I have absolutely nothing to say about this scene.
Megs: Nor I.
Ryoko: It wasn't bad... no...
Kyoko: Was okay...
Ryo: ah, well, next scene.
------------------------------------------------
Maia sat next to Hyuuga in the NERV infirmary. He was on one of the cots,
several bandages and an icepack on his head. His glasses were on the table
next to him.
She was looking very confused. "Now...run that by me again?"
Hyuuga sighed. "I found another machine that _said_ it had Dr. Pepper. I
put in the money, punch the button, and then the LED sign on it asks where
NERV is or something like that. It didn't give me my soda. So I kicked it,
the stupid piece of junk. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground, an
exploded can of _Mr. Pibb_," he growled the name of the soda, "lying next
to me, my forehead's bleeding, and some girl with long black hair wearing
a Shinto priestess outfit is there slapping wards on the drink machine."
Ryo: ah, that's my cue.
==========
DRINK COKE
==========
Kyoko: *giggle* Mine too!
=============
DRINK SNAPPLE
=============
Ryo: ...
Maia could only stare at him. "Well...."
"I dunno, those wards seemed to have worked, 'cos the machine stopped
beeping after that. Nice girl...can't remember her name right now, though
something tells me that I really should. At least her first name." Hyuuga
fell silent a moment, grumbling. "I ought to sue, you know." Maia nodded
and started to say something, but Hyuuga went on. "False advertisement!
That machine said it had Dr. Pepper!"
Maia fell out of her chair.
Megs: (in a Sean Connery immitation voice) So, Dr. Pepper, we meet again.
Ryoko: (wearing eye patch) You shall not stop my plans for world
domination THIS time. My killer vending machines shall
pummel you!
************************************************
"Actually, I don't mind Mr. Pibb that much. But I do like Dr. Pepper a
lot more." The writer paused. "Well, so much for the pretense of having
helpful comments."
Ryo: everyone ready? [the others nod]
=========================
COKE: IT'S THE REAL THING
===================================
SNAPPLE: NUMBER TWO AND PROUD OF IT
===================================
EVIAN PURE NATURAL SPRING WATER
================
IT'S MILLER TIME
================
Megs: well, that wasn't so painful.
Kyoko: o/" Sell out! With me tonight! Sell out! With me tonight! o/"
Ryoko: o/" the bev'rage company's gonna gimmie lotsa money and
make everything alright! o/"
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
Caspar was hard at work, running the city, analyzing data on past Angel
attacks, playing with the minds of the humans, etc. Suddenly, he stopped.
Kyoko: Wai! The friendly ghost!
Ryo: Sorry, wrong show.
Kyoko: Awww.
[Melchior.]
[Yes, Caspar?]
[It seems that someone, or something, is searching for us.]
Megs: o/" Lookin fer luv in awl the wrong play-ces o/"
Ryo: AAAAAAGH! STOP!
[Something like that. There have been messages all over the city asking
how to get to NERV HQ or something.] Melchior did a quick check. [Yeah,
that's it, all right. What do you think this means?]
Balthshazar came in, after running possibilities through his circuits. [I
haven't got enough information to draw any conclusions, yet. Caspar? What
about you?]
Caspar was silent, thinking. Then, he spoke. [I feel...a disturbance in
the Force.]
Melchior sighed cybernetically.
[Balthshazar, have you been downloading those gaijin movies again?]
[Umm...no comment.]
Megs: So what if one of'em watches 'Kim does Kyoto'?
Ryoko: Don't make me mallet you.
------------------------------------------------
"Dr. Akagi."
Megs: Ooh! She's cute. Don't tell me she DOESN'T get a steamy
scene later.
Ryo: Well, this IS Mr. Huang writing it...
Megs: Oh. Yeah. *feh*
"The Magi haven't been able to come up with anything yet. The randomness
of the occurrences seem to be throwing them off."
"Keep working on it."
"Yes, Subcommander. Ah, where is Commander Ikari?"
"He called in sick today."
------------------------------------------------
"Dammit. Rei knows Jujitsu, too, does she?"
Megs: Ohyeah! The chick can fight too! I _definitely_ wanna
see more of her.
Gendou continued wrapping his two wrists and both ankles with tape,
giving a vicious tug with his words. It was kind of difficult, with both of
his arms in slings.
------------------------------------------------
Kensuke sat down next to Asuka during lunch. He had no one else to talk
to, considering how...involved the others were.
"You know, I'm getting sick of this. It was Rei and Shinji the past few
days, and now Touji and Hikari, too."
Asuka sighed. "Yeah, I know. I guess I'm glad that Hikari's happy, but...
do they _have_ to do this in class?"
"It could be worse. You remember how Rei was just afterwards."
Both nodded. Then Asuka sighed, wistfully.
"I haven't seen Kaji in a few days...."
"Feeling lonely, eh? Yeah."
Asuka looked at him strangely. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well, I mean," continued Kensuke, waving in the general direction of the
two couples, "seeing all that around you, y'know, but not...." He sighed.
Asuka softened a bit. "I suppose you're right." They returned to staring
at the two pairs. Finally, Kensuke got fed up.
"That's it. Enough with them." He turned to the computer on his desktop
and turned it on to play some Nethack. Asuka looked over his shoulder.
"Wow, you're playing a Tourist? Tough one."
Kensuke nodded. But before he could start the game, the screen flickered
wildly.
[Where is NREV? I mean, NERV?]
Asuka blinked. "What?"
Kensuke screamed. "MY SAVEFILE!!!!!!"
Ryo: Remember, kids, don't plug into games unprotected. You never
know what kind of viruses you might pick up.
Megs: Which is why we have NERV anti-virus 4.0! More powerful than
an AT field! THRUST into the internet without fear, and
DIVE right into as many sites as ya want! WIth NERV anti-virus
4.0, you're protected!
************************************************
The writer stopped and grinned broadly.
"My best regards to the DevTeam."
All: Who?
************************************************
This quickly brought Rei, Shinji, Touji, and Hikari running. "What
happened?" asked Hikari.
Kensuke was quietly weeping. Asuka pointed at the screen. "Well, he
started playing Nethack, when this suddenly popped up."
Touji tapped at the keys a bit, but nothing happened. "Someone's trying
to find NERV? This is kind of weird. What do you suppose it is?"
Rei sat back down at her desk, and turned looked through her computer.
"Nothing wrong here...wait, some of my files were opened. The ones about
NERV general information.... We'd better tell someone about this."
Four cellular phones were pulled out simultaneously.
Megs: Robin, to the batcave!
Kyoko: dadadadada!
(The NERV symbol appears, spinning wildly)
------------------------------------------------
"Yes? Oh...more of that stuff, huh? Right, I'll log it." Aoba hung up
the phone. "Doctor, seems that 'prank' has been showing up at school, where
the pilots are."
Ritsuko nodded. "I'll get this data to the Magi. And who's playing that
music? It's starting to get distracting."
[Sorry.] The Star Wars theme turned off.
"Thanks. I--" Ritsuko stopped, looking around, then shrugged. More
important things lay ahead.
Megs: John Williams would be proud, I think.
------------------------------------------------
School let out. At last.
Asuka sighed in relief, now that she could finally get away from those
four. Then she frowned. "Right about now, Hikari and I would be going to
the mall, normally." She grumbled. She wasn't about to go there alone....
She sat down at a bench, staring up at the clouds.
I really shouldn't be so bothered by all of that. I mean, I've done just
fine on my own for years now.
Megs: She should get what every lonely girl keeps in her drawer, a dil-
*****WHAM*****
Ryoko: Thaaaaaaaat's enough outta you.
"Asuka?"
Yeah, that's right. I don't need to worry about that. Hey, maybe I _will_
go shopping by myself.
"Asuka-chan?"
Besides, it's not like I should spend all my time with Hikari.
Megs: It's a Lesbian thing, I tell ya.
Ryo: Dream on, wayward son.
"Asuka!"
"WHAT!? WHAT?!!"
Hikari and Touji fell away, nervously. "Uh, didn't you say that we were
going to the mall today?"
Asuka blinked. "Oh...yeah. Yeah!"
Hikari smiled. "Well, come on!" She looked over at Touji. "I want to try
on some things for him." Touji blushed. Asuka grumbled.
Megs: THREEEEEEEEEEESOME!!!
Ryoko: Pshaw. Right.
Megs: Hey, a guy can hope, okay?
------------------------------------------------
The thirteenth Angel was getting nervous. It was, at present, surrounded
by many, many individual electronic systems. It was going to be next to
impossible to get out of this place, it seemed.
"Hey, there's Shinji. Next to the arcade. Hey!"
"Oh, hi, guys. Man, I was going to try out that new Street Fighter game,
but most of the machines in there aren't working."
[HELP!!!]
"Oh. Pity."
Yes, the Angel wasn't going to be going anywhere for a while. A long
while.
"Well, where's Ayanami, huh?"
"She wanted to finish up her homework.
"Too bad, huh?" Touji elbowed his friend.
*slap*
"OW! What did you do that for?!" Shinji rubbed his cheek.
Asuka looked embarassed. "Ah, heh, sorry...reflex action." Then she
glared at him. "But I _still_ think you're a pervert." She stomped away.
Ryoko: I know what she means.
Megs: Issats-*WHAM*
Ryoko: See what I mean?
Touji stared after her. "Some things never change, huh?"
Ryo: Well, The More Things Change... you know.
Ryoko: That was bad, Ryo. Really bad.
"Come on, she's not that bad...she just has to adjust," interjected
Hikari.
"Whatever. Well, Shinji we'd better get going now. We've got training in
a few hours, and Hikari still wants to go roaming around here. Plus, now
that you mention it, maybe I should get started on my homework...."
------------------------------------------------
"Oh, Hyuuga. Feeling better?"
Hyuuga waved a can of his choice soda. "Much, yes. Anyways, anything
about that stuff about asking for directions to NERV yet?"
Ryo: Ahem.
==========
DRINK COKE
==========
Ritsuko walked out of her office. "Caspar detected a blue pattern, but
only very fleetingly. Also, the other two Magi haven't gotten so much as a
trace, so there's no conclusion yet. Especially with the sheer randomness
of it all. The Angels have been much more direct, so it just doesn't seem
quite likely."
"Well, whatever it is...it's been a royal pain."
"And keep that away from the console. Go drink it outside."
Hyuuga flinched. "Yes, ma'am."
Ryo: SODA FASCIST!
------------------------------------------------
[Blue pattern, huh? How come we haven't gotten any trace of it?]
[You must reach out with the Fo--]
[WOULD YOU GET OFF THAT DAMN MOVIE ALREADY?!]
[Okay! Okay. Calm down, you'll burn out a circuit.]
[Too late. I think some of yours carried over to me, or something like
that. Balthshazar. Balthshazar! Get off the freaking Net already, would
you?]
[Sorry, sorry. I found some Babylon 5 clips, and....]
Megs: I'll take Star Wars any day over THAT, thankya...
Melchior cursed silently. What was it with him and old Western science
fiction? Then, [Anyways, Caspar--how did you get a blue pattern?]
[Actually, I guess I happened to be scanning the right place at the right
time. It doesn't seem to leave any footprints or anything like that, so
once it leaves, any pattern traces leave too.]
[Well, until I can see it with my own...um, "eyes", then....]
[Same here.]
[Well, keep looking, then.]
Caspar returned to playing the saved game of Nethack which had somehow
appeared in his memory banks during that one detection of a blue pattern.
[Never got a Tourist advanced this high before. Not bad at all.]
Ryo: One wonders what would happen if these three got a hold of QUAKE
Megs: Computer lockdown?
Ryo: Quite possibly.
------------------------------------------------
Fuyutsuki walked into the apartment, briefly noting the odd brown stains
all over the kitchen wall. He promptly ignored them, and continued into
the study.
"Commander?"
"Ah, Fuyutsuki. Update?"
"There may be...what happened to you?"
"I...ah...."
"Did you go talk to Rei again?"
"..."
Mental note: don't cross Rei. "Well, anyways. There may be an Angel on
the loose in Tokyo-3. A sort of computer virus, like the eleventh. Problem
is, we can't track the thing, and only Caspar so far has detected a blue
pattern from it. Even then, Caspar isn't completely sure of it."
Gendou would have been rubbing his chin in thought, were he capable of
moving his arms that way. "Well. Nothing more concrete than that?"
"No, Commander. What about the training today?"
"I suppose if it's that vague, then we should continue. But be ready
to take countermeasures at any time, all right?"
"Right."
Fuyutsuki turned to go, when Gendou suddenly shouted, "So _that's_ it--
OW!"
"Commander?"
"Forgot about the arm again.... That must have been what blew up my NERV
(tm) coffeemaker this morning."
"Oh. I see." I have _got_ to get out of this business. He again turned to
leave, but--
"Ah, Fuyutsuki?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Could you please push my glasses back up onto the bridge of my nose? I
can't quite do that at the moment."
Ryoko: No comments, huh?
Megs: ...
Ryo: ...
Kyoko: ...
Ryo: Oh, wait, I have one.
==========
DRINK COKE
==========
Ryoko: Now you're being silly.
------------------------------------------------
"It's the strangest thing, isn't it?"
Kaji nodded. He was, again, meeting with his contact, this time in a
crowded bar. No one paid them any attention. "Well, you guys have it all
too, don't you? Not like it's classified this time."
"Yes, but we haven't had time to analyze any data yet. Have they come up
with anything yet?"
"No. At least, not before an hour ago. I haven't heard anything since
then."
"All right. So, what'll you have?"
"No alcohol for me tonight.... Dr. Pepper."
"Sorry, they only have Mr. Pibb here."
"Oh. Okay."
Ryo: It's an anti-COKE consipiracy, I tell you.
------------------------------------------------
"What's on the schedule today, Misato-san?"
"First off, some target practice. And now that we have all the soul-
filters from...." There was a pause, and the rustle of papers being read.
"From Maxwell House in place, all four of you can train together again."
"Yeah, just make sure Units 01 and 00 don't get distracted."
A cold, dispassionate voice broke in. "Don't worry about that. I'm here
for only one reason."
Asuka raised an eyebrow. Seemed like Rei was back to her ice queen mode.
The cold, dispassionate voice warmed up. "But afterwards, on the other
hand...."
Then again, maybe not.
"All right...lock and load, guys." There was just the hint of a laugh in
Misato's voice.
Megs: You know... I betcha they'd reach a new high if they all synched
THEN f-*WHAP* Ow!
Ryoko: Hush, you.
------------------------------------------------
Misato was impressed. Although Asuka's synch readings were still the same
as usual this evening, give or take one or two percent, her aim was...
*BLAM* "Ha! Dead center!"
...more or less perfect. _That_ meant that it was Asuka herself making
significant improvements. Kind of scary, actually.
"Wow, Asuka," said an awed Touji, "you're doing great!"
"Indeed," added Rei.
"Huh? What?" Asuka turned EVA-02 to face the others. "I wasn't--"
*BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM*
"--listening. Oh."
Ryo: Wipe that grin off your face, Megs, and do NOT-
Megs: C'mon, just ONE phallic joke about Asuka and her gun? Please?
Ryo: Have a little taste.
Megs: That's what I got, a little.
Ryoko: Ya need more.
The outline of Unit 01's head--including its horn--was neatly punctured
into the wall behind it. Right next to the leftmost bullethole was the
control room. There was a complete, utter lack of movement.
Megs: Her EVA has a head?
*WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP*
Ryo: Bad taste.
Ryoko: Next time I use a mallet!
Megs: itaii....
"Sorry about that."
Shinji grew a sweatdrop.
EVA-01 grew a sweatdrop large enough to fill up a good sized jacuzzi. Or
two.
A total and absolute silence marked the following few seconds, broken
quickly by a slight whimpering sound from somewhere.
"Ah, Asuka, maybe you want to put the rifle down for a few moments?"
Misato flicked off the comm switch, eyes wide. "She was _distracted_ and
she managed to do that?" She turned to the others. "I can't...hello?"
Maia peeked her head over the back of her chair, behind which she was
cowering.
"Is she done yet?"
"A-Asuka," wavered Shinji's voice, "whatever it was that I did to you,
I'm really, _really_ sorry. Could--could you point that someplace else?"
Megs: Asuuuuka, pointin'er Big Thang at Shinjiiii....
Ryo: Please, stop.
Megs: Shinjiii, feelin'an infeeeeeeeeriority compleeeex.
Ryo: Egads.
"Not at me! Hey! HEY!" EVA-00 scampered...well, lumbered around to avoid
the potential line of fire.
Megs: Asuuuuuka, lookin'to spray Reiiiii.
Ryoko: One day you'll wake up with something cut off, Megs.
Ritsuko picked herself up off the floor. "That was...interesting. Very.
Hyuuga?"
Aoba sat up. "I think he hit his head again. He's out cold and mumbling
'Mommy, Mommy'...oh, damn, he's going to need to change his pants, too."
Megs: Oedipal complex?
"Sorry, sorry! I'll put on the--"
*BLAMBLAMBLAM*
"--safety?"
This time, Misato had also thrown herself to the floor. She sat up,
wincing. She hit the comm switch and said, "Touji-kun, there's no need to
keep praying out loud. She's out of ammuni--"
*BLAM*
A bit of glass went *tinkle*.
Megs: That ain't all that went tinkle, I'm sure.
Ryo: *sigh*
Ryoko: now THAT was disgusting.
"Remind me," came Misato's muffled voice from beneath the computer
terminal, "never to say _anything_ at all. Ever."
Megs: Only goes to show that if God wanted women to hav-
Ryo: Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's enough.
------------------------------------------------
The Angel "staggered" through a few more circuits. Then, it realized
something.
It was in an EVA. Unit 02, it seemed. And what was more, it was active.
[EUREKA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!]
Now, then, to infiltrate--
"Great job, you all...especially you, Asuka. No, don't try to bow, it's
okay. Stop waving that rifle all over. All right, let's call it a day."
"Turning off external power...draining internal reserves. Has anyone
found my Prozac yet?"
"No, but here are some of those dried frog pills that I haven't used
yet--"
*WHIIIiiiirrrrrr*
The systems went dark as everything was shut down.
[I have no eyes and I must cry....]
Megs: The world... is a cold and lonely place...
Ryo: Curse you, Ranma Saotome!
Both: WAHAHAHAHAA!
Ryoko: It isn't THAT much like Ryoga.
------------------------------------------------
Misato jogged up to join Asuka, who was just leaving the locker room.
"You did really great today." Misato wasn't sure what was setting Asuka
off, but a compliment would never hurt.
"Yeh. Thanks." Asuka sighed.
"Something wrong?"
They both stepped into the elevator. Misato punched the button to
take them to the indoor parking lot.
"Well...I...." Asuka frowned, waving her hands around in an attempt
to wrench out the words to express her disquiet. "Ah...I don't know. I
can't say exactly."
"I understand. It's all been...very weird for us."
"Sorry about shooting up the control room...did you get all the glass
out of your hair?"
"Yeah. Don't worry about it--you showed a huge amount of improvement
otherwise."
They rode on, in silence.
Something finally occurred to Misato.
"Wait, where's Shinji?"
Asuka wrinkled her nose. Carefully, she chose out some words to convey
her distaste. "He and Rei are, as could be said, deep in 'conversation'."
Megs: or Shinji's deep in Rei, a-cha-cha-chaaa. ^_^
Kyoko: Wha'sat mean?
Ryo: Just ignore him, Kyo-chan. We all try.
------------------------------------------------
In a lounge, somewhere in HQ, with the lights dimmed down a bit....
Two figures still dressed in plug suits, one mostly white, the other blue
and white, were sitting on a couch. Or more precisely, the one in blue and
white was sitting on the couch, while the one in mostly white was on the
lap of the first. Needless to say, they were _very_ close to each other.
"Well...what do you suppose Nietzsche _did_ mean by that?"
"I'm not sure myself."
They were deep in conversation, indeed. A rather cozy scene, it was...
"Oh, forget about it."
*smooch*
...and even more so now.
Megs: Well, he wasn't before, but looks like he's about to _now_.
------------------------------------------------
"I guess...I do feel lonely," admitted Asuka.
Megs: HEY! WHATTHE?!?!? CUT BACK TO REI! AAAAAAAAAGH!
Ryo: Down, boy. You can always watch 'Kim does Kyoto'.
Megs: But I wanna see REI do Kyoto!
Misato and Asuka were now careening down the road to the apartment. The
moon, looming in the sky, cast a silvery sheen over the landscape.
"Oh, really? I guess I can see that."
"It's so weird, though. I never had many friends in Germany or the
United States. Here, I've got Hikari, and...there are three other people
here who understand. Understand what it is to be one of the Children."
"But, with everything going on lately, you feel left out."
Asuka hesitated, then nodded. Misato smiled.
"Well, then, maybe you should do a little...ah, searching yourself."
Asuka frowned. "What, with _those_ losers? All the guys at school are a
bunch of creeps and perverts. I mean, the best of them...." She trailed off
there for a moment, then continued. "Besides, I'm not interested in _boys_.
I'm looking for a _man_. Like Kaji." She smiled, a slowly fading smile.
Megs: Dare I suggest it?
Ryo: Eh?
Megs: This is perhaps a foreshadowing of a Kaji/Asuka lemon scene?
Ryo: I think... Huang-san has a little too much taste to do THAT.
Megs: Feh. Well, it's only a matter of time. I can wait.
Misato looked at her a little worriedly. But then, she always had been
the irate type, when it came to boys. And the whole thing about Kaji....
She could feel herself starting to blush.
Megs: Hey, maybe a Kaji/Misato/Asuka th-
Ryoko: SHUTUUUUUUUUUUP!
"Misato?"
"Hm?"
"You're in the--"
*HOOONK* *HOOOOOOOOOONK*
"--WRONG LANE! WRONG LAAAAANE!!!!!!"
"YAAAAAHHH!!!!"
*scrEEEEEEEch*
------------------------------------------------
Shinji and Rei finally came up for air.
Megs: Yeah, an'we missed the good bits thanks to 'Rated G' Huang.
"Y'know, Rei-chan, as strange as it's all been, I'm glad."
"So am I." Rei rested her head against Shinji's chest, listening to his
slow breathing. He lightly ran his fingers through her short hair.
"But I'm wondering about Asuka."
Rei pulled away slightly, to look him in the eyes. "What do you mean?"
Megs: "I was wondering if we could all share a bed!"
"Well," he slowly spoke, "she's been acting weird. I mean, sometimes
she's all uppity like she's always been, but at other times...well, like
during training, today. She was so, so distracted."
Megs: "And Rei, it really turned me on."
Rei nodded. "Well, she's been able to manage before."
Megs: "Thanks to Mr. Han-"
Ryoko: AHEM.
Megs: Aw, you guys never let me have any fun.
Shinji chuckled. "It's just that I'm not sure that we will. She really
shot up the training area today."
Megs: Zis iz ze rezzzzzzult off pent up zzexual tenzion releazed in von
violent zpurt.
Ryo: Thank you Dr. Ruth Westheimer.
Megs: Hey, I try. *GRIN*
"Well...maybe, maybe we should help her get her mind off of things. Help
her adjust."
"Sounds good. But how?"
"We'll figure out something. Maybe we should talk to Hikari, too; they're
close friends, and I think she'd like to help out."
Shinji nodded his assent. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just
thinking and...snuggling, for lack of a better word.
"Shoot, look at the time. I'd better get home...."
Rei pouted cutely, something which she getting even better at nowadays.
"Ah...but I'm sure Misato won't mind me being a little late...."
Megs: And don't forget yer ATCs!
Ryoko: ATCs?
Megs: Didn'cha read part 2? Absolute Terror Cond-
Ryoko: OOOOOkay!
************************************************
The writer stopped and stared. Then he looked up.
"Did you just feel that sugar rush too? I think I did. Yow."
Ryo: We've been suffering from Diabetes from the start, you
sentimental ninny!
Ryoko: Aw, be nice! I _like_ romance! And Shinji and Rei make such
a cute couple!
Ryo: Romance is one thing, death by kawaii is another.
************************************************
------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, in one of the EVA cages....
[o/" Nobody knows...the trouble I've seen.... o/"]
Even an Angel can become bored.
Megs: o/" I got a west side baby, she lives waaaaaaay 'cross town o/"
Ryo: o/" Is you is, or is you ain't my baby o/"
Ryoko: Enough with the blues revival already.
------------------------------------------------
"Next time, I drive."
"Ah, heh...sorry. But Asuka, you don't have a license yet."
"Neither will you, if you keep that up."
Misato yanked open the refrigerator and grabbed herself a beer. Or two.
Or, actually, four. "Want anything to eat or drink?"
"No...." Asuka plopped down on the couch and lay there, staring at the
ceiling.
"You know, that used to be Shinji's job."
"Eh--what?"
"Lying down, looking at nothing, and thinking all the time. Looks like
he's rubbing off on you." Misato smiled.
Asuka's brow creased. "Shinji. It's his fault, I know it. I just have
to figure out how." She sighed.
"Well, take it easy. I gotta do some work...." Misato left the living
room and retreated to her bedroom. Asuka resumed staring up at the
ceiling.
Well, here I am again. Shinji's out there...with Rei.... Hikari's busy
tonight with her family and Touji. Kensuke...well, maybe he's worse off
than I am, what with losing his savefile like that. But only barely.
Kaji...where is he? I mean, I haven't seen him in days. He'd understand
me. Of course he would. Being lonely sucks....
Megs: C'mon, he's reeeeeeeealy hinting at an Asuka/Kaji thing.
Ryoko: Is not!
Megs: Is too!
Ryoko: Is not!
Megs: Is too is too is too!
Ryoko: Is not is not is not is not!
Ryo: ENOUGH!
Finally, she gave up, and turned on the TV, doing a bit of channel
surfing. Finally, she settled on some old gaijin movie, untranslated, set
in outer space somewhere. Of note was...what was that, a "laitoseba"
wossname? She really needed to brush up on her English.
Sometime during the movie, Asuka drifted off towards sleep, just about
to embark on an Enlightening Dream Sequence (tm). Unfortunately--
*creak*
"I'm home," whispered a voice. It was followed by the careful shutting
of a door, and tiptoes that went near the couch. Shinji.
Asuka waited until he was just past her when she got up.
"Hey."
"WAAAAAUGH!!"
She had never seen anyone jump so high without a running start.
"Something wrong?"
"*gasp* N-no, not at...at all...."
Misato poked her head out of her room. "Something wrong out there? Oh,
Shinji."
"I, I'm all right...she just kind of surprised me."
"Well, all right, but don't come back so late next time. At least, tell
me first." She smiled, then ducked back inside.
"And where have you been?"
"Ah, heh, just making ou--time! Making time with Rei. That's all."
Megs: Y'know, it's said time flies when you ma-
Ryo: AHEM.
Asuka snarled at him, then stalked to her room, giving him one last
withering look. Shinji sighed in relief. This had been a day of ups and
downs.
Megs: She's practically BEGGING for a threesome. C'mon.
------------------------------------------------
Let it never be said that the Magi neglect their duties. Always at work,
24 hours a day, running the city of Tokyo-3. Keeping a watch for certain
elements that seem bent on harming mankind. Ensuring the safety of not
only the residents of their city, but, verily, the entire world.
[Any more traces, Caspar?]
Megs & Ryo: o/" He's Cas-par, the computer ghost! o/" WAHAHAHAHA!
Ryoko: Idiots.
[No, none at all. Well, the incidents seem to have stopped, so maybe
it's all over.]
[Yeah. Well, neither of us got anything today. I--] Melchior stopped.
[What is it?]
[I hear something odd. Music.]
Balthshazar strained his "ears". [Yeah...sounds like....]
[Sounds like...someone singing..."Achy Breaky Heart"?]
[Egad.]
[From nearby. The EVA cages.]
[One of the techs, probably.... They're still doing some maintenance on
Unit 02.]
[Maybe if we ignore it, it'll go away?]
[Already doing it, Balthshazar.]
Let it never be said that...oh, forget it.
Ryo: achey breaky in an EVA? That's grounds for dismantling the thing,
isn't it?
------------------------------------------------
For some reason, though she was now lying in her bed, Asuka couldn't
sleep. She sighed.
Well, today was pretty good. My aim's way up...beat Shinji, hah. Let's
see _him_ hit five bullseyes in a row.
He seemed pretty happy when he walked in, aside from the sneaking part.
Ah, who cares? The important thing is, I'm doing way better than he is.
And Rei. And Touji. I'm the best.
But it's annoying, the way he--
Shut up, already! Don't worry about that. Tomorrow, tomorrow we've got
some more training. Hand-to-hand stuff. I'll show them, I will.
Am I going to have to stare at them four all cozy together?
What's your problem? Stop worry about them, already. You...I mean, _I_
am doing fine.
Well....
Gah. I'm whining with myself. This is bad.
Asuka turned over on her stomach, staring at the clock next to her
head. Hmm, it wasn't that late anyway. Might as well do some reading.
She turned on the light by her bed and picked up a book.
Yeah, tomorrow. I'll show them.
Megs: So, she's gonna run across campus nude?
Ryoko: C'mere, you.
<INSERT SOUNDS OF VIOLENCE HERE>
------------------------------------------------
Rei lay on her bed, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. A faint smile
touched her lips, like the one she smiled when Shinji-kun once asked for
her to smile. He didn't have to ask, anymore, she'd gladly smile for him,
anytime....
Her eyes drooped and finally closed.
*bam* *bam* "The Council of Ayanami will now be in order." *bam*
It was a conference room, of sorts. It was filled with Ayanami Reis, like
in part 2, except now they were more organized. At the front of the room
was Original, who presided as the ChairAyanami. Seated around her were the
other Ayanamis (except for Lazy Rei, who was off asleep somewhere). As
usual, they were all dressed in the blue school uniform (except for
Professional, in her plug suit). They were now silent, all attention
focused on the ChairAyanami.
You ain't seen surreal until you've seen this.
Megs: Actually, there's some serious erotic potential here.
Ryoko: Do I need to kick you around again?
Original put down her gavel and then spoke. "I will now turn the floor
over to Book, who will give a report on the past few days."
Book stepped up to a podium. "Our relationship with Ikari Shinji-kun has
progressed very swiftly--" she paused, interrupted by some cheering from
the back; Affectionate, of course. "Many thanks to Affectionate. Also,
thanks to Nervous, who managed to keep things under control and stop us
from scaring Shinji away by being, that is, too forward." She gave a
piercing glance at Affectionate, who blushed a little, and grinned. Book
continued. "Attempts to keep us separated have been, fortunately, easily
put aside, with help from our, ah, Physical Security official." She nodded
at Kickboxer Rei, who nodded back. "So far, everything concerning Shinji-
kun has been just fine. However, there is now another problem." Book
stepped down, and Nervous took her place.
"Uh, um, well, it's about Asuka. Er, Souryuu Asuka Langley." Nervous
paused and took a few breaths. "Ah, I think she's going a little nuts or
something out there. Ikari-kun mentioned that it was probably somewhat, ah,
related to us an' Hikari and Touji, y'know...." Her lip quirked as she
thought. "Sometimes, she's just annoying as usual, but then, she gets
just...really out there. It's weird." Nervous sat back down.
"So, the agenda is to find a solution to this. And beating up is out of
the question." Irate Rei sat back down, grumbling. Common Sense Rei stood
up. "The Chair recognizes Common Sense."
Ryoko: You should follow their example, Ryo.
Ryo: Feh.
"As stated, it is probably related to feelings of lonliness on Asuka's
part, as her friends and colleagues are suddenly, ah, occupied with each
other. Therefore, one solution would be to, ah, distract her similarly."
"Play matchmaker, in other words," called out Affectionate.
"You could say it that way."
"Are there any other proposals, _besides_ kicking her into next week?"
Irate Rei again sat down grumbling. No one else said anything. "Well, then,
it seems that would be the chosen means."
Common Sense continued. "And, of course, there is one obvious vic--that
is, candidate who comes to mind." She paused.
"Kensuke," said each and every single one of them, simultaneously.
Megs: Oh, sure, this is a match.
Ryo: Not.
Practical Joker Rei started to laugh.
Rei--that is, the real-world Rei, woke with a start. Blinking, she saw
that the clock read 3 AM. With a sigh, she buried her head underneath her
pillow.
"Why can't I ever have a _normal_ dream?"
Megs: What, no lesbian Rei?
------------------------------------------------
Asuka was smirking, confidently. She had been smirking all morning.
Shinji took this to be a good sign. "Well, maybe she'll be all right now.
What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"
Rei hesitated a moment. "It was about a possible way to stabilize Asuka,
but I don't know if it's necessary anymore."
"What's that? I heard my name."
"Nothing to worry about, Asuka," said Rei, smoothly. "We're just glad to
see you back to your usual self."
Megs: Okay, maybe this is the lesbian Rei.
Ryo: You're desperate for some action, aren't you.
Megs: *sob* Does it show?!?!
"Ah, that," said Asuka dismissively. "I'm fine.
Megs: That's right!
So good of you to be
concerned." She smirked some more.
When she left the area again, Shinji whispered to Rei. "Then again, she
does seem to be overdoing it a little bit. Best just keep an eye on her for
now."
Class started.
------------------------------------------------
The Children piled into their EVAs and gathered in the Big Room, which
had been repaired overnight. Misato was again in charge of the control
room.
"All right, today's going to be close quarters combat training. Touji,
you'll need this most, since you're the newest." She paused. "Therefore,
we're going to have to push you a little bit. Shinji, you and Touji match
off first. Asuka and Rei, you stand and watch for now."
Touji went a little pale. "I'm going to have to fight _him_?" Shinji did,
after all, have the best combat record of the three veterans.
"Don't worry. Just remember what you _can_ do that he can't."
"What?"
"You'll find out, Shinji."
He's been here a month, and I haven't heard about this? Oh well. Both of
us need the practice. "All right."
*pow*
"ANGK! Hwot hwas thanght?" Shinji held his now slightly bleeding nose.
EVA-03 hadn't moved forward, from the other side of the room, and yet-- "He
bobbed me righnt on da nose!"
"Hey, it did work! Ha!" Touji cackled. His EVA's arms had elongated to
around three times their normal length and smacked Unit 01 right in the
face.
Ryo: An.... Elastic EVA, so to speak.
Megs: So, what other parts on it grow?
*WHAP*
Megs: OW! WHAAAAAAAAAT?!
Misato just smiled. "Did the Gumby trick, eh?"
The brawl was soon underway.
------------------------------------------------
Asuka watched with extreme interest at the two fighting. After a little
dancing around, Shinji had finally gotten past Touji's long reach, and they
were now grappling in close quarters. "I'll have to take notes," she said.
"It is a good idea. You never know what form or ability the next Angel
may have. They--" Rei ducked as a piece of wall went flying past her EVA's
head. "They have always seemed to have some sort of advantage in the past."
Asuka nodded as she watched Unit 01 perform quite a piledriver on 03.
"Now, that had to hurt."
"NOOGIE!!!!!" Shinji introduced EVA-03's head to 01's fist. His legs were
subsequently yanked out from under him by a maneuver known usually only to
contortionists of the extreme type.
Ryo: Noogie? Noogie? This, from Shinji Ikari?
Ryoko: Well, he IS more outgoing in this storyline.
Ryo: Yes, but... Noogie?
"No," said Rei, "_that_ had to hurt." It was a two-and-a-half nelson,
which could only be accomplished with the seemingly rubber limbs that Unit
03 had. Unit 01's head was now being smashed into the floor. "I wonder if
my EVA could be fitted for those kinds of arms...."
"Ooh, now that's impressive. I didn't realize that Shinji knew how to tie
a knot like that."
"That wasn't Shinji; Touji did that to his own arms. Ah, looks like he
got himself undone." The fact that EVA-01 was now flying across the room
attested to that statement. "Maintenance isn't going to be pleased."
Shinji quickly closed in, before Touji could bring his stretchiness, but
was quickly grabbed into a headlock. "Ha! Let's see how _you_ handle a
noog--OW!"
"Heh, like the horn?" Shinji performed a quick (if clumsy) judo throw,
smashing Touji onto his back.
"Taught him that move myself," said Rei with pride.
Megs: And I wonder how. Rrrrrrrrrowr. ^_^
"All right, that'll do for you guys. Take a breather. Girls, it's your
turn now."
Ryo: DON'T say it.
Megs: Say what?
01 and 03 shambled to the side, while 00 and 02 took up their positions.
"You ready?" Asuka asked, grinning. Rei nodded.
EVA-02 charged.
------------------------------------------------
Having gotten lost somewhere around Negative Three Thousand Six Hundred
Fifty-Eight Bottles of Sapporo On the Wall, the thirteenth Angel finally
realized that its host was active and ready to go.
[It's showtime....]
Kyoko: o/" This is it! The Night of nights! Start the show! Light the
lights! And what a night this iiiiiiis! On with the show
this is iiiiiiiiiit! o/"
Ryo: Ah, she's been watching more Looney Toons, I see.
------------------------------------------------
Asuka's battlecry rang through the Big Room, while Rei merely stared at
the charging EVA coolly. Then, something happened. Were this written in
script format, it would go something like
[the view suddenly zooms in on Asuka's left eye, and then goes dark]
or so. EVA-02 suddenly stopped in its tracks. It was quiet, suddenly, in
the area. But with the Magi, it was different.
[BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED]
[SOURCE FROM EVANGELION UNIT 02]
[BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED]
"WHAT?!"
And before anyone could do anything, Unit 02 charged again.
"Rei! LOOK OUT!" Then, to the techs--"Cut Unit 02's power supply NOW!"
*PFFSSSS*
"No good! Some internal energy source is powering it!"
"What about the pilot?"
"Can't get any readings on her...doesn't seem like she's linked to the
EVA right now...."
Shinji jumped up to catch the berserk robot, but was backhanded away. It
reached Unit 00 and grabbed it by the neck. Rei, startled, had only time to
grab at the arms before they suddenly twisted and snapped the neck.
"REIIIIIIIII!!!!!!"
"Pilot is...unconscious, but alive. She's all right!"
EVA-02 dropped 00 just in time to be slammed into the wall by an equally
berserk EVA-01.
"Shinji, don't--"
"IT HURT REI!"
"You can't--"
"IT'S AN ANGEL, ISN'T IT?!"
"But Asuka's in there!"
There was a pause, filled with the sounds of the walls cracking from the
pressure. "Aren't you trying to calm me down?"
"SHINJI!!"
"ALL RIGHT! But what can I DO!?"
------------------------------------------------
Asuka blinked, and rubbed her head in pain. What had happened? Well, it
was most decidedly odd, whatever it was. She looked around, through the
sudden gloom.
She was not in the entry plug. At least, the last time she checked, there
hadn't been any vegetation growing in it. She got up off the ground,
brushed off her plug suit, and walked towards a soft glow. There, she
found.... Well, whatever it was, it looked like a rather ratty little
creature. It certainly smelled ratty. And it was sitting on top of what
appeared to be a clay statue.
It was humming a tune to itself, somewhat out of key.
Ryo: Something with two notes, yes?
Megs: Man, is that an obscure Douglas Adams joke or what?
Ryo: Feh, so sue me.
------------------------------------------------
Shinji was now straining to hold down Unit 02, without trying to damage
it. At least, no too badly. Touji attempted to find a good place to grab on
and help Shinji hold 02 down, but it kept on moving too much.
"Come ON! I can't hold it too much longer!"
Megs: Love the guy's word choice.
"Commander! You're finally here...another slow moving car?"
"Ah, er, yes. Shinji...."
"DON'T JUST STAND THERE!! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!"
------------------------------------------------
"Who the hell are you?"
The creature jumped and whirled around, almost falling off the head of
the statue.
[Wha-what-eh?]
Asuka blinked. She wasn't quite sure whether she was _hearing_ the thing
speak, or _seeing_ the words that it was speaking. She shook her head
irritatedly.
"I said, who the hell are you?"
The thing started to sweat a little bit. [Ah, ah, ah...I'm...ah...your
soul! Yeah, that's right.]
Ryo: o/" I'm a SOOOOUUUUL MAAAAAAAAN! I'm a SOOOOOOOUUUUL MAAAAAAN! o/"
Asuka recoiled. "DU!?" She lapsed into German. "Du bist meine Seele!?"
Megs: o/" Deus does not exist but if he does- o/"
Ryo: You're accusing ME of obscure references?! Who the hell is
gonna recognize THAT old Sugarcubes song?!
Megs: Bite me, stick boy.
**WHAP**
[Uh...what?]
"Du, du kleiner Scheiss? Igittigittigitt...."
Ryo: Hmm...
Megs: Hmm...
Both: o/" Ich bein ein un HAPPY GOTH! Ja ich bein ein un HAPPY GOTH! o/"
Ryoko: WHAT on earth are you singing?!
Megs: 'Happy Goth' by the Liquid Puppies. Innit cool?
Ryoko: No.
[I can't understand a word you're saying.]
Asuka got a handle on herself. "You're my soul."
[Absolutely right. Ah, heh.]
Ryo: If that was my soul I'd have no hesitation selling it.
"Isn't this the sort of thing that's supposed to happen to Shinji? I
mean, come on...weirdness like this is his job, not mine."
The creature thought quickly. [Shinji...Shinji...oh, right your--I mean,
our friend, the, ah, other pilot. You, you, ah, we, never mind.]
She stared at it, hard. "What?"
[Ah, nothing, nothing at all. Well, why might you be here, do you think?]
"You're asking me?"
[Well, I, uh, don't know everything that goes on....]
Asuka shrugged. "I don't know myself." She looked around. "Do you have
any idea what all of this is supposed to represent? Or that statue, for
that matter." She stepped closer. The statue edged back away from her, a
little bit.
Dammit, dammit, I think I'm in trouble, dammit.... [It's, ah, your mind,
you see, and here I am, in the middle of it, of course! Yes. And, er, this
statue is, you see, you, that is your physical body. And, and....]
Asuka stepped closer again. Now, she got a really good look at the thing
and also got a stronger whiff of what scent it was carrying. Asuka's vanity
struggled with what she had just been told, and her vanity won. Very
easily. "I don't believe it. No way. Not a chance. I won't believe it. I'm
asking you again. What are you, and what is that thing you're sitting on?"
It paused. [Oh, forget it. I'm Angel number 13, and this here is the
metaphysical equivalent of EVA-02. A golem, an artificial human.] Then, to
the golem, it said, [Sic her!]
Asuka's eyes widened.
------------------------------------------------
"Try to get the entry plug out first."
"I can't...it's too hard to be holding this down against the wall, I
can't let it go to get to the plug."
Gendou sighed. Just perfect.
------------------------------------------------
"Damn it," panted Asuka, "these things aren't supposed to happen to me.
Just Shinji, or maybe Rei...not me." She ducked around a tree, hearing the
rumbles of the golem stomping behind her.
Wait....
Golems were artificial humans. They got their "life" from the words
written on their head. Rub out the words, somehow, and....
"Good thing I took a look at that translation of the Kabbalah...."
All: Oy Vey!
------------------------------------------------
"Touji! Can you reach it?"
"Almost...damn! My hand slipped."
Gendou's face was grim. It looked like....
It looked like Unit 02 had just suddenly sagged to the ground, unmoving.
He spun around. "Report!"
"There is no power running in Unit 02 now...systems are shutting down.
But--there's still a blue pattern showing. Damn!"
He turned back around, to see Shinji and Touji struggling with the hatch.
"Get her out, now!"
"It's no good," said Shinji. "The plate isn't coming off. I really don't
understand it."
Megs: Bet they never thought they'd see the day they were all on
top of Asuka, eh?
Ryo: Egads.
------------------------------------------------
Asuka lay on the grass, panting. Her body was thin, yes, but filling out
nicely. And what was on there was almost all muscle. Still, it really
wouldn't hurt if she stopped by the weight room every now and then.
On the border of her mind, something was whispering to her that this all
wasn't really happening, that this wasn't her physical body. That, then,
asked the question, why she was feeling out of shape.
Her mental defenses decided to ignore it and just get on with things.
Philosophical questions woul have to wait.
In front of her was the statue, a chunk of its forehead sheared off.
That piece was what had the holy words written on it, which had given the
golem its life. A tree branch lay next to it, half snapped through. A
little farther beyond was the rat-thing that was the thirteenth Angel.
She staggered to her feet. Holding her breath, she walked over, picked it
up by what might be technically termed a "neck", and glared at it...though
it is slightly hard to glare when a lingering stench is making your eyes
cross.
[Um...I'm sorry?]
"No, you're pathetic."
*punt*
Asuka watched the Angel with the remarkably short career it as it flew
far, far away, seemed to hit some sort of threshold, and disappear with a
soft flash of light.
Enough of that thing....
Ryo: Ah, she is a practicioner of the deadly 'Boot to the Head'.
------------------------------------------------
"Blue pattern gone, sir! Pilot is reviving...Asuka's conscious."
Megs: o/" Blue angel, Blue angel, won't you be miiiiiine o/"
"Hallo, Alle...."
"Asuka? Are you all right?"
"Was? Wie, bitte? Was ist denn los?"
"Oh, dear." Ritsuko leaned over to Aoba. "Go get Jakob Schrottstechech--
*kaff*" Ritsuko paused to recover the pint of spit she had just lost. "Go
get Jakob Schrottstechler...sorry about that." She wiped the other pint of
spit from Aoba's face.
"That's disgusting."
"Get Jakob Schr--the German translator. Looks like Asuka's head is a
little scrambled."
"Aua, das schmerzt doch.... Hat jemand ein bisschen Aspirin? Mein kopf
tut mir weh."
Megs: I ever mention that I really dig German chicks?
------------------------------------------------
Shinji sat by Rei's hospital bed. They had said the shock of virtually
feeling her neck snap had put her out, but that she would be okay. Still,
he had been fretting nervously, and was immensely relieved when he saw her
eyes flutter open.
"Rei-chan...." He took her hand in his.
"Shinji-kun? Is...."
"Everything's all right. The Angel's gone. Asuka's okay, if a little out
of it right now. How do you feel?"
"Just...a little tired. What happened, anyway?"
"The Angel...remember that thing that kept on asking for directions all
of yesterday?" Rei nodded. "It got into Unit 02...it attacked and...."
Shinji paused, shuddering. "But Asuka managed to stop it and then force it
out. There's not any trace of it, the Magi say. She's going to be okay,
and...so will you, they tell me." He smiled.
Rei sat up slowly, returning the smile. "I feel better already." She
leaned towards him. He leaned towards her.
Two rooms down, a diabetic went into seizures. It took a few megadoses
of insulin to get him back to a stable condition.
Ryo: Yeah? Pass the insulin, buddy. I'm feelin a bit ill myself.
Megs: I'm next!
Ryoko: Guys!
------------------------------------------------
"Aw, forget it."
Kensuke, oblivious to the life and death drama that just finished
playing itself out, had been working for the past two hours on restoring
his savefile, to no avail. It was simply time to give up.
[aida% mount floppy_]
[aida% cd floppy_]
[aida% rm *_]
[delete all files? y_]
[Hello, is there anyonAAAAAARRGHNONONONONOsqueep_]
[aida% _]
For some reason, despite losing the file for good, Kensuke felt vaguely
satisfied.
Ryo: Thus proving UNIX can save the world.
************************************************
"Heh. Gotta love UNIX."
The writer nodded. Then, he turned to write something down in a notepad.
"Goal of the year...get a girlfriend...."
Ryo: You too, Megs.
Megs: HEY!
***
To be continued....
***
Megs: STILL WAITING FOR THAT UNCENSORED SHOWER SCENE, YA PRIG!!!
Ryo: Will you QUIT with the shower scene thing???
Megs: NO!
******WHAM******
---------------------------------------------------------------------
-rodM