Subject: "BLACK MAGIC PT. 1" (LEMON)
From: fcasper
Date: 9/13/1997, 1:39 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

This is the first part of a lemon that I finished some time ago but
never got around to fixing up.  I wrote it during my last year of high
school and it's in script format but spellchecked and comprehensable.  

During last sunday's meeting in the #Fanfic room on IRC, I asked if
anyone would be interested in seeing this rough but completed work and
they said they would.  The entire lemon is over 120 pages long so I
decided to release the first part and if it catches your interest, let
me know and I'll send the rest in parts.  :) 

Sincerely,

Megane 6.7  

P.S. If you have time, stop on by at Anime.Territron.Com on IRC in the
#Fanfic room, Sunday at 3:30 pm.  We discuss everything from fanfiction,
anime, and the occassional pun and we hope you can join us.      


"Black Magic"

(A Urusei Yatsura Lemon Fanfic)

>From the Desk of Megane 6.7

This is a work of Fiction.  All Characters and Landmarks, with the
exception of Ami Sagawa, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi,
Shogakukan Video, Kitty Films, Animeigo, Shonen Sunday, and anyone else
who legally owns the rights.  


PART 1

(Scene opens to the Classroom 2-4, Ataru is busy catching up on some
sleep at his desk, Lum stands over by him looking concerned, Megane,
Chibi, Perm and Kakugari are all sitting around Ataru's desk talking to
one another and flirting with Lum, while on the other side of the room
Shutaro and Shinbou are snuggling in a corner, almost making out in
fact, obvious to the few people watching them with envy.  This goes on
for a while when Onsen-Mark comes into the room.)

Onsen-Mark: (Looking at some papers, not noticing the shape of the
class.)  Sorry I'm late but I had to talk with the principal about a few
things and.....(looks up to see the class in disarray and nobody paying
any attention to him.) HEY!!!

(The whole class notices Onsen-Mark at the same time and rush back to
their seats to sit at attention with one exception.  Onsen, steam coming
out of his ears, stomps over to where Ataru Moroboshi is still sleeping
peacefully, blissfully unaware that he is about to be rudely awakened. 
Onsen pulls a megaphone out of thin air and holds it close to Ataru's
ear...)

Lum: Sensei, NO!

(Onsen takes a deep breath and shouts into the megaphone...)

Onsen-Mark: WAKE UP YOU STUPID SLOBBERING IDIOT!!!

(Ataru leaps into the air and smashes into the ceiling.  He then
painfully peels off the ceiling and crashes to the ground in a heap,
where Onsen grabs him and lifts him to his feet.)

Ataru: (Seeing stars) WHA...WHO...

Onsen-Mark: (voice dripping with sarcasm) Did you have a nice nap
Moroboshi?  I trust you are now awake enough to put your full attention
into your schoolwork?

Ataru: What? I can't hear you! My ears are ringing!

Onsen-Mark: Oh no you don't!  You can hear me just fine! 

Ataru: I can't drink wine here! I'll get expelled!

Onsen-Mark: (looks suspiciously at Moroboshi who IS shaken up by his
awakening)  It's got to be a trick.  He just wants an excuse to visit
Ms. Sakura and flirt with her!

Megane: Perhaps not.  (Stands up)

Onsen-Mark: (glaring at Megane) Are you questioning my judgment?

Megane: No sir, just testing a theory of mine.  (walks up to Ataru)
Ataru?

Ataru: What? I can't hear you! Speak up!

Megane: Hmmm....(walks around Ataru) Let's try this....

(Megane walk over to the blackboard and, without warning, drags his
fingernails across it causing a horrible sound that makes everybody
cringe and cover their ears)

Everybody: ARRRGH!  MEGANE!! KNOCK IT OFF!!!

(Megane stops and walks over to Ataru who didn't flinch during this and
addresses him)

Megane: Did you hear that?

Ataru: Dear Hat? What are you talking about?

Megane: (Turns to Onsen-Mark with a smug look on his face) There you
have it.

Shutaro: Maybe he pretended not to hear it.

Megane: NO ONE can tune that sound out. Not even Ataru.  (smirks at
Onsen) Perhaps your judgment needs refining, Sensei.

Onsen-Mark: (grumbling under his breath) Know it all....(says aloud) All
right....(glances at Lum) Lum, will you please escort Ataru to the
nurse's office?

Lum: Hai! (Takes Ataru's hand) Let's go Darling!

Ataru: Wait! Where are we going? (Pulls back)

Lum: To the nurse's office.

Ataru: Purses Off Fist?

Lum: THE NURSE'S OFFICE.

Ataru: What the hell is a Purse Off Fist!  Some kind of Martial Art
Technique?

(Everyone groans in unison except Megane who has been writing on some
paper)

Megane: Ataru, look at me.  (Ataru doesn't hear him so he twists Ataru
around to face him)  Take a look at this.

(Megane give Ataru a note that says...)

Megane: (words on the paper)  You have lost your hearing due to
Onsen-Mark's unique method of waking you up.  I convinced them you are
not faking it and now you have an opportunity to visit Sakura in the
nurse's office only Lum's going to lead you there, so tough luck pal. 
Your friend, Megane.

(Ataru reads the note and looks up at Megane who nods)

Ataru: I can't hear right? Is that why you're all saying such weird
things?

Megane: Yep.

Lum: Don't worry Darling! I'll stay by your side until you get better!
(Hugs Ataru who to everyone's surprise smiles.)

Ataru: I don't know what you said, but....thanks all the same.

Lum: (Pleasantly surprised) Darling....!

(They both lean over to kiss each other, causing World War Two with the 
Stormtroopers and Mendou.)

Shutaro:  MO...RO...BO....SHI!!! (Unsheathes his sword)

Megane: (Cracking his knuckles) How DARE you try to kiss Lum!  After I
went to the trouble to help you! 

(The other three Stormtroopers converge on Ataru)

Chibi: Ataru...

Kakugari: Prepare yourself...

Perm: For DEATH.

Megane: KILL HIM!!!

(They start to beat Ataru to a pulp but are quickly pulverized by Lum's
shock.)   

Lum: DON'T HURT MY DARLING!!!  

(All of them collapse in a smoking heap, Lum leans over to a slightly
pummeled Ataru and carries him out of the room)

Ataru: (weakly) Why did they attack me...? (passes out)

Onsen-Mark: If you are quite finished......Can we please start class
now!

Shinobu: But the period is half over....

Onsen-Mark: SIT DOWN!!! (Everyone does so, including Shutaro and the
Gang of Four who painfully crawl back to their seats, Onsen smirks at
Megane, who seems to be in worse pain that the others)

Megane: (Thinking) He..He accepted her love.....Why now?

Onsen-Mark: NOW THEN. (Glares at the class) Let's open our books to
chapter 23 in your textbooks....

(Ryuunosuke chooses that moment to burst into the room)

Ryuu: I'm (gasp) Sorry I'm late! I had to....

Onsen-Mark: I will hear no excuses! Go to the Detention Room!

Ryuu: But.......

Onsen-Mark: MOVE IT!!!

Ryuu: H...Hai Sensei! (She walks back into the hall and closes the door
behind her, and swallows hard) Wow. I wonder what put him in such a bad
mood...

(Cut to the nurse's office, Ataru and Lum are sitting down, waiting for
Sakura.)

Ataru: (thinking) Oh boy....Even if I do get shocked, It'll be worth it
just to see Sakura and her proportions.....BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I can't
wait to grab her BIG ROUND SOFT.......

Lum: (glares at Ataru's expression) Darling! Are you thinking about
bothering Sakura again?

Ataru: (Stops laughing) What? 

Lum: Right. I forgot. (looks sad) Darling....Were you really about to
kiss me in front of the class.

Ataru: WHAT! There's NO way I'm going to kiss your ass! (Thinks)
Especially with Sakura on the way here...

Lum: No Darling! I said.....Oh forget it!  

(Lum sighs and sits in silence with Ataru until the door opens)

Ataru: (Jumping at the door) SAKURA-SENSEI!!! 

(Ataru grabs the figure at the door and squeezes as hard as he can.  Lum
begins to giggle and Ataru wonders why until he looks up to see it is
not Sakura he is holding but Tsubame, her finacee.)

Ataru: YAHHH!  (Ataru leaps back as though he has been stung) What are
YOU doing here?

Tsubame: (Flustered) Sakura had some business to attend to out of town
and she asked me to help her.  Both her and Cherry will be gone for a
week so I agreed to fill in for her....

Ataru: WHAT!!? You killed her!?!? YOU MONSTER!!!  (Leaps onto Tsubame
and begins to throttle him until Lum shocks him out of it)

Lum: (In a annoyed voice) Tsubame didn't kill anybody! He's FILLING in
for her!

Ataru: Say what?

(Lum grabs a conveniently placed notepad on Sakura's desk, writes down
what she means, and shows it to Ataru.

Ataru: Oh. (looks apologetically at Tsubame) Sorry about that.

Tsubame: (rubbing his sore neck) No...Problem.  (looks at Lum) Let me
guess...He can't hear properly?

Lum: It's all Onsen-Mark's fault! He used a bullhorn to wake Darling up
while he was sleeping.

Tsubame: That's going just a bit TOO far I should think.

Lum: Yeah.....(looks mad) I'm going to have a few choice WORDS with
Onsen-Sensei after Darling gets better.

Tsubame: You might as well go now....Ataru's going to have to stay a
while until his ears heal properly.  (notices Lum's worried expression)
Don't worry I'll be here to keep an eye on him. There's nothing you can
do for him right now.

Lum: (Thinking) Well....I guess Darling will be all right.  He can't
chase after Sakura if she isn't here.....(speaks aloud) All right.
(writes on the pad of paper and show it to Ataru saying...)

Lum: (words on the paper) Darling, Tsubame says you have to stay here
for a while.....So I'll be going to the rest of my classes.  Get better
soon. I love you.

(Lum gives Ataru a kiss on the forehead and then leaves the room, giving
the pad of paper to Tsubame before she leaves)

Tsubame: (reads what Lum wrote on the pad and smiles at Ataru) You sure
are lucky to have someone like her for a wife Ataru.  (frowns) It makes
me wonder why you would chase after MY fiancee.  (muttering to himself)
I still have trouble believing Sakura when she says she has no interest
in you whatsoever. (speaks directly to Ataru) Tell me the truth.  Are
you and Sakura having an affair?

Ataru: (Not hearing a single word Tsubame has said) What?

(Tsubame writes down his question on the note pad and shows it to him)

Ataru: (Thinking) Hmmm... So he wants to know if Sakura and I are
fooling around Huh?  (a wicked smile appears on his face) I think I'll
have a little fun with him....I have no evidence so Sakura can just deny
it later.)  (Speaks aloud) Tsubame.....I didn't want to have to tell
you this but.....Sakura has been after me for a long time.

Tsubame: (swallowing) What?  I mean...Oh really?  How do I know to trust
you.  Sakura says you lie all the time and I've seen you chase a lot of
other girls.

(Ataru gestures at his ears so Tsubame writes down.....)

Tsubame: (words on the paper) How do I know you're not lying?  I've seen
you chase a LOT of girls.

Ataru: (thinking) The fun begins.....(heaves a deep sigh and tries to
look as serious as possible as he starts speaking)  Well, it all started
about a year ago.  I had run away from home because Lum and Shinobu were
fighting over me so much.  I had been on the run for three days,
wandering aimlessly through Tokyo, searching for answers 
that weren't there, etc, etc.  

Finally I came back to Tomobiki and found myself in a diner 
downtown.  I was eating some ramen, when my picture was flashed on the
TV show "Tomobiki's Least Sought After" and the diner's patrons found
out who I was and tried to kill me for making it rail oil in Tomobiki
for a week....  

Tsubame: I....(writes down on paper) I remember when that started...I
thought it was a bad omen so I stayed home for that week.

Ataru: Yeah, well, anyway, I managed to shake them briefly but then I
ran right into Sakura and she collapsed because she had a weak heart
back then....

Tsubame: (writing on paper)  Actually I always meant to....

Ataru: (feels his ears pop) Ouch!

Tsubame: (stops writing) What is it?

Ataru: My ears just popped....Hey! I can hear you again! I'm cured!!!

Tsubame: Not quite.

Ataru: Huh?

Tsubame: Your ears are still very sensitive.  If someone yells at you
too loudly, you could go deaf again.  Besides....(looks intently at
Ataru) We were having a conversation.

Ataru: Oh..well...(thinks) Should I keep this up?  I'm being rather
cruel...even for me.....Maybe I should just leave it alone...(speaks
aloud) I think I'll go back to class now.  Thanks for all your help and
by the way I was just.......

(Ataru is about to tell Tsubame that his affair with Sakura is a joke
but Tsubame grabs Ataru with strength he didn't know he had and yells
into his ear...)

Tsubame: YAAAAAGGH!!!

Ataru: OUCH! THAT HURTS!!! (Punches Tsubame in the face) ARE YOU
CRAZY!!!

Tsubame: (ignoring the punch, holding Ataru's shoulders and looking at
him intently) Can you hear me?

Ataru: What? Speak up! (Rolls his eyes) Oh hell, not again!!! 

Tsubame: (writes two notes and hands them to Ataru.)  (words on paper)
Sorry about that Ataru, but I have to know what's going on with
Sakura....I've written you another note excusing you from school for the
rest of the day! Just finish the story....PLEASE!!! (shakes Ataru
desperately)

Ataru: (thinking) I can't believe he did that to me! He made me go deaf
again on purpose just to keep me here!  To think I felt sorry for
you.....(speaks aloud)  Okay, Tsubame.....You want the truth? 

Tsubame: Yes.

Ataru: (Jokingly) YOU WANT THE TRUTH!?!

Tsubame: (Without a trace of humor) YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I DO!!!

Ataru: YOU'VE GOT IT PAL!!!  (thinks) He must have seen the same
movie.....(speaks aloud) Anyway, Weren't you trying to thank me for
something?

Tsubame: (starts to speak and then remembers) Oh yeah... (writes on
paper) I always meant to thank you for taking away Sakura's diseases. 
Before you came along, she couldn't even go outside without getting
sick.  She doesn't think it was worth the price of putting up with you 
every day though.  I admit you and her have been in compromising
positions before.....several times......but I've seen her pound you and
loath you enough to believe her when she says she hates every fiber of
your being.  (thinks for a moment) Do you love her?

Ataru: Let me finish my story.  Anyway, Sakura collapsed into my arms
and before I could really do anything to help her, the mob from the
Diner found me, I don't know HOW, but they found me, and I had to carry
Sakura with me, as they chased me down the street.  Eventually 
Sakura led me to her house.  I laid her on my jacket in front of her
house and tried to get her heart restarted but she thought I was taking
advantage of her and beat me up......

Tsubame: (Frowns and writes on the pad) She said you were like a wild
animal stalking it's prey.  

Ataru: (frowns and thinks) I wasn't THAT bad!  I DID try to help her. 
(say aloud) She makes out to be a lot worse than it was.  I helped her
back into her house and she agreed to try and cure my bad luck in
exchange for saving her life....(face darkens) Except she decided
instead to give me all of HER evil spirits to cure herself and I end up
being possessed by a demon.  (starting to get angry) Isn't that just
peachy? I save her LIFE and she repays me by taking away a piece of MY
life! (realizes he is hamming up the actual events but seeing it have
the desired effect on Tsubame, decides to continue. ).....And she 
has the audacity to pretend that OUR NIGHT'S TOGETHER" have no
meaning.....   

Tsubame: (who has been hanging on Ataru's every word) Night.....Night's
Together?

Ataru: (pretends to get uncomfortable) I shouldn't be telling you
this.....It's not fair to you...I should go....(gets up to leave)

Tsubame: NO! (grabs Ataru's arm) You've already started...You can't stop
now!  I want to know the WHOLE story.

Ataru: (trying not to laugh at the desperate look on Tsubame's face)
Come again?  

Tsubame: (growls in irritation and writes down on the pad of paper and
shoves it in Ataru's face)

Ataru: (reading the paper) Are you sure?  I don't want to get beat
up.....(snickers at this thought, Tsubame couldn't beat up a fly.)

Tsubame: (write on paper) I promise I won't hurt you. 

(Ataru reads the paper and frowns, gesturing at his ears.)

Tsubame.....anymore than I already have. (talks slowly so Ataru can read
his lips.) Just tell me everything.

Ataru: (close to bursting) O...Okay. (thinks) This guy is so gullible!
(speaks aloud as solemnly as he can, considering how funny it is)
Anyway, two weeks later I go over to the nurse's office after Lum
shocked me for the billionth time.  Anyway, when I went inside Sakura
was dancing TOPLESS around the room.

Tsubame: (shouting) WHAT!

Ataru: She was a little drunk....

Tsubame: Drunk....(looks horrified) I know she has a little too much now
and then but....

Ataru: Yep! She was plastered!  I tried to put her clothes back on and
that's when IT happened.....

Tsubame: WHAT! WHAT!!! (writes on paper) WHAT?   

Ataru: (takes a deep breath) She pulled down my zipper and started to
give me a blowjob.

Tsubame: (eyes widen in shock and he sits down weakly into a chair) I
can't...NO........no.....

(Tsubame looks so upset Ataru almost feels guilty but he cannot stop
himself)  

Tsubame: (weakly)........I can't believe it.

Ataru: (Nodding in sympathy) I know. I couldn't believe it either.  One
thing led to another and the next thing I knew we were having sex on
that bed over there. (gestures at one of the beds normally reserved for
patents) I knew it was wrong.......but she was so beautiful I couldn't
help myself.  After we made love....several times....several different
positions....I tried to apologize but she told me I was sexy and she
wanted me.  So we fucked HARD again. 

(Tsubame is almost completely undone by this falsehood.  He is clawing
the back of a chair like a drowning man and starting to shake
uncontrollably.)  

Ataru: The next day when I visited her here. She grabbed me by the
collar and said if I ever told anyone about what we did she would kill
me! Then she threw me out!

Tsubame: (his face very pale, writes on paper) What...What happened
then?

Ataru: I thought that was the end of it  so I considered myself lucky
and deliberately avoided her whenever I could until she called me into
her office one day.  It was obvious she was drunk and before I knew it
we were making love in her office again.  Basically this on/off
relationship has been going on for the last year now.  Whenever she gets
drunk, she wants to FUCK me......can't get ENOUGH of me......SCREAMS my
name OVER and OVER....Whenever she is sober she beats the crap out of
me.  If that weren't bad enough she fucks OTHER boys too....

Tsubame: WHAT!!!!

Ataru: (shake his head sadly)  Shutaro Mendou.....Megane....All of his
Stormtroopers.....even the FEMALE students aren't safe from her lust. 

Tsubame: Even.....THE FEMALE STUDENTS?!?!? (Writes) It can't be true.

Ataru: It is the whole truth and nothing but.  May lightning strike me
if I'm lying. (winces as he thinks of Lum)   

Tsubame: (So pale he looks like a ghost as he writes one word on the
paper) WHY?

Ataru: She can't stop herself...And neither can I.  (glances at the
floor and looks sad, an amazing feat considering he is close to bursting
with laugher.) When a beautiful and mature woman like Sakura comes on to
you, actually WANTS to make love to you and you're a seventeen year old
teenager with raging hormones and a Oni who shocks you every ten 
minutes for even LOOKING at another woman....(sighs)....I know it's
perverse to make love to a teacher.....What's even more perverse is that
I don't regret it.  Even if Sakura puts me in the hospital, I just think
how good she's going to be to me the next time we fuck each other.  

So do I love Lum? I do. But I can never love her the way she wants me
to.....Do I love Sakura? Not really.  She's more of a one night stand
lover to me. I care for her but I would NEVER leave Lum for HER.  But
I'll still sleep with Sakura and any other beautiful girl whenever I can
because I want their bodies. Am I a hentai?...Yes. I suppose I am, but
the way I figure it....Better to die for a few moments of pleasure than
to live forever in endless pain.  I'm already in endless pain from
living with Lum and having a few moments of pleasure now and then with
Sakura.  Such is my fate and I must continue to live as such until the
day I die.

(Ataru takes a shaky breath, as he has spoken some of his TRUE feelings
about his situation with Lum, even though the parts about he and other
students sleeping with Sakura is complete BS.)

Ataru: Do you understand now? (waits for a answer and looks up) Tsubame?

(Tsubame was gone.  The only evidence of his departure, the open door of
the nurse's office.  A gust of wind sweeps in from the open window and
through the room, rustling the curtains on the windows and ruffling
Ataru's hair.)

Ataru: Wow.  (stares at the door for a few seconds) Maybe I overdid it a
bit.....(smirks) But I can't wait to see the expression on Sakura's face
when he comforts her with that story.   I'm going to be beaten and
shocked to within an inch of my life but it's all worth it just to see
that expression on her face....(looks thoughtful for a moment) Better to
die for a few moments of pleasure.......Say! That crap really does apply
to ME. (Sudden the pop noise is heard again)  Ouch! That really hurts!!!
Hey! I'm cured again! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I've gotta tell Megane and the gang
about this! 

(Ataru runs out of the room)

(Scene cuts in the teacher's washroom, Tsubame is sobbing in one of the
stalls.)

Tsubame: I...(sob)..I can't believe she did that to him.....Having sex
with a minor is bad enough but A STUDENT!!! AND FEMALES AS WELL???!!
(tears at his hair) It can't be true....IT CAN'T!!!

(Tsubame sees an image in his mind: Ataru and Sakura are making wild
passionate love in the Nurse's room.  Tsubame is watching them from a
short distance but can neither move nor speak.  There is a bottle of
sake in the middle of the room.  Sakura is screaming in ecstasy.....Then
Ataru disappears and is replaced by Megane who starts to fuck her from 
the rear. Sakura moans in pleasure as Megane continues to thrust his
penis inside her. Then Megane vanishes replaced by Mendou....

Tsubame: No.........

(Tsubame's mind: Shutaro about to bring Sakura to climax)

Shutaro: You're so tight.......OHHHH.....What about Tsubame?

Sakura: The hell with Tsubame! Fuck me harder! HARDER!! OH YES!!!

Tsubame: NO..........

(Sakura arches her back and cums, the force of her scream knocking over
the bottle of sake and it smashes into pieces.....Sake is now all over
the floor soon followed by Sakura's dripping cum from above)

Sakura: (holding Shutaro) You're soooo much better.......

(The scene changes and shows several female students tied up in chairs
and being brutally whipped by a nude Sakura.) 

Sakura: (Laughing like Ataru) BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

(Back to Reality)

Tsubame: NOOOOOO!!! 

(Tsubame buries his head in his arms but the visions of Sakura keep
coming at him, bombarding his mind.  He screams louder as he loses
control completely.)

Tsubame: I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!! I'M GOING TO...GOING TO.....(falls to
his knees and screams) ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! PERSONALITY COLLAPSE!!! (He
falls to the ground and smashes his head on the toilet's porcelain edge,
knocking him unconscious.)

(Cut to an overhead view of the stall.  The sound of water running is
heard as Tsubame's hand has fallen on the handle of the toilet sending
water all over the floor and soaking the unconscious form of Tsubame.)


(Scene cuts to Classroom 2-4, the whole class looks ready to die with
boredom, mainly because Onsen-Mark has kept them all after class to make
up for the first half of the period they missed.  Onsen is reading from
an English textbook.)

Onsen-Mark: (Speaking English) The man walked to the store to buy some
juice for the baby.  The baby played with the red spiky ball....

(The door opens and Ataru walks in, his whole face flushed red from
laughing so hard)

Ataru: (looks over at Megane, who looks ready to doze off) Say
Megane.....

Lum: DARLING!!! (Flies over to Ataru and hugs him) Darling....Let's pick
up where we left off......

Ataru: Uhhhh...(Notices Megane giving him the stare of death and Mendou
drawing his sword) I can't do such a thing in front of so many people! 
Besides......(trying to change the subject).......I've just been given
the day off by Tsubame so my ears can heal properly.......

Onsen-Mark: WHAT! Let me see THAT! (grabs the note from Ataru and reads
it carefully.)  It looks authentic......(sighs) Very well you may
go.....

(The entire class makes a break for the door)

Onsen-Mark: HOLD IT!!! (leaps in front of the door and assumes a
fighting pose with a bokken which has appeared out of thin air) I was
talking to Moroboshi!  The rest of you will remain here until class is
over!

Megane: (Yawns) Actually sir, Class has been over for a while now.....In
fact you've made us 45 minutes late for math class.....

Onsen-Mark: SHUT UP!!! You will ALL stay here until I say you can go! Is
that clear!

Class: (Groaning) Hai, Sensei. 

(Lum and Ataru leave the room, amidst a roomful of glares)

Ataru: Oh man.....Am I glad to get out of there!

Lum: Darling! I still want to know why you wouldn't kiss me in front of
the class!

Ataru: (looks annoyed) You're still harping on that? If I kissed you in
front of the class, Megane and Mendou would have skinned me alive!

Lum: (looks mad) You were willing to do it before!  You shouldn't be
embarrassed!  After all we're a married couple!

Ataru: We are NOT married!!!

(There is the briefest pause and then Ataru's screams are heard
throughout the different rooms in the school as the camera cuts to
several different classrooms with the students looking around in fear
and then cuts to the principal's office where the principal's glasses 
break on his face.

Principal: (looking at his glasses) Shit. (looks behind him) I
mean...Goodness! 

(The screaming starts to fade as the camera cuts back to the teacher's
washroom.  The camera show the top of the small from far away and then
slowly get closer while spinning 360 degrees until Tsubame starts to
stir on the bathroom floor and then rises to his feet.  The camera then
changes and we see things through Tsubame's eyes and hear his breathing.
We stumble over to the mirror and see a messed up looking Tsubame as he
adjusts his tie which is soaking wet due to falling in the toilet.  He
has a very evil look on his face and smiles at his reflection in the
mirror.)

Tsubame: Hello there, handsome.

(We walk to the door of the bathroom and opens it revealing the startled
face of a teacher.)

Teacher: Tsubame? Are you okay?

(The camera returns to normal view facing Tsubame)

Tsubame: (with an evil grin) I'm fine NOW.  (walks past the teacher who
looks at him oddly, shrugs and walks into the bathroom.)

Teacher: (voice) Hey! Who flooded the toilet!


(Fade to Black)
 

TO BE CONTINUED....IF YOU LIKE.  ;)