Greetings all,
During a lull in which the FFML wasn't dropping me tons of mail (i.e.: it
was down), I started writing this little thing. It focuses on the most
marginalized character in Ranma 1/2. Who is it, you might ask? Read on and
find out. ^_^
Oh! This story is on my story page at
http://www.sbm.org/stories/girlfriend.html
The reason I'm mentioning it is that I wrote it directly into HTML.
Some of the formatting was probably lost. It should be legible though.
Enjoy.
============================================================================
It's raining. Ranma is still male and hiding indoors.
His father, also male, contemplates throwing Ranma outdoors to see what
kind of fun it would stir up. At the very least, it would be good training.
Although Genma hates to admit it, his son is getting better than him. The
training would do him some good as well, considering that he's been doing
little more than playing Shogi recently.
Genma is tiptoeing up to Ranma when a polite knock is heard from the main
entrance. Ranma looks up and spots his father trying to sneak up on him.
Flashing his pop an evil grin, he leans forward and grabs him by the
collar, then simply leans backwards, catapulting the older man right out
the open patio door. What starts as a flying man, turns into a flying panda
that crashes heavily into a tree. After spending a couple of minutes
staring at the pretty lights, Genma shakes his head and tromps back to the
house. 'So much for that idea... time for food.'
As Genma enters the house, Soun is speaking with a very attractive woman.
She appears to be in her early fifties and looks to be about Ranma's
height.
Since Genma doesn't recognize her, he thinks that it's safe and heads into
the kitchen. Kasumi hands him an already warmed up kettle of water. After
transforming back to normal, Kasumi tells him, "You should try a bit harder
or Ranma won't get any better" with an enigmatic smile. Genma just snorts
and heads back into the main room after snagging a couple of cookies.
Kasumi follows, hearing the voice of a stranger in the house.
Genma sits at the table and introduces himself, "Good afternoon, my name is
Genma Saotome."
The lady semi-bows towards him from her seat, "I'm Youi Kyouki, it's a
pleasure to make your acquaintance."
The woman looks to be in extraordinarily good shape. Genma is about to ask
her if she trains often when Ranma snorts to himself, "You wouldn't say
that if you really knew him."
Genma backhands his son, which sends him tumbling towards the patio doors.
Ranma manages to catch himself before falling outside and getting wet. He
climbs to his feet and sticks his tongue out at his father. Genma curses to
himself, 'Damn, missed again,' and starts climbing to his feet as well.
Soun puts his hand on Genma's shoulder. "Please, we have a guest. Ranma's
training can be continued later."
Youi has been looking carefully from Genma to Ranma to Soun as Nabiki and
Akane walk into the dinning room. Clearing her throat, she asks, "I'm told
that some very powerful practitioners of the martial arts study here... is
this true?"
Soun puffs up with pride at the knowledge that his dojo is so well known.
"Yes it is."
The woman smiles radiantly, "Good, does a master by the name of Happousai
train here as well?"
Both Genma and Soun jump back as if they'd been burned. Finally Soun asks
fearfully, "What has the master done this time?"
Youi's smile falls into a slightly sleazy grin, "nothing... yet."
Genma is still a bit nervous as he asks her, "How do you know the master?"
Genma is expecting some terrible story about something that the master did
to this poor woman. The answer he gets almost gives him palpitations.
"He's my fiancé." She declares with another beautiful smile.
Everyone present (including Kasumi) exclaims, "He's your WHAT!!!???" They
then fall to the floor.
Girlfriend
Everyone is totally awestruck. The inconceivable had happened. The old
pervert had somehow gotten a woman's attention.
Suddenly, Nabiki breaks out laughing.
Akane looks strangely at her sister, "What?"
Nabiki gasps while trying to regain her breath, "that's a very good joke.
You had me going for a bit."
Nabiki stops laughing as she notices the offended look on their guest's
face; "You are joking, right?"
Youi stands, "I don't need to put up with such impertinence from a youth."
Turning to Mr. Tendou, she says, "I suggest that you get your daughter
educated in the art of being a lady."
On her way to the door, Ranma asks politely, "Is there a way for us to
contact you when he arrives?"
She stops and takes a business card out of her purse. Pulling out a pen,
she writes a phone number on the back. "This is the number of the hotel I'm
staying at," she says while handing the card to Ranma. She then bows toward
Mr. Tendou and she says, "Thank you for your time and hospitality. It is
truly appreciated."
Soun bows back and she leaves the premises.
After almost twenty seconds of dead silence, Ranma asks to no one in
particular, "I wonder if he drugged her or something?"
Nabiki just turns and walks off. Akane is about to say something to her,
but seeing how her sister's face is flaming red with embarrassment, she
lets her go. Ranma indelicately comments to Akane, "It's not like her to
put her foot in her mouth."
Akane turns on him viciously, "That's because you usually beat her to it."
Ranma gets upset, "You certainly know how to be obnoxious when you want
to." He then walks away while looking at the business card in his hand.
Suddenly he stops and whistles in awe. His father walks over and looks at
the card as well. After a moment, he picks his jaw up off the floor and
shakes his head in disbelief.
Soun is getting impatient with all the melodrama, "Well? What is it?"
"That woman is a senior executive with NTT." Genma replies.
Soun starts to cry, "You mean to tell me that our petty deviant master is
engaged to a beautiful rich executive from Nippon Telephone and Telegraph?"
Both Saotomes nod.
Soun breaks into a full-blown wail, "Why aren't I ever so fortunate? It's
just not fair. All I get are a bunch of crazy freeloaders who blow up the
Dojo all the time."
---------------------------------------------------------
About an hour or so later, the master in question bounds into the house
with a huge bag over his shoulder. Seeing Akane, he drops the bag and leaps
over to give her breasts a good squeeze. Ranma catches his outstretched
hand and shakes it before he reaches his target. "Congratulations you old
freak. I'm very happy for you." Then he walks away.
Happousai just stands there, looking bewildered, "What?"
Akane bows towards him, "You must be incredibly happy." Then she too walks
off.
Happousai looks around, trying to figure out what's going on. He hears the
patio door open and Genma and Soun walk in. They see him and fall to their
knees.
Soun starts gushing, "Master! You sly dog. I'm so proud of you. You're so
lucky." Then starts crying once again.
Genma picks up where Soun left off; "I should have followed your techniques
more carefully."
The two of them get back to their feet and walk off. Happousai almost
shouts, "What on earth are you all talking about?"
Genma turns to Soun, "See, modest too. I'm so proud of our master."
He's about to chase after his two students when Ranma grabs him from behind
and says, "this is for old time's sake. I don't think I'll be doing this
much afterwards," and boots the wrinkled old man out of the house and clear
across town.
Kasumi walks in and suggests, "Why don't we invite his fiancé over and
throw them a surprise party. It'll take him about an hour to get back and
I'm sure it'll make Miss Kyouki feel more welcome since she will be part of
our family soon."
Ranma exclaims, "That's a great idea!" then goes tearing upstairs. Moments
later, Akane and Ranma return with a couple of boxes, "...be selective. We
don't want a repeat of last year's Christmas party." He says with a wink as
images of an over-decorated Christmas tree flash through his mind.
She turns a semi-glare at him, "you're lucky I have these boxes in my hand
and that I don't want to break the stuff inside" and smiles at him.
Looks like the impending marriage of the very hentai master has everyone in
high spirits. After all, the long honeymoon would mean that he would be
away for a while. The whole family is looking forward to the chance at some
peace and quite. It's rare enough as it is.
>From the other room, Kasumi calls the hotel where Miss Kyouki is staying.
---------------------------------------------------------
45 minutes later, Youi knocks on the front door. The door opens and Kasumi
and Nabiki welcome their guest and usher her inside.
After closing the door, Nabiki asks Youi if she could speak with her
privately. She agrees readily, much to Nabiki's surprise. She doesn't seem
to be at all upset about their previous encounter. 'Most people who come
through here seem to hold a grudge forever.' Nabiki thinks to herself.
They get to the currently deserted back yard where Nabiki offers her a
chair. On seeing the pond, Youi's eyes light up. She walks over to sit at
the edge while letting her hand relax in the water. A look of contentment
comes over her face. Having followed her, Nabiki sits down on a nearby
stone.
Youi is fairly certain about what Nabiki wants to talk about, but decides
to let her bring it up herself. Nabiki doesn't keep her waiting.
"Miss Kyouki, I would like to apologize for my behavior earlier." Nabiki
states formally.
"Your apology is accepted," she replies formally as well. Then she
continues in a lighter tone, "Not that I blame you, really. The mere
thought of anyone being interested in that sicko is bound to be shocking,"
she says with a grin.
Nabiki looks almost but not quite surprised, "So you do know."
Still grinning, Youi says, "of course I know. I'd have to be totally blind
not to."
Nabiki thinks to herself, "considering the stuff Ranma's fiancés let him
get away with, you never can tell.'
Nabiki arches her eyebrow in curiosity. "What do you see in him then?"
Youi looks down into the water and ponders the carp that's sniffing at her
fingers. After collecting her thoughts, she looks up to answer when...
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ranma flies out of the house and heads straight for the
pond. Seeing them, he shouts, "Nabiki, here!" and tosses her a handful of
coins.
Nabiki reaches into her pocket and presses the button on a remote control.
A plastic tarp quickly covers the pond. Ranma lands safely and bounces
there for a moment. While Ranma hops off the cover, Nabiki quickly collects
and counts the neat pile of yen at her feet. "Thank you Ranma, this just
about covers it."
At the entrance to the house, Genma is standing there with an utterly
disgusted look on his face, 'again?' Dispiritedly, he goes inside and
proceeds to lose the next 3 games of Shogi to Mr. Tendou.
Youi stares for a moment, then finally asks, "Is this normal?"
Nabiki smiles, "Very. You get used to it after a while." Under her breath,
she says to herself, "getting used to this may land you in a nuthouse
though."
Since his father isn't pursuing this encounter, Ranma asks, "Do you mind if
I join you? Your conversation's gettin' interesting."
"You were listening?" Youi asks.
"Actually no. I was fighting with my old man when I heard Nabiki ask you
about your interest in Happousai. He tried to give me a free trip to the
pond while I wasn't paying attention. It's nice to dodge the bullet for
once."
Youi is about to continue when Akane and Kasumi appear in the door, "Ranma"
Akane says, "I'm impressed. You managed not to get wet."
Ranma just grins and motions for both her and Kasumi to come over and sit
down with them. The two sisters hesitate for a moment, but Youi waves them
over, indicating that they are welcome as well.
"We met for the first time about twenty years ago. You can barely call it a
meeting. I was putting away my clothes when this wrinkled little man flies
in the window and makes a grab for my underwear."
"That's the Happousai we all know" Ranma interjects.
Akane shushes him, "don't interrupt."
Youi is getting used to the bad manners and continues without comment, "I
really liked the ones he was reaching for, so I grabbed them first. The
look on his face was priceless. The fact that someone had beaten him to his
prize must have really shocked him because he sat there and stared at me
for about ten seconds. I, on the other hand, had never seen such a thing
before. I had heard about perverts who ran around stealing underwear while
wearing a sheet over their head... but to actually see it. Well, I started
laughing. Believe it or not, he actually looked embarrassed, then he ran
away crying."
"That sounds about right too." Ranma comments.
Youi looks at him appraisingly and wonders if pushing him into the pond
would cool off that hot head of his. Finally, she just ignores him and
continues. "A few days later, I had just finished my laundry when he tried
again. I was a bit surprised to see him try again. I was ready though. As
he dove for the stuff on the line, I got him with my frying pan." Youi
looks a bit embarrassed as she says, "although I was aiming for his head...
I missed and got the other one."
Ranma thinks about this for a moment, then blanches and puts his hands over
his crotch. "That must've hurt," he says to himself.
Youi smiles knowingly, "it must have... he passed out on the spot. I
considered calling the authorities, but I was curious as to why this old
man would want my lingerie so badly? You have to understand that I had just
been through a messy divorce and was a bit starved for some light-hearted
conversation.
"About a half an hour later, he came to and I offered him the tea I had
been preparing. We talked a bit and that's when he first introduced
himself.
"When I asked him about the panty thing, he said that it was the easiest
way to get close to a woman. I didn't understand and told him so. He said
that it's easier to steal a woman's undergarments then trying to steal her
heart. As he put it, at his age, finding a woman would be impossible.
Besides, with a woman's silky darlings, he has something that lasts
forever. No one was really getting hurt. He got a cheap thrill and the
girls only got a moment of embarrassment. Besides, if they decided to chase
him, that was fun to. He loves the chase almost as much as he loves prize.
I must admit, in a perverse way, what he said made sense.
"Anyway, I took my eyes off him and he jumped at me. I had leaned over to
pick something up off the ground when he did it. He passed right over me
and he ended up smashing into the wall behind me. When I looked at him, he
said that he had slipped. I couldn't believe him. I brandished my frying
pan at him and he said he had to go. He dove out the window and collected
that ridiculous bag of laundry he always carries around.
"He came back every so often. I looked forward to his little visits.
Although a bit crass... he was amusing, easygoing and fun to be with. I
don't think he got the chance to talk much to anyone else. I discovered a
wealth of knowledge in him. He's well traveled and has interesting stories
about his experiences.
"Of course, he tried to steal something at least once a visit.
"One day he arrived and I was waiting there with a sheet over my head in
the classic peeping style. After staring at me for a few seconds, he
grinned evilly and handed me a smaller version of his bag."
The whole audience looked shocked. Finally Akane ventures, "You went on a
panty raid with him?"
Youi nods her head; "it was the most fun I'd ever had. The thrill of
pulling off a good heist. The risk of getting caught. It was exhilarating.
I finally understood part of his obsession. The chase was the game. The
haul was the way to keep score. I always gave him my stuff, having no real
interest in the loot. He did though and took very good care of it. I
suppose only a male would truly understand that aspect of his deviance."
Akane turns to Ranma, "So why does he want them so badly?"
Ranma ponders for a bit, "It's because... " Then sticks his tongue out at
her upon seeing the outraged look on her face. She was just trying to tease
him... she hadn't expected him to seriously answer.
Nabiki smirks at her younger sister. "Touché Ranma."
Youi smiles at the banter. 'No wonder Happi stays here.' "Anyway, I went on
a few more of these outings. Ironically, he never tried anything during a
raid... only afterwards. It was almost a habit. We'd get back; he'd dive
into his mountain of goods, then dive out and make a grab at me. I would
always get out of the way. He'd bump into something and we'd both start
laughing.
"During the last couple of raids we did together, I had considered not
getting out of the way, and letting him get me. I was quite smitten with
him by that time.
"The final time we went out together, we came back with an impressive haul.
We were both feeling really good. He dove into his mountain as usual. When
he surfaced, all I could see were his eyes looking at me, sort of like some
monster from the deep getting ready to strike."
"That's a good description," Ranma says with a chuckle.
Ignoring him, she continues, "after starring at each other for almost 5
minutes, I got tired of waiting and took off my bra and offered it to him.
Quite suddenly, he climbed out of the pile, stuffed the whole stash into
his bag and said he had to go. He was gone moments later."
Kasumi, who had been silent up 'till now says, "Oh... that's so sad."
Looking confusedly at Kasumi, Ranma says, "I don't get it."
"Ranma, she offered him something of great value... and he rejected it. She
might as well have been offering him a ring considering all the times he
tried to get that bra."
In a small voice, Ranma goes, "oh..."
"I realized something important about him after he left. He wasn't afraid
of rejection... he was afraid of commitment. Why else would he make himself
out to be such a disgusting old man."
Nabiki looks over at Ranma and says, "so that's where you get it." Then
looking at her sisters, she says, "Looks like Ranma isn't the only one who
turns into a gibbering idiot when it comes to women."
This elicits smiles from all the girls and a scowl from Ranma. "I'm nothing
like that pervert" he states firmly, then motions for Youi to continue.
"After that, I saw him once in a while. I would go after him and he would
eventually get away. The only reason I didn't give up was the smile on his
face daring me to catch him. Like I said, he loves the chase. Looks like he
is as good at avoiding me as I was at avoiding him. I never caught him."
The look on Youi's face at this moment is particularly sad. Kasumi gets up
and motions to the others, "Let's leave Miss Kyouki a few moments to
herself." She turns to their guest, "We'll be inside, please join us when
you're ready."
Youi smiles thankfully, then looks back to the pond and lets the water
drift between her fingers.
---------------------------------------------------------
Inside the house, Ranma and Akane are putting the final touches on the
party streamers. Ranma says, almost angrily, "I should tie up that old
freak and hand him to her with a bow stuck to his head. How could he make
such a nice lady miserable?"
In a rare flash of insight, Akane says, "although she might appreciate the
gesture, I get the feeling that she wants to catch him on her own."
Ranma stops and thinks for a moment, "Yeah... maybe... You know, you can be
pretty perceptive at times, for such an un-feminine girl."
Ranma gets back to work, ignoring the sounds of fury coming from Akane. A
moment later, a scream of terror is heard.
A few minutes later, Youi walks into the house to see Ranma hanging upside
down by one foot with the word "moron" written across his forehead in
fluorescent pink. Just underneath him is the sign, "Instant Happousai bait,
just add water" leaning against a pail of cold water.
Ranma grumbles as Youi starts to laugh. "Please get me down from here," he
finally says with a sigh.
---------------------------------------------------------
Happousai gets back about an hours later. He had intended to come right
back and punish Ranma for treating him so disrespectfully. Unfortunately
for the ladies side of the bathhouse he landed in, he was easily
distracted.
As he sneaks up to the house, plans to get the younger Saotome back fly
through his head. He stealthily opens the door and walks in. He gets to the
main dinning area undisturbed before spotting his prey, Ranma. He drops
into a crouch and leaps.
"Ranma! Prepare to YIKES!" he completely misjudges his jump at the sight of
the woman sitting opposite Ranma, and hits into the opposing wall. He
quickly gets back to his feet and gives the woman a long look as he falls
into a combat crouch.
The woman stands up and gives Happousai one of the sleaziest looks any of
them have seen, "Hi Happi". All of the youths blush brightly at her sultry
tone. Even the two fathers are affected by the blatant invitation in the
woman's voice.
Happousai on the other hand is sweating buckets, "Youi... how did you find
me? I mean, when did you arrive in Nerima?"
"Today. You know, finding you wasn't easy... although it never is." She
says with a coy smile. "Why don't we sit down and catch up on old times?"
Happousai isn't happy about this situation at all. About the only catching
that was going to be done was her catching him... and that idea scared him
immensely.
Genma and Soun jump to their feet. "Master," Soun says, "I'd like to
congratulate you and Miss Kyouki..."
Happousai starts to look green. "What did you tell them?" he asks Youi's.
Genma completes the sentence, "on your upcoming wedding."
Genma then pulls on an ornate rope and a whole bunch of party streamers
unfurl from the ceiling. The banner "Congratulations Youi and Happousai"
catches his eye. With a whimper, he passes out.
---------------------------------------------------------
All is silent, all is dark.
Out of the darkness comes the sound...
{Thump thump}. At first, the sound is meaningless.
{Thump thump}, 'there it is again. What could it be?'
{Thump thump}, 'I remember now... it's a heartbeat. What does it mean?'
{Thump thump}, 'I know... that's my heart beating. Strange, haven't heard
it in a while?'
{Thump thump}, 'wait! I'm not supposed to hear that!' The thoughts are
almost panicky.
{Thump thump}, {FEAR}.
{Thump thump}, 'why am I afraid? It can't be.'
{Thump thump}, 'Oh god! She found me!'
{Thump thump}.
-------------------
With a start, Happousai's eyes fly open as he looks around frantically. To
his relief, only Kasumi is in his room. In her hands is a tray full of
leftovers from dinner.
After a moment, he leans back in his bed and composes himself, "So Kasumi,
how's it going?"
Kasumi isn't fooled, but keeps that to herself. "I'm fine. Since you
decided to take a nap, I brought you something to eat for when you woke
up," and places the tray on his bed.
She's about to leave when she turns and asks, "Why are you so afraid? She
seems nice enough."
Normally, Happousai would protest about being afraid of anyone, much like
Ranma would... but this was Kasumi. Lying to her is about as useful as
trying to give Ryouga directions. "You don't know her like I do. She's
really scary."
Kasumi's expression clearly indicates that she doesn't understand... and
she says as much.
He pauses a moment to collect his thoughts, and to listen to Ranma telling
Akane to be quite while he tries to find out what's going on.
"I met Youi about 20 years ago. I was on one of my many liberation
missions..."
Kasumi interjects with a bland smile, "You were stealing panties?"
"Like I said, I was on a liberation mission." He says with a grin. "It was
almost complete when I spied this delightful looking lady putting away some
of her more exotic things. Considering the beauty before me, I knew that
this would be the most amazing catch of the day. As I dove for the prize, I
was surprised when she grabbed the silky darling before I did.
"We stared at each other for a bit, the she started laughing. I was
offended that someone would laugh at my righteous activity and left
plotting my revenge."
-------------------
Ranma turns to Akane with a grin. "He ran away crying and was pissed off
that someone had laughed in his face."
Akane sits there trying to stifle a giggle when the door opens a crack. A
wrinkled old hand holding a glass of water shoots out and calmly pours its
contents all over Ranma's head.
Ranma-female gets to her feet with a huff and walks into the old man's room
with Akane, now laughing openly, right behind him. The two of them grab a
seat on the floor as Happousai hops back onto his bed and continues his
story.
"A few days later, I tried again. I checked her out to make sure she wasn't
expecting me... then I went for the goodies on the clothesline. Her speed
was incredible. She kept me and my prize apart once again."
Ranma blanches and covers his now non-existent manhood while saying the two
magic words, "Frying pan."
Happousai looks a bit uncomfortable, but nods. "Yeah... she told you did
she? She always thought that was really funny." A look of fondness passes
over his face for a moment, not quite fast enough for the youths not to see
it.
"That was the first time we spoke. I really had no idea what to do. When I
came to, here was this gorgeous female serving me tea. We ended up
introducing ourselves and I told her a bit about myself.
"Through the whole thing I watched her VERY carefully. The speed she had
exhibited so far made me suspicious. Anyway, I visited her every so often.
One day, there she was with a sheet over her head. She was dressed in such
a way that you couldn't tell that it was a woman unless you got up really
close and personal. I was shocked. Who had ever heard of a woman partaking
in that kind of activity?
"I handed her a bag and decided to see just how good she really was... she
was good. I never had to bail her out. By this point, I was pretty sure
that she was a martial arts mistress... uh master."
Ranma grins evilly. "Soon she will be a martial arts mistress."
A sweat-drop appears on Happousai's forehead. "That's not funny Ranma.
"Getting back to my story, I have to admit that I've never had so much fun.
Having an accomplice to share my victory with was great. You should try it
with me Ranma, I'm sure you'd love it."
"No way! "
"Your loss. The last time we went on a raid... I mean collection together;
we had a fantastic time. In fact, that was the biggest haul I've ever
pulled off. When we got back, she just stared at me. I wasn't sure what was
on her mind, so I just watched her innocently from my mountain of
treasure."
Akane doesn't look amused. "innocently?"
Happousai smiles. "This is my story... let me tell it the way I want."
Ranma-female chirps from the floor, "well, don't keep us in suspense, get
on with it."
"Like I was saying, I was just staring innocently at her, trying to figure
out what she was up to when she took off her bra... and offered it to me. I
couldn't believe it. Suddenly, this overwhelming fear came over me and I
ran."
"That confirms it. Ranma and Happousai are related," says a voice from the
door.
Everyone turns to see Nabiki standing there.
"I'm nothing like this freak of nature." Ranma declares in his defense.
"Oh really? Then why do you run like a frightened rabbit every time a girl
shows you any kind of real affection?"
"I... um... I mean... " Ranma falls into a flustered silence.
After glaring at the children for their interruption, Happousai continues.
"That was the last I saw of her for a while. In the years to come, we'd run
into each other and she would give chase. Each time... she got just a bit
closer to catching me."
"So... what's the big deal?" Nabiki asks while walking into the room and
leaning up against the opposite wall.
"What kind of sick mind would it take to be interested in me?" He says.
"When I first met her, she was much like Kasumi... the perfect lady."
Kasumi blushes at this. "After a month with me, she's a pervert's best
friend. What kind of woman shifts personalities like that?"
"A very lonely one." Says a slightly hurt voice from the door.
Happousai looks over to see Youi leaning against the doorframe. A
fluorescent green battle aura starts boiling off of her and pools at her
feet. She now has a smirk on her face making her look more adorable than
ever. A horrendous contradiction to the amount of energy she's putting out
Happousai climbs to his feet while remaining on the bed. "Now?"
She nods at him as his red battle aura rises up around him like an armor.
Her green aura is spreading out along the floor; "This is the best chance
I've ever gotten... I'd be a fool to pass it up."
Akane stares warily at the spreading pool of glowing light, "What's going
on?" It touches Kasumi's feet without ill effect and Akane sighs with
relief.
Happousai's aura is so thick that it seems almost solid. "This has to end
Youi."
Youi replies, "then let me catch you."
Happousai sighs. "You know I can't do that."
Youi pushes away from the door and drops into a battle stance. "Then let's
get this over with."
Nabiki has a confused look on her face. "What's going on... I thought you
liked him?" She looks to her sisters, but they look equally confused.
With a grunt, Happousai dives at her with his aura focused before him like
a battering ram. 'Must get out that door' he thinks to himself.
Seeing this, Ranma shouts, "look out!" but needn't have bothered as
Happousai comes to a dead stop, his aura crackling angrily against Youi's.
Happousai throws an enormous barrage of ki charged punches, which Youi
deflects or dodges. A couple comes real close, though.
Happousai moves back when Ranma notices something astonishing, "Holy shit!
He's floating!"
It's true; the old man is floating a good two feet above the ground while
his aura and the one on the floor strike at each other with jolts of
electricity as they try to destroy each other as violently as possible.
Suddenly, Ranma lets out a shrill scream of pain and jumps to the ceiling.
Everybody looks at him to see the puff of smoke that used to be his shoes
slowly rising to the ceiling. From across the room, everyone could tell
that the burns on his feet are extensive. He wouldn't be walking on them
for a few days.
Happousai shouts, "Ranma, don't let her battle aura touch you, it attacks
magic."
Youi steps back with a surprised look on her face. "Ranma?"
A predatory gleam comes into her eyes. "Is he like you?" A green tendril
snakes up from the floor and gently brushes her cheek, which scorches
immediately, eliciting another yelp of pain from Ranma. She turns back to
Happousai, "He's nothing like you."
"Yeah... Ranma is such a goody-goody at times, it almost makes me want to
puke."
Youi's aura flares up, matching her rising anger, "Damn you, you disgusting
old pervert. You could've told me that before I touched him."
{Thump thump} "I didn't know you could do that from a distance. I was
hoping you would go and check him out..."
"Giving you the chance to escape... not on your life!" she shouts, then
explodes into motion, throwing punches with such speed that Ranma's mouth
drops open.
"Incredible," he says to himself.
Akane looks up at him, "that's more than you could've done, even using the
Tenshin Amaguriken" she says in an awed tone.
During the barrage, Youi yells at him, "you are such a self-centered
low-life. I wonder what I ever saw in you."
{Thump thump}
Of the 1300 punches, the last one connects, throwing him across the room to
smack into the wall. He starts falling toward the waiting energy field on
the floor, but regains control and floats up out of the way. A couple of
tendrils reach up for him, but he blasts them away with a negligent wave of
his hand. "Now wait a minute, that's not fair. You know exactly why I do
it" the look on his face tells everyone that her words had hurt him a lot
more than her punch. Although, considering what a faker he is at times, no
one is really sure.
"Don't give me that! I've already seen your true self. There's a lot more
to you than the stupid pervert you make everyone believe you to be. I just
wish you had the guts to leave your little fantasy world!"
{Thump thump}
Several tendrils of energy rise up off the floor to merge into an emerald
green ball between Youi's hands, which are now held out in front of her.
"But..." Happousai says imploringly.
"No buts! Haven't you figured out why I've been chasing you so
single-mindedly for all these years?
"To break your curse?"
"That too... but there's more."
"Really? Well I sure don't know what it is." The old letch says defiantly,
while powering up an attack of his own.
"Are you stupid or what? I'm in love with you!" she nearly shouts.
All movement stops as her words sink in. Happousai's attack and most of his
battle aura disappear as the shock registers on his face, "What?"
{Thump thump}
{Thump thump}
Youi shouts, putting everything into it, "NOW! Akurei Gyakutsu
Kanakirigoe!" The translation of this comes out to Demon Slaughter Shriek.
The name is appropriate indeed, as the blast of energy belches away from
Youi while giving off a high pitched shriek that could very well be the
sound of a demonic entity being disemboweled alive.
Happousai awakens from his stupor long enough to let out a loud, "eep" just
as it smashes into him. After about five seconds of being hammered on, the
rest of his red aura winks out and he is propelled back into the wall. The
attack dissipates leaving a very stunned but very alive Happousai. Youi
dashes over and pulls him out of the crevice and holds him in front of
herself, waiting for his eyes to come back into focus.
When they do, he almost wishes they hadn't. "What are you going to do?" he
asks fearfully.
She gives him a mischievous yet sultry grin as she starts to pull him
closer, "guess?" then puckers her lips.
{Thump thump}
{Thump thump}
Off on the sidelines, ceiling actually, Ranma says, "Gross."
Nabiki looks up at Ranma for a moment and says, "are you nuts? This is the
event of the year" then turns back to her camcorder. 'I'll be able to hold
this over Happousai's head forever... if he escapes this alive, that is'
she thinks to herself with a self-satisfied smirk.
When Happousai's about a foot away, he puts his hands in front of him to
stop the forward advance while stammering, "now Youi, let's not be too
hasty. Let's talk this over."
Youi's cheeks color, "oh Happi... I haven't been touched there in such a
long time."
Happousai glances down and notes with horror that his hands are planted
firmly on her breasts.
{Thump thump}
{Thump thump}
{Thump thump}
He quickly snatches them back, 'Wow! They're firm' he thinks to himself
perversely... then his thoughts derail completely as her lips land on his.
At first, nothing happens. Then an inky black shadow slowly rises off of
his body. While this is happening, Happousai's body expands and grows,
filing in all the wrinkles. He deepens the kiss and wraps his arms around
Youi, causing her to sigh and close her eyes as she gets carried away on
the heat of the moment.
The blackness finally stops and forms into a dark cloud with malevolent red
eyes staring at them while it hovers about 3 feet above and behind the old
master.
The girls catch their breath in shock. Nabiki nearly drops the camcorder as
she says, "Wow... he's handsome. He reminds me of that Captain what's his
name from that show Ranma was watching the other day, only Happousai has
hair."
Ranma stares down in disgust. "It's Star Trek, The Next Generation."
In a voice that reminds the youngsters of Dr. Claw from that Inspector
Gadget episode they had all been laughing at yesterday, the cloud says,
"Damn you" and swings at Youi with a black tendril. Akane screams, "Look
out!"
Happousai and Youi are blown out of the kiss by the impact. When they hit
the ground, they lose their grip on each other and Happousai tumbles away.
The blackness, seeing an opening, dives at him and they re-merge while Youi
screams, "NOOOOOOO!"
Happousai reverts to his tiny pervert form with a pop and runs out the
door. Youi screams in anguish again as she gets up, "I was so close!" Then
she too runs out the door in the vain hope of catching him again.
-------------------
Ranma drops to the floor gingerly and hobbles to the door to treat his
burned feet and face. Just before leaving the room, he turns back and asks;
"does anyone know what just happened?"
The three girls just shake their heads and Ranma replies; "I didn't think
so."
---------------------------------------------------------
Epilogue: Five months later... Happousai hasn't been seen since. Youi has
visited occasionally. They could never get her to talk about her curse or
that thing that came out of Happousai.
Nabiki walks through the door with a wide smile.
Ranma looks up from the game of Shogi he's losing to his father (since he
isn't cheating) and asks her, "so who did you swindle today?"
Nabiki gives him a stern look, "watch it boy or I'll have to reconsider
your current interest rates."
Ranma "eeps" then shuts up. Nabiki grins even more, "I finally got some
information on that whole affair with Happousai and Miss Kyouki."
"Really?" Ranma looks back at the board and sees that his father rearranged
the board again, bringing the count up to 32. He decides not to give his
father the satisfaction and says, "sorry pop... gotta go" and gets up and
walks away.
"But..." Genma just stares in frustration, 'At this rate, I'm never going
to get a victory. It's not fair.'
-------------------
"So what's the scoop?"
"You remember her telling us that she had a rough divorce?"
"Yeah."
"Well it turns out that her husband did it because he couldn't handle her
being better at his art than him."
"Really? How childish."
"You're one to talk Ranma", Akane says from the doorway.
Ranma turns to make an angry retort and stops. The fact that she has a
training bokken in her hand and gleam in her eye just daring him to give
her a chance to use it may have had something to do with his sudden tact.
"Anyway," Nabiki continues, "they went their separate ways and she entered
the business world and did very well. She had many suitors as well. This
drove her ex-husbands nuts. She was still doing better than he was.
Somehow, he got his hands on a curse. The gist of the curse is that it she
cannot become romantically involved until an evil man falls in love with
her. Although this didn't hamper her business success, it left her very
lonely.
"Add Happousai to the equation. It turns out that he is semi-possessed by
an evil spirit, a demon. The reason I say semi is because the demon had no
idea just how much will power his victim really had.
"Happousai made a deal with this creature... possession for power. The
stronger of the two would win. It seems that neither of them have won
conclusively... the demon seems to be losing though."
"Are you saying that Happousai isn't evil?" Ranma asks, the doubt evident
in his voice.
"No... I'm just saying that the demon made him stronger and meaner. Without
it, he isn't quite as bad."
Akane's face lights up with understanding, "I get it! If Youi can catch
him, she fulfils the requirements of the curse and ends up with a
not-so-bad man afterwards, since the demon can't stand emotions like
tenderness and caring in its host."
Nabiki give her sister the thumbs up, "bingo. That's also part of her
fighting style. He attacks are designed to destroy magic."
Ranma rubs his cheek, "tell me about it. My cheek still tingles anytime
something happens nearby."
Akane starts laughing, "remember when you spat the dish of magically spiced
food all over Shampoo? The look on her face was hilarious."
Ranma doesn't look amused, "when I put it in my mouth, my cheek burned
almost as badly as the day Youi touched it. It has kept the Amazons from
trying their tricks on me though. I guess it isn't all that bad."
Akane looks at Nabiki questioningly. "Any idea why both Youi and Happousai
never mentioned this stuff when they told us their stories?"
Nabiki shrugs. "Maybe the curse prevents her from talking about it. The
best she could do is hint indirectly at it. The demon in Ranma's master..."
"He's NOT my master!"
"... probably has somewhat the same effect on him. The best they could do
is dance around the subject and hope someone figures it out. Curses are
funny things."
Ranma grumbles. "I don't find anything funny about my curse. I don't seem
to have any trouble talking about it though."
Nabiki grins and pulls out a book entitled 'E-Z-curses, everything you
wanted to know, but were afraid to ask,' "That's because every curse is
different."
Ranma and Akane look a bit uncomfortable, "Where did you get that?" they
ask in unison.
"Don't worry, this only talks about them. It doesn't tell you how to make
one. Too bad Gosunkugi didn't know that before he bought it," she says
sounding completely insincere.
Everyone falls silent for a moment.
Finally, Akane asks Ranma, "so... do you think Youi will ever catch him?"
Ranma ponders the question for a moment. Suddenly, a look of horror crosses
his face.
"What?" Nabiki and Akane ask in unison.
"I just had the horrible thought of trying to treat that old nut like a
respectable person," he says with a grin and the three of them break out
laughing.
The conversation at this point wanders away from the story at hand as their
lives return to some semblance of normality... for now.
End.
As you can see, the story of Youi and Happousai isn't precisely over. I
just don't have anything else to say about them at the moment. I do have
other ideas for them... but not enough to do anything worthwhile with, yet.
Besides, to resolve anything would be to contradict Takahashi... which is a
bad thing(TM) . ^_^
Speaking of which, All characters, with the exception of Youi Kyouki (which
is mine), are the creations of Rumiko Takahashi. If anyone wants to use
Youi... please ask me first. She's a fun character.
Thanks go to Gary Kleppe, Quek Kwang-Ee and Nikholas "Switch" F. Toledo Zu
for giving me some much-needed feedback on this little story. It should go
a long way to improving the legibility of all my other works as well.
P.S.: Youi Kyouki roughly translates to: Simple Pleasure or Simple ecstatic
pleasure.
See ya
--___________
/ Here lies:\ "Oh my god! They killed Kenny!"
| Andrew | http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~ttant/SouthPark/
| |
| I think | Andrew Petalik
| he's hungry | Want to know how to cook a yummy cabbit? Go here:
| | http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Towers/7560/mp3.html