Well, since this is only the first chapter I can try my best to give the
right amount with what there is. 

1. The introduction between Iczel and Nagisa seemed a bit rushed to me. Try
giving them a bit more time to see what's going on. Say, have Iczel bring
them to a few blocks away from where it resuced her before formally
introducing itself. Then have the crabbie attack them again, then force the
synch. It's just a little suggestion, nothing more.

2. It would really be nice if people called the "Venomoids" by their true
name. Lahdam. Bishonen no miko said on her D-Boy no Miko site that "Venomoids
just don't seem to strike fear into me as much as Lahdam does". So, also to
give it also a bit of a more mature sounding fair, try retyping the Venomoids
as their true name. 
The Lahdam.

3. I don't really mind the who Blade/Slade or Nick/Ness name thing that much.
But for an odd reason, I prefer Ness and Slade, but on the other hand Nick
and Blade go well too. I guess it's just a matter of personall preference. 

4. In terms of keeping everyone in character, good job. Our hero, Blade in
this case, is just as moody and depressing with the death of his only real
family left, and Star is doing the best she can! Also, I've seen mosst of the
Iczver series and I can say that within keeping Nagisa in character, once a
crybaby, always one I guess. I could be wrong though.

5. Finally, (take note that this is just my opinion) the last section of the
story would sound better if it went like this.

Darkon: Saber!
Saber: Yes my lord?
Darkon: A number of our warriors have been lost in one of the districts of
Tokyo. I want you to invesitigate that matter at once and terminate the
source of thier loss. Should it be any potential resistence, terminate them."
Saber: At once my lord. 

You don't really have to rewrite it that way, to me it would sound as it our
main baddie was actually thinking and using language that meant that he had a
lot of smarts in his head. 

Just my measley $.02.

-Warhammer