Subject: Furinkan Crash 000
From: RPM - acct 3/5
Date: 9/9/1997, 2:28 AM
To: fanfic list


I'm posting this.  Don't ask.   Just... don't ask.  Read it.

Okay?

-rodM (rpM)
--------------------------------------------------------------

OPENING THEME SONG

Look out
Sunny sunny bright sky!

[A close up of a bright gleam zooms out to reveal that it 
is the glint of Ranma Saotome's eye, surrounded by the rest 
of the Ranma 1/2 cast.]

Let's shout!
There's a mischievous glint in your eye

[Cut to Ataru's ugly face, panning out to reveal that he 
is being chased by the entire UY cast.]

I ask a question
Whose answer I already know

[Nuku Nuku flies through the air on her bike, pink hair streaming 
behind her.  She zooms by her brother and father, who both give 
her  enthusiastic thumbs ups.  We see her through the crosshairs 
of a hidden Arisa for a split second before she runs over the 
unfortunate office lady.]

A task performed
Just strictly for show

[A pink mist fills the screen, then swirls to reveal Ayukawa 
Madoka, who then morphs into Kasuga Kyosuke, who morphs again, 
strobing through the entire KOR line up before finally turning 
to Kasuga Akane, who winks at the camera before she teleports]

//Chorus//

Zoom!  Zoom!
Let's fly into space
Vroom!  Vroom!
Let's pick up the chase!

[Ranma is seen fighting with Ryoga, Kuno, Mousse and the others 
when he catches movement in the corner of his eye.  Ranma turns 
his head and is immediately swarmed and beaten up.  Before Kuno 
and the others could resume their violence, Ataru runs smack 
into Ryoga, who turns around and is flattened as the rest of 
the UY cast arrive.  Kasuga Akane teleports in and Nuku Nuku 
skids to a halt.  Both stare curiously at the pile of people 
in the middle of the street.]

Together we'll be
birds on the wing

[A variety of scenes are shown:  Mendo and Kuno glaring at each 
other, Nuku Nuku delivering food with Shampoo, Ryunusuke and 
Ukyo playing pool, Kasuga Akane hanging around the Tendo sisters.]

We'll soar and let
The world hear us sing

[Ataru is shown being slapped by all the women in the R1/2, UY, 
KOR universes, one after the other, the final blow coming from 
Lum herself, who hugs Ataru and pumps him with electricity 
until he explodes.  Smoke and debris fill the screen and swirl 
away to reveal the title.]

=========================
FURINKAN CRASH!
story concept:   Sarah Honeywell
written by:  Sarah Honeywell
=========================

Opening theme:  LoveMachineGo!
Performed by:  Say You
The Say You are:  Nuku Nuku, Akane Tendo and Lum

Ending theme:  Lover Blue
Performed by:  Saotome Ranma (chan)

Warning: For the sake of convenience (and to save the
readership and the writer from going stark-raving mad). 
Akane from Kimagure Orange Road shall be known as Kasuga
Akane.  Sorry.  Her last name isn't listed in the Guide to
KOR. 

I've only watched the subtitled version of Cat Girl Nuku
Nuku and I am writing her speech pattern the way they did in
the subtitles. 

I don't like Ataru Moroboshi.  I mean I _really_don't like
Ataru Moroboshi. 

You have been warned.

EPISODE 000:  CRISIS!

------------------------------------------------------
--THOSE OBNOXIOUS ALIENS!  (Bye bye, Tomobiki High)---
------------------------------------------------------

"DARLING YOU IDIOT!!"  Lum shouted as she fired bolt after
bolt of searing electricity indiscriminately around the
classroom.  Students scrambled out of Ataru's way as he
scampered and dodged and weaved around her electric rays. 

Ataru emitted his trademarked staccato laugh and grasped an
unsuspecting Ryunusuke from behind.  "Ryuu chan!  Let's go
elope and escape this madness!" 

Ryunusuke's reaction was immediate.  She grabbed the closest
object she could, which was, unfortunately for Ataru, a
large wooden desk, and smacked Ataru out the window and high
into the sky. 

"Darling!"  Shouted Lum, flying after him.  "Get back here! 
I'm not through talking to you!" 

--------------------------------------

Ataru tumbled higher and higher into the stratosphere.

"I waste too much time flying through the air," Ataru
grumbled.  "Building a harem, now that's a worthy use of my
time!"  He cackled mere moments before he smashed into
Benten, who was speeding through the skies in her brand new
hoverbike. 

"Hey, Benten!  Fancy meeting you up here!"  He greeted. "How
about we go on a date, eh?"  Ataru continued, climbing onto
the seat behind Benten and grabbing her around the waist. 

"You scratched my bike!  You scratched my-urghk!"  Benten
gasped as she felt Ataru's clammy hands. 

"Let go!"  Benten shouted, trying to pry herself out of
Ataru's leechlike grip.  "I said LET GO"  She shouted
angrily.  Benten lost control of her bike, going into a
terminal dive as she jerked and struggled to free herself
from Ataru. 

---------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, a few miles below them at Tomobiki High's infirmary....

"Sakura," Cherry called as he popped out of the infirmary
hamper directly in front of his niece.  Ms. Sakura jumped
back in shock as Cherry climbed out of the hamper carefully
and sat down. 

"You old fool!"  She gasped, clutching her chest.  "You
wanna give me a heart attack or something?!" 

"Sakura, I see a vacation coming up for you," was all he
said as walked out the door.  Sakura looked at the door,
long after her uncle left. 

"Been hanging around with that ghost cat drinking sake
again,"

she muttered as she bustled around the infirmary. 

----------------------------------------------------

Two miles and closing......

"Letgoletgoletgoletgo!"  Benten shouted as she repeatedly
hit Ataru's head to no avail.  The hoverbike dove and spun
at an alarming speed. 

"Don't fight fate, Benten," Ataru said happily, now glomped
onto her chest.  "A date with me is your destiny!" 

"LET GO!"  Benten yelled, unleashing a powerful right cross. 
Ataru was finally dislodged and flew like he was shot out of
a cannon and plummeted like a comet. 

"Does this mean nooooooooo-?" Ataru's voice faded as he
fell. 

"Idiot!"  Benten shouted after him, trying to correct her
trajectory.  Unfortunately, it was too late. 

"Nooooooo!"  She shouted as she failed to correct her
hoverbike in time and crashed into the Tomobiki girl's gym. 

There was a moment of silence. 

"MOO-ROO-BOO-SHII!!!!"  She shouted, erupting from a wall,
swinging a large chain.  She took one last look at the pile
of metallic rubbish that used to be her prized bike and
stomped angrily away. 

Shutaro Mendo strode purposely towards the bathroom.  It
would have been better if he just ran, because he really
needed to use it, but being who he was, he strode anyway. 
He nodded to Megane and Chibi as he approached the window
they were standing by. 

"Hey, Mendo," Chibi called.  "Do you hear that?"

Mendo cocked an ear.  "A sort of whistling sound?"

"Told you," Chibi admonished Megane.

"I still don't hear it," Megane complained, walking off.

"What is it?"  Mendo asked, curiousity fighting with Nature's call.

"I'm not really sure," Chibi replied.  They opened one of
the hall windows and peered about, still not able to locate
the source of the sound. 

"Maybe if we listen closer," Mendo said, sticking his head
out the window. 

The sound grew steadily louder, louder, and louder still. 
Like the sound of a bomb being dropped, Mendo mused. 

"hhheeeeEEY, MENDO!"  Ataru greeted as he crashlanded on
Mendo's head.  Chibi was spry enough to jump out of the way
and was hanging from a light fixture for the moment. 

Ataru sprang up and shook the more than slightly dazed
Mendo's hand.  "Thanks Mendo," Ataru laughed.  "You really
saved my life.  Later!"  With that, he snickered and ran
away. 

"Hey, Mendo," Chibi observed from his new vantage point. 
"Did Moroboshi spill something on you?  Your pants are wet." 

Mendo stood up, tears of rage and indignation streamed from
his eyes.  "Is there no end to the torment that that fool
Moroboshi puts upon us?  Ever since I clapped my eyes on the
fool Ataru Moroboshi I knew I was destined to slay him, and
rid the world of his evil!  In the name of the Great and
Honorable Mendo family and all my ancestors, today that fool
Moroboshi shall be brought down!" 

He grabbed his cellphone and angrily yelled into it.  "Mendo
Family Strike Force!  This is Shutaro Mendo!  Mobilize the
Tank division!  Ninja division!  Air division!  Sea
division!  Mendo Shocktroopers!  Armored division!  Your
target is Ataru Moroboshi!  Destroy him!  Annihilate him! 
Sear the flesh from his bones!  And bring me some clean
pants!!" 

--------------------------------------------

Jariten floated through one of the many open windows of
Tomobiki. 

"I'm bored,"  said the little alien, floating aimlessly.  "I
wonder where Lum is?  She always has something fun to do." 

Ataru ran fast, snickering.  "I wonder who I'll bump into
today?  Ran?  Oyuki?  Maybe Shinobu?  all three?"  He
drooled as he turned the corner and smacked straight into
Ten. 

"Idiot!  Jerk!  Why don't you watch where you're going!" 
Shouted Ten in fury, rubbing the bump on his little green
head. 

"Who are you calling an idiot?"  Yelled Ataru back.  "You're
the one floating in the middle of the damn hall." 

Jariten , without further ado, spew a large ball of flame at
Ataru's face.  Ataru produced his patented frying pan shield
and blocked the fireball, arms stretched forward. 

"Beeee!"  Ataru taunted, lowering the pan and sticking his
wagging tongue out.  "Missed meEEAIIAHH!"  Ataru shouted as
he was broiled by the second fireball that Ten produced. 

"Moron," Ten said simply. 

"WHY DO YOU MAKE MY LIFE MORE MISERABLE THAN IT ALREADY IS,
YOU STUPID LITTLE CREEP!"  Ataru shouted as he jumped up and
batted Ten out the window and into space with his scorched
pan. 

"I'll get you, you jerk!"  Ten's fading voice replied, as he
hurtled through the air. 

Ataru panted, the scorched pan in his hand.  He dropped it
and arranged his hair.  "Little punk.  One of these days
I'll get rid of him for good."

----------------------------------------

Ms. Sakura popped her head out the infirmary door to
investigate the noise. 

"What's going on out here?"  She demanded. 

"Ms. Sakura!"  Ataru shouted happily as he jumped high in
the air and dived kisser first towards the unfortunate Ms.
Sakura. 

"Moroboshi!  I don't have time for your idiotics today!" 
She shouted, planting a fist into Ataru's face. 

"Ms. Sakura, does this mean our date's off?"  Ataru said,
recovering instantly and trying to put his hands on Ms.
Sakura's breasts. 

"Get out!"  Sakura shouted as she hit him with a mallet
right out of the clinic and into the hall. 

Lum came out of class to investigate the noise. "Darling! 
Where have you been?"  She shouted angrily. 

"I'm going girl-hunting!  Bye!"  Ataru snickered. 

"Get back here!  Darling!"  Lum called after him as she gave
chase. 

"Misstress Lum said stop!"  The shocktroopers shouted, also
emerging from the classroom. 

"Break out the heavy artillery!"  Megane shouted to his
troops.  The three others unveiled pulse cannons from their
bags and readied themselves. 

"For Mistress Lum!"  Megane shouted as they charged after
Moroboshi.  "Destroy Moroboshi!" 

"At least they didn't involve us this time," Shinobu turned
to Ryunusuke from within the crowd of onlookers. 

Ataru snuck behind the two and glomped onto both of them. 
"Shinobu, Ryunusuke, you'll be part of my harem, won't you?" 

"Take your hands off me!"  Ryunusuke shouted as she flung a
desk at a retreating form of Ataru.  Shinobu had a desk in
each hand and offered one to Ryunusuke. 

"Charge!"  They shouted as they chased Ataru, followed by
Lum and her stormtroopers. 

"Hey!  Isn't anybody going back to class?"  Onsen-Mark
shouted angrily at the milling crowd. 

------------------------------------------------- 

Ataru rounded the corner to another corridor and came face
to angry face with Benten. 

"Moroboshi!  This is for my bike!"  Shouted Benten as she
swung her chain at him.  Ataru ducked and tried to sneak in
a quick feel.  Benten, using her free hand clobbered him the
ground.  Before any of them could do anything, the mob that
was chasing Ataru arrived.  Ataru slipped through all the
furniture, chains, electric rays and pulse blasts and sped
away. 

Ran and Rei were standing at a secluded stairwell.  Ran
finally cornered the greenhaired boy and was flirting
outrageously. 

"Rei, let's go on a date after school," Ran asked the
green-haired boy, batting her eyelashes at him. 

Before Rei could say anything, Ataru passed by and snatched
Ran away. 

"Ran-chan!  forget Rei!  Let's me and you go oughrk!"  Ataru
said as Ran punched him, making him drop her.  Ataru ran on,
spotting the mob approach. 

Ran spotted Rei in the back of the crowd.  She held her arms
out, waiting for Rei's embrace. 

The whole mob passed her. 

So did Rei. 

Ran blinked and turned to look at the dissappearing form of
Rei. 

"Lum chan!"  Rei shouted as he galloped after the mob in his
tigercow form. 

"Rei!  Come back!"  She shouted as she ran after them. 

The chase led outside, in front of Tomobiki high. 

"This is Mendo Sky Eye One!"  Said the pilot high above of
Japan.  "Target sighted.  Repeat.  Target sighted. 
Transmitting coordinates now!" 

A vast armed force swarmed around the Tomobiki area.  Tanks
rumbled through the streets, jets screamed from above.  In
the sewer areas, Mendo frogmen slogged towards their
destination.  Ninjas leaped purposefully from roof to roof. 

Shutaro Mendo turned his phone off.  He led a small unit of
twenty-four men who arrived, with his clean pants, earlier. 
He looked out a window and saw Moroboshi running away from a
pack that was out for his blood. 

"You've caused enough trouble for a thousand lifetimes!"  He
shouted.  He flung open a window, "Follow me!"  He told his
men. 

"MOO-ROO-BOO-SHII!!!"  He shouted as he knifed through the
air, blade held high, fully intent on chopping Ataru in
half. 

Ataru felt a familiar tingle at the back of his neck and
reflexively caught Mendo's blade between his palms and then
hammered Mendo to the ground with a mallet.  "Hey, Mendo! 
Long time no see!" 

"Moroboshi, today you diEEEEOUCH!"  He yelped as his men
landed on him.  Ataru ran, ducked and weaved as electric
bolts and furniture and cannon blasts and heavy industrial
machinery missed and hit the Mendo Conglomerate pile
instead.  Mendo and his men got hammered by the diverse
array of projectiles meant for Ataru. 

Mendo, trapped under two dozen plus of charred soldiers, dug
for his phone. 

"We're all in position, sir."  His field commander reported. 

"ATTACK!"  Mendo shouted, then fell unconscious. 

Ataru scampered and got out of the way of a hastily thrown
pulse blast just in time.  He circled around the group
chasing him and headed back towards the school.  A glint of
metal caught his eye and he looked up.  The sky was packed
with iron and steel birds, ready to crap destruction on him. 
Each one emblazoned with the Mendo Octopus.  It was then
that he noticed the hills bristling with armored vehicles of
the Mendo Corp

"Mendo!  Mendo!  Stop!  Don't do it!  Don't do it!"  Ataru
shouted as he hauled ass towards the safety of the school. 
Onsen-Mark happened to look out the window at approximately
the same time, deduced the obvious and started shouting.

"MOROBOSHI!  THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!  NO!  NO!  DON'T GO
INTO THE SCHOOL!  GET AWAY!  GET AWAY!" 

Ataru had just entered the door of the school when he
finally got tagged with an electric bolt.  He stumbled, and
was hit by a pulse blast which effectively flattened him.
Without pause nor mercy, they proceeded to beat seven kinds
of crap out of him, pounding and blasting indiscriminately. 
Unbeknownst to all of them the missiles were on their way,
arriving with their payloads of destruction. 

"DARLING!  Why do you always do this kind of thing?!"  Lum
shouted as she blasted him. 

"EYAAH!" 

"Take that!  And that!  And that!  And that!" 

"Stop!  Ryunusuke!  Shinobu!" 

*FWOOSH*

"TEN, YOU LITTLE PUNK! AIAIAAEEEYAAHHH!" 

"FOR MISTRESS LUM!" 

"LUM CHAN!" 

"Rei!" 

"GET OFF ME!" 

"YOU TRASHED MY BIKE!" 

"BENTEN!  STOP!  STOOPP!" 

"WAIT!  DOES ANYBODY ELSE HEAR THAT!?"  Ataru wailed. 

"DON'T TRY TO WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS, MOROBOSHI!" 
Mendo shouted, finally arriving with sword held high.  He
was finally getting rid of Moroboshi, who by this time
looked about as battered as inhumanly possible. 

The missiles arrived.  Wave upon wave of destruction rained
on Tomobiki, lasting endless minutes.  When the dust
settled, the only thing that was still standing was a chair,
in what used to be the school's infirmary.  On it sat Ms.
Sakura, quietly sipping her tea. 

"I guess this is what Cherry meant," she sighed. 

Collectively, the whole Tomobiki school rose from under the
rubble and shouted in unison. 

"MOROBOSHI!  THIS IS YOUR FAULT!  MOO-ROO-BOO-SHIIIII!!!" 

---------------------------------------------------

Cherry sat under a cherry tree drinking sake with Kotatsu
Neko. 

"Truly an unfortunate thing has happened," he nodded wisely
to Kotatsu Neko.  Kotatsu Neko nodded, just before an errant
missile landed on them, sending them flying high in the air. 

----------------------------------------------------
--- THECATGIRL CONNECTION!  (Come Out and Play!) ---
----------------------------------------------------

Atsuko Natsume, known lovingly as Nuku Nuku by her peers,
lay on the warm roof, along with a good dozen other cats. 
The sun shone brightly on her as she bit into another one of
the fish treats she rustled from her bag.  It was study
period for the pink-haired android and she found she studied
better when she was sunning herself in the company of her
friends. 

"Look!"  She said, pointing at a picture in the book she was
flipping through as she munched happily on her fish treat. 
"Have you ever seen anything like it?" 

"Meow," said the white cat with the brown patch around it's
right eye. 

"You didn't!"  Nuku Nuku protested.

"Meow meow.  Meow!"

"Poor Jingoro!"  She cried as she hugged the chubby cat. 

An extended explosion, or possibly multiple explosions,
caught Nuku Nuku's sharp ears.  She looked in the direction
of the sound.  The blast was not very far away, for she
didn't need to strain her vision to see the large column of
smoke and the following detonations.  Her eyes focused on
the rubble that used to be Tomobiki High.  The sky was full
of glinting, deadly metal, as the Mendo Air Strike Force
hung over it. 

"I wonder what happened?"  She asked out loud, sitting up
and getting ready to investigate.  She was always intrigued
by explosions, and other shiny things as cats are wont to
do.  She liked the pretty lights it produced and the neat
craters she could play in, although she could do without the
resulting acrid smoke.  But just before she went, a
butterfly fluttered around and landed on one of the cats'
nose.  Displaying the short attention span of cats, she
utterly forgot about everything else and joined in the
fascinating fun the cats were having with the butterfly. 

-----------------------------------------------

"Arisa, I've found her!"  Kyouko said excitedly.  Arisa and
Kyouko were flying high above Japan in MHI Poison 2, trying
to locate the catgirl.  The high tech hovercraft looked very
much like a gigantic metal beetle.  Although they couldn't
figure out why it was colored blue.  After all, who ever
heard of a blue beetle? 

"Take over the controls," Arisa grinned, rubbing her hands. 
Arisa navigated the Poison 2 earlier; through the nest of
deadly fighters that seemed to be in the vicinity.  "I'm
switching to the Battle Armor." 

"You think that's a good idea?  She beat the battle armor
last time," Kyouko said doubtfully. 

"This is the new and improved Mishima Heavy Industries
Battle Armor!"  Arisa said proudly, displaying it on the
screen.  The Battle Armor looked like a cross between an
octopus and a Volkswagen Beetle. 

"Arisa."

"Yes?"

"Do you think you can show it on the smaller screens?  It's
blocking my view."  Kyouko frowned, it was hard enough
piloting a high tech hovercraft without being blind as well. 

"Oh, right.  Sorry," Arisa apologized.  "Anyway, the
inertial controls and the shock dampeners have been fixed
and strengthened.  The tensile strength of the metal has
been tripled.  The complement of weapons has been increased. 
I will be invincible!" 

"Ok, ok," Kyouko said, giving up.  "Go, get suited up. 
We've got a schoolgirl android to destroy." 

--------------------------------------------

Nuku Nuku napped on the roof, dreaming catgirl dreams. 

"Oh, Nuku Nuku!  I'm so proud of you!"  Papa San laughed out
loud.  "Your grades in school are so high!" 

"Yaaay me!"  Nuku Nuku giggled, her arms extended high above
her head. 

"Nuku Nuku, you're the best friend a boy could have!" 
Ryunusuke, Papa San's son, said. 

"Yaaay me, again!"  Yelled Nuku Nuku. 

"Yay me," Nuku Nuku mumbled, curling up a little more on the
warm roof. 

---------------------------------------------

"...3, ...2,...1, ...Launch!"  Kyouko shouted, as the belly
of Poison 2 opened up and dropped Battle Armor Arisa high
above the catgirl's unsuspecting head. 

Nuku Nuku woke up just in time to get out of the way of the
crashing object.  She instantly went into full readiness,
her cat ears appearing and locking in place.  Nothing moved
from the hole in the roof.  Nuku Nuku crawled up to it with
a confused look on her face. 

"Was it a meteor?  A comet?"  She said, sniffing the air and
pouting.  "How come it has to drop when Nuku Nuku is
sleeping?" 

As if to answer, a metal tentacle erupted from the hole and
flailed at her.  Nuku Nuku leaped gracefully out of its way
as another tentacle emerged.  Tentacle after tentacle
surface until it hauled up its main body. 

"Arisa!"  Shouted Nuku Nuku in recognition.  "You've come to
play with Nuku Nuku again?  Nuku Nuku is so happy!  She
doesn't get to play with Mishima Heavy Industries anymore!" 
She added in obvious delight. 

"Shut up!"  Shouted Arisa.  "I didn't come here to play with
you!  I've come to destroy you, schoolgirl android!"  With
that, Arisa sent her tentacles hurtling towards Nuku Nuku. 
Nuku Nuku leaped, dodged, ducked and evaded each deadly
tentacle, her pink hair whipping about her like a tail. 

"Try this!"  Arisa shouted as each tentacle fired blast
after blast of laser fire.  Nuku Nuku ducked the first few
shots, coiled her legs and leaped high, sommersaulting over
the Battle Armor.  The Battle Armor immediately whipped a
tentacle low and tripped up Nuku Nuku, sending her sprawling
off the roof.  Arisa immediately followed her down, leaping
the three stories easily. 

Meanwhile..... 

Professor Kyusaku Natsume evacuated his class for the third
time in four weeks.  He wished they would at least wait to
attack Nuku Nuku until _after_ school.  He really needed to
talk to his wife about this. 

"Leave the building through the designated emergency exits
calmly, please.  Calmly I sai- HEY!  IS ANYBODY LISTENING TO
ME?!" 

"Arisa," Nuku Nuku complained as she emerged from the
rubble, shaking the dust and debris from her head.  "You're
playing too rough." 

"For the last time!  I'm not playing!"  Arisa yelled in
rage.  She whipped the tentacles in random patterns around
the catgirl, sure that she couldn't evade them all.  One
tentacle whipped around and caught Nuku Nuku around the
ankle and Arisa immediately wrapped the unfortunate catgirl
in another, and another, eventually capturing her in all
eight of the battle armor's twenty foot long tentacles. 

"And now, Android NK 1124," Arisa sneered.  "Die!"  Arisa
pumped electricity through the metal arms of her armor. 
Nuku Nuku writhed and screamed as the juice poured into her
delicate android body. 

Arisa laughed maniacally.  "Farewell, schoolgirl android!" 
She laughed again.  She stopped laughing as she noticed her
instrumentation.  The metal arms were showing intcreasing
levels of stress.  Stress fractures developed, joints
stretched, hydraulics s trained.  Arisa looked outside. 

Nuku Nuku struggled even more as she heard the metal creak
and the arms whine in protest.  Ignoring the constant shock
she was receiving, she continued her efforts to break free. 
"Nuku Nuku doesn't like this game anymore!"  She cried. 

Arisa was looking at her control panel in horror.  At the
current rate of increase, the android will be able to break
free.  Arisa did the one thing she could do.  She called for
back up. 

----------------------------------

High above the battlescene, Kyouko relaxed.  She had her
feet up on the cockpit and was reading the latest fashion
magazine. 

"Poison 2!"  Her comm shouted, making her fall to the floor. 

"Yes?  Did you get her?"  She responded, brushing her hair
away from her face. 

"Get down here!  I need help!"

"Roger!"  Kyouko said, pointing Poison 2 downwards and diving.

Arisa was routing all available power to the arms and the
shock generators.  The Armor's legs gave way as it crumpled
to the ground, it's arms still wrapped around Nuku Nuku in a
desperate grip. 

"What's the situation down there?"  Kyouko shouted into her
comm as she piloted Poison 2 towards Arisa's signal. 

"I have her in a hold," Arisa said, her signal weak and
almost inaudible.  "When you get here, use the cruise
missiles." 

"But you-!"  Kyouko protested. 

"The tentacles are at full extension!  I'll be safe!" 

"I have you on visual Arisa!  Hold her there!"  Kyouko said
as she locked all missiles on the trapped catgirl. 

Nuku Nuku saw the approaching aircraft and redoubled her
efforts.  She pulled and she tugged and she writhed, trying
to escape the tentacles that had her wrapped up. 

"Missiles!  Launch!"  Shouted Kyouko.  Her payload of cruise
missiles shot towards the tiny, glowing forms of Nuku Nuku
and the red battle armor. 

Nuku Nuku struggled, putting her all in one tremendous
effort.  A tentacle broke, then another.  The cruise
missiles darted towards her, closer and closer.  Nuku Nuku
ripped the rest off and ran straight towards Arisa. 

Arisa saw what the catgirl was planning and frantically
tried to get the armor mobile.  Her computer told her calmly
that the resulting feedback from the destroyed tentacles
snapped a conduit loop and that the armor was unable to
reroute any energy anywhere. 

Nuku Nuku dodged and weaved as the cruise missiles rained
down on her, each one learning from the others.  Their aim
got better and better, sometimes exploding withing inches of
the catgirl.  Finally, there was only one left, but this one
was locked dead on.  Nuku Nuku smiled happily as she
approached the tentacled Armor.  She leaped over the inert
form, tapping it lightly on the faceplate. 

"Tag!  You're it!"  Nuku Nuku giggled and ran away.  She was
having such a good time! 

The missile smacked into the MHI Battle armor dead on.  The
resulting explosion turning into scrap metal. 

Nuku Nuku looked on as Poison 2 hovered down and hauled out
Arisa from the Battle Armor and flew away.  The schoolgirl
android's ears twitched once, twice then snapped back into
it's standby mode. 

"That was fun!"  Nuku Nuku squealed to no one in particular,
throwing her arms up high in the air.  She surveyed her
surroundings, taking note of the caved-in buildings and the
scorched earth. 

"But I think sometimes Mishima plays too rough."  She added,
putting a finger up to her lips. 

----------------
--SMELLY CAT----
----------------

Six months ago, China...... 

The Jusenkyo Guide was having a quiet smoke, sitting on a
stone near the Spring of Drowned Anteater.  Hardly anyone
ever came to visit the Springs anymore. Which was just as
well, he thought, leaning back and sucking on his pipe.  In
his experience, of the many, many visitors that he has had,
most fell into a spring and got cursed.  It was nearing the
end of autumn, and the North Winds were picking up. 
Suddenly and without warning, the Guide jumped up, spun
around, and threw his pipe with deadly force. 

It's target lithely leaped out of harm's way.  The pipe
quivered where it had imbeded itself in the rock.  The cat
looked at it impassively, it's fur patched and matted, then
turned it's gaze to the guide.  It's right eye shone bright
with malice.  Its name, in the language of cats, was Greebo; 
which translated into human tongue would loosely be
"one-who-eats-your-entrails-and-likes-it".  It was a
fearsome tomcat.  One that had eaten the Guide's food many
times.  The Guide studied his adversary closely.  He would
not be so fearsome if he didn't have that damned left eye! 
The Guide thought, moving around the cat.  Indeed, as the
cat moved its head, tracking his movements, its blind left
eye shone in the murky light of autumn its milky appearance
making t he evil tomcat even look more menacing. 

"You demon!  Gouki!"  The Guide shouted.

"You will not get it this time, honorable demon from hell,"
the Guide muttered.  His hand went to the small package tied
securely to his back.  His lunch will not be stolen today. 

The cat leaped, claws extended.  The Guide ducked and ran
under the cat, nudging it in the air.  Losing its
trajectory, the cat landed on its back, sliding towards the
pool. 

There was a splash.  The guide turned back to see what
happened.  The cat, in the process of sliding, knocked a lot
of dirt and loose stones into the pools.  Indeed, there were
many pools who's surfaces still rippled.  The Guide surveyed
the scene carefully.  after a full minute, nothing emerged. 
The Guide thanked the gods that he was rid of the evil
tomcat, although he would have to find out later which
spring it drowned in so he could change the signs.  The
Guide, happy that his food was not stolen whistled gladly
away. 

A hand emerged from the pool.

Followed by the rest of a soggy, well-built young man.  He
surveyed the scene around him, his left eye milky and blind. 

"Waaaant fooood," he meowled menacingly and stalked off.

------------------------------------------
--HURRICANE!  (Capricious She is Not!)----
------------------------------------------

"Why are you moving again?" Kyosuke asked his cousin.

Akane screwed her face up, like she just ate something sour. 
"I'll let my dad explain." 

A pink mist enveloped the room, and in Akane's place stood
her father, a rather plain businessman of moderate age. 

"Akane," he said.  "Some tabloids have been snooping around
our trash again.  I think someone has found out about your
secret.  I regret that we may have to move." 

"Cool!  Great impression of uncle!"  Kurumi and Manami
clapped.  The twins were also helping their shapechanging
cousin pack. 

"Anyway," Akane said, dispelling her father's image. 
"That's that." 

"Where are you moving though,"  Kurumi sniffed, getting all
weepy-eyed. 

"Tokyo,"  Answered Akane, "Oh, don't," she said, noticing
Kurumi's face.  "I mean, sure we can't just do this-," she
said, disappearing from view and reappearing behind the
twins.  "-to each others houses." 

"We never lived close enough to do that," Kyosuke protested. 

"See?"  Akane smirked.  "It'll be like nothing changed." 

Kurumi brightened after that.  Manami nodded at her younger
twin's change in attitude.  "Where exactly in Tokyo are you
moving?"  Manami asked. 

"Nerima District," Akane answered back.

-----------------------------------------------------
---ANYTHING GOES!  (Martial Arts or Otherwise!)------
-----------------------------------------------------

"WAKE UP, STUPID!  WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!"  Akane Tendo
shouted as she flung open the door to Ranma and his father's
room.  Akane, in uniform already, looked with disgust. 
Ranma was snoring hard and loud.  Genma-panda had a pillow
stuffed in his ears and w as also adding some window
rattling snores of his own. 

Akane walked up next to Ranma's futon, putting her face near
his.  She studied her fiance's face.  He  really_was_handsome,
she decided.  And strong as well.  Now if he was just a
little less--- Ranma, as tactful asleep as he is awake,
snorked at her.

"RANMA, GET UP!!"  She shouted in his face, causing him to
start awake, jump up a good ten feet in the air and land on
his head. 

"Can't you just be just a little bit nicer?"  Frowned Ranma,
still on his head, his body bent unnaturally. 

"I was being nice," Akane said sharply.  "See?"  She said,
holding up a bucket of water.  She gave him a sarcastically
sweet smile.  "I didn't pour this on you.  Now get dressed." 

-------------------------------------------------

Kasumi, the archetypal traditional Japanese woman wrapped
two lunches carefully.  She held them out in front of her,
then counted to herself.  Five... four... three... two... 
one... 

"ThanksKasumibye!"  Akane and Ranma said, racing by and
grabbing their lunches. 

Akane and Ranma ran for the school. 

"Hey, did you see on tv last night?"  Ranma asked as he ran
along the top of a fence.  Contrary to popular belief, Ranma
never ran on fences because it made him look cool, or
rebellious, or anything like that at all.  In fact, Ranma
never used to run on f ences at all before his
transformation.  He figured that the higher off the ground
he was, the less chance of him getting accidentally hit by
stray water. 

"See what?"  Akane frowned.  She hated it when Ranma knew
something that she didn't. 

"Tomobiki High got demolished yesterday," Ranma said,
leaping over another fence post.  "Something about
missiles." 

"So that's what those explosions were," Akane said,
referring to the loud noises they heard the day before. 

They rounded the corner, still running at a good clip. 
Akane checked her watch, she saw that they still had about
five minutes. 

"Akane!"  Ranma shouted, making Akane look up.  A delivery
truck careened headlong down the sidewalk.  Akane tried to
avoid it but tripped, sending her falling into the path of
the out of control vehicle.  Ranma launched himself off the
fence, diving towards Akane.  Time seemed to slow down for
Ranma, as he cursed himself for not being quick enough. 
Akane went down hard.  Dazed, she still tried to get out of
the vehicles way.  She was inches away from injury when a
blur whipped past Ranma and snagged Akane.  The truck
swerved some more, then smashed into a tree, it's contents
spilling into the street. 

Ranma's perception of time went back to normal.  He saw the
strange boy talk intensely to Akane for a moment the jumped
high over the crowd and disappeared. 

"Akane," Ranma asked pensively.  "Are you alright?"

------------------------------------------------

Akane was saved from injury.  She knew that the experience
lasted only a handful of seconds, but to her, it seemed like
an eternity.  She remembered thinking about what death was
going to be like, and how she'll miss her family.  And
Ranma, whom she never got the chance to tell that she lov-

At this point Akane remembered the boy who saved her. 
Dressed in strangely familiar tattered clothing, he snatched
her from the jaws of death, his movements fluid, catlike. 
He shielded her with his body until the truck was past.  She
remembered looking at his face, the left side of it had
three scars running down from above the eyebrow down to the
middle of his cheek.  His left eye was covered with a black
eyepatch which, strangely enough, did not remind Akane of a
pirate but of Yagyu Jubei.  His eye.  Akane remembered
clearly how his eye had looked.  His one visible eye
glittered with amused mischief, as it it had all been a game
to him.  It was golden, his eye was, like it contained pure
sunlight.  Akane remembered the feel of his muscles.  He
radiated a kind of greasy sexuality that Akane could barely
resist. 

She saw that Ranma was heading over, yet did nothing to
disengage herself from the stranger.  He smiled, his canines
sharp, tiny points.  And then he spoke. 

"Waaant foood.  Pleeaase?"  He hissed.

Akane was taken aback by the request.  She handed her lunch
over to him.  He took it gratefully.  "Thaaank you," he
said, in labored Japanese.  He prepared to depart, Akane
grabbed his hand. 

"W-what's your name?"  She asked.

He considered for a moment.  Then he smiled again, a catlike
glitter in his eye.  "Yuu Gouki."  And with those words, he
swiftly left the scene. 

Akane's mind snapped back to the present.  Ranma was fawning
over her, his face obviously displaying his worry.  "I'm
alright," she smiled. 

"Hey," Ranma noticed.  "Where's your lunch?"

"Akane!"  Shouted Ryoga, running down the street.  "I saw
the whole thing from down the street!  Are you ok?" 

"Of course she is!"  Ranma snapped.  "You actually think a
measly truck can hurt this tomboy?" 

"THANKS A LOT, RANMA!"  Akane shouted, bringing down a much
deserved mallet on Ranma's fool head.  "I'm going to class!" 
Akane grabbed her bag, leaving in a huff. 

"You deserved that," Ryoga smirked at the still twitching
Ranma as the former walked off. 

Ranma rubbed his head angrily.  What was she so angry about? 
He thought.  She said she was alright, right?  Ranma got to
his feet and was about to leave when he saw the crowd
milling around the crashed truck.  He walked over, seeing as
he was late for class anyway. 

Masamune Ryouji tried his hardest.  "I'm telling you!  There
was a giant tiger-striped cow in the road!  Around the
corner!  I swear!" 

The crowd around him shook their heads in sympathy.  "Hit
his head," said one.  "Must've, why else would he say such
crazy things?"  Added another.  "Maybe he's been drinking?" 
Said a student, since there were many of those in the crowd. 

Ranma headed for class.  "A tigercow?"  He wondered,
scratching his head

-------------------------------------------------

Shutaro Mendo leaned out the window as the pilot began the
countdown. 

"Five... four.... three... two.... one....  Mark!"  Shouted
the pilot as the heir of the Mendo Conglomerate leaped clear
of the plane into the blue sky beyond.  Minutes later, he
made a perfect two-point landing, wowing the Furinkan crowd. 

"I guess he does that every time he transfers school,"
shrugged Megane, leader of Lum's Stormtroopers. 

-------------------------------------------------

Ataru walked glumly to school.  Which, by the way, was now
much farther since Tomobiki was getting rebuilt.  He
approached the gates of Furinkan High slowly.  He had to
admit, it looked newer than Tomobiki did.  He saw some
Furinkan girls looking at him and pointing, whispering to
each other.  Ataru thrust out his chest and held his head
high.  He swaggered towards the girls, who giggled as he
approached. 

"They can't resist me," snickered Ataru inwardly.  He was
going to like it here.  The girls here definitely
appreciated a good thing when they see it. 

Finally, one of them broke off from the rest and approached
him. 

"Your fly is open."  she said as Ataru dropped to the ground
in embarassment. 

----------------------------------------------------

Akane squeezed through the halls of a suddenly overcrowded
Furinkan High.  What was going on?  She spotted Nabiki
hanging out near the door of her class.  Akane waved to her
with difficulty since the hall was so packed.  Eventually,
she was able to push and shove and elbow herself a path
towards her sister. 

"Hi!"  Nabiki greeted.  "Glad you made it,"  she added
sarcastically. 

"What is this?"  Akane asked with obvious irritation. 

"Haven't you heard?  Tomobiki was destroyed," replied Nabiki
as one of her spies darted in, whispered something in her
ear and disappeared. 

"So?"  Akane asked. 

"They transferred all the Tomobiki students over here," she
continued, writing some info down. 

"Yo, what's with the crowd?"  Ranma asked, leaping over
dozens of heads and landing unerringly in the one small
space unoccupied by a student body.  Ranma shuffled towards
the group and ended up beside Akane.  They explained the
situation to him just as the PA system came on. 

"Aloha!  This is Principal Kuno!  Since our student
complement seems to have doubled when I was in Hawaii, the
first period bell will ring in approximately three minutes. 
Aloha, and have a hawaiian sunrise morning!" 

A commotion caught their attention as student bodies flew
into classrooms.  The cause was revealed to be one red-faced
teacher with killer sideburns. 

"EVERYBODY!  INTO CLASS!  NOW!  C'MON!  I MEAN IT!"  Shouted
Onsen-Mark.  Shoving students into classrooms. 

The three said their hasty goodbyes and headed for their
respective classrooms.  Akane and Ranma's first period class
was packed, all desks were occupied by both Furinkan and
Tomobiki students. 

"Man, Onsen's really grouchy today," Chibi complained,
squeezing through the door.  The other stormtroopers were
already in the room and had gotten themselves some seats. 

"Hey, Sato!  How about giving me my desk back, huh?"  Ranma
asked a friend who was sitting in his desk. 

"No way, Saotome!"  Sato grinned. 

Ranma took a seat besides Akane and was about to dig into
his bag when he got the eeriest feeling.  Ranma glanced over
to his left and saw a pink haired girl with a cheerful if
not slightly vacant expression on her face. 

"Oh, I wonder why Papa-san would send me to such a crowded
school?"  Nuku Nuku blinked open-mouthedly beside Ranma. 

"Akane," Ranma quivered.  "Could we trade places?" 

"Why?"  Akane asked, irritated because Ranma interrupted her
conversation. 

Ranma couldn't understand why this cute, slightly
off-centered girl made him more nervous than Kodachi did. 
But he'll be damned before he told Akane that a mere chick
intimidated him. 

"Never mind.  It's nothing Akane," Ranma answered nervously. 
He smiled at Nuku Nuku, who started talking to him
animatedly.  Oh, well, he was just going to have to grin and
bear it for now. 

"Did someone call me?"  Akane Kasuga asked, walking up to
Akane Tendo.  She almost didn't make it to the school this
morning, getting bad directions from a boy wearing a yellow
and black bandanna. 

"He was talking to me," Akane Tendo explained.  "Akane
Tendo," she introduced herself. 

"Akane Kasuga, at your service."  Returned the latter. 

"Hey, babe!  How's about a kiss?"  Ataru said, puckering his
mouth and diving for Akane Tendo.  He was met halfway by
both Akane's fist and Ranma's foot.  Ataru slid off and
jumped in front of Ranma. 

"YOU!  Who do you think you are?"  Ataru shouted, rolling
his sleeves up and jabbing a finger at Ranma's face.  "What
right do you have in interferring with my romancURCK!" 

Ataru toppled as the eraser that hit him in the face slid
off.  Onsen-Mark stood at the podium, red-faced and
sweating. 

"For those that do not know me, I am Onsen-Mark!  I will be
your new Study Hall teacher," Onsen said, sitting down at
his desk. 

"Hey, Onsen!  Lighten up, huh?"  Megane shouted from the
back. 

"Shut up!" 

"How about you, baby?"  Ataru said, sidling up to another
Furinkan girl.  "Wanna go out on a date tonight?" 

"Darling!"  Lum said, flying up and giving Ataru a close and
personal electrocution. 

"Wow!  This is going to be fun!"  Nuku Nuku burst out
happily, to the sighing delight of some of the males near
her. 

"This is gonna be hell," Ranma grieved.

------------------------------------

LOVER BLUE

Is it still us after all?
Still one after this?

[Silhouetted against the sunset are two people with their
backs to each other]

Did you fall in love already,
found someone to kiss?

[We follow a tear as it tracks a path down the female's cheek]

Isn't it enough
that we are what we are?

[Peach blossoms fill the air]

When was it
when our love went sour

[They walk away from each other]

//Chorus//

It seems like forever and a day
forever and a day
forever and a day

[The boy is shown outside of town taking one last look, then
he turns and walks away]

Oh you're so far away
so far away 
so far away

[The girl fishes under her bed and pulls out a box]

I still have
that red balloon you gave me
I still have
that red balloon you gave me

[She pulls out a red balloon with the words "I Love You" on it]

Farewell and Goodbye
my Lovely Swan
Perhaps my chance
had come and gone

[A split screen shot of him and her, looking at the endless sky]

END OF  EPISODE 000:  CRISIS!

=========================
FURINKAN CRASH!
story concept:  Sarah Honeywell
written by:  Sarah Honeywell
=========================