On Sun, 31 Aug 1997, White Wolf wrote:

On Sun, 31 Aug 1997, Nicholas Leifker wrote:

to about it.  She was very supportive of me, offering me advice and help 
through this crisis, and gave a reprieve from writing "Clothes" until I 

The fics.  It appears there is no chance they will be finished now.

Also, I expect there is no chance Hitomi will respond to mail asking if
anyone else can continue them.

Suggestions, anyone?  Some of those stories beg to be finished.

	
	I have two ideas. They aren't very good ideas, but they are all I
have.

	1) Request all the information that Twister had on Hitomi/Chris
and try to find her iRL, and if that information is enough to help
us to find her, invite her back to the list.

	2) Hitomi's provider must have her address and phone number. WAIT!
Yes, I _know_ that they wouldn't release that information to the general
public. But perhaps one of our Canadian comrades can get in touch with the
ISP and ask them to forward a message from us to Hitomi, requesting her to
get in touch with one of us. I'll volunteer. If she's willing, Hitomi can
call me collect, any time she wants to.

	Masks.. can sometimes be all that we have, you know. I went
clinically insane for several months after what had happened to me in
Germany, and I only recovered a sort of sanity by hiding behind a mask,
pretending I was someone I was not. Pretending that the deaths didn't
matter.

	Folks - for those of you who are offended that Hitomi lied to you,
consider this... for her sanity's sake, she might not have had a choice.

	Bert Van Vliet called me a while ago.. he said he was worried
about me. Why? Jeanne had called him. Why? I'd been on IRC, and she showed
up, and happened to hear what I was doing at that moment. Namely, I was
playing russian roulette with my old service issue .38 revolver.

	Twister, Timerunner.. all the rest of you.. sometimes the pain can
surpass the ability to handle it. I'd like to think that you'd agree with
me when I say that building a false identity on the net and then trying to
_become_ that identity may be somewhat sick... but it's still quite
healthy compared to what I was trying to do some nights ago.

	You take offence at Hitomi trying to live a lie, and trying to
make YOU believe IN that lie... yet suicide doesn't offend you? Somehow
suicide is more morally _right_ than what Hitomi tried?

	I can't judge. Never really could. Which is why, I suppose, I've
kept the .38. It's dissasembled right now and can't be fired... but I'm
beginning to wonder if that was a mistake. 

	Talk to you later.

	maybe.

	ed