I told myself I wasn't going to do any more of this.
Guess I lied. I just want to add that I am not competing with
Robyn (why the hell would we compete over a really bad crossover
anyway!?!?) but I've noticed our ideas are similar, yet different.
So read both, read neither, read one or the other, they're both
bad.. :) (I am not attempting to do a complete story here - I'm
only picking and choosing scenes from the movie which seemed to
lend themselves to humor)
Flash Saotome
A Bad XOver
She looked at his 'dead' form. He was dressed in a loose
pair of black pants and a black silk shirt. She gazed at his face
and smiled a little.
She leaned down as if to kiss him, then pulled a bowl of
ramen from behind her back and waved it under his nose. It was
her special, irresistible ramen; Ranma wouldn't be able to resist
it, he was only an Earthling.
As the scent of the food wafted into his nose, his eyes
fluttered open. He looked at Shampoo a little confused. "Where
am I?"
"Back from dead."
"How?"
"I make you live again."
He sat up suddenly. "Akane!"
Shampoo's hand was on his chest. "Quiet or guards hear.
If guards find, both in big trouble."
Ranma relaxed a bit. He didn't want to be caught again.
"How do I escape?"
"Wear this." Shampoo handed him a rather spiffy looking
red shirt and some black slippers. "You blend in."
Ranma took the clothes and got out of the large coffin
decorated with panties. He looked at Shampoo.
"I no look," she said, knowing what he want wanted. She
turned her back and allowed him to dress. Of course, Ranma didn't
know about the mirrored ceiling, which Shampoo was looking up at.
"Hurry. We go now," she said smiling, her eyes slightly sultry.
"I thought we were goin' to rescue Akane!" The two were
cruising along in one of the wedge-like, panty-shaped shuttles,
Shampoo at the controls, heading away from Mongo.
"We get help. Prince Mousse help."
"Mousse? You mean that guy with the panties back in the
palace?"
Shampoo giggled cutely and Ranma felt his face turn red.
"Mousse fool. He do anything for Shampoo."
"I think we should go back and get Akane," Ranma said
stubbornly. He didn't think messing around with Prince Mousse was
such a good idea. He was one of the Emperor's subjects...
"Is no good idea. Akane under heavy guard. She in royal
bedroom."
"WHAT?! We're goin' back right now!" Ranma moved to grab the
controls.
"No, Ranma! Mousse help us. He hate Emperor too. Akane not
be harmed. Need reinforcements. Mousse have many strong warriors."
That seemed to calm Ranma a little. "Well, I suppose. But I
still don't like the idea."
"Good. I call Mousse now." A transparent cylinder, open in
the front, dropped down around Shampoo's head. It glowed briefly,
then again, and then was raised back out of the way.
"What was that?" Ranma asked.
"You no know telepathy?"
"Telepathy? You mean like talkin' with your mind?"
"Yes. I just talk to Mousse."
"Can I talk to Akane with this?"
"No. Is too dangerous."
Ranma looked at Shampoo for a moment, then grabbed the
controls and pointed the ship toward what appeared to be a huge block
of ice, floating in the multi-colored space.
"Aiyah! What you do? We crash in Fridgia! We die!"
"Show me how to talk to Akane!"
"Pull up or we die!"
"Show me!"
Shampoo looked at the rapidly approaching ice and sighed.
"OK. I show you."
Ranma relaxed and released the controls, allowing Shampoo to
steer the ship back toward Arboria.
Shampoo flicked a small switch and a cylinder above Ranma's
head dropped down.
"Now think of Akane. Think hard!"
"Ranma knit his brow and concentrated on Akane. 'Akane?'
Akane sat up in the big pink bed, her head splitting. "Oh,
what was that? I'll kill that little pervert!" She groaned and
started massaging her temple. 'Oh, Ranma...'
'Akane?'
Akane looked around, startled. 'Ranma, now I'm even hearing
your voice.'
'Akane, it's really me!'
'Ranma? But I thought you were dead?' Akane had a finger to
each temple and was staring off into space, as if Ranma's ghost were
hovering close by.
'I was! But Shampoo brought me back to life!' At that point,
Shampoo had pulled out a bowl of steaming fresh ramen for Ranma back
in the ship.
"I make specially for you, Ranma." She held the bowl out to
him.
"Thanks, Shampoo. I'm starved." He took it and began slurping
it down.
'Shampoo? Oh, well where are you now?'
'Headin' for Arboria. Shampoo says Prince Mousse will help us
rescue you. man this is good ramen'
'What? What was that?'
'Oh, nothin'. It'll just be good to see you again.'
Shampoo was watching Ranma eat the ramen with obvious glee.
"Ranma like?"
Ranma nodded, and slurped up some more noodles.
'Uh oh, Ranma. I'd better go. It sounds like there's someone
coming.'
'OK, we'll save ya as soon as we can, Akane. this is the best
ramen I ever had'
'I didn't quite catch that last bit.'
'Oh nothing. I'll be there as soon as I can. Bye.' Ranma
finished off the bowl, smiling weakly.
Shampoo took the bowl as the cylinder lifted back up, off
Ranma's head. "There Arboria now. Don't worry, Mousse help."
Ranma eyed the greenish mass wearily. It looked rather...
dubious.
***
Tofu found himself strapped to a long metal table, held down
by garter belts. There was a series of view screens up by the
ceiling, currently showing his face.
The man he recognized from the palace, in the black and gold
gi, was there, looking at some instrument panels. A young woman with
long black hair, tied in a pony tail off to the side, was there with
him. She was dressed all in black.
The man turned and looked critically at Tofu. "Why you would
ever do such a crazy thing..." He shook his head. "Foolish boy." He
turned to look at the young woman. "Don't go above level three. He
probably couldn't take that much training."
"I understand, Genma. Nothing above three." The young woman
nodded, looking at Tofu sagely.
"Good." Genma looked down at Tofu. "The Emperor has use for
you yet." Genma then strode out of the room.
The young woman then gave Tofu a wide smile.
"What... what are you going to do to me?" Tofu asked, afraid
his brain was about to be lazed from his skull.
"Don't worry," the young woman said, stifling a laugh. "We're
only going to empty your mind."
"Empty my mind?"
"Yes, as if we had emptied your pocket. Don't be concerned,
it's been well-tested on the kingdom's peasants." She turned to a
bald man sitting at a console. "Level six!"
"But General Kodach..."
"HOHOHOHOHO! Level 6!"
A beam of light came from the large piece of machinery pointed
at Tofu's forehead...
***
"Oh my! I couldn't possibly."
"Sure ya can. Even serving girls are allowed to live it up a
little." Akane held the glass out to the girl. "What's your name?"
"Kasumi."
"Well, Kasumi, let me tell ya, it's good stuff."
"But I'm not allowed..."
"Come on. I won't tell. It's just us girls here." Akane
smiled at Kasumi. "Have a drink."
Kasumi looked at the little glass full of greenish liquid.
"Well, I suppose just a little wouldn't hurt..." She set down the
tray and took the glass from Akane's hand.
"Thatta girl." Akane poured her own glass and sipped from it
as Kasumi tried her own.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Ack! This is awful, just awful! I can't believe how much this movie
begs to be fusioned/xovered, whatever you want to call it. Damn, I'm
feeling inspired to do more of it too... *growl*
Previous part (and other stuff) on my web page at:
http://www.emich.edu/public/llb/fanfic.html
Lara