Legend of Lujen(c) 
  
Notes and Disclaimers at end of text. 
                            Chapter 4: Unusual Travel Mates
  

    The grassy plains stretched  into the horizon. The sun was burning
hot, and the only outstanding feature, apart from the
occasional foliage, was the small dirt road which bisected the green
praire. Amazingly enough, a lone figure was traveling the
road; a young man, 20-ish, with a head  full of  jet black hair,
carrying a traveling backpack and dressed in travelers clothes,
with a samurai sword dangling from his right hip, and a yellow and black
bandana strapped to his forehead. 
The traveler seemed to be engrossed in his thoughts, walking with his
head down and a faraway look in his eyes. He probably
would have continued on like that for a few hours, had not 4 armed men
spranged up from behind a few trees and stood in his
way. 
    "Give us all your money, boy, and we'll let you live" the guy who
was apparently the leader said. 
Amazingly, the traveling swordsman kept on walking towards the men,
without changing his attitude. 
    "Hey, you deaf?" the leader said, GIVE US ALL YOUR POSSESIONS OR YOU
WILL DIE!" 
The traveler kept on walking. 
    "He's asking for it, boss," one of the thieves said. 
    "Xalas, Gorly, give it to him!" 
Two of the bandits sprang upon the traveler, their swords raised high.
What happened next was too fast for the naked eye.
Incredibly, the bandits ran past the zombie traveler, without attacking
him. 
    "Hey, you IDIOTS! What are you doing??" 
The head thief had barely finished this sentence as they both fell to
their feet a few feet behind the traveler, blood gushing from
their stomachs. 
    "Wha- what the?" 
    "Your friends are dead. I recommend you leave me alone before you
suffer the same fate as they did," The traveler
answered ,without lifting his head, or changing direction or pace. He
just kept on walking through the road. 
    "How did you kill them? I didn't even see you draw!" 
The traveler kept on walking. 
The head  bandit turned to the third bandit who was something of a
mastodon, "Bolvo, attack!" 
    "Yes master!" The ogre named Bolvo raised his club upon the
swordsman, and right before he brought it down the head thief
could have sworn he saw a small flash of light. Bolvo brought it down
with all his might. Unfortunately for him, all he brought
down was a stub. The rest of his club lay hacked in small, wooden pieces
on the ground. The traveler kept on walking. Bolvo,
who was perplexed by this, just sat down scratching his head, wondering
what had gone wrong. 
    The chief bandit was out of his mind, "Huh? Who the hell are you?
How did you do that???" *This bozo thinks he's going to
best me?* The bandit thought, *I shall have to use my secret lightning
attack on him!* 
 "Very well, then, die!" the thief snarled. He charged at the stranger
with unreasonable speed. The attack was lightning fast- he
couldn't even see his own slashes. Yet his sword never made contact with
the stranger's body. All he heard was the clashing of
steel against steel. *How is he doing this???* he wondered. *I'll have
to redouble my efforts...* The bandit continued his
frenzied attack with even greater force and skill, driving himself to
the limits. *No way he can defend himself against this for
long* 
He was surprised when the stranger answered his thoughts with a
perfectly calm voice, and without the slightest indication of
physical exertion, 
    "Old thief, you bore me. Your attacks are too slow. Please don't
waste my time." 
That said, the bandit's sword was driven out of his hand and thrown
backwards some twenty something feet by the
swordsman's weapon. The bandit himself was thrown on his back a couple
of feet,  heaving and panting. The swordsman
walked up to him. "W-who are you (wheez wheez), stranger who bested me
in combat?" the thief panted. 
    "My name is Hibiki Ryouga, yet I'm better known as the Wandering
Swordsman." 
    "You- you are the Wandering Swordsman?" 
The old thief's attitude change greatly at the mention of the legendary
name. Namely,  from antagonistic to ass-kisser. The
beaten man widened his eyes in surprise. 
    "You are somewhat dull for a thief, aren't you?" 
    "Oh, excuse me, your highness, please, it was not my intention to
upset your great Swordmanship," he groveled. 
    "Oh, stop i,t" Ryouga answered. 
    "Yes sir, yes. I will sir. Yes sir. It's just that I cannot believe
that you are the Wandering Swordsman, the fighting spirit who
endlessly walks the face of the Earth..." 
Ryouga turned somewhat red for a reason. "That's enough," he told the
thief. 
    "...adventurously killing all who oppose him, defeating whole armies
just to complete his supreme objective..." 
Ryouga was clearly embarrased.  "Shut up!" he barked. 
    "... of remembering where he lives..." 
Ryouga's face resembled a beet by now. 
    "...and more importantly, how to get there!" The thief concluded,
"Yes sir, the legend of the eternally lost swordsman is one
of the most famous-" 
    "I have no need to hear it again, you bag of mold! I know I am
unable to reach my home! You don't have to repeat it!" 
The thief returned to his prior groveling, "Yes sir. So sorry sir. I
didn't mean to offend your lordship. God knows one forgets
many things. Even how to find one's home. Yes sir. So sorry." 
This time Ryouga just ignored him. After a while of reflection, he
directed himself again to the thief, 
    "Say, what were you doing stealing here, anyways? Almost nobody ever
uses this road- why would you mug people here?" 
The thief stuttered, "Uhm... ah, we're pretty stupid thieves, your
lordship. Please forgive our ignorance." 
    "Really?" Ryouga asked, clearly not believing the story. 
 The thief recognized his bluff had been called. "Uhm... well, actually,
it wasn't quite like that. You see, we were told that your
inmense self would travel through these parts, and we wanted to meet you
in person, Great One." 
Ryouga raised his sword and pointed it at the man's throat. "Cut the
bull, please." 
Amazingly, the thief seemed reluctant to talk, as if the consequences of
talking were worse than those of not talking. Ryouga
applied a little bit more strength, pushing the tip of his sword deeper
into the man's throat. 
    "Ok, ok! We were ordered by this man to find a lone traveler along
this lane who was carrying a magical sword- Once we
found him we were to take it from him and return it to our master." 
    "Is that it, then?" 
    "Of course!" 
    "And what is that magical sword you are refering to?" 
    "It's called the SoulEdge, your mastership," 
    "SoulEdge, huh? Hhhhmmm... could it be?" he mused. 
The thief looked expectantly at him. 
    "And that's all?" Ryouga asked. 
    "Yes! Yes!" the thief answered. 
    "Good. I have no more use for you." 
    "No! No! Please don't kill me, I swear I'll be good! Please!" 
    "Sorry- I already made my mind" 
SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! 
    After having peed on himself, the puny thief took his hands off his
eyes. He was alive! He turned his head and saw the
traveling swordsman leaving. Then he looked back at his body to check he
wasn't missing any limbs or such. That is when he
noticed the two parallel lines that the swordsman had ripped across his
shirt, which were united at opposite ends by a third,
diagonal line. The thief was confused. He turned around and yelled to
the distancing figure "Why did you do that?" 
Ryouga's voice, barely audible, replied, "My teacher used to do it. It
just stuck, I guess." 
The thief just looked onwards at the figure of the mysterious traveler. 

*** 

Ryouga kept on walking. How long had he been at it? Minutes? Half an
hour? A couple of hours? 
His worried mind could not tell- he was too busy reflecting  on the
age-old question: *How the Hell do I get Home?!?!* 
Thus he was surprised when he heard the rustling of a bush by the side
of the road. 
*In the name of Buddha, don't they ever get tired??* he wondered. 
"Come out now, thieves, so that we can finish this off quickly, ok?" he
said aloud to the bushes. 
No one came out- they kept on rustling. 
*Oh damn, so now they expect me to go get them?* 
He seemed to meditate for  second or two, and said to himself, "Might as
well get it over with..." 
He unsheathed his sword and advanced towards the bushes. The bushes kept
on with their rhythmic dance. 
    "You won't come out?" he said, "Very well, then I'll MAKE you!" 
Confidently, with his eyes closed, he attacked. His two hundred slashes
took a mere two seconds to perform. When he was
done there were no bushes left- just the cause of the rustling. 
Ryouga cockily said, "Now you can't hide from me, can you?" He opened
his eyes. What he saw was not what he expected.
Not thieves at all. They were a pair, white, and well-rounded. His first
reaction was to bleed profusely at the nose. A powerful
slap to his right cheek followed, and then everything went black for him
as his body shut itself down from the shock. 

* 

*Where am I?* Ryouga thought. The last thing he remembered was the
feeling of shock as his body fell to the ground. He
looked around- it was pitch dark. 
    "Is it nighttime already?" he wondered aloud. 
    "Uhm, you've got your eyes closed," a voice answered. 
Ryouga opened his eyes. A pair of big, black eyes stared back. 
    "AAAAAHHHHHH!" he yelled 
    "Whoa! Calm down!" the newcomer said. 
After his initial shock, Ryouga calmed down and looked at the person who
was addressing him. She was a foreigner, a
beautiful young girl with short, cropped black hair, big gorgeous black
eyes, and a refreshing smile. He gaped. In his view his
eyes were not large enough to take all of her in. A single thought
crossed through his mind, albeit in three parts: 
    *She.  Is.  Beautiful.* 
It was after a few moments into his daydreaming that he noticed that the
goddess was doing something. Talking to him, actually.
He was barely able to catch the last words and all that came out of him
was , "Huh?" 
    "I said, are you all right?" the angel asked. 
    "I, uhm, yeah, I think so," he said, checking for missing limbs and
such, "but what happ-" 
He cut himself in mid sentence as he suddenly remembered. His face
turned a bright shade of red and he stuttered, "Uhm, I'm
so sorry, I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to look at you- wait!
that doesn't mean you're ugly or anything, I just- what I
mean-" 
The enchanting sylph just emitted a short laugh which sounded like
tinkling bells and violins to Ryouga, "Don't worry! I know
you didn't do it on purpose. I shouldn't have been changing by the side
of the road in the first place." 
    "I'm really really sorry fair lady, and I- I-" 
        The girl was aware this was a real big issue for Ryouga so she
said, "Look, let's just put it aside and forget all about it,
ok?" Ryouga just answered with a clumsy nod after a moment of
indecision. *What a weird character* she thought. 
        Ryouga just stared at the maiden. After a moment's indecision,
she said, "I think we haven't been presented." 
He quickly reacted, "Oh, yeah. My name is Hibiki Ryouga, the Wandering
Swordsman. But you may call me Ryouga." 
    "Nice to meet you, Ree-oo-ga," she said as she tried to pronounce
the foreign name, "My name is Akane." She outstretched
her hand. Ryouga just looked at it. *Is she expecting to give me to give
her something?*. Akane just waited expectantly. She
finally ended by taking Ryouga's hand and shaking it, "Nice to meet
you." 
Ryouga experienced two sensations at that moment- one was confusion, for
he had no idea what a handshake was for. The
second one was estatical bliss as her hand touched his. 
    "God's wounds, her skin is as smooth as monumental alabaster..." he
muttered. 
    "What was that?" she asked. 
    "Uhm, nothing...I was just wondering... uhm, where are you from,
yeah, that's it , that's what I wanted to ask, where you're
from, because you really don't look from around here..." he blurted. 
    "I come from a place called Ithaca," she answered. 
    "Ithaca? There's no place around here called Ithaca...Wait, that
rings a bell...isn't that in Greece?" 
Akane nodded 
    "I think I've been there once.... Yeah, I remember now, I was trying
to get home, it was that time I was walking alongside
that really big chinese wall thingamajig and went _West_ instead of
_East_...met quite a number of interesting characters...I
wonder what became of Telemacus..." 
    "Oh! So you know my homeland?" 
    "Yes, I was there for awhile, I think. I often don't know where I
am, Akane." 
She seemed a little disheartened at that comment. 
    "What's wrong? Did I say something I shouldn't have?" Ryouga asked. 
    "Oh. No , no. It's just that I was hoping you'd know where we were,
as I am positively lost," she said as she smiled
sheepishly." 
    "Oh, I'm not _that_ lost. I know we're somewhere in Asia, that's for
sure. I guess we're somewhere in mainland China,
Akane." 
Akane opened her eyes wide, "China?!? I've made it all the way to here
already?" 
    "Well, now that you mention it, it is a looong way from Greece. Why
have you traveled so far?" he asked. 
Akane sighed, "Well, it's a real long story, Ryouga. You probably
wouldn't believe it." 
Ryouga pondered for a second, and then said, "Look, it's starting to get
dark. I have some provisions in my backpack. Why
don't we settle down for the night and you can tell me everything over
dinner, ok?" 
Akane quickly nodded her head when Ryouga mentioned dinner. Ryouga
looked at her questioningly. Akane looked sheepishly
at her feet, "It's just that I haven't had a nice meal in such a
while... getting food around these parts is hard, and God knows
cooking is not my forte..." 
Akane's confession made Ryouga more comfortable, as he had something he
could now offer this goddess, which he thought
he had none before, and laughed amiably. 
    "Well, then, let's set camp!" 

* 

The night was well advanced now, and two figures could be seen huddled
around a fire next to a grove of trees, chatting the
night away like old friends. Akane had been open and friendly to Ryouga,
which had helped to put him at ease- after all, he'd
been terrified he'd bleed again in the company of this beautiful girl.
They were enmeshed in conversation, each eager to know
each other's story. 
    "So you say it was actually your god Hephaestus who sent you? Come
on, you're kidding me!" Ryouga asked. 
    "No, I'm not. He appeared to me in a vision, and ordered me to find
it and destroy it," Akane answered. 
    "A God appeared to you and told you to find it?" Ryouga incredously
asked, yet again. 
Akane looked off into the darkness, "The gods are not dead, Ryouga. They
exist, and watch us even now. They do not have to
be present for them to exist. They probably prefer solitude, that's
all." 
She turned back to face him. 
    "You probably believe I'm crazy, don't you?" she asked. 
    "Of course not, Akane! I'd never doubt your word," he replied. After
a while, he asked, "Wasn't Hapheastus the God of
Smiths? Why would he, of all people, want to destroy it?" 
    "The story is a long one, Ryouga. Firstly, the SoulEdge was not
created by him, as many say. It was made by an evil entity,
some centuries back; when, who, or where, eludes even the gods
themselves. The sword itself is evil- it corrupts and pervades
its user. Throughout the centuries it has created strife and grief." 
Ryouga furrowed his eyebrows and listened attentively. 
    "One of the first recordings of its existence dates back to 932, to
the taking of the city of Toledo" she continued, "by
Abd-ar-Rahman III, Caliph of what was then Moorish Spain. Of course, the
Spaniards have all but kicked them out by now,
but back then he attained the fullest of powers." 
     "It then passed on through different hands. We know one of its last
users was the Mongolian conqueror Ghenghis Khan,
during the early 13th century; it was stolen from his grave and the last
reports of it were towards the end of the Christian
crusades, very late in the 13th century. It was lost, then, when the
Ottoman Empire took over the last Christian settlements and
the land was full of chaos. It hasn't been seen since... until now." 
    "And you say it's somewhere around here, right?" 
She nodded. "They told me I had to travel east to find it." 
Ryouga shook his head. "I don't understand why they sent you to destroy
it." 
    "It has created enough destruction in the world, and the Gods have
decided to put an end to it. That's why they sent me." 
He shook his head again, "No, that's not what I mean. What I don't
understand is why they would send a woman to do a man's
job- it's way too dangerous." 
Akane's veins popped up at that comment. 
    "WHAT?!" 
    "I said that women shouldn't-" 
    "I heard you all right!  It's that "women shouldn't do it" part
which I didn't like!" 
Ryouga looked ashamed of himself *You baka* he thought, *You've angered
her now! Why did I have to put my foot in my
mouth?" 
    "I'm sorry, Akane. I didn't mean to offend you." 
Her anger faded quickly enough, "That's okay. Besides, I'm not as ill
prepared as you think." 
    "Huh?" 
    "Come here, Ryouga, look at this," Akane said, as she turned around
to retrieve something. When she was facing Ryouga
again she was holding her sword in her scabbard. 
    "Nice sword, Akane, but having one isn't really going to help you
much. You've gotta know how to use it." 
    "Of course I know how to use a sword! My father runs a gladiator
training grounds- an old family business. But that's not it-
look!" 
As she said this she drew the sword from its scabbard. At first all
Ryouga saw was a plain short sword, light enough to be
easily manipulated by Akane. It was well crafted, with a handsome hilt
and crossguard which had greek inscriptions on them,
but nothing out of the ordinary. After a couple of seconds, though, he
noticed it was giving a faint, blue glow. 
    "Wow... how'd you do that?" 
Akane smiled proudly, "It was a gift from Hepheastus himself. He gave it
to me, as well as the shield, when he ordered me on
this mission." 
Ryouga looked at the shield which rested by Akane's bag. It was a round
bronze-like shield, with an eagle mottif in the center.
After a while he noticed that it too gave off a faint golden glint. 
    "The shield and sword's hardness surpass by far that of any common
weapon, plus, the sword posseses an
fighting-skill-enhancing spell, and the shield protects its user against
magical attacks." 
Ryouga whistled. 
    "Wow Akane, you're loaded! You're beautiful AND well-armed!" 
Akane blushed at Ryouga's comment. Ryouga quickly shut his mouth- how on
earth had he said such a thing? Ryouga was
normally shy around girls, and had never said anything like that before.
*Oh man she's going to slap me now for saying that* he
thought. 
    "Why... thank you, Ryouga." She finally said. 
    *Fwhee...*he thought. 
    "Ryouga?" she asked. 
    "Yes?" 
    "How come you know how to speak Greek?" 
    "I speak Greek?" Ryouga asked incredulously. 
    "You dummy! How do you think we've been talking since we met?!?!"
Akane said. 
    "I didn't notice Akane. It's just that I know so many, I never
notice which one I'm speaking. Last count I remember I was
speaking seventeen." 
    "SEVENTEEEN?!?! How's that possible?!?!" She asked, bewildered. 
    "I've been wandering all of my life, since as early as I can think
of. I've never stayed in once place, and always drifted from
here to there. Because I travel so much I've had to learn all those
languages. It's kind of a necessity for me. Besides, I've got a
natural ability for them. I think it's a counter-action to my
direction-dyslexia problem. I can't tell up from down, but speaking
languages comes easy for me. So much I don't even notice which one I'm
speaking in," he said. 
    "Wow... that's sure a lot." 
    "Yeah... but hey, I've got language, and you've got you magical
sword and a holy quest!" 
At the mention of her assignment her face fell a little. 
    "What's wrong, Akane?" he asked. 
    "It's just that... it all seems so difficult... and I'm worried
about my family..." she answered. 
    "Your family?" Ryouga inquired. 
    "Yes... my father and my two sisters." 
    "Hhhmmm..." 
  

***** 
  

 The sun shone mercilessly on the grassy plains, the grass withering
under the heat. A lone figure walked through the plains, dust
billowing behind him. With a battered straw hat, and a bent back, he
squinted at the horizon. His small dark eyes widened
suddenly, he seemed to perceive two figures riding on horseback, heading
his direction, but the dust made his eyes water.
When his eyes cleared, he found himself face to face with  two riders. 
     "Prithee tell, good peasant, which path yonder may  lead us to
Jusenkyo?" one of the riders asked in a haughty tone. 
 The old man walked right on by. 
     "My good man, let me not repeat myself, for 'tis a sin of the soul
to in wretchedness be insensible to others. Which way to
the place commonly known as the accursed springs of Jusenkyo?" the same
rider asked. 
 The old man kept on walking. A spatula landed in front of his feet,
neatly slicing the top of his well worn sandals. 
     "Which way to Jusenkyo, old man?" a different, female voice hissed. 
 The old man turned around to face them. "Who wants to know?" 
     "I, Tatewaki Kuno, Blue Thunder of the Outer Mongolian Highlands,
eminent heir to the proud chieftain Yoshi, my
progenitor" Kuno answered in a booming voice. 
     "Never heard from him," the old man answered. 
     "You have not answered my question old man," the female voice
hissed again, piercing. 
 The old man faced the other rider, who unlike Kuno, who was dressed in
one of his many imported silken kimonos, was
dressed in simple farmer's clothes. "Young lady, you shall wish you
never asked that question." 
     "My good man, I shall forgive thee thy insolence if you do pray
tell me which way Jusenkyo lies," Kuno interrupted. 
     "Look here, am I talking to you?" the old man shot back and turned
to face Ukyo. 
     "Which way to Jusenkyo," Ukyo repeated. 
 The old man cocked an eye at Ukyo and there was silence before he
answered. "To the west, three turns to the right, and
beyond the rainbow." 
 A spatula neatly encrusted itself on the old man's straw hat. 
     "Which way to Jusenkyo," Ukyo repeated. 
     "Never mind the peasant. Follow me, my bride-to-be Ukyo. I shall
find the way to Jusenkyo, as to worldly matters pertain,
my sense of direction is near to flawless," Kuno said, as he started off
to the east. 
 "Wrong way bud," the old man muttered. He then turned to Ukyo, "Why are
you traveling with such a moron?" 
     "Which way to Jusenkyo," Ukyo persisted. 
     "Tough lady aren't you? Well... all right, you go west until you
encounter a river, follow the river north and when you come
to a glade, that's where you will find Jusenkyo," the old man answered. 
 Ukyo started riding away. 
     "Wait!" the old man exclaimed. 
 Ukyo turned around. 
     "Why are you going to Jusenkyo?" the old man asked. 
     "To get married!" Ukyo answered jokingly, and rode off in search of
Kuno. 
 The old man looked pensive, stood quietly for awhile, and started
laughing. And when his tears dried out, he started walking. 

* 

     "Thanks to my incomparable sense of direction, I have found the
path that leads to the forsaken springs of Jusenkyo," Kuno
talked amiably, as he and Ukyo rode across the plains heading toward the
west. 
     "Suuuuure. You'd probably get lost on your way to the bathroom,
asshole," Ukyo muttered under her breath. 
     "Dearest Ukyo, I pray tell me, is there a matter that troubles you?
You are uncommonly quiet," Kuno asked. 
     "Nothing, just thoughts," Ukyo answered absent mindedly. 
*What am / still doing here?* Ukyo thought. *I could have left him in
the last village, but nooooo... I had to go back and save
his hide from being tacked onto the temple walls. How did I ever get
betrothed to this overgrown piece of puffed sexist, this
pathetic excuse for a man?* 
     "Ah, I understand. The melody of my harmonious voice is not to be
marred by conversation," Kuno rambled on. 
     "Mhhhhmm..." Ukyo responded vaguely. *There he goes again, babbling
on and on and on,* she thought. 
     "My lady, do you think we should get married upon our arrival to
Jusenkyo and spend our honeymoon there?" Kuno asked,
interrupting Ukyo's thoughts. 
 Ukyo nearly fell off her horse. 
     "Careful, my lady. Women shouldn't ride. They are incapable of
riding," Kuno reproached Ukyo. 
     "Thanks for your concern," Ukyo said  dryly. 
     "You are most welcome, my fair warrior." 
 Ukyo rolled her eyes and did all that was humanly possible to keep the
veins in her head from exploding. She had had enough,
she decided, "Kuno... haven't you ever wondered if women are not
inferior as you think them to be?" 
     "Ludicrous! It's implausible to think such a thought... I quite
clearly remember the teachings of a wise man of western
origin... how did it go?.... Oh, yes, 'Men are warriors, and women are
warrior's playthings' and 'when talking to women, take
along your whip'... ah yes," he said fondly, "I still remember my
western philosophy classes with much ache of heart...
'Nietzche' was the fellows' name, if I do remember correctly." 
Ukyo did all that was possible to keep herself from stabbing Kuno with a
spatula. She finally muttered, "Really?" 
Kuno, meanwhile, kept on blabbing his discourse, "Why, of course,
really, would I lie to thee? Now that you do mention it, the
latin root of the word also women to mind. You see, my dear Ukyo, 'man'
is derived from 'Homo Sapiens', and the vocal 'wo'
is a despective adjective used in vulgar latin, meaning usually 'stupid'
or 'useless'; thus became the word 'woman', or in other
words 'stupid Homo Sapiens', or female.." 
    "Ack?!?!" Ukyo exclaimed, gasping in rage *Just where did this
asshole get his education?* 
    "Ah, I do remember the wise counsel my daddy used to give to my
mother: 'If you want to avoid from getting whipped, obey
men'. Oh, those were the times!" 
Ukyo was definitely homicidal by now. 
    "I sincerely do not understand their inclination to go against the
wishes of their masters. I mean, if women have been
subservient to us for the last 50,000 years, why begin now? Right, my
little pet?" 
Ukyo clenched her hands, counted to ten, verrrry slowly and then...
sprang upon Kuno like a crazed wildcat, knocking him
down to the floor. She held a spatula to his throat, murder in her eyes. 
    "My...my... aren't we a little playful today?" Kuno asked. 
    "Kuno... darling... I'd killed you if I weren't a lady," Ukyo said
through clenched teeth. 
    "Why don't you kiss me instead?" Kuno asked and immediately found
himself surrounded by spatulas. 
    "I've had it buster... you shut your trap or I'll make you a
woman!!!" Ukyo hissed. 
    "Now...now isn't that my job? Make you a woman...." Kuno said before
he was knocked senseless due to the gigantic
spatula which fell over his cranium. 
  

***** 

    "Knock it off, Shampoo!" 
The cute Amazon was still glomping on to him. 
    "Iye, Ranma. Shampoo love you!" 
    "In the name of Christ, what did I ever do to deserve this?" Ranma
Saotome muttered under his breath. 
He and Shampoo were walking along a broad, crowded street in a Chinese
city they had managed to bump into. They were
attracting quite a number of stares, as Ranma was still wearing his
armor pads on his arms and legs, along with some on his
torso, and Shampoo was sticking to him like glue, with her ninja
clothing still on, and trying to murder any woman who came
within one meter of her prized Ranma. 
    "Shampoo," he said, not in a gentle manner, " you've got to stop
hurting other women!" 
Shampoo answered, "They wish to take Ranma away from Shampoo. Shampoo no
let them!" 
*In the name of Christ, what did I ever do to deserve this?* he thought
again. 
Just as he thought this a scrawny young man clothed in a simple shirt,
pants, and a sword, jumped out of the crowd towards
them. 
    "PRETTY LADY!" he yelled at Shampoo, with his arms outstretched,
"Would you want to go on a date?" 
Shampoo was taken by surprise. "Come on, Pretty Lady, date, date, date,
yes?" he yelled as he tried to grab her. 
    "Haiya!! Don't touch Shampoo there, you Hentai! Shampoo only belong
to Ranma!" Shampoo shrieked as she bopped him
on the head. He quickly stood up, despite the heavy blow to his head,
and kept on yelling, "Come on, pretty bimbo, go on a
date with me!" 
Ranma had reacted by now. He stood between them and angrily said, "Hey,
Pal, she's with me! Get your grubby hands off of
her!" The young man was about to respond some obnoxious answer when a
single word yelled throughout the crowd put a
sudden stop to him. 
    "CARROT!" 
Carrot's face was filled with fear, and he gulped. 
A beautiful pink-haired woman stepped out of the crowd, dressed as a
tantalizing SM queen. 
    "You know you shouldn't be flirting with other girls, Carrot," she
said in a deep, sexy voice. She uncoiled a whip. Carrot was
terrified, and tried to run the opposite way only to be stopped by a
second red-haired woman, also dressed as an SM queen. 
"Darling, how many times have I told you that I am the only woman for
you? Now I will have to punish you!" she said as she
too uncoiled a whip. 
The young man panicked and ran away into the crowd, only to be pursued
by the red-haired woman. The first one turned to
Ranma and Shampoo and said, "Sorry about this," only to join the fray. 
Ranma and Shampoo just blinked. 
    "Pretty crazy people in this town," Shampoo said. 
    "Yeah. Let's get the hell outta here before any of them return,"
Ranma said, and with that they mixed themselves into the
crowd again and disappeared out of sight. 

***** 

The night was getting old, yet the two figures were still chatting
amiably. 
    "You're sure you want to go with this, Akane?" 
The two of them had been chatting for hours now.  The sun was a couple
of hours away from being born. 
    "Yes, I am resolved to do this." 
They were quite comfortable with each other. 
    "But it's... it's so dangerous." 
And had become very good friends, given the short time they'd been
together. 
She smiled an evil grin, "For them, sure it is!" 
 Ryouga had been thinking all night. More so than what he often did
while on the road, which was a lot. The simple fact was,
that he had fallen in love with her. Each time he had gazed at her eyes,
peered at her silhouette, he had fallen into sweet ecstasy.
He had made his mind. He would go on with her, and never part her
company, even if it meant death. To hell with his home- he
could always make a new one, couldn't he? 
    "Akane... I, I.... I want to tell you something." 
    "Yes, Ryouga?" 
    "I'd like to acompany you on your quest. To help you." 
She looked at him questioningly, "Really? You'd be willing to risk your
life to help me finish this wild goose chase?" 
He nodded. 
    "And what about your responsibilities?" 
    "I don't have any- no family, no home *not any that I can find at
any rate, that is*- I'm the Wandering Swrodsman,
remember?" 
She smiled a huge smile back at him, "Oh, Ryouga, thank you! You're such
a great friend!" 
She approached him and shyly kissed him on the cheek. Ryouga's body fell
down yet again, with blood erupting from his nose.
As his head hit the ground his last pondering was how wonderful this
trip might become, given that he received more of those. 

***** 

Two figures were talking in the dark. This time, though, they were not
around a campfire, and definitely not in the countryside.
These particular figures were hunched together sitting at a table in a
dark corner of some nondescript bar somewhere in a city.
One was a dark-haired young man clad in armor- the other a purple haired
Chinese tart dressed in a ninja outfit. 
    "So you got the location of the legendary SoulEdge Sword from an old
man selling maps on a street corner?!?!" 
    "You no shout Shampoo! Shampoo think Ranma would not talk so much if
Ranma considered he got map pretty much same
way." She harrumphed. 
    "Hey, it wasn't my fault! Besides, I bought it in an alley, the guy
looked reputable, and I couldn't speak crap worth the
language, so how could  I have guessed that he was going to rip me off?"
Ranma shot back. 
    "Husband not much bright. Probably drink too much wine in Shermaly."
Shampoo responded. 
    "GERMANY! I've told you it's Germany! G-e-r-m-a-n-y!" 
    "So sorry. But don't have such strange names in my village." 
    "For someone who doesn't have strange names in her village you can
talk pretty well my language..." 
    "Me not speak language." 
    "Huh?" 
    She took a couple of seeds and showed them to him.
"Great-grandmother give me magic seeds. Seeds enhance
communication abilities." 
    Ranma rolled his eyes. Not quite believing, he said, "Yeah.
Whatever. By the way, where did you say your village is?" 
    "It is a Chinese village somewhat far from here, South of Big Ko
Rock." 
    "South of what? Of, forget it," he said, "Wait a minute- didn't you
say that ninja was a _japanese_ technique?" 
    "Yes. But that not mean it can not be used out of Japan, no?" 
    "So we both almost got killed for nothing, just because we both were
stupid enough to buy the same fake map?" he asked. 
    "Hai!" she answered. 
    "Oh man, this isn't my day..." Ranma said. 
    "Husband want a backrub?" Shampoo purred. 
    "No. And PLEASE stop calling me husband! I've told you I'm not going
to marry you!" 
    "That is what you say now. But later you marry Shampoo. You see." 
    "Whatever," he muttered, "I don't even know why I let you tag along
in the first place." 
    "Because husband is too heavy with armor to outrun lithe and gimble
Shampoo!" she answered smartly. 
    "Oh, please don't remember me of that..." 
    "Tsk, tsk. Husband is too slow. Maybe where you come from all people
fight with heavy armor, but here no. Ranma need to
be quick. Husband is very good, yes, but can not do much against quick,
lethal warrior. Have to find a way to fight quick, or
Husband's big sword might not save Husband for long..." 
    "If it might not save me for long, then how did I kill all those
guards back there in the temple? Huh? You're not going to tell
me they weren't all bad, now, are you?" 
    "Of course not. Some even mediocre-good. But winning easy for you
when fighting in close quarters of temple halls,and
guards have no space to evade big sword. But fight outside, and story be
different." 
    "Uhm, yeah, whatever. We'll take care of that when it comes. Right
now I'd like to know where the SoulEdge is located." 
Shampoo thought for a minute, "Hhhmmm... Shampoo know of two places
where it might be- or where might get information.
One is atop sacred mount of Lai-Ting. It is rumored a wise sage who
knows it all lives there. Second option is Cursed Springs
of Ju-sen-kyo. Shampoo have heard many legends of weird stuff which come
from springs. Also of knowledgeable guide who
live there, and know all about the area, and most importantly  my
great-grandmother be there, in training. She very wise
woman- know a lot about ancient lore and weaponry. She live in Amazon
vilage north of here, but practice in Jusenkyo. If still
alive." 
    "You mean you don't know if she's still alive?" 
    "Shampoo left Amazon village few years ago to come to other village,
where they teach how to become ninja. Shampoo's
village was women-dominated, and there was no way no become ninja there.
That is why Shampoo have to travel so much to
become ninja. But great-grandmother is very strong woman- I'm sure she
still alive. So, honorable husband, where do we go?" 
Ranma closed his eyes and thought. After a while he said, "Let's decide
tomorrow. Right now I just want to rest- I'm dead
beat." He stood up, "let's go to sleep- I already rented lodgings" 
Shampoo's face lit up automatically, "Haiya! Husband want to do Art of
the Pillow even before wedding? Yosh!! YATTA!!"
she squealed. 
    "Wait a sec- no one said anything about any art of anything- I got
us SEPARATE rooms." 
Shampoo's face fell. "Don't put that sad face and let's go up; I'm tired
and want to sleep!" he said as he guided a disappointed
Shampoo up the stairs of the establishment to the second floor of the
building, where the rooms were rented. 
  
  

**************************** 

Idiot's (<--that's me) Notes 

If you have read so far: Congratulations! I didn't think you'd make it. 
Here are some assorted notes: 

As always, thanks to those people who gave us feedback on our drafts,
especially our prereader Oscar Labrador. 

The part at the beginning where Ryouga makes a "Z" (two horizontal 
lines united by a third, diagonal line) on the guy's shirt- that's just 
a red herring from "El Zorro"- a little joke, and an allusion to the 
fact that Ryouga has wandered so far that he took fencing lessons from 
Diego de Lezandra (or whatever his name was) in California. Of course, 
that took place much, much later, but then again, I was never all that
good with dates. 

The part where Ryouga sounds like Kuno (the 'monumental alabaster' bit) 
was actually taken off one of Shakespeares' play (Othello, to be exact).
I just couldn't 
resist. 

How did you people like my language-barrier problem solution? 

Historical accuracy is pretty good when describing the history of the
Souledge, yet I wouldn't bet a penny on the historical
accuracy of whatever else that might be  mentioned. 

To offended readers: sorry about the Kuno monologue. It was just too
funny to leave out. 

The "the-god-hephaestus-sent-me-on-a-holy-mission-to-destroy-souledge"
plot device is copied right off the SoulEdge game.
Sorry, Namco. 

About the weird part, where a guy starts chasing Shampoo and two SM
(that's 
Sado-Masochism; NOT to be confused with Sailor Moon!) Queens start 
chasing him- that's from an anime show called Bakuretsu (Sorcerer) 
Hunters. It's a really cool show, available only through fansubs only. 
As with the Shakespeare bit, I couldn't resist. 

Some may notice I have Shampoo saying lots of japanese words and phrases
(Iye, Yatta, Yosh, Art 
of Pillow).  Gomen. 


PLEASE WRITE TO US TELLING US YOUR IMPRESSIONS, IDEAS, GRIPES, FEEDBACK,
ETC. ETC. ETC. 

"Ranma 1/2" and characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi. 
"SoulEdge" and characters are property of Namco. 
Everything else is a creation of our demented minds. 
Please don't rip us off, and please don't sue us... 

Luis Majluf <98lmajlu@amersol.edu.pe> 
Jennifer Yi <98jen@amersol.edu.pe> 
Homepage-->  <http://www.geocities.com/~ollantay/lujen/lujen.html> 

June, 1997