*	*	*	*	*
	A groan could be heard. The room was dark, musty, and cold. Darien could

CROW: Aw jeez, I just had a terrible flashback to Coming of Munihausen.
<Tom begins to vomit>
MIKE: Dammit Crow, it took Tom weeks to recover from that one!  And you just *had* to remind him, didn't you?
TOM: <cough> I'll be okay, really.
MIKE: I'll get some sawdust later.

feel his wrists being held up by chains, as well as the ankles atop his
feet.

TOM: As opposed to the ankles atop his forehead.

		 He struggled to think clearly enough and figure out just what
happened, but it was to no avail. He heard another groan.

CROW: Using his Batsenses!

										 It was, it was a

MIKE: Stutter?

woman's groan. Better yet the sound of a young teenage girl who he happened
to recognize.

TOM: Ah, there's nothing like the groan of a young teenage girl.

	"Serena. Wake up."

CROW: Yeah, that'll work *real* well.

	She groaned again. "No, just five more minutes, mom. Don't worry I won't be
la..." she drifted off.

MIKE: The jokes, ladies and gentlemen.

	Darien sighed. Same old Serena, even in a tight situation. He laughed

TOM: Maniacally.

silently at the thought. "Serena. Please, wake up. It's me Darien," 

CROW: <Darien> Listen, we've got trouble.  It turned blue.

											he spoke
in a low voice, just in case of anything.

TOM: Nani?
MIKE: Too late for that.

	"Hi muffin. Ready to go?"

CROW: <Darien> Oh yeah, sure.  Lemme just use my Spidey strength to break free of these chains.

	"Sure am. Are you chained too?"

MIKE: <Serena> Are your chains mint-scented too?

	"Of coarse!" Darien was a little surprised at the reaction to his simple
question. "I'd love a chocolate shake!"

TOM: You know, just once I'd like to see Usagi with a backbone.
CROW: We have.  Several times.  Usually it ends up with two or more senshi dead.

	"Oh no. She's still dreaming. Well, if plan A fails, go to Plan C. Last
time we tried B it didn't work. SERENA, WAKE UP!!"

TOM: B, as in-
MIKE: NO, Tom.  I ruled those out.

	"Oh no thank you, my love. You can have that one."

CROW: There's a daisy, for you.
TOM: You must wear your rue with a difference!

	"Huh? It didn't work! What am I going to do?" Then he thought a minute.
"That just might work! Beep! Beep! Beep!" He went on and on.

MIKE: He's calling Dominos!
CROW: No, it's the skanky beer hotline.
TOM: I think he's just fscked up.

	She screamed. "Aghh! Oh no! I'm going to be soooooo laaaaaattttteee!!!!!!!
Miss Haruna's gonna kill me!"

TOM: Haruna-sensei, too.

	Darien laughed. Serena tried to brake

CROW: But they failed, and they both plummeted 40 meters to their deaths.  The end.

							 free of her own chains but had no
luck. "Hey! What the!? I can't see a thing! Oh no! Don't tell me I've gone
bliiiind! I'll neeeever see the morning sun again!

TOM: Is she singing?

									 I'll have to learn those
bumpy things on paper! Wahhhhhh!" She began her famous cry but stopped short
when she heard laughter.

MIKE: <Darien> My, do I take joy in the miseries of others!

	"Huh? Hey, I recognize that laugh. What's so funny Darien?

ALL: You!

										 Blindness is
serious! And how'd you get in my room so early in the morning?"

CROW: He never left.

	He laughed on. He could hardly contain it. But then, he finally slowed down
and took a deep breath, smiling of course.

TOM: A sick, twisted smile.

							 "Hu, hu, Serena. Ha! We're not in
your room. Hee. We're, ha, chained to the wall of another room. Ha! Ha!"

MIKE: Bondage is fun!

	"So, I'm not blind?! Alright!"

CROW: Shoot me.

						 Darien laughed again, even harder this time.
Serena took some time to contemplate why he'd be laughing. 'Hmm. I don't
remember the park much of a laugh. Or the ugly space monster that took us.

TOM: Actually, I can't recall a single humorous moment since we got in the theater.

Being in these chains isn't funny. I didn't do anything else but say... oh
man!' 

MIKE: <singing> Oh man river, oh man river, / He keeps on running...

	"I'm glad you enjoyed that but enough laughing, Darien! It's getting old!"

TOM: This story's getting old.  I want to leave.

	He stopped. "You're right, Serena."

MIKE: I thought she was left handed?

	"Okay, now, we've got to figure out where the light switch is and get out
of these chains."

CROW: After that, we go to Wendy's.  Then we save the world.

	"Easier said than done. Well, there's not really much we can do about it,
Serena. We'll have to wait for someone to get here."

TOM: Room service around there bites.

	"Oh, wonderful. I think I'll scream. HELPPPP!"

CROW: Oh come on, that's not a scream for help.

				*	*	*	*	*
	"What's in there?" Eddie pointed to a dark door off to the side. It was
vague, but he swore he could hear a cry for help.

MIKE: It was us.
TOM: Let us out!  Let us out!  I'll read Neo Scouts, just let me out!!!

	"It's nothing, now come on," Arche replied.
	"No. I want to see what's in there."

CROW: Gee, it's just the wine cellar and dungeon.

	"No. We can't go in there. Uh, it's too dangerous."

TOM: It's where they keep all the fanfic writers who have done injustices to Sailor Moon.
MIKE: They have that much room?

	"Yeah right. You know it isn't. And even if it was, I could probably get us
out of there in seconds."

CROW: Yeah, he did such a good job on Dome City II.

	"No, you couldn't. Let's go." She grabbed his arm and ran.

TOM: The 1600 relay.  3rd leg.

	
				*	*	*
	After the tour of Dinara, Eddie was escorted to his own quarters in the

MIKE: -Pit of Torture.  He hadn't figured out why it was called that...

palace of the realm. He waited to make sure the guards in front of his door
had their own guards down

CROW: -thus preventing them from being actual guards.

					 until he slipped out the window. He crept silently
along the walls outside and reached the unknown, but supposedly dangerous, room.

TOM: Romper Room?
CROW: No, it's the laundry room at Maison Ikkuku.

	He fiddled around with the lock in the dark, and pulled the heavy door
open. His advanced ears

MIKE: It's the Six Million Dollar Man!
TOM: Nope, the sound effects are different.

				 could hear a faint cry for help. He kept the door
open a crack for easy access later and walked the dark hallways. "Musty."

CROW: No, Rusty.  He's a NASCAR driver.

Eddie moved toward the sound of a girl's voice. He got to a locked door when
he stopped.

TOM: That's rather smart of him.

			 Through the door he could hear Serena losing her voice and
calling for help at the same time.

MIKE: Now *that's* an interesting feat.

	"Serena, you've been at it for hours.

CROW: <Darien> I'm sorry, but I'm only good for one moment!

							 No one can hear you. Give it up."
	"No. Help."

TOM: Please.  We're in mortal danger.  Please help.

	"Hey guys!"

ALL: Hey Dr. Nick!

	"Huh?" a muffled voice exclaimed.
	"It's me! Eddie from DCII!"

CROW: Department of Cruddy Fanfics, 2nd division?

	"Eddie. See! I knew it would work! Ha!" 'Oh, owie my throat hurts.'

MIKE: What's with the single quotes?

	"I'm going to get you out. I've got to go steal someone's key. Don't worry.

TOM: I'm a trained professional weenie.

Just hang on, okay?"
	"To what? We are in chains!"

CROW: Alice?  You in there?
MIKE: Alice doesn't live here anymore.

	Eddie ignored Darien's comment. "I'll be back."

<all start humming the Terminator theme>

				*	*	*
	'When a criminal is caught here,

TOM: He is put to the sword immediately.

							 we lock them up until trial and the guards
keep the keys.'
	Eddie remembered what Arche had said earlier

CROW: When was that?  I wasn't paying attention.

								 and realized that any one of
the guards could have Darien and Serena's key. 

MIKE: Time key?
TOM: <squeaky kid's voice> Puu!

								He returned to his quarters.

CROW: <Eddie> Oh, screw those two.  I'm going to sleep.

He decided to play innocent and be curious and just happen to ask the guards
outside his room the right questions.

<rapidfire>
TOM: What is the capital of South Dakota?
CROW: What is the atomic weight of promethium?
MIKE: What is your favorite color?
TOM: How do I mate in three?  White to move.
CROW: Explain the causes and results of the Spanish-American War.
MIKE: Who wrote the book of love?

	He slowly opened the door to his quarters. He looked to his left, then to
his right.

CROW: Up, then down.

			 Two guards. They glanced at Eddie once then resumed their normal
positions. "Hey guys. Nice night, huh?" They did not reply. "So, heard any
good jokes lately?" Still no answer.

MIKE: So, I can accomodate both of you for $250...

	He thought a minute. He remembered overhearing Arche, 'Be nice, though I
doubt that's possible for you two. If he has a question

MIKE: Tell him to read the fscking FAQ.

									 answer it. If he
complains, you are both going to...'

TOM: Get the ellipses of your life!

						 That was all he heard, she muffled the
last word. "Hey, didn't Arche tell you to be nice?"

CROW: Come on guys, play along!

	The two guards looked at each other. The one on his left said, "We do not
have emotions.

TOM: Oh, they're Canadians.
MIKE: <whisper> Do you know how many Canadian SM fans there are around here?
TOM: Whoops!  Canadians are the greatest, really!

			 We are programed. We do not think it is a nice or not night,

CROW: What's a not?

nor have we heard any good jokes lately."

MIKE: Oh, they went to a Gallagher show.

	"Okkaay. There is a dark door off to the side by the West Tower.

TOM: Right next to Barad-Dur.
MIKE: Some Nazguls would really liven things up, actually.

											 I was
wondering, would anyone be behind that door?"

CROW: Well, you can take what's behind the door, or you can trade it for what's in the box!

	The guard to his right replied coldly, "That is classified information."

TOM: How'd he manage to say it coldly if he doesn't have emotions.

	"Well, then where would they keep the key to someone who might be in
there?" 'If you don't have emotions, you can't feel suspicion either.'

CROW: Well, that's logical...hey!

	The left guard answered right away, "The Head Elite Guard would be the
keeper of the key."

MIKE: Yeah.  And where's the gatekeeper?
TOM: That would be Setsuna.
MIKE: D'oh!

	"And where is he?"
	The right said, "In the East Tower."
	"Thank you, boys."

CROW: Anytime.

				
				*	*	*	*	*
	'Raye? Where are you? Amy? Darien? Serena! Anybody!!!' Mina screamed.

TOM: Stella!
CROW: Wilma!
MIKE: Chief!
TOM: McCloud!

												 'What
is happening?!' In her mind, Mina waited for an answer, but got none. 

TOM: We're sorry, the mind you have called is no longer in service.

												She
floated subconsciously in a swirling mist of colors. 

MIKE: <stoner> Bad trip, man...

									The main colors of this
place were red, orange, and yellow.

CROW: Thanks for telling us that, sister.

						 She felt light as a feather. 'Raye! I
heard you! Please, say something! Scouts! Someone!!'

ALL: Scouts!  Someone!!!

	Something hit her in the arm.

MIKE: Ouch.
TOM: And that'll be a free pass to first, loading the bases.

						 'Huh?' Another, in her leg. It wasn't exactly
painful, more fulfilling.

CROW: Woah!  Didn't know Mina was the S&M freak!

					 Fulfilling of strength, than pain. She was getting
stronger! She could feel it!

TOM: Steroids!  They do a senshi good!

					 Her Venus powers were saving her life! They
were coming back to her!

MIKE: If anyone starts singing Celine Dion, I'm leaving.
CROW: Oh, come on Mike.  We've made it through all this, and you're going to give up because of one ref?

				*	*	*	*	*
	Vanessa and Valerie

TOM: That's Valerie, and Valerie starts with a V which rhymes with P and that stands for pool!

				 arrived in Dome City II.

MIKE: To rob the dead.

									 They checked all of the
computers in the city, but found that none worked.

CROW: Those are Macs for ya.
TOM: Hey!
<Crow snickers>

								 All were drained of
power. The only one working, they discovered, was the emergency system that
kept the artificial atmosphere up.

MIKE: If I had a nickel for every plot contrivance in this fanfic...

						 If it didn't work the two couldn't be here.

TOM: Shame, really.

	Unfortunately, that same system didn't report situations like the invasion.

CROW: Logical.
TOM: Eminently logical.

After hours of searching and detecting nothing, Val and V were ready to give

CROW: A hot sixty-
<Mike clamps down on Crow's beak>

up. "An invasion. I'm trying to think where else would there be an invasion
report. I know we're forgetting something," Valerie stated.

TOM: Like plot?

	"Hmm. Invasion.

CROW: USA.
TOM: The Giant Spider.

			 Invasion. Well, let's see. We know something came here. But
how is unknown."

MIKE: Right, so plug in the numbers and solve for how...

	"Unless they came by..."

TOM: FedEx.

	"By ship. Or better yet, a fleet!"

CROW: Or an armada!

	They both yelled, "Wing Command!"

TOM: Shouldn't they add 'Make Up' to the end?
MIKE: No, this is the dub, remember?

						 Val and Vanessa ran off.
				
				*	*	*
	They arrived in the same room Wesley went to and saw every console lighting
up with power. "I remember now. The Wing Command has its own power. It's
independent," Vanessa said.

TOM: Deus ex machina?  You're soaking in it.

	"Right. Meaning there is a clue here.

CROW: This is like a bad episode of Scooby Doo.

							 Look," Val pointed to the head chair,
"there's Wesley." He lay at the foot of the chair on the floor, blood all
over his stricken body.

<unrestrained cheers>

	"I'm sure he's dead," Vanessa whispered.

<more cheers>

	"No. The bond I have to him tells me he's alive.

<boos>

									 If he were really dead I
would've felt it." Val rushed over to him. Blood trickled from his mouth,

TOM: This is real quality.

and a bruise covered his right eye.

CROW: Vitreous humor dripping all over the place.
MIKE: Eww!
CROW: Aw, how many med students are reading this anyway?

						 "He won't be able to wake up alone. But
we can't use MedBay, there's no power."

TOM: Is it really necessary for him to wake up?

	"Of coarse, that's why there's a hospital in Wing Command. It was Wesley's
own idea."
	"Then let's take him and go."

MIKE: Yeah, first thing to do with a person when they're injured: move 'em around a lot.

					
				*	*	*
	They finally got him to the hospital and took care of him.

CROW: Whocka-chicka-whocka-chicka...

										 He didn't wake
up, but they knew he was alive.

TOM: I think it was the breathing that tipped them off.
MIKE: Maybe the pulse?

					 The girls went back and found that a fleet

>from out of nowhere attacked and killed everyone.

CROW: Ain't that how it usually happens, though.  Mega-enemy from hell comes out of nowhere and starts killing people.

								 And that the message to
Vanessa to evacuate the city had been intercepted.

TOM: For a stellar counterattack and goal.

	An hour later, Wesley awoke. Vanessa speed-healed his wounds

MIKE: Vanessa must be the dub name for Hotaru.

											 and took him
back to the Enterprise.

CROW: For trial and execution.

				 His mother must have been worrying by now. All
information was received. 

TOM: Wow!  Hell of a network connection.

				Where Serena and Darien were taken, why Eddie was
not among the dead, and where the attack fleet came from.

MIKE: Do *we* get to find out?

									 It all pointed to
the unknown realm found earlier.

CROW: Noticably, no traveler had ever returned withal from its bourn.  Damnedest thing.

	That's where they took everybody that was missing. The Core crew, the heirs
to Earth's thrown, Eddie. It was probably where that fleet came from too.

TOM; We can't be sure, though.
MIKE: This is like the part where Fred and Thelma tell us exactly how the crime was committed.
CROW: Yeah, any moment the antagonist will pop out of nowhere and say something about meddling kids.

Valerie considered something. 'How could that fleet get through our defenses
AND offences?

MIKE: Spam.  There's no limit to what it can do.

			 It's impossible without the city's schematics. Hey, wait a
minute. Torek could still be alive! He can help. His kind have two lives.'

CROW: This is like a dream.  A stupid dream.
TOM: Maybe she's making this up as she goes along?
CROW: <heavy sacrasm> Gee, you think?

	"Valerie to Torek. Come in, Commander." No answer.

MIKE: Did you try his beeper?

										 Well, then she'd just
have to find him. Of course he'd be in Ops, he's always on duty.

CROW: Just like Inspector Gadget.
TOM: *That's* what this fanfic needs!  Penny!
CROW: Penny could kick all their asses.

											 She went
there, to find nothing. No Commander Torek here. In his quarters, she did
not find him at all. All the other places he could be turned up nothing.

CROW: How strange.

Valerie didn't remember seeing his dead body during the search. Where could
he be?

MIKE: <singing> Where, oh where has my Torek gone, / Oh where, oh where can he be?

				
				*	*	*	*	*
	Meanwhile, a shadow lurked in Mina's room.

TOM: Oh, that's one of the Ringwraiths.  Nothing to worry about.

								 In her mind, Mina was regaining
more and more of her powers. Until she got all she could handle in her

CROW: Hello?

condition. She slowly arose to the light of day. Goodbye subconscious, hello
Earth! 

MIKE: So her subconscious isn't on Earth?

		She smiled as she left the place.

TOM: I always smile when I leave New Jersey too.

	Outside her mind, the shadow stepped forth. Something was wrong here. It
held a needle in its hand. The darkness around the shadow swept briefly away

>from the glint of the syringe. It shined in the moon's light.

CROW: Wha?  What about the light of day Mina woke up to?

										 It picked up
her arm and stuck the needle in it, letting all of the poison run through.

MIKE: You know what this story needs?  A good writer.

	Almost there... 'Hey, my arm hurts.' Mina didn't notice the contents coming

TOM: From her gorge.

towards her as she examined her arm.

CROW: So, she comes out of a coma, and the first thing she does is think about her arm?

						 They poured over her head through the
hole. She slowly felt all of her power slipping away. She was going the
other way. Toward another light.

MIKE: Another Light.  Next on NBC daytime television.

					 But something was different about this
particular light.

TOM: It had that je ne sais quoi.

			 It felt... comforting. She let the poison slowly make her
mind's body disappear, too weak to do a thing.

MIKE: Whatever the hell.  I've been reading too long to care.

	The shadow disappeared. The monitors beeped millions of warnings. In her
mind, 'Minaaa. Minaaa.' 

CROW: No, Mina.  One 'a.'

	'What?' 

TOM: What, she's deaf too?

	'Minaa. Not yet. Don't come to me yet,' the voice whispered.

MIKE: You still have a year on your warranty.

	'Lita?'

CROW: No, whispered.  Lita isn't even a verb.

	'No. It's not your time. Fight it. The world still needs you.'

TOM: Not after episode 200.

	A strong wind blasted from the light. It pushed Mina upwards, right to the
poison. 'Aghh!' The poison engulfed her.

CROW: Oh yeah, that's a *real* helpful light there.

							  'No, I can't let this happen. Like
whoever that was said, it's not my time.'

MIKE: The hour is come, but not the man.
TOM: That's enough Susan Cooper for you.

							 She gathered all of her remaining
strength. 'Venus Star Power!' She transformed within the black thickness of
poison and it exploded.

CROW: Ramos spared not one penny on special effects.

	'This is not the end of me yet! I fight back.'

TOM: Shampoo get Ranma one day!

									 That wasn't Mina, it was the

MIKE: Utah Jazz.

poison. The poison came together and formed a hideous imitation of a woman.

CROW: Dennis Rodman.
TOM: That's cold.

It shot out a bunch of poison at her and hit Mina.

MIKE: Mina, Sailor Venus, what's the difference?  I don't care anymore.
TOM: You cared at some point?

								 She was thrown back
towards the light. The place began to collapse.

CROW: Whatever the place was.
TOM: Maybe it's the Site?
MIKE: No, you see, it's made out of psychoplasm.  As her mind degenerates, her control is slipping and it's falling apart.
CROW: Mike, there's a Mark Latus for you on line 2.  He's shouting something about infringement, and he sounds pretty upset.
MIKE: Put 'im on hold.
TOM: Along with Nolan, Combs, and Elizabeth Tuckwood?
MIKE: Yeah.

							 The two lights were getting
closer and closer together. 'See ya, girlie!' It descended upward to the

MIKE: That's a neat trick.
TOM: I descend upward daily.
CROW: For her next trick, she'll rise downward!

light of Earth.
	'No! Venus Love Chain! Encircle!' She formed her chain in hand and caught

TOM: -the wave.  Ocean Spray.

on to the poison's foot. Though it wasn't the man from the comforting

CROW: -escort service.

light's choice, it began to suck Mina in. She tugged hard and the poison
halted and started going down. The place continued to collapse.

MIKE:  Thanks for the detail.

	'No! I won't let this happen!' it screamed. It blasted her with more poison
and Mina faltered. But she didn't let go.

TOM: <singing> Someday, love will find you / Break those chains that bind you!

	'Venus! Help me!' Her planet received the message 

CROW: Oh, Earth, Mercury?  Sorry, my *avatar* needs my *help* now.  Rotten no good..

									and sent its power toward

MIKE: Power?
TOM: Venusiothermal?

Earth. She could feel more beams hitting her and regained some of her

TOM: -personality.  This made the DIC powers-that-be quite angry, of course.

strength. The poison tried to blast her again, but she moved and the hit
missed. Mina tugged even more. The poison was going down.

MIKE: <Professor> Down, down...
<Tom and Crow glare at Mike>

									 As was Mina's
subconscience.

CROW: We're getting fragged here, guys.

	She pulled even harder. Outside of her mind, the monitors beeped many

TOM: Naughty monitors!

warnings. And yet, no one was coming.

MIKE: Maybe they finally stopped caring.

					 Outside of the hospital room, doctors
and nurses lay all about, unconscious. An invisible figure stood there,

TOM: <singing> Invisible man, standing in your ward, who ya gonna call?

light keeping it from view. The shadow which had done this laughed with
enjoyment, its job was almost completed.

CROW: What?  Crushing our will?  Don't worry, that happened a long time ago.

			*	*	*	*	*

	Beep! Beep! Beep! "Wha... hu?"
	"Raye! Raye!

MIKE: <singing> I-I love-love double-double Raye-Rayes...

				 Are you there? Mina? Anyone? Oh please, answer me!"
	Raye picked up her Sailor communicator from her table.

TOM:  Sailor communicators.  Collect all five.

										 She had already gone
home and went fast asleep. "Who is it? Amy? Is that you?"
	"Oh thank God! I thought I was the only one left.

CROW: You are. This is the Twilight Zone.
TOM: No, that would make this story good.

									 Raye are you alright?"
	"Yes, I'm fine. Just a broken ankle or something,

MIKE: Something to do with bones.

									 that's all. How about you?"
	"Except for a major headache, I feel okay.

TOM: So she doesn't feel okay?

								 Raye, what's going on? I tried
calling a nurse on this beeper, but no one's coming in."
	"I don't know. Maybe they're just too busy or..."

CROW: The Borg are back?
MIKE: We're not that lucky.

	"Wait. Someone's coming in. I'll call you... Aghh!"

TOM: For the last time, her name's Raye, not Aghh!

									 The com clicked off.
	"Amy? Amy! Hey, what's going on?!" she screamed.

CROW: Uh, the com's off.  There's no point yelling now.

									 'Amy could be hurt! I have
to go there!'

TOM: <falsetto> I'm going to Disneyland!

(continued)